If cats designed catteries...

This cattery design looks modern but it gives the inmates no privacy from staring humans.

 If we cats designed catteries, the most important thing we would do is make sure every cattery has a hiding place. A proper one which gives complete privacy.

It's always scary going to a boarding cattery for the first time. It smells wrong. There are weird noises. And - worst of all - there are strange human beings STARING at us.

Staring is intimidating and stressful.

That's why we need a small area to which we can retreat, until we have got used to the pen and can spend some time rubbing around it to spread our scent so that it smells like home.

The worst cattery designs are those that just have a shelf and a blanket. If there is a high sided bed, that helps a little though not enough.

The other cattery designs we hate are those one where only glass separates us from the humans the other side.  We have to sit near the glass because that is the only heated area.

Nervous cats close their eyes and pretend to sleep - it's called feigned sleep and it is a sign of stress. Our bodies are tense, our back is humped up, and every now and again we turn our heads away from the staring humans.

Watch this video at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxnA1YL3KJw   and you will see what I mean.

OK, so you humans cannot afford to rebuild your cattery. We understand. But there is something you can do.

PLEASE give us a cardboard box (photo abovve)  to hide in. Or buy a Hide & Sleep (photo right) from Cats Protection which gives more protection.

 

Childless cat ladies are wonderful!

 I don't take a lot of notice when my human becomes upset, but last week I couldn't miss her distress. Some bearded git, the would-be Republican vice president in the USA, has said that "childless cat ladies" live miserable lives. 

The insult got to her. She doesn't have children because her husband couldn't. And yes, she has cats. Me, of course.

Is her life miserable? I don't think so. She misses her husband who died, but otherwise has a full emotional life. Yes, a full emotional life with me.

• We love and care for each other.
  
• We sleep together. 
• We communicate with purrs and human "catty" talk. 
  
• We spend time in the garden together.
• I spend time in a warm cat bed near her computer supervising her work.  
• I take a great deal of interest in what she cooks.
• I try to clean up any food that has fallen on the kitchen floor.
• I greet her when she comes home.
  
• And I look beautiful.
  

She is not miserable. She is a happy cat lady and I am determined to help her stay that way, Mr JD Vance.

I hope you lose the US election

Cat photos for free book return!

Sometimes - just occasionally - humans do something clever. So the George Online Cat Award for March 2024 goes to some of the public libraries in the US.

Instead of fining humans for returning books late or damaged, they are accepting pictures of cats instead of money. They reckon they will get back more books that way. (Details here)

It's part of Massachusetts libraries'  Meowness month of March. It doesn't have to be a cat photo. It can be a drawing, a painting or just a magazine picture of a cat. In return for this normal fees for lateness of damaging a book will be forgiven and their library card will be reactivate

Apart from my own best-selling book, I don't go in much for books. They are not soft enough to sit on and they take up space which I would prefer to see used as a cat retreat. 

But I have always treasured the silence in a good library and the way a good book can help my human sit down and provide a warm lap. 

So purrs and rubs to Massachusetts librarians.

 

 

 

Signs of stress in the shelter

 Many of my feline friends have found their forever homes after a spell in a cat shelter. Otherwise they would have continued to live rough on the street.

So shelters are good - but they are also very stressful for some of us. Most of us cats settle in fairly well and start to feel at home once we have rubbed our scent on the shelter surroundings and got used to strange noises, strange people and strange smells.

Most but not all. Some of us cats are particularly prone to stress and for us stressy cats time in a shelter can be hell - unless we have somewhere to hide.

So we do the best we can to hide. We close our eyes and pretend to sleep. Most humans think we are sleeping.

But the most intelligent humans can see that we are not - our bodies are tense and uptight, not relaxed and spread out, our feet are under our shoulders and firmly on the ground ready to run away, our ears are pointing downwards from anxiety, and every now and again we open an eye.

Here is a video of a cat pretending to sleep. Show it to your human, so that they can spot the signs. If they work in shelter, a cat who copes by pretending to sleep needs a hiding box.

Cat shows.... yawn!

 

Cat shows... yawn. Boring, boring, boring. 

With their usual ability to discover the obvious, human scientists have confirmed this, after hours spent timing our movements.

Most of the time we show cats just sleep. We might look at those who are staring at us some of the time. Only when it gets too busy and crowded do some of us hide in the litter tray.

Why don't we react with more stress? After all, it's well known to most humans (or should be) that staring freaks us out.* We stare to intimidate other cats and we feel stressed when they stare at us. We don't like being stared at.

The truth is that we show cats are just used to this. Most of the time we have a good life in a house with humans that adore us. But about once a month, we are put in a carrier and have to spend a day sitting in a small cage in a cat show.

Oh well, it could be worse...

*Learn about our feelings by reading  Being Your Cat. Get it here.

 

The cat-human sleeping partnership.

 

Do we help humans sleep? This question has now been investigated by scientists who declare that we don't. Having a cat on the bed is more likely to give a human jerking legs.

But, of course, it is the wrong question....

The correct way to look at the feline-human sleep partnership is to ask whether humans help us sleep. And the answer is clear - yes, they do. Here are the reasons why:

• A human body acts like a large hot water bottle, giving off useful warmth to the feline body.
• When their limbs are arranged in the correct position, they can keep drafts away from the sleeping feline.
• They are easily trained to move, while sleeping, so that we have more space, when we need to stretch out.

What can a cat do for a better night's sleep? Here are some suggestions.

• If there are two humans in the bed, sleep between them to minimize drafts or unwanted human activity. Cats are a natural contraceptive.
• The single human should be encouraged to curl round the sleeping feline body, reducing drafts that way.
• Wake up snoring humans at regular intervals. there is usually a period of time before heavy snoring reoccurs.
  

Snow - seven rules for sensible cats.

•  Rule no 1.  You cannot have too much heat.
  
• Rule no 2.  Find a human with central heating. If your human doesn't have it, then a wood burning stove, a a gas fire, or an Aga is the next best heating device.  
• Rule no 3 (see Rule 1).  Best of all is central heating, an Aga, AND a wood burning stove. 
• Rule 4.  Snow is magical - but only when seen from the windowsill with a radiator  below.
• Rule 5.   If you don't  have a litter tray, now is the time to educate your human by going behind the sofa.
• Rule 6.  Do not go out.
• Rule 7.  A snowy day is a good day for a very long nap.
  

Tips for sleeping on the bed.

 Why sleep on the bed, when your human takes up so much room? 

There are three reasons  

• The bed is large enough for both of you - just. 
• Although they take up a lot of room, humans give out a lot of heat during the night. They make a good hot water bottle. 
• It reminds them that we can sleep anywhere we choose and they will just have to get used to it.
  

And how do you manage that great lump of humanity during the night?

Here are my tips for a good night's sleep. 

• Start modestly. Put yourself in a position where the human thinks there is enough room..... 
• Only when they are asleep, move into the most comfortable position. 
• Edge them slowly out of the way. Slow and steady is the correct way to do it and if you do it this way it is remarkable what you can achieve.
• Resist the temptation to throw them off the bed completely. They will wake up and might take action against you. Keep them from falling off  - just. 

Be aware that the deluded fools think it is their bed.

Purrfect nursing for your sick human

 

Tilly shows how purr therapy is done

I have been busy these last six days nursing my sick human. She has been suffering from some kind of stomach bug that has left her feeling nauseated and weak. 

That's why my blog wasn't posted last week.

So she sleeps a lot. Luckily I sleep a lot too. So in the past week I have worked really hard to help her. I have upped my sleeping time from about 80% of the day to 90%, only waking her up at meal times.

I aim to sleep elongated near her, my back to her, but near enough so she can rest her hand on it and feel the rhythm of my purr. She can also hear the regularity of purring. it seems to relax her.

Between meals, I have purred a lot. Purr therapy seems to work well on humans. When she goes to bed feeling sick, purring seems to help her fall into a healing sleep.

Fortunately she has been conscientious in her duties - cleaning the litter tray and making sure I have a bout 4 meals a day and renewing the dry food which is there for a snack.

It's been hard nursing her but I am doing well. She ate a cheese sandwich a few hours ago and gave me a bit of cheese as a thank-you present.

We need choice

An essential for a happy feline life is choice... something which humans so often deny us.

Each morning I ask myself - shall I use the catflap or would I prefer my human to open the garden door for me?

Shall I use the human bed upstairs or shall I use the sofa? Or perhaps the cardboard box on the kitchen table? Or even the box that my human put for me on the top of the cupboard, after I used to spend time there without a bed?

Do I want a bed? Or shall I just lie flat out with my legs apart in a patch of sunlight in the living room? Or sit on my special cat lounge looking out into the garden.

Choice, you see. Make your human give you multiple beds and multiple resting places.

You know it makes feline sense.

Naked humans and compassionate cats

Naked humans are often shy in front of us, a survey revealed last week. Naked and ashamed of their lack of fur presumably. Poor hairless humans. I pity them.

Imagine having to cover up your body with clothing, because the only bits of fur you have are on the head, the chin, the armpits and the groin. The wrong places and the wrong type of hair to keep yourself warm. That is the human dilemma.

Many cats out of kindness move off the bed when their human is about to strip off and go to somewhere private like the linen cupboard. We cats know that staring is upsetting for us: and presumably it upsets naked humans too. The other alternative is to close your eyes and drift off into a deep sleep at these human strip tease moments.

Be compassionate. Don't shame your human. Do not stare at that fur-less human skin.  At moments like this many humans suffer from feelings of inferiority to felines.  Fur envy, I call it.

 

 

 

•  For further insights in the cat-human relationship read my book here.

 

Enough! Get out of my space, humans.

I have had enough of humans... As doorflap pets, they are delightful. As indoor-only pets they are a pest. Attention seeking all the time! 
I have my routine. After breakfast, the humans go out and I stroll round the garden before my noon nap. A long one usually and, if possible, in a patch of sunlight on the windowsill.
Round about tea time I begin to feel hungry and, if my human returns in time, I don't have to wait to long for my next meal. Another nap this time on the sofa in front of the TV and then supper before sharing the bed with my humans.
Now this routine has been ruined. They are always at home. In my face a lot of the time. I do not appreciate having my noon time nap interrupted. Nor do I want to nap on their laps. 
True, I now get lunch, but in the afternoon I am never left alone. They want to play fishing rod toys with me. Or brush me. Or just mess me about.
Let sleeping cats lie. Just get out of my space, humans. 

• Read more about human management here. 

Fresh Laundry....mmmmm....zzzzz

Make your human do proper laundry. Not just washing and drying but also ironing. It's part of their servant duties.
Fresh laundry does it for me. There's something about those clean sheets and the carefully folded pillow cases. And, of course, the exture and the smell of the newly ironed clothes.
Even un-ironed sheets like the ones in the photo are special for cats. The more expensive sheets, like Egyptian cotton, are the best. So luxurious when freshly ironed.
The only odd thing is the human reaction. They wash. They dry. They iron. They fold. And then they place a lovely heap of clean laundry either in a warm laundry cupboard or on a nearby chair. So far so good.
We settle down for a glorious sleep. And they get inexplicably angry.
Odd animals, humans!

The blessing of a cat

Humans occasionally show their gratitude. This week, my human finally wrote something which I can fully appreciate, even if I longed to get my paws on it and change some of the sentiments... 

My book not hers.

May you be blessed with a cat...

May you be blessed with a cat,

A starving stray from the street

Or a scruffy kitten from a shelter,

Who hides under the bed

For the first few days

May you be blessed with cat fur

On the new carpet,

On your best clothes,

On your bed and

In little balls in the washing machine

May you be blessed with scratches,

Happy scratches on the sofa,

Exploring scratches on wallpaper,

Greeting scratches on the door mat,

And sometimes even on the scratch post.

May you be blessed with a warm body

Close to you on the sofa,

On your lap while watching TV,

Spread out on the bed asleep

Or even snuggled under the duvet.

May you be blessed with purring.

Loud purring requesting food,

Happy purring when stroked in the right places.

Gentle purring during the night,

While both of you sink into sleep.

May you be blessed with that look,

The urgent look requesting food,

The look that says: “Play please,”

The look of loving contempt

That says “You are not my superior.”

You may not know if you own or are owned

But this love too is stronger than death.

                        c.. Celia Haddon

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How to deal with noise in the living room

Hello George,

I am interested to know why humans listen to some awful noises on a machine in the lounge (which is supposed to be a comfortable and serene area to relax). The odd time it sounds okay but sometimes I find it very upsetting and it causes me to react to show my displeasure. A cat I know demonstrated his displeasure by spraying one of the boxes the noises come out of! I think this got his message across very well! It is harder for me to do this as I am a girl. Are there any other effective ways you can suggest to demonstrate my displeasure? I am willing to carry out any instructions you provide to keep the lounge as it should be; a second bedroom for my slumber! If I let my humans get away with this what else will they try to get away with? It could be the beginning of a long slippery slide and I want to nip it in the bud! I look forward to your advice!
Yours
Gracie

Dear Gracie,

Girls can spray and do spray too. Particularly feisty females who want to send a strong message to their humans. Even nose-blind humans get the scent message when we spray. And there's something enticing about spraying on electrical items or even on electrical plugs. 
They don't just give off a noise: they give off an interesting plastic warm-up smell, of which humans are totally unaware.
That said, spraying is the ultimate weapon. It's almost the equivalent of the nuclear option for humans. It doesn't hurt humans but it upsets them dreadfully and can ruin the cat-human relationship.
So just Turn off, tune out and drop into sleep. 

