Educating humans ... the silent purr

 

Here is my friend Freya doing an almost silent purr. So different from the loud purr by Tilly which you will find on my Youtube cat signals playlist. I couldn't video a silent purr because listeners or viewers would simply assume that I had turned the sound off.

Some of us purr very very loudly. Some purr moderately. And some purr so silently that our dumb humans cannot hear us and think that we don't purr at all.

If they looked more closely they would see the slight movements in the chest. Some humans put their ear close to our bodies to see if they can feel the vibrations. They usually can.

Luckily I purr moderately. I feel that the loud purrers are giving their humans too much feed back. 

If I was unlucky enough to be a silent purrer my human would never know I was doing it. Because if she put her ear close to my body I would simply swipe at it...

You have to stop them taking liberties.

 

Helping humans understand us.... the meow request for food.

Most of us cats are NOT silent meowers. We do a proper loud meow that even stupid humans can hear.  

Dumb they may be, but even the dumbest of humans can understand a meow when it is a demand for food. We are loudest usually at breakfast, when we have had nothing to eat during the night. "Meow" mens "I am starving."

Here my Spanish friend, Josephine, is making sure that her human, serves her breakfast as soon as possible. You will notice that he is talking back to her - even if it is a bit of a grumble. And he seems awfully slow.

But that is the usual human response. They can't help it. they just aren't very clever. 

 

• The playlist of what cats are saying is on my Youtube channel under Celia's name is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMH0Q-3hEcw&list=PLnwXtI1uuo884ABEOTorPYZNnIeTh04pV 

 

 

 

 

Flank rubbing ... I'm friendly, notice me.

When we are friendly, and when we want your attention, we sometimes rub round human legs. It's the bit of human that we can reach if the human is standing.

We are likely to do this, just before our human puts down our food and when we are hungry. It's a way of making sure dumb humans remember we are here and we need feeding.

Even really stupid humans usually get this particular message.

I also like rubbing the side of my body round my human's legs when she is on the lavatory, the human litter tray. She is stuck there, so she can't really do something silly like picking me up.

Tabby starts a flank rub

We also do a flank rub between feline friends. Just a gentle pressure starting at the shoulder then moving the rest of the body against the other feline.

Sometimes this ends in a tail wrap. 

• The playlist of what cats are saying is on my Youtube channel under Celia's name is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMH0Q-3hEcw&list=PLnwXtI1uuo884ABEOTorPYZNnIeTh04pV

 

Lessons for humans 6. Don't put up with groping.

 

                                        Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JiIDD6O_9k
 

We cats are quite clear about body privacy. We know where we DON'T want to be touched. Backside, belly, tail end of back - these are often our private areas.

We also are clear when we want humans to stop touching.

So when some insensitive human gropes us, we nip, bite or scratch. We make it quite clear - Take your hands off me. 

Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P5KysZq0FE

Humans could learn from us. Send a clear message if you don't want to be groped.

You can't bite most of the time. Your face is wrongly designed. You can't  scratch because you have pathetic nails not proper claws.

But you can shout, hit or slap. Humans, it is the twenty first century. You don't have to put up with groping. 

• For a video of lessons from cats go to Celia's Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBIJyISl3rA&t=55s

How to be nice to the vet ...

Vets? I hate them, like most cats. But I have learned not to show it. You can make a vet like you, if you try hard.

Fergus is a cat whose life was saved because the vets thought he was cute. He was handed in as a skinny elderly stray, and would have been put down.

But he purred loudly at the vet. He rubbed against the vet's hands. He walked off off the vet table and sat on the keyboard of the vet's keyboard.

"He's so cute and loving," thought the female vet. So she rang the local cat charity and asked them if they would fund treatment for him, not euthanasia.

Fergus had a blood test which showed he was healthy. His teeth were awful - one reason why he was so skinny. It hurt to eat. These were treated and the charity took him on.

After three months with a fosterer - and lots of regular meals - he found his forever home.

So.. it might be worth being nice to the vet! Fergus charmed the vet into giving him a second chance.

Cat photos for free book return!

