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Showing posts with label rabbit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rabbit. Show all posts

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Help humans - bring a mouse indoors for them

Cats hunt, humans just stand around doing nothing
Indoor- only humans are finding it difficult to adapt. We need to help them find  more to do. I suggest teaching them to hunt properly.
Till now their idea of hunting has been to go out in the car and bring back not just food but unwanted stuff - clothes, shoes, gadgets etc. Just stuff. There is no fun in it.
Let's teach them to hunt properly. I started last night bringing in a live mouse. I released it in the living room - my human was activated immediately, shooed me out of the room and shut me outside.
So, to make things easier, I brought one in dead. She simply threw it out.
No playing with it. No great interest in it. Just a desire to get rid of it. 
She didn't even nibble at it.
Next I left a rabbit on the steps. Again no interest. She threw it into the hedge. Have I given up? No. 
Next week I am going to see if I can interest her in a something more lively - a rat. 

  • Find out more about humans by reading my book here

Friday, November 29, 2019

Humans have put out moonlight

The excitement of moonlight nights... the hoot of the owl, the footfall of a passing fox, and the ear twitch of grazing rabbits keeping out of its way. Humans miss all of this. They are blinded to the beauty and the thrill of it.
The songs and poems may talk about moonlight: but they don't practise what they preach.

Their eyes don't work properly in the dark so they fear it. Instead they light up their houses at nightfall and light up the streets, themselves, with street lamps. 
The beauty of the moon disappears under a tide of artificial glare.  
The time that means most to wild animals, and to us cats, is the twilight and the dawn. They cower in their houses at those times, watching TV and ignoring Nature herself.
They have put out the light of the moon. 

For more cats versus humans rule read here....   

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Cats and the Easter bunny

Dear George,
I’m in talks with some friends and family (as you can see in the photo attached – I’m the one with the red collar) to form a trade union or a labor union as it is called in the USA! After my humans’ deceiving behaviour last week I decided to protect my group’s members’ interests and improving wages in the form of more treats/steaks per capita, hours of sleeping to be extended to 18 hours per day and better sleeping conditions that absolutely require master bedrooms to be available to us non-stop! 
Even if it really doesn’t matter what we do for a living, there’s a union with members who do the same thing. You might wonder what is our specific “trade” or skills that I want to protect. Well, one thing for sure is hunting. We are born hunters! So why are the humans trying to stop us from doing what comes naturally for us? If I catch a little bird or a little mouse my Mom is screaming out loud as she’s trying to get my prey out of my mouth! Phew! Unbelievable!
And the last deceiving act of my humans? They brought home a chocolate bunny and few chocolate chicks! This is not fair at all! Cats do not eat chocolate yet my Mom is telling me that we should have compassion and only eat fake bunnies! Really? What about the turkey she eats? Or that roasted beef?
You know what George? I’m having second thoughts - I want back that little bunny I hunted few days ago that she made me let go free! Very upsetting!  Anyway, wishing all cats & their humans:
A Happy Easter and a juicy roast!

Dear Tommy,
The sheer hypocrisy of humans never fails to astound me! They sit down and gorge themselves on meat - beef, lamb, chicken, turkey, even pheasant. Here in the UK there are human hunters who shoot bunnies.  But when we bring in a simple little mouse for our dinner, they try to take it off us. 
My friend Toby pouncing high
The height of hypocrisy are humans who pursue foxes with a whole pack of dogs. They kill the fox and do not eat it. Yet when we play with mice, they condemn us for doing this before or without eating our prey. They are blind to their own faults and unfailingly critical of us when we behave like they do. They really have no moral compass.
A feline trades union? It probably won't work, Tommy. And don't be tempted by that chocolate bunny. Chocolate can kill cats. Just keep on hunting the real thing and stop bringing them home! I suggest finishing it off and eating it quietly just the other side of the cat flap or underneath a nearby bush in the garden where she cannot see you.
Enjoy your meal.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Can binkying Easter bunnies train humans? No but they taste good.

