The cat in the stable....

FREDERICO BAROCCI

 Yes, of course, there was a cat in the Bethlehem stable. How else would the stable been safe for a baby, at that amazing moment in history.  

So, it's not in the Bible account.? Does that mean it wasn't there? That though there were oxen and a donkey, those were the only animals.

Not so. There would have been the pigeons or doves, roosting during the night up in the rafters. And, of course, there would have been mice and probably some rats, picking up any spare grain left by the oxen.

LEONARDO DA VINCI

There would have been the insects too. Probably some beetles, ants, moths and butterflies in hibernation. There might even have been some hibernating wall lizards that winter. 

It was an ordinary stable with ordinary creatures great and small. And in the centre of them all, a new born baby.

REMBRANDT

Of course there were cats. The great painters knew that. 

Christmas trees.. this year's disaster.

 Yes, she's done it again. My living room now has a rather unpleasant pine tree in it.

I used to enjoy the tree when I was younger. I climbed it. I pulled off the baubles. Sometimes I succeeded in pulling it down altogether.

She tried hanging it from the ceiling one year. That was a real challenge. I managed one of the best leaps of my life and clung on to it, while it swung wildly.

But it all ended badly with a trip to the vet, when I got a pine needle stuck in my paw. 

So this year I intended to ignore the tree.

Alas for good intentions. This tree smelled of DOG. To be exact, it smelled of dog pee.

So I had to overmark it. I backed up and sprayed on it.

That didn't end well, either.

• Get your human to buy this. Sales pay for my catfood!
  
  
  
  

We cats dread Christmas....

 

My idiotic relative Percy likes Christmas

There may be some cats that enjoy Christmas, but I don't. And  almost all the cats I am acquainted with simply loathe it. Except for Percy on the left.

 The only good thing about Christmas is the turkey. There is usually a lot left over at the end of the day, so I might get some as a treat.

Otherwise it is a nightmare of humans - babies, toddlers (ugh!), harassed adults. Young children may even try to "dress" me.

Strangers invade the house. They ruin the family scent that I have carefully created by rubbing against my normal human and the furniture.

They smell wrong, wrong, wrong... Worse still, some of them smell of dog. And worst of all, sometimes they bring a dog into my home.

Some of the humans get drunk too. That makes them vocalise loudly and sometimes leads to a vocal fight among the relatives. It is a grim time.

What can a self-respecting cat do? Well I retire to the spare bedroom (if it is unoccupied) or loaf around on my human's bed. 

I suppose I should be grateful that I am not put into a cattery. Some of my feline friends languish in solitary confinement while their humans go for a holiday.

Christmas is coming.... and I dread it.

Cat video travels from outer space.

 

A cat video (my human is a cat video addict) have now been beamed to the earth from outer space... well, why not? What other video would be sent?

It's another first for cats. We get everywhere. Every single place on Earth has cats - even above the arctic circle or on uninhabited islands. So space is not that new for us. We are natural explorers.

The spacecraft Psyche, currently 19 million miles away from Earth, sent the video starring Tater the cat. Psyche was launched in October and is on her way to metallic asteroid, circling the sun between Mars and Jupiter. You can read the whole story here.

And you can see the cat video here. Or, if for some odd human reason, you are more interested in space travel than cats, you can read about the mission here.

Think about this, when your human is being particularly annoying, refusing to let you put your nose into the Christmas cake basin or not giving you a single bit of the raw turkey innards. 

The first ever video from outer space showed Tater the cat. So we can afford to feel smug this Christmas.

Seven ways to enjoy the Christmