Taking possession of human resources

 

When moving into a new human home, it is important to start taking possession of the resources. Make it clear what is yours, not theirs from the start.

Human beds (so much more roomy than cat beds), the sofa, the best armchair, the floor space under the radiator - these are all resources that you should claim as your own as soon as possible..

Other resources will also become yours - such as the office chair. Now an office chair is not as comfy as a sofa, but nevertheless it has a certain symbolic value. If it's not yours, then your human may think that is belongs to them.

Likewise any garden furniture. Garden furniture is installed by humans for humans. Yet any cat knows that garden furniture belongs to felines first, humans second. A garden table makes a nice place to lounge when the sun is out.

 Be imaginative... a car might not appear to be the best place for a cat, but some cats take over the family car.

Then there are boxes, stairs, shopping bags, even sinks - all of these are potential cat resources. 

Once you use them, you can claim ownership.

Humans feed us in the wrong wayl

 

 

Boomer has to search for his food - and it's fun

• Humans give us food in a bowl. It's boring. Why don't they give us fun hunting out food hidden round the house?
• Humans sometimes make us share a single food bowl with another cat. It's stressful. We cats prefer to eat alone.
• Humans think it is cute if we have to eat our food in a line of bowls close to each other. It's unnatural for us and stressful. 
• Humans often feed us twice a day with large portions. That's unnatural for us too. We would like 5-20 little nibbles a day.
• Humans think fat cats are funny. We suffer from arthritis and diabetes if we get too fat. 

Humans should wise up about what cats want.

Cats, squares and human illusiona

 

Some humans have come up with a new theory about cats and boxes. I don't know why they need to publish these idiocies. We cats know why we like boxes - they are warm, they hide us from nosy humans, and we like a tight fit when we sleep.

We also like sitting on squares that are marked out on the floor. Or as these pompous humans put it: "The type of visual illusion considered here is subjective illusory contours, in which one mentally perceives fictitious contours." 

They set up a website asking humans to lay out a two squares on the floor versus one non-square. We sat more often in the squares, even a rather strange square called a Kanitza. These findings, they claimed, revealed "susceptibility to illusory contours" and supported "our hypothesis that cats treat an illusory square as they do a real square."

I considered writing a letter to The Times, who reported this experiment, pointing out that humans are susceptible to the illusion that cats are not capable of taking the mickey. The idea that we were just leading them on in a ridiculous joke seems to have proved their "susceptibility to illusory cat behaviour."

In the end i couldn't be bothered to interrupt my box sleep by putting paw to paper. Maybe it is better to let humans keep their illusions. It makes them easier to manipulate.

Boxing Day - photos of the true feline festival

 

Going up in the world....

For once my human has done the decent thing. I am going up in the world.
Bored in lockdown, I finally purrsuaded her to spend some real money on proper cat furniture like the one in the photos. Now at last I will be able to be in the my rightful position of being able to look down on all the humans below. 
Admittedly she is too mean to include a cat house. She's just got a ledge/perch/sitting place.
I can't wait for it... a really huge one.
Of course, I will keep her in her place by refusing to use it, while she is around. Instead I shall inspect and enjoy the cardboard boxes in which the catipilla arrives....
Keep her waiting. For how long? One week? Two weeks? A month purrhaps? But I shall sneak down in the night when she is sleeping and try it out.
If you want your human get one, the website is www.catipilla.com

• More on human management here. 

If it fits, I sits...

Dear George,
I must admit that I love boxes and bags and I don’t really think I need a reason or an excuse for it! I think every normal cat does but my mummy is quite perplexed by my liking or what she calls “my obsession”! However, she does her best to provide me with a variety in any color (black in the photo attached). She also does a lot of research to learn why cats love boxes and bags! Quite amusing, isn’t it? Here are few example of what she learned so far:

1. Cats like boxes because they are cryptic animals and they like to hide (I think this is a good one)
2. A box will give a cat a place of safety and security (hmm! I agree to some extent)
3. Boxes or bags provide cats with a cozy, safe places to sleep (of course, since we sleep between 16 to 20 hours a day)

And the list goes on! All this fuss about boxes and bags makes me laugh!

Mummy should know by now that understanding a cat’s mind is notoriously difficult but sometimes our logic is quite simple…like in this case: if it fits….I sit! That simple!

Shumba

Dear Shumba,

I love them. Keyboards, books, the backs of armchairs, newspapers and high shelves are all fun. But boxes are best. My friend Tilly and Tanni like them too.
I particularly like hanging my head outside the box. There's something about boxes that brings out my originality.
You are so right. If it fits, sit in it.
George

Of cats and birthday presents from humans.

Dear George,

I’ve just turned four and I need your help to solve my dilemma; I have a feeling that my human pets didn’t really celebrate my birthday properly! I don’t exactly recall how did they celebrate my other three birthdays but I have this nagging feeling that they didn’t put too much effort into this year celebration. You see, I’m grateful I’ve rescued this stray family with two human kittens and no cats four years ago when I was just a tiny, few weeks old kitten. They seemed to be very happy all this time and I must admit they were very good servants so far. But, growing older and, obviously wiser I started questioning their deeds and, above all their motives! It looks like this year they “gifted” me with a new fence that I can’t climb so I’m confined in my own backyard. They know I love to wonder around the neighborhood so why would they do this to me? It is true they also gifted me with a little hammock and a cushioned basket for the backyard but I’m in my own backyard missing out peeing on my neighbor’s bed of flowers for example!For my birthday dinner I was served with one of my favorite pâté but where was my fresh, juicy mouse with four little candles on its head? Were my humans too lazy to hunt?
George, …these little things are bothering me. Are my humans slacking on their duties? Should I retaliate? Strong or mild punishment? Please advise!

Confused birthday boy,

Leo

Dear Leo,
Humans are hopeless at giving presents. Remember their horrified reactions, when you could still get your paws on a mouse and you gave the wriggling little morsel to them! Not a single "Thank you, Leo." Just squeals of dismay. Like me, you have probably tried over and over again to make them express some gratitude - dead mice, living mice, half dead rabbits and even (I dare say) the odd rat.
They are equally hopeless at giving presents. A mouse with four candles would have been wonderful. Instead you just get more tinned food. Not the same thing at all. How often have you been presented with false furry toy, when you would really have enjoyed a real furry rodent! Too many times!
What to do? My own technique is to follow the traditional feline advice. If it is theirs, take it over. If it is yours, ignore it.
Make your feelings clear by refusing to set paw in the hammock and the basket. Sit in the cardboard boxes that these items came instead.
Yours George
PS. I'd have eaten the pate too. Not a mouse but a shame to waste food.