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Saturday, May 30, 2020

Going up in the world....

For once my human has done the decent thing. I am going up in the world.
Bored in lockdown, I finally purrsuaded her to spend some real money on proper cat furniture like the one in the photos. Now at last I will be able to be in the my rightful position of being able to look down on all the humans below. 
Admittedly she is too mean to include a cat house. She's just got a ledge/perch/sitting place.
I can't wait for it... a really huge one.
Of course, I will keep her in her place by refusing to use it, while she is around. Instead I shall inspect and enjoy the cardboard boxes in which the catipilla arrives....
Keep her waiting. For how long? One week? Two weeks? A month purrhaps? But I shall sneak down in the night when she is sleeping and try it out.
If you want your human get one, the website is www.catipilla.com



  • More on human management here. 

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Block that screen! Hit that keyboard! Murder the printer!

Humans urgently need our help to stay sane. They are focused so much on the screen that some of them are becoming addicted.
In this video Tommy shows you how to have fun while interrupting their obsessive gazing. You will notice that he doesn't just jump on the printer, he puts his paws on the keyboard, which cries out with an odd noise each time.
Do your duty during this crisis. Interrupt your human before its obsession with the screen overcomes it.
Stroking us, feeding us, and talking to us is so much more important than they realise. It brings them back to the real world and gives them important body contact.
Place yourself between the screen and your human whenever possible.  
 

  • For more tips on how to manage a human get this book here

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Beware despot cats.

This is my local despot cat, Alfie. I am terrified of him. He sits on my wall and glares menacingly at me. 
This is a dilemma when I do need human help. Humans can be very stupid about this problem. They don't understand that a feline stare is very intimidating. At first she thought Alfie was just being 'friendly.' A ridiculous idea.
Then other humans told her how Alfie fights all other cats, if he can get hold of them. At last she is being helpful. She hisses and shouts at him every time he appears. 
And since she has started doing that, at least he doesn't come into the garden. She also protects me by closing the cat flap at night, when he is on the prowl. It's a kind of time share.
Luckily, he is not a large cat but I don't want to get into fights with any other cat. So I usually just slink back into the house and feel miserable. The microchip cat flap means the house is safe from him.
Last evening I saw him being chased across the wall by a larger cat. It was a great moment.


  • For help in managing your human read this book here.
 

Saturday, May 09, 2020

We are reclaiming the streets...

 Humans are beginning to learn their place in life - in the kitchen with a large pile of food envelopes. Then ready to provide a warm lap for a nap after our meal.
Meanwhile we are reclaiming the streets.  The horrible roaring machines that terrify us and are so destructive, with their revolting smells, are few in number. The irritating human pedestrians tottering along on two feet in ridiculous high heels are no longer interfering with our street patrols.
We have taken back the streets from them.
We can loll where we like. Investigate where we choose. Stroll along without worrying about traffic. Sit in contemplation without some human idiot wanting to interrupt our contemplation.
Learn from us, humans. 
Cats are everywhere... purrhaps this is the beginning of a happier, more serene, feline world.  

  • For advice on managing your human get this book here


Saturday, May 02, 2020

Imitate feline social distancing

We cats have been social distancing for years. It is what we do. We timeshare space when we live in the same house as other cats.
Humans often don't notice us doing that. But often even if we share the large bed, we will share at a distance. We only eat close too if our stupid humans force us to.
We keep our distance from stranger cats - and spend many hours just staring at each other, occasionally breaking off the eye contact, before moving away to an even safer distance.
We practice safe space all the time.
Urgent advice for humans,.... imitate your cat. 



  • Read this book during the crisis. Order here.

 

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org