And why not walk on the table? I always do. I enjoy embarrassing my humans in this way. Watching their faces express their anguish is truly amusing.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
And why not walk on the table? I always do. I enjoy embarrassing my humans in this way. Watching their faces express their anguish is truly amusing.
Saturday, October 07, 2017
- Climbing up the curtains.
- Climbing up and scratching the door frames
- Jumping from the book case's highest shelf down on his desk.
Exercise is difficult too, as humans are naturally indolent. They will spend hours staring at a screen and only drastic measures such as lying on the keyboard will successfully get their attention towards you. So first, you have to get their attention.
Even the stupidest of humans usually notice climbing up the curtains and your other activities. Most will spring into action in a vain rescue attempt (either to rescue your or the curtains!). I fear you may have adopted a human nerd, halfwit or a dingbat, as Oz cats call them. These humans are to be pitied not punished. It is not their fault they lack the ability to understand us properly.
You will have to accept that you cannot change him. Don't cease your activities, as this is good exercise for you. One of my achievements was to rip out all the lining from a pair of curtains: it was a truly satisfying achievement - as you can see from the photo on the right.
Saturday, October 01, 2016
I am an indoor only cat and I am getting fat. The truth is that I am bored. There's not much to do in the house, as both my humans go out to work. So I eat. It passes the time. It makes me feel better. And when I have eaten, then I sleep a lot.
Every now and again my humans reduce the amount of food they give me. I hate that. It makes me feel hungry all day. I miaow for food. I stand up on my hind legs for food. I wake them up in the early hours for food.
The diet never lasts long: they just give in.
None of us are very happy. I hate the diets. They worry about my weight. Any ideas?
There is a lot your humans should be doing for you. They shouldn't be putting food down in a bowl. They should make it into active fun. They should be hiding it around the house. Or putting it in cardboard boxes, or in little play balls where you have to move the ball around to get the food out.
I have helped my human develop a series of home-made food fun toys - you can see them here.And check out the IKEA cat tower below made by Waltham for their cats. Indoor cats that live in groups would really love this one. We need to get our humans to do more DIY to give us more activities and make food into fun.
|Copyright WALTHAM Centre for Pet Nutrition, Mars Petcare|
PS. She never gave me credit for my work on "her"website.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Pushing you off the chair is unacceptable behaviour in a human. No wonder you are infuriated. You need to climb back immediately and start re-inserting yourself on the chair slowly edging him off. If this doesn't work, get on the back of the armchair and start forcible grooming of his head. If he has a bald patch, groom this furiously. If not, rearrange his hair with tongue and claw. This often makes a human leave.
Forcing a human off your bed is going too far. I think he would be lonely on the downstairs couch or in the basement. Human welfare matters. Well behaved humans should be allowed to share the bed with us, as long as they don't take up too much space. Grooming them in the early hours or merely slowly moving them into a better position using your asana while they are asleep effectively repositions the human body.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Luckily for other rabbits who are thinking of moving into a human house, Harvey left a record of his training methods. "It's not all cabbage and carrots being in charge of two humans and a house," he admitted. He monitored all visitors, and enjoyed watching TV.
His diary of daily life can be purchased here
Harvey also busied himself with a little redecorating - putting frills on the sofa arm, and adjusting the carpet fringe a little. "It was all done very tastefully," he remarked, "They could have shown a bit more appreciation in my opinion."
Like all good trainers, Harvey recognised the importance of showing displeasure when training a human. "If they try to blame you for something, turn your back. If you want to object to anything at all, turn your back and sit tight."
His chapter on the importance of watching feet should be read by all house animals. It is an important insight into the world of humans. He realised that feet were the key to predicting human activity within the house.
He will be much missed. His legacy is his blog and the written version of it in a book. He also contributed photos to Celia's website.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
I have been given two expensive cat toys by my human. One was an elaborate feeding device where I had to claw out bits of cat food. I have refused to do this. The other was a very large furry thing in wheels, which could be wound up by my human and set off across the carpet. It is the size of a guinea pig and makes whirring noise which I dislike intensely. So I have ignored that too.