Remember we cats can sleep anywhere - here are some photos to remind you.
Yours George 
PS. I adopted this motto from the l960s hippy one -Turn on, tune in and drop out. Hippies knew how to relax even if their drug problems were awful.

Humans snore SO loudly!

Dear George, 
My humans are snoring - one louder than the other. I wonder if this might be a frightening medical condition and if it is ... should I call an ambulance? What should I do? Last night I had to sleep on a chair (as you can see in the photo) because their snoring was greatly disrupting my sleep. Their noise was interfering with my purring rhythm. Terrible. Complely out of sync.
I should move them down to the basement! What do you think?  Maybe I’ll move my dad first as my mummy is not that bad! Actually, most nights we have fun together playing on that screen with moving little arrows or little bugs or mice! Hmm! 
Yes, I should keep her upstairs! How do I move him to the basement?
Sleepless across the pond
CAT Victoria 

Dear CAT Victoria,
You have highlighted one of the insoluble problems of letting humans share your upstairs bed. When they snore the noise is horribly loud and upsets our natural slumbers. Of course, the best way to deal with this is to move the human off our bed and make it sleep on the sofa downstairs. Or even on the floor - I'd have thought that sleeping under a radiator would be quite cosy.
Instead, what usually happens is that we have to leave and go to sleep elsewhere. It's one of the disadvantages of keeping such a gigantic pet. I don't think calling an ambulance is a good idea. You don't want a lot of beefy men in high viz jackets barging into your home and interrupting your sleep. Better do what you are doing and sleep downstairs.
The other possibility is that when the snoring starts up, you jump on the human's midriff. However, some humans then just do a HUGE rolling snort (that I cannot reproduce here) when they wake up and then simply turn over and go back to normal snoring.
Sorry not to be more helpful.
Yours
George.

PS. Some humans claim we cats snore but that is definitely fake news.

Of humans, cats and exercise!

Dear George,

I’m totally puzzled by the amount of money, time and attention humans spend on such “non-sense” as exercise or work-out (if you wish)! I look at my human mommy and wonder about her sanity! She gets the latest fashionable sport gears, she’s getting up at 6 in the morning to run her 3k like a maniac, she’s obsessed with cardio, aerobic, yoga, etc. – you name it and she’ll be right on! I no longer know what to make of her! I really think I like my human daddy better! Not that he’s lazy but he doesn’t do all these crazy things! I think he’s a great cat at heart! George, my problem is: how do I convince my mommy that following the cats’ path to wellbeing is better and safer that the crazy things she does now!  How do I convince her that getting up late, being late for work, staying in bed with me and just doing the stretch I do (see the photo attached) is much more fun and much safer than running outside in cold weather! So much more joyful and peaceful!

Are most humans actually incarnated dogs? Definitely dogs will do these crazy things!

Puzzled, lazy but… happy

Stanley

Dear Stanley,

Humans would be so much happier if they imitated us cats. We know how to relax and we also know how to minimize effort (which isn't quite the same thing!). And we don't spend money on sports clothing. Indeed, we are purrfectly happy even though we don't spend money at all. Not a cent. Not a penny.

How do you convince a human to slow down? Impossible, I fear. They are a restless species unable to lead a sensible life. My latest book, 100 Ways to be More Like Your Cat, (alas published under the name of my human pet, Celia, and available here) tries to bet through to humans. But I don't think it working.

Yours gloomily

George

PS. Don't get me started on dogs and their craziness.

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Cats in books - and how to make an affirmation board

Dear George,
I’d like to share some good news and some not so good!