Dear George,
With Easter fast approaching I have a very simple question: why do bunnies get all the attention at Easter time? Why are they called “The Easter Bunnies”?
They are not Easter gifts and, definitely they shouldn’t be! They require a lot more attention than us - they are needy …we are independent!
I know from my experience that humans can be very silly and dress us up for Christmas but never for Easter.
Why is that? Do they purr when happy? Do they train their humans helping them evolved to a higher level? I don’t think so – I’ve never seen a bunny training a human! And yet, I’ve just heard mine saying: Oh! I LOVE a “Binky Bunny”
WHAT on Earth is a binky bunny? I sure hope I won’t get company for Easter! 
George, why the fuss about bunnies?
Happy Easter to all cats and their humble servants

Dear Foxy,
This Easter thing confuses me too. I love hunt and eat. Yet there is this whole human thing whereby they do rabbit models in chocolate and eat those instead. And they pretend that rabbits lay Easter eggs (also chocolate). Really, these humans are odd.
Do rabbits train humans?  I don't think they can: too busy eating hay, swallowing their caecotrophs from their bottoms, and trying to get out of those horrible little hutches they live in. Rabbits are fast food not just for cats but foxes, coyotes, stoats and even weasels. If they didn't taste so good, I would be sorry for them.
My human has a completely different attitude. She hangs out on the local common trying to photograph or video them here. Binkying happens when a rabbit literally jumps for joy. She didn't manage to catch that and the camera jumps when she is stung by yet another horsefly. If I'd been there I wouldn't have been videoing. I would have been stalking them.
Happy Easter. Don't be tempted by chocolate. It's poisonous for cat.
PS. Some humans do dress up. Here is one. Stupid human. I wouldn't let anybody dress me up as a rabbit. Too humiliating. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

I'm a bunny without a buddy - and I'm lonely.

Dear George,
I have a good home, as you can see. My human gives me a run on the lawn every day,with a sheltered area where I can keep off the rain. I have lots of hay and not to much rich rabbit food.
But there is something missing. There is nobody to talk to. I am a lonely bunny. If I had a friend I would be much happier.
Please help,

Dear Chesnut,
We cats don't need friends because we are not a very social species  But you are right - bunnies need buddies. Get your human to look this up for Rabbit Awareness Week here. And also check this website for some good free webinars on rabbits.
If you look how wild rabbits live, you can see that as well as spending hours and hours eating grass they run around and play together. You can see an example here. They live in groups, not like cats. And they need company.
video of playing bunnies

I am afraid I am not safe with rabbits, Chesnut.  You could say I am too fond of them. Thinking of them makes me lick my lips.
PS. Help my human. She is doing a reptile relationship survey at
PPS. This blog is up early because she is taking the weekend off against my wishes.


Saturday, October 10, 2015

Guess who's coming to dinner...

Dear George,

You might remember the famous movie by the same name but my story is a bit different. We’ve recently moved in this posh neighbourhood where everything it’s nicer and greener! It was a nice, warm, late summer night and I was having dinner in the garden with my humans. I was watching my daddy turning the juicy steaks on the grill when we got unexpected guests! Guess… who? Of course, I’d be glad to share my dinner with Sidney Poitier or Katharine Hepburn but that wasn’t the case. Who was coming to my dinner? A family of racoons – mother, father and kids! All up on the fence. No excuse and no shame! As I was ready to charge towards them my mommy grabbed me and run into the house! And that ruined everything as I couldn’t protect my territory! Why would she do this? Now, how am I going to claim my territory back? I lost my appetite as you can see in the photo attached! George, how do get rid of unwanted guests?
By the way, it’s Thanksgiving in Canada! How am I going to enjoy it now ….knowing that these predators are nearby? Or maybe….in the spirit of thanksgiving I should feed them?
Happy Thanksgiving to all


Dear Lenny,  
Patrol. Get to know your territory purrfectly. Every single morning I walk round to see who has visited in the night. There are various dangerous areas - the hedge near the old piggery, the box shrub in the garden, and any cars parked nearby. I spray urine on them all, to tell any visitors I have been there and also to post a marker to remind myself that this is a worrying area. And I sniff carefully to know who has visited.
There is the occasional fox (very frightening), the feral tom from the local barn (ear tipped so probably neutered), rabbits (yum yum), rats (a bit scary if they are large ones) and sometimes the cat from across the road who is visiting in search of rabbits. Luckily we don't get racoons in the UK.
A racoon - not a good neigbour
Don't even think of feeding these racoons. Make sure no cat food is left out by mistake. You don't want them getting too tame - maybe even coming in the house.  Racoons sometimes attack kittens and they can pass on diseases like rabies. Tell your humans to shoo them away from your territory. 
Keep safe is my message for Thanksgiving.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Harvey the inspirational house rabbit launches his book....