Instead I found my own toy - a feather that some unlikely bird had deposited in the garden. I have been rolling around with it for about an hours. I think it has really irritated her.
Congratulations on a good human tease. One of the many cat rules, which help cats rule, is to ignore all new purrchases. Especially any expensive ones. A new cat bed - go straight to a heap of freshly washed sheets and sleep there instead. A new toy - look at it once then stroll away. A lovely new soft bit of cat bedding - refuse to sit on it.
Instead make your own toy. We cats can make a toy of everything - a piece of dried pasta on the floor, a broad bean, the top of a milk container, an empty pill box. These can be batted around a kitchen floor ad infinitum.
Then there are these - your human's shoe laces while she is wearing them, the blind toggle hanging down on the side of the window, the dressing gown belt hanging from the back of the door, the bit of paper hanging loose from the scratched wall paper, the ties that tie up the loose covers of the furniture.... I expect cats reading this can suggest some more.
Money can't buy the purrfect cat toy. The purrfect cat toy is one chosen by us. Puts the humans in their place and makes them try harder to please us.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Recently I was accused of stealing human food! Well, there is no such thing as human food in the first place, if you ask me and, secondly …how can I steal what’s mine? The weekend was gorgeous and sunny and as I was relaxing laying half in the house and half in the sun I was watching my male human barbecuing. It took him much longer than usual and I was getting very hungry.
(see photo attached); since we got that chair I made it very clear it is mine. Do you think he got it? Not a chance! We are fighting for that chair. Should I fight for the steak too? How come the human kittens share with me everything they eat? They just leave my share on the kitchen table if I’m not around. The female human shares too; we usually dine together! Why can’t the male human share?
Don’t you think this is ridiculous? Why didn’t he buy more steaks so we all have one? Why doesn’t he buy one more armchair? What’s wrong with my male human? Guess….he can’t count as he can’t meow!
George, how should I handle the situation?
Naturally you feel a sense of outrage, when a human claims your steak and your armchair. Then to add insult to injury, he refuses to eat the portion of steak that you so kindly offered him.
I feel the same way about the butter. When the butter is left on the kitchen table for me, I lick it up and eat my portion. There's usually enough left for the humans. Do they appreciate my moderation? Do they? Hell no! Instead of settling down and eating what remains, they carefully trim off any which has had contact with my tongue and then they complain there isn't enough left behind.
This human sense of entitlement, of possessiveness, of an attachment to inanimate things (including food) is one of the worst faults of the species. They don't show proper gratitude when we share with them - making space for them in the bed, or on part of the chair, or giving up some of the chicken to them. They just complain about there not being enough space or enough chair or enough chicken.
Can proper training change this? Well, only to a certain extent. As long as we purrsist quietly and consistently, some of the humans will begin to change. They will be pleased that we leave some of the bed for them, grateful if we share the chair, and they will probably eat our leftovers without making a fuss. But some will never change.
Sigh. It's not easy taking these human pets into our family. But their presence in the bed does help us keep warm if nothing else.
Yours rather gloomily
PS. The blog is early because Celia is going on holiday. Holiday? I said. There is nothing in our contract about that. She just laughed. No sense of responsibility.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Here we are - Yuppie & Anji – two cute brothers! We are almost 1 year old and share a house in Atlanta with a funny human pet!
We found your blog as being very informative, especially on human training.
Too bad we can’t spend too much time in front of a computer as we get easily exhausted.
Our human pet refuses to act as our secretary! What can we do? How can we train her? We also go for fancy things like…. acrylic nails covers! See, we are at that critical age when we scratch everything and feel the urge to shred everything to pieces.
We think this is fun but our human disagree…so we compromise.
Are these nail covers a good thing? Definitely they are better then declawing, but are they safe? George, we really need some advice and especially…. tips on human training!
You are the expert!
Yuppie & Anji.
