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Saturday, November 16, 2019

Kitchen countertops - cats versus humans.

Humans try to impose a rule that cats should not walk upon kitchen countertops. 
The feline rule is that we are entitled to do just that whenever we want. 
With proper purrsistence we can change this absurd human rule this way.
  • Cats are not allowed on kitchen counters. Ever.
  • Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - occasionally if they are being extra cute.
  • Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - if there are no human outsiders to see what is happening.
  • Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - as long as they don't steal food.
  • Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - as long as they only eat crumbs that have fallen there.
  • Cats are allowed on kitchen counters. Any time they choose.



For more cats versus humans rule read here....

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Fresh Laundry....mmmmm....zzzzz

Make your human do proper laundry. Not just washing and drying but also ironing. It's part of their servant duties.
Fresh laundry does it for me. There's something about those clean sheets and the carefully folded pillow cases. And, of course, the exture and the smell of the newly ironed clothes.
Even un-ironed sheets like the ones in the photo are special for cats. The more expensive sheets, like Egyptian cotton, are the best. So luxurious when freshly ironed.
The only odd thing is the human reaction. They wash. They dry. They iron. They fold. And then they place a lovely heap of clean laundry either in a warm laundry cupboard or on a nearby chair. So far so good.
We settle down for a glorious sleep. And they get inexplicably angry.
Odd animals, humans!

Sunday, November 03, 2019

Rain.... and wet cats

Rain.
We don't like it. We really don't.
It is the responsibility of our humans to make sure that we do not get wet.
In an ideal world they would change the rain to sunshine. If they can't or won't do that, then they should make sure that we never have to go out in the wet. 
Yesterday the next door cat, Tilly, was pushed out of the house in the rain. She came round to my place complaining but couldn't get indoors because of the microchip cat flap. And my human wouldn't let her in.
She tried to entice me to go out in the wet by holding open the patio doors. I gave her that contemptuous look which says: "Are you stupid? Me go out in that?"
Then I went upstairs and had a refreshing sleep on the bed, that I share with her.





Saturday, October 26, 2019

Stop that! Claw and order.

My friend Marley demonstrates how to keep your human in line with judicious use of the claw, followed by a little painless nip. Only the most insensitive human fails to respond to this.
Punishments should always be proportionate - for welfare reasons. But humans that do not respond to the mild swipe and nip may need more serious measures - a proper scratch to draw blood or the deep bite.  
Only use these when things are really serious. You don't want to ruin the cat-human relationship on which regular meals and warm radiators depend.


For more on how to manage your human order my manual here.

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Fear and loathing in the cattery

They go on holiday. We go to gaol. It's not fair. My human has swanned off to have a good time and I am stuck in prison.
They call it a cattery but it's really just a prison cell. No carpets. No sofa for scratching. Horrible disinfectant smells. Strange cats nearby. 
What's not to hate.
We do not deserve this. I have tried and failed to escape and I am miserable.
She, meanwhile, is having a good time eating fish in Normandy..... 
Sometimes humans are really vile. I shall make her pay for it later.



Want to know more of how to live with a human - read here


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org