George, my friend!  
I'm a sensation!  You called me Harve the inspirational bunny and I am now Harve the sensational bunny. I have to thank you for suggesting I write a blog  in the first place.
My book is being launched at Wood Green Animal Centre this weekend. Am planning to ask your name sake, George Clooney to do the voice over when I'm made into a Disney film. I'm going to snooze now and practice my paw signature ready for signings.


Dear Harvey,
Now you are a celebrity bunny, I am pleased that you have remembered your old friends. Your caretaker Janet has been much more reliable than my secretary in getting your words into print. There was talk in my home about my book on How to Manage Your Human being published: then it all came to nothing due to human sloth and inattention. 
Those who wish to buy your book should go to your website which is where there are details of where to send an order. The book has got some very good photos too. I particularly enjoyed the picture of the table wearing socks - not Victorian prudery but socks to stop you eating the table legs! And you watching TV is sweet too.
Sending my cheque in the post today...
PS. That is the most wonderful portrait of you.

Monday, November 28, 2011

My humans, the recession and me

Dear George,
I have just heard I cost about £500 a year to keep and am a bit worried in case they decide to cut my expense account. I don't have a hutch outside which needs to be kept heated in the winter and I don't have an outside run to keep clean and tidy. I try my best not to eat much hay and I only take up a bit of space under the kitchen table.
It's not as though I spread myself over the furniture like cats and dogs leaving hairs about and my cuddle blankets are easily popped into the washing machine. I wouldn't go to the vet at all if they didn't insist so they could easily save money there. I can't think of any way of cutting back on things.
Should I give up my daily slice of banana? Would that help do you think? They won't put me in a rabbit rescue home will they? Do cats cost a lot of money to keep? Oh dear,it's all such a worry.


Dear Harvey,
The recession is worrying for us cats, and dogs, and rabbits. The problem is human priorities. Obviously the best kind of human pet buys the pet food first, then their food, and lastly other things like rent, mortgage, petrol and so forth. But, of course, as we all know some pets just aren't properly socialised and may act as if their needs are as important as ours. These under-educated humans badly need further training.
I really don't think you should even contemplate cutting back on your food or your lifestyle. Why should you? I happen to know that your human carers could easily cut back on theirs. The male drives a nice car - he could get a much smaller vehicle. Both would be much healthier if they walked more instead of driving. They (not you) could eat less. I mean, why don't they eat hay and carrots - much cheaper than meat and fish? Why give up your banana? They should give up
their bananas.
However, you obviously love them. So here are some suggestions of things you could do. You could cuddle up closer to them on the sofa to help keep them warm - less heating costs. As you say, you could refuse all visits to the vet. That's a big saving and all of us animals loathe and detest vets.You could act as a hot water bottle by burrowing down the bottom of their bed.
I used to recommend that we cats bring in mice as a source of cheap protein for our humans. But, sadly, over the years I have had to admit defeat. They do not EVER eat them. Goodness knows I have tried. I have left a dead mouse in Celia's handbag. I have set loose a living one on their bed one Sunday morning as a treat. I have even left a dead mouse in the toaster. She came down, put a slice of bread in the other side, pushed down the toaster.... and screamed.
It was then I realised my efforts to help them through the recession were not working at all.
PS. Cats and dogs and house rabbits are suffering when humans lose their house and cannot find rented accomodation which will accept pets. Please make a donation to your local animal shelter this Christmas - especially my original home,

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Bunny bullying - the human obsession with cleaning

Dear George,
How do I put a stop to bunny bullying? Every morning my stuff is moved about, cleaned and tidied, replaced with dozing mats that don't smell of me and washed to within an inch of its life.The same happens to my two litter trays. As if this is not enough I am man-woman handled and whipped upside down while my err.... bottom is inspected. If it doesn't come up to their standards it is doused with my wet bunny flannel then bits of my precious fur is snipped off with a pair of dangerous looking scissors.What's a bit of poop between friends? I am then cuddled and horror of horrors, she sings to me!
I am getting old, George. I will be nine soon and I should be left alone to dream of piles of carrots and green fields. I have used every trick in my book to deter them from this manic, daily routine but they ignore me. Any ideas?

Dear Harvey,
The human obsession with cleaning is irritating for all of us. We cats like a clean litter tray (no lumps or clumps) but one which has a nice familiar latrine smell. When humans scoop out the clumps, that is fine and we like that doing twice a day. But when they start cleaning up with smelling things or even putting in disgusting deodorant products, we vote with our feet. We go elsewhere. Just leaving a little heap outside the litter tray does the trick. Try it.
At least your human has the wit to give you two trays. Some human pets try to get away with one litter tray for two or three cats. It's horrible. Some don't clean up twice daily either and the clumps build up so that our paws get into it when we dig. I always try to tell my human that I like a clean tray by waiting till they have cleaned it then ostentatiously popping in to use it while they can see me. They seem to find this irritating and some don't get the message at all. Dumb animals, of course.

The bottom cleaning sounds really awful, Harvey. What does she think she is doing? A wet flannel, indeed! Luckily most humans leave feline bottoms well alone, since we have the claws to make them suffer if they interfere with private bits of our anatomy. The only time Celia put a hand on a feline bottom was when she was fostering Pushkin at his fattest. He just couldn't reach. So she snipped away at his fur, while he was forcibly held by her nephew. As soon as he lost a few ounces, he attended to his own bottom and made it clear to her that she had no further business with that area. She's stupid like all humans, but she got the message after he gave her a sharp nip.
I suppose rabbits can't bite but you could try giving her a good kicking. My local rabbits have had some kind of fight (mating season?) and there are tufts of fur all over the garden.
Have a go at her, Harvey. Let her know who's boss.

PS. What's this singing? I don't approve of human caterwauls. They don't get their miaows in tune.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I need a friend ... j'ai besoin d'un ami

Dear George,

Your blog might be for cats but I kind of like it! Oh, sorry! Let me introduce myself;

my name is Oliver or in French ….Olivier (guess I need an accent aigue somewhere – not sure- just learning French). Recently I moved to Paris (France, of course) with my mommy. She loves my very much but I don’t have too many friends and I get easily bored. When not in Paris, we spend a good amount of time at the farm (near Paris) but I’m not used to village life either. Last week she took me to Louvre. I liked it (I could pee on the pyramid but don’t tell anybody). Next week will be another museum or something! I mean….how much “Louvre”, “turn Eiffel” “Montparnasse” can I take?

George, I think I need a friend. Should I look for another cute, little dog like me or a house rabbit? Do you know of any parks in Paris where dogs meet? May be I’ll meet the love of my life! O la la!

A bientot


Dear Olivier,

Museums.... boring, boring, boring. Very few if any mice and those that exist as as poor as church mice, who face equally straightened circumstances. No rabbits to chase. Just lots of square things on the wall with labels Leonardo Da Vinci and the like. (Though Leonardo was fond of cats and some rather nice sketches of felines exist).

A house rabbit has interesting and gastronomic possibilities. Research your French recipes for lapin, then start trying to persuade your human that you need this kind of friend. I have been working on Celia but she says I should content myself with the very many rabbits that live in her garden. She says that when she has evidence that I have palled up with one of these, she will have some house rabbits. She pointed out that finding the half eaten rabbit corpse on her doorstep did not count as evidence of a fully functioning rabbit-cat friendship.

My online friend Samurai Raoul, (I dare not go near him as he chases cats), whose photo is on the right, recommends the Bois de Boulogne as a good place for a walk but you should warn your human about the dress code. It must be modest, otherwise she may be mistaken for certain people (male and female) who sell special services to male customers. And it is not a good place to go at night or when offices close, as this is married man's time, when customers pick up a quickie before catching the train home to their wife and family.

I am going online later today to ask Raoul for more tips on the canine vie Francaise (can't do the accents on this blog). He never goes off lead in the Bois, as his humans are dismayed by his fighting attitude. As a warrior dog, despite his small size, he attacks dogs three times his own size and, like us cats, takes no notice of any human instructions. But other dogs enjoy playing peacefully there.

Glad you peed on the pyramid. Why else would it be there? Such a nice shape with a lot of edges at pee height. Made for leg lifting. I dare say passing felines have sprayed there too.



Friday, April 02, 2010

Easter and those bunnies....

Dear George,

You must be pretty busy this week with your secretary away to college. I think you are too kind to her! I know she’s in your employment for a long time but….I can assure you there are lots of bunnies and kittens out there willing to work for you. I’m not saying that Celia is not doing a good job! Probably she does; but…..think of all those kittens - how purrfectly fit for a secretarial job J

George, I can’t get over the fact that she left you alone before Easter!

Hope she’s in London buying Easter catnip eggs & bunnies for you. I know I’ll get lots of gifts this Easter! Tutu, my bunny friend is not that enthusiastic. Guess….being a bunny is not easy around Easter time. But no one will hurt her!

George, I have a question! I heard my humans saying that we’ll play “eggs hunting”. What is “eggs hunting”? Do cats really “hunt” eggs? Is it similar to “hide and seek”? My friend, I’ll give you a “high five” (see photo) if you’ll answer my question in time.

Wishing all cats, bunnies and their humans a safe and Happy Easter!

High five


Dear Frederico

We cats should probably make it a condition of employment that our humans stay at home throughout the year - no absences "on holiday" or "on vacation"; no weekends away from home; working hours 24 hours a day. But we don't. One of the responsibility of human ownership is to make sure our humans have time for themselves. Not too much time for themselves but some time. That is why I allow Celia (for the time being) four weeks away each year for education. She is doing on the job learning - applied animal behaviour. This will be of use to her in her job looking after me.

But it is very inconvenient, all the same. I put up with it but I do not like it.

Easter eggs do not interest me, at least not the ones made of chocolate. The real eggs, oblong with a hard casing, and with delicious yellow and transparent glutinous liquid inside are far better. My predecessor, Fat Ada, had the skill to bite through the egg packets, and then bite through the egg itself freeing the delicious liquid inside. She had learned this during a spell on the London streets, where she also learned how to stand up and pull down a dustbin (of the old metal kind). I have had a crack at egg opening but I have never managed to do it. I have to wait until one gets spilled on the kitchen floor.

Rabbits seem to be more visible at Easter but I know it is not a good time for them. So many humans just buy one and bring it home and then keep them in a small tiny hutch. If you are interested in rabbits look at They have a Make Mine Chocolate scheme. Of course - I hope Harvey doesn't read this - I prefer the real thing.

Love George

Saturday, April 04, 2009

How to make your human explode - such fun.

Dear George

Like me you must find it incredibly annoying that your mum believes herself to be an authority on cat behaviour? I can't do anything naughty without her coming up with several reasonable explanations why I am behaving badly and never reacts how I want her to. Dad's easy all I have to do is scratch the back of the chair and he goes ballistic but what can I do to get mum to explode? What do you do?
I have tried the following:
1. Early morning weaving between legs on stairs and in the bathroom: Reaction: Zilch
2. Yowling at 4.15am early morning with added weird effect from having dead mouse in jaws Zilch
3: Looking really snottily at food when it's the second half of the tin (cold from fridge) She just leaves it.
4: Muddy daisy prints on newly washed duvet Laughs.
5: Increased the anti and left a bit of pooh hanging whilst walking on NEW duvet leaving muddy daisy prints Undignified use of tissue (arghhhhh)
6: Leaving stomach and/or spleen of rabbit for her to tread in Over use of tissues again
7: Removing ham from between two pieces of bread left out for the kids The kids prefer chocolate spread.
So what is left and please explain that this sort of environmental entrenchment is very important for the well being of cat kind.
Lots of nose dabs and upright tails
Riff Raff.

Dear Riff Raff,

I am impressed by your human's phlegm. I always found that a mouse - living, of course - had an electric effect on my humans if presented on the bed at 4 am. So much so that after the first presentation, accompanied by screams from Celia leaping out of bed, she became even more careful to shut the cat flap at night. The odd thing is that Celia loves and used to keep mice. It's something about them on the bed, I think. Very satisfying.
If your human doesn't respond to a mouse, try a rat or a even a snake. Clari, who lives in France, is a snake killer who puts real fear into her humans - see
Early morning weaving is very effective chez moi. Ronnie has peripheral vascular disease and is unsteady on his feet. I haven't yet succeeded in bringing him crashing to the ground but there's a good chance I will be able to. Weaving really gets their attention and I think it's so innocently sweet the way they think it proves we love them.
Bits of mice and rabbit. The garden is strewn with tiny and sometimes quite large corpses now that the rabbit breeding season is here. Once again, perhaps this time due to love of mice, Celia hates them and is nearly sick while wielding the tissue. She's been known to say: "Why did I have cats?" though she accepts that carnivore pets must be allowed to hunt.
I spend my time either hunting, sleeping or snacking. If I was feral cat, I would have to hunt to live but nature has designed me so I live to hunt. Hours are happily spent waiting at mouseholes or trying to creep up on rabbits. It's the sheer joy, deep in the reward centres of the brain, that makes me play with dead mice - throwing them into the air and leaping after them.
PS. Here's Celia's list of some cheap food-dispensing toys for indoor cats. Nothing as good as hunting, but at least it is a little like catching your own food.

Inner toilet rolls with the ends closed with brown parcel sticky tape. Make large holes in it, in order to train your cat to find food by rolling it. Then do a new one with smaller holes.

Smartie tubes. These don’t roll as easily as toilet tubes but can be used without sticky tape.
Cereal packets – just leave a biscuit at the bottom end so the cat has to hook it out.
Cereal packets, close the top and make a large circular hole on one of the bigger flat sides. Be careful that this hole is either bigger or smaller than the cat’s head so the head doesn’t get stuck. (If it can, it will).
Printer cartridge boxes. Just close them in the way they close. The cat will have to pull them open.
Newspaper. Hide food between pages. You can tape newspaper pages into hidey holes or tunnels.
Paper (never plastic) bags – put food inside. This could be tied at top (use natural not nylon string) and hung from a doorknob to make it more difficult.
Cardboard (not plastic) egg boxes. Just place food at the bottom of each well without closing the top. Cats with large paws will find it difficult to hook this out.
You could make your own feeding tree (as seen in big cat zoo enclosures). Take a rough large pole, drill in some holes, then put it upright on a stand. Cat has to climb to hook out the food. There’s a picture of a not very good one on
Note - if you have a cardboard-eating cat apart from the last suggestion these are a bad idea.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Of Mice and Men!

Dear George,
Here I’m back with my report (as promised!). Reading your comments gave me an excellent idea - to test my humans hunting abilities to see if they are any good. ☺
Not being as altruistic as my sister, I think that having them working around the clock (for us, cats, of course) its’ just normal! I agree that work is for men and dogs, not cats! Remember John Lennon singing “It’s been a hard day’s night and I’ve been working like a dog? See what I mean? Man & dog = perfect match for hard work ☺
Anyway, here is what happened Sunday! I started by playing Beatles’s song, just to get them used to the idea of hard work! Guess what! They didn’t get the message….they just enjoyed the music! Phew!
Then Cayenne told me that “Of Mice and Men” was playing somewhere downtown.
Excellent! – Seeing this should give them the idea that men hunt for cats!
So, I rushed and got tickets for all four of us. What a disappointment! First of all, it was not about “mice” (I don’t know what Stein
beck was thinking of when he wrote it); it was about a man who took a woman for a mouse and petted her to death! Phew! Phew! Phew! THIS WAS NOT HUNTING! I don’t know what it was, but my male human seemed pretty touched and my female human (guess) was crying! Crying? Why? One does not cry over a mouse; one eats the mouse! Then, in despair, I said to my sister “let’s give it a last try”. So, we decided to take them on a night hunting spree! When the night came, we took them to a good place (where we knew few mouse holes) and showed them where to hide and wait! I was holding my breath waiting to see the first little mouse caught by my humans! BIG, BIG, BIG disappointment! I could not believe it! THEY ARE USELESS! They lack the passion, the patience and the enthusiasm for hunting. He was completely restless and she was giggling every minute.
I swear I could hear mice laughing at us! George, how can you train humans to hunt for cats? Did you train Celia? Did she catch anything yet? I mean….she’s your secretary; after all….this should be part of her job, right? Oscar Snuggles what about your staff? The Island Cats? Let me hear from your experience guys!
Dear Fluffy,
Training humans to hunt mice is the only area of training where I have absolutely failed. Like you and your sister, I have tried. Over and over again. I started by bringing home corpses. I thought that perhaps they would eat them and get
the taste for it, so to speak. Then I tried bringing home the corpses and playing with them to give the humans the idea. I would throw them up into the air and pursue them. Play hunting - here's a photo of me in action near the dustbin. It should have been obvious to them what to do but they didn't join in.
Then, I went the whole hog and started bringing in living mice through the cat flap. It seemed to me that these would be irresistable. After all, I find them irresistable. I put them in the kitchen, the living room, the utility room and, if the cat flap hadn't been closed at night, I would have brought them upstair and placed them on the bed in the middle of the night. My predecessor Fat Ada used to do that.
Mice obviously weren't hitting the spot. Perhaps they were too small. So I brought in a couple of rats. The first one jumped out of my mouth before I got into the kitchen. The second I got safely through the cat flap and it, very enticingly, ran up the corner of the kitchen wall almost to ceiling level. Celia noticed that one and held a welly underneath it, into which it fell. Then what did she do? Chucked the whole welly, rat and all, into the garden. In one final effort I brought in a couple of baby rabbits. She "rescued" these. Why? I can't imagine. She's always complaining about the way they eat her veg.
But humans aren't rational. What is so silly, and so touching, about this intellectually limited species is that they think they are. All in all, I've given up trying to teach them to hunt mice. Let me know if you have any success in the future. I never have. I admire your persistence and your patience with them.