Dear Yuppie and Anji,
We have to scratch. We scratch to condition our claws, but we also scratch to leave messages - to our selves, and to any cats who happen to be passing by. It's an emotional thing. Scratching marks our territories not just visually but also with scent - which only we can read. We scratch when we are stressed and we want to feel better.
We British cats don't understand how Americans can possibly declaw their cats. In the UK it is a banned operation and any vet who did it would be in trouble with our cruelty laws. We don't much use nail caps here in the UK either - probably because most of us cats have access to outdoors and can scratch the local tree trunks. I think nail covers are safe, but they are a bit of a bore for both cats and humans. However, they are much much kinder than declawing.
Go for the natural kind solution. Instruct your human that you need a proper stable scratching post in every room where you might want to scratch, not just in one room. It must be large enough to allow us to stretch while we scratch. Don't let her get rid of an old scratching post. The tattier and smellier a scratching post gets, the more we cats like it. There is a depth of scent which a mere human will never understand. (Humans have pathetic claws, really pathetic!).
Some of us cats prefer horizontal scratching posts, or slightly angled ones. The surface has to be just right for us. People studying feral cats have noticed that they scratch along the walkways of their territory - but only on certain trees, not on others. Some trees just don't have the right physical surface. Incidentally, some of us enjoy scratching those roughly textured plant containers bought at garden centres (weighted down by a bag of sand in the middle). Some enjoy a tree trunk placed indoors. Others like cardboard scratching pads. Get that human of yours to offer you several kinds of scratching materials and see which you prefer.
Personally I enjoy the creative side of scratching armchairs, wallpaper and the side of the bed (so useful for waking your human up when it is time for an early hours snack). Here is a photo of me in artistic action. But Celia has fought back in a way I consider thoroughly philistine. She buys double sided carpet tape (or Stickypaws) and places this on the side of the bed or on the furniture. It feels really awful and I stop scratching on the site for at least a month, sometimes three months at a time. I had plans to redecorate the whole house with frilled curtains, frilled soft furnishing and really nice catseye-level frilled wallpaper - and she put a stop to it.
Humans.... they don't get it do they? What a selfish species.
There's a big Facebook group Claws 4 Paws. Join it to show you are against declawing.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Coud you advise me how I can dissuade my human from investing her money on scratch posts and balls with bells. Furniture and a length of string, or even a shoe lace, are perfectly adequate. The money could be far better employed on chicken breasts and plaice.
It is one of the most irritating things about humans that they buy us presents they think we ought to like and then are amazed when we don't like them. The scratching posts they buy are almost always too small or, if they are large enough for what I call a full-body scratch, then they are usually too wobbly. There are some quite nice cardboard ones, which are at an angle to the floor but when my human installed one and I used it vigorously, she took it away because she said the cardboard pieces were messy. Apart from these my own preference is for the sisal ones but some cats prefer the carpet covered post. AFter scratching the carpet post for a time they then discover scratching that the real carpet is much more pleasurable. And the humans are surprised! Yet they encouraged this by buying the carpet-covered post in the first place!
Worse still, if we do condescend to use one of the posts, just when it is getting nicely smelly from the pads of our feet with interesting bits falling off it, the humans change it. We like scratching posts with bits of sisal or carpet hanging down. We like to see the results of our scratches! But just when we have run in the post, so to speak, they get rid of it. They throw it out just when it has been scratched to our idea of perfection. What fools they are! Then they are amazed when we refuse to use a new one.
So what can you do about it? Very little, I fear, Vincent. Just never EVER use it. It is always good for humans to have their wills thwarted. It keeps them in training. I never use a new cat bed for at least three months or more. I turn up my nose at any new toy. And I particularly boycott anything expensive which is bought for me. It keeps humans in their place.
So ignore those balls with bells. Why should a cat want a rolling ball with a bell? We are neither dogs nor vicars. Continue to use the furniture for scratching. If there is no string available as a toy, pull out a shoelace or two, preferably while the shoe is on the foot.
Oh yes, have you thought about scratching the wall paper. A wall with strips hanging off it is a lovely sight. It makes a room look like an art installation.