Good news: I took up reading! I had to since my human pets are avid readers and like to cozy up with a book by my side! One on each side. 
Not so good:  I have to stay put…sometimes for hours! I know they need my emotional and physical support but sometimes I feel like a book holder – holding a book for each!
At the beginning I was like “OK! I’m killing time…so I was napping! But after a while I started browsing through their books and I must admit I found interesting things!
Interesting sayings! Words of wisdom! I’ll share some: “The purity of a person’s heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals” - Anonymous or “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated” – Mahatma Gandhi

“I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior” –Hippolyte Taine or “I’m fond of pigs! Dogs look up to us! Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals” – Sir Winston Churchill.
And my favorite of all: “There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats” – Anonymous! Isn’t this great wisdom?
George, I’d like to make a “daily affirmation” board for my human pets! How do I make it? Any suggestions? Ah! So, so inspirational!
Hmm! I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by my own ideas …I think I’ll take a nap for now!  
“If you want to write, keep cats.” – Aldous Huxley

Chico

Dear Chico,
I have made an affirmation board for myself out of a bedroom door. If it is shut, I go into creative mode and run my claws downwards and slantwise. This results in interesting affirmative patterns which inspire me to  artistic further effort. My human, however, has no artistic taste and dislikes these intensely. However, they have inspired her to leave the door half open most of the time. (This means it swings so I cannot add to my art). 
Try it, Chico. The path of a feline artist is a lonely one. But maybe your humans are more creative than mine. 
Yours 
George.
PS. Love the quotes.
PPS. Maybe wallpaper would make a good affirmation board.

Rules for sharing the bed with humans....

Dear George,
 I have been wondering whether I have been spoiling my humans. I allow them to share the bed with me? Will this give them ideas above their station and make them think they are my equals?
If letting them sleep on my bed at night is a bad idea, what alternatives are there? The sofa? Or perhaps just the carpet in the living room?
Please advise,
Yours
Coco

Dear Coca,
This is a dilemma common to all cats. It's good to be generous to our humans and, to be realistic, they wouldn't fit into those odd little beds that they bought for us. So share the bed, but do so in the right way. 
Here are my rules for bed sharing with humans.
1. Get on to the bed first and choose the position which suits you. They can fit themselves round you. The middle of the bed is yours. The edges are theirs.
2. Insist that they sleep without moving. If you own a couple of humans, discourage any thought of human sex by walking up the bed, sitting firmly near their heads on the pillow, and staring at them with utter disdain.
3. Make sure they do not take up too much room. By gently but firmly leaning against them, you can imperceptibly move them to the edge of the bed without even waking them.
4. The bottom of the bed is yours on hot nights, when their bodies give out too much heat. Spread yourself over their toes, which will be withdrawn giving you more space.
5. The top of the bed is yours if you enjoy waking and petting your human. A strong purr and some careful grooming of their fur will ensure they give you enough space.
6. The space between two human bodies is yours during cold nights. Too bad if they want to cuddle: they should have thought of that before they got a cat.
Sleep well.
Yours
George

Seductive charm is the way to a forever home.

Dear George, 

I’m trying to find a forever home and I need your advice.

I won’t bother you with the details of my life but, you need to know that I’m in a foster home right now. This would be my second foster home and I would very much like this one to become my permanent home. I like my foster human too – he’s quiet! At times he seems to be grumpy but I know he’s not! He is kind and generous! I believe he had cats before because I can still smell them. He doesn’t think I’m a good fit in his life right now but I know he likes me! He travels summertime and he worries as he doesn’t know what to do with me! George, how can I tell him that I’m OK to go for a month or two in a cattery or one of his friends’ house if I’ll be with him for the remaining 10 -11 months of the year? I really like him! I’m happy here! 

With thanks,

Petrushka

Dear Petrushka,

Foster homes can become forever homes, if a cat plays her cards right! But be careful what you wish for. If he really is away from home for several weeks, you might not enjoy being in a cattery for that length of time. Of course, if there is a partner or a best friend who could help out by boarding you, that would be great. Many cats have two homes - an official one and the one down the street where the people give him a second breakfast.

To turn a temporary home into a permanent one requires you to exercise all your charms. Purr at him frequently. Roll on your back and when he tickles your tummy, do not scratch (always tempting, I admit). Practice little loving looks with your head on one side. Jump on his lap and knead - gently.

Greet him with your tail up when he comes home from work. Watch TV with him. Play with his newspaper. Sleep on the bed with him purring regularly and quietly to help him go off to sleep. You know the score. Seduce him with charm. Make him love you. It's what we do when we want something.

Yours 

George.