Sometimes - just occasionally - humans do something clever. So the George Online Cat Award for March 2024 goes to some of the public libraries in the US.

Instead of fining humans for returning books late or damaged, they are accepting pictures of cats instead of money. They reckon they will get back more books that way. (Details here)

It's part of Massachusetts libraries'  Meowness month of March. It doesn't have to be a cat photo. It can be a drawing, a painting or just a magazine picture of a cat. In return for this normal fees for lateness of damaging a book will be forgiven and their library card will be reactivate

Apart from my own best-selling book, I don't go in much for books. They are not soft enough to sit on and they take up space which I would prefer to see used as a cat retreat. 

But I have always treasured the silence in a good library and the way a good book can help my human sit down and provide a warm lap. 

So purrs and rubs to Massachusetts librarians.

 

 

 

Christmas .... This is warning no 2.

The dangers of human Christmas have begun. My human is packing presents using ribbons. 

Bits of string are interesting.... if you poke them, they wiggle. And if they are not too large, you can chew them. Not a good idea. I spent Boxing Day last year at the emergency vet.

What had tempted me to swallow the ribbon was the fact that it was tied round the turkey to keep the legs close to the body. It tasted of bird.  So I didn't just poke it. I ate it. That was not a good idea.

Boxing Day was not a happy day. I loathe and detest all vets.

And the emergency fee, paid by my human was even more mouthwatering than the ribbon itself. I regretted that impulse to swallow the ribbon...

Then there are those other tempting items. Little fairy lights, tree decorations, and of course the tree itself.

If you climb up the tree you can bring it crashing down - quite fun if you enjoy teasing your human. But you can also get pine needles in uncomfortable places!

 

 

• I've written a book too. A far better book than the one written by my human (see post before this one). You can get my superior book here
  
  
  
  

Good news for cats world domination....

The human brain is getting smaller. They are beginning to lose their capacity to out-think animals. Read the scientific details here. This is very good news.

Our world take-over will speed up as their thinking capacity shrinks. Purrsonally I have seen signs of a shrinking brain in my human already.

• She's getting testy, unable to tolerate frustration. Some felines wonder if this is due to the heat wave. I think it is due to brain shrinkage.
•  She is much less energetic than she used to be. It could be cognitive dysfunction of the elderly but it also could be brain shrinkage of her species.
• She is getting more difficult to train even though I follow the excellent manual One Hundred Ways for a Cat to Train its Human. 
• Her general capacity to anticipate and fulfil my demands is falling away.

These, of course, are the unpleasant signs of human brain shrinkage but in the long view it must be a good things. 

Roll on the day when we cats take over completely.

Training? I don't think so....

 My human says she is thinking of "training" me. Like a dog. A horrible idea. Some dogs are trained by cruel punishments or even electric shocks.

I talked to my friend Toby who has been through this process. He says I am seeing it all wrong. It is an activity which trains humans to come up with better food.

First they offer you a treat, then they have a code word which follows. After a little while, once you recognise the code word, you know that a treat follows.

This is when you start training them. You do something that amuses them - sitting up on hind legs, or following a target - they use the code word and divvy up the goodies.

It takes a bit of time before they understand it fully. But after a while, they get the idea...

And you get free food just in return for some absurd behaviour.

Simple. They think they are training you but you are training them.

The cat-human sleeping partnership.

 

Do we help humans sleep? This question has now been investigated by scientists who declare that we don't. Having a cat on the bed is more likely to give a human jerking legs.

But, of course, it is the wrong question....

The correct way to look at the feline-human sleep partnership is to ask whether humans help us sleep. And the answer is clear - yes, they do. Here are the reasons why:

• A human body acts like a large hot water bottle, giving off useful warmth to the feline body.
• When their limbs are arranged in the correct position, they can keep drafts away from the sleeping feline.
• They are easily trained to move, while sleeping, so that we have more space, when we need to stretch out.

What can a cat do for a better night's sleep? Here are some suggestions.

• If there are two humans in the bed, sleep between them to minimize drafts or unwanted human activity. Cats are a natural contraceptive.
• The single human should be encouraged to curl round the sleeping feline body, reducing drafts that way.
• Wake up snoring humans at regular intervals. there is usually a period of time before heavy snoring reoccurs.
  

The delicacy of a paw touch

 

One of my many cat friends, Mr Nipper Spangles, is finding it hard to adapt his paws to a key board. He has tried sitting on it. He has attempted to use the tip of hi
s tail as a digit. He has tried to manipulate the keys by standing on several at a time.

To no avail. All that emerges on the screen is a series of meaningless scribbles.

True, when he stands on several keys at a time, the computer makes several strange noises. Clearly it is attempting to communicate vocally. But, says Spangles, it makes no sense at all. It cannot mew or miss or wail in the correct form.

What is the secret of my success at the keyboard? I want to be modest so I shall not mention my immense intelligence or my amazing patience. I will not even mention my days of practice when I was a kitten.

No. All I will say is that the secret of my success is delicacy. The delicate way I have learned to pat with my paw. Gently, Delicately. But with a feline firmness.

My paw work is so fine, so nicely judged, so precise that I am able to write this blog. To encourage other cats here is a photo of me at work. Note the delicate left hand paw.

My advice to cat bloggers is to accept the fact that you may not be able to type... get a human secretary.

Just use the keyboard to interrupt her when she is not paying you proper attention.

I think therefore I purr

Human scientists have had the audacity (and stupidity) to say that cats don't think. That we are mindless beings just driven by instinct  and unable to solve problems.

Sometimes it is difficult to grasp the full stupidity of the human mind!

Of course we think. We learn, don't we? We learn how to hunt rabbits. We learn that if we wind ourselves round the human legs and purr loudly, we may get a treat.

We learn to avoid the neighbour's horrible yapping dog. And we work out how to sneak into the cat flap four doors down, where the owner provides ad lib food for their own cat - which we then steal. 

We learn to recognise the name that a human gives us. When they call us, we turn our heads to see why - if we are not too busy. Sometimes, just sometimes, we even come when called.

Do we think? Of course we do. And it humans thought a little better than they do, they'd know that.

 

We need choice

An essential for a happy feline life is choice... something which humans so often deny us.

Each morning I ask myself - shall I use the catflap or would I prefer my human to open the garden door for me?

Shall I use the human bed upstairs or shall I use the sofa? Or perhaps the cardboard box on the kitchen table? Or even the box that my human put for me on the top of the cupboard, after I used to spend time there without a bed?

Do I want a bed? Or shall I just lie flat out with my legs apart in a patch of sunlight in the living room? Or sit on my special cat lounge looking out into the garden.

Choice, you see. Make your human give you multiple beds and multiple resting places.

You know it makes feline sense.

It's a fur fur better thing.....

 

Shedding. It's what I and other cats do. Some of us, living in centrally heated homes, shed a little at a time. Those of us living outside shed in the spring, getting rid of spare hair ready for the hot weather. 

My friend, Toby, however, decided to do a big full-on shed just after Christmas. As you can see he has sort of wispy hair which is described as "semi-long hair." Just before the coldest time in the UK, the first and second week in January, he shed much of his coat - photographed here.

He's trained his human to brush him daily, when he lies down and exposes his tummy for the flea comb. In the course of these four post Christmas days, this is what she combed out. Had she been more conscientious (humans always try to avoid work) she might have combed out even more.

I asked him why? He said that he was trying to regain the natural life of his ancestors, Felis silvestris catus, when they first moved in with humans living in the Middle East.  January, he explained, is quite warm in Baghdad, the so called Fertile Crescent when during the first Neolithic settlements cats domesticated humans.

He added that he wanted to test his human's combing ability, which he admitted was not bad...

Permission to pet - a new catumentary movie

 Do we consent to petting? - an important new documentary by George Online Cat, ie me. Using my paws to make this movie was difficult but I did it.  

OK, so my human helped a little but the inspiration was my experience. Humans must learn to ask permission to pet. We cats are sick of being picked up, or hugged or petted without our consent.

Please help me spread the word. Put a stop to human harassment. Help humans recognise the feline Yes and the feline No.

This movie is available on Youtube here. 

• For more on the cat-human relationship read my guide here.
  

 

Humans must envy us....

 

Miaow.... its International Cat Day. Today we celebrate the sheer elegance of cats.

Gorgeous whiskers like mine, so much more beautiful than beards. 

Soft delicious fur, which poor hairless humans do not have.

Ears that can hear a mouse's footfall and the ultrasonic squeaks of bats in the hot evenings and mice in the wainscot. Humans, as they age, cannot hear these at all.

Ears that grow fur out of themselves - wisps of beautiful fur that add to our elegance, unlike the hair in human ears.

Eyes that reflect moonlight back to the marvelling human that notices this. Eyes that are tuned to the slightest movement and can see in the twilight dark. 

A waving tail that helps us balance on garden fences or the boughs of trees. A sense of balance that far outbalances our humans.

A graceful body at all times. A body that is so supple we can clean ourselves all over, except for the head. We can contort ourselves so that we look at our intimate parts without using a mirror. 

Humans, don't you envy us?

• Celebrate International Cat Day by buying my book here.

Imitate feline social distancing

We cats have been social distancing for years. It is what we do. We timeshare space when we live in the same house as other cats.
Humans often don't notice us doing that. But often even if we share the large bed, we will share at a distance. We only eat close too if our stupid humans force us to.
We keep our distance from stranger cats - and spend many hours just staring at each other, occasionally breaking off the eye contact, before moving away to an even safer distance.
We practice safe space all the time.
Urgent advice for humans,.... imitate your cat. 

• Read this book during the crisis. Order here.

 

Make your pet an indoor-only human

We cats have all the space in the world: but humans should be kept in.

Keeping human pets indoors-only is a fashion that is sweeping the world. Yes, the world. 
For years we human behaviourists have advised that if humans are allowed to roam freely, hunting in supermarkets and in bars, they are at risk. They may enjoy being outside, but it is a risk to their health, particularly the health of the elderly pets.
Now the world is listening to our advice. Lock down your human.
So my guidance to all cats is simply this: Keep your human inside the house as much as possible. 
You can allow visits to the garden, if you bodyguard them to stop human-to-human contact. Garden exercise will help your pet avoid frustration. But that's all.
Indoor-only humans are healthier and more available for their home duties.

• For more about managing your human, get my book here.
  

Life of a feline artist - success.

At last... my book is officially published. A Cat's Guide to Humans from A-Z. And this time my name is on the cover. Feline friends can purchase it here. The more you know about your humans, the better.
Several years ago when I published a training manual for fellow cats (One Hundred Ways to Train your Human) my human stole the copyright and claimed credit.This time it is different.  I am now an acknowledged feline author.
It's been a struggle, I admit. I needed to take a cool look at humans in general as well as my particular human. There is so much in their behaviour which is alien and sometimes disgusting to a normal cat. I needed to set aside my natural feelings and study them without prejudice. 
Manipulating or managing a human is the basis of all good cat-human relationships. 
Now at last there is a guide.
I hope it will contribute to better feline understanding of this strange species we have domesticated.

Advice to Larry the First Cat

Dogs look up to humans, while we look down on them. Why does this matter? It gives humans ideas above their station in life. Just look the disasters that have happened to the British Prime Minister since he imported a dog into Number Ten Downing St... It's pathetic to see a dog rolling on its back in front of a human. Or putting its face between its paws in a kind of bow. They can't help it. They seem to think that humans are some kind of superior being.  That feeds into the human idea that they own us. Own us? They may own the dog but they certainly don't own a cat. We live independent lives which we may choose to share with them. But only from a position of feline superiority.

My advice to Larry the Downing St cat is to institute an immediate obedience training programme for the new First Dog, while it is still a pup. Get in there with a few well timed paw swipes.

With luck, Dylin the dog will be out of Number Ten very shortly, but there's a chance he may wheedle his way back in after a general election.

Start a punishment regime NOW. 

Coming shortly - more canine advice in my new book.