I've given up.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I think I'd like a pet - a rabbit, perhaps

I have decided that I need a pet, a companion animal to enrich my life. I know I have two human pets. But they are so large and blundering. In a way humans don't make very good pets for us cats. They are dominating AND stupid. I think it would be nicer to have something smaller and cleverer. I thought about a worm. At one point, when I was only a kitten, I was very interested in worms. They wriggle very nicely and I found that intriguing. I would sit and look at them for hours and once or twice I brought one back home for Celia. She didn't appreciate it much but what human does gratitude when we bring things to them?
I'd like something more ambitious. Celia, whose daily misconduct includes going out instead of staying at home ready to service my needs when I pop in, came home smelling of rabbit yesterday. She had been sitting in the pen with Matilda, a large female rescue rabbit at the Blue Cross in Burford. The aim is to make Matilda more friendly and less feisty. She will get up on Celia's lap but if Celia tries to cuddle her, she is off doing a kind of rebel's lap round the enclosure. She also grunts with dislike if cornered. All in all, not a stupid bunny.
Matilda, I thought to myself, would make a nice companion animal for me. She smells delicious. She is warm and furry and I could snuggle up to her on the bed at night. She would take up less room than Celia on the bed. She is also brighter than Celia. Rabbits (unlike humans) understand scent marking. even if they do smell different. I am told some house rabbits live happily with cats and even intimidate them.
I am badly in need of some rabbit exercise. I haven't caught one for ages and ages. Matilda might fill the gap in my life and I wouldn't just leave her to Celia to look after. I would take a close interest in her every move.
If I got bored with her, I could just eat her.

Friday, September 07, 2007

She smelled deliciously of rabbit.

This is Celia's friend, Janet. She picked me up when she came to visit. I have got used to humans picking me up. They just can't resist me but it still sometimes makes me want to wriggle away. It's not that I am shy. It's more a question of feline dignity. I don't go round picking up humans so that their legs dangle in the air.
However, something about Janet intrigued me. She smelled of rabbit. It was all over her - a sort of human-rabbit hybrid smell. She would probably have tasted absolutely delicious. I considered having a bit of a nibble at her nose, but then when I eyed up how HUGE she was, decided against it. Giant rabbits I might have a go at. But Janet was a giant human-rabbit hybrid. I might regret it if I started eating her. There is danger in biting off more than you can chew.
Later when she'd gone Celia explained that she smelled of Harvey, her house rabbit who blogs like I do on He lives in the house just like me and William do. Sleeps on the sofa. Watches TV. Uses a litter tray. I would very much like to meet him - he smelled very good on Janet. Tasty. Very tasty indeed. But whether he'd like to meet me is a bit morer doubtful.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

George's rap on catnip

I’m catnipped up and feeling funny,
Goin' to get me a bunny,
Mice is great for me too
Yes, cat William, for you.
We both high and hip
We both high on catnip
Goin’ to flip
With catnip.

Nibble on a mouse and eat its head
Don’t know if he’s live or dead
I’m catnipped up and riding high
High at the sky, I tell no lie.
Man, she worries and she quibbles.
Me I hurries and I nibbles.
We both high and hip
We both high on catnip
Goin’ to flip
With catnip.

William and me is high as cats
We both goin' to get us some rats
Catnipped up and feeling strange
Jumpin' everythin' in range.
We both high and hip
We both high on catnip
Goin’ to flip
With catnip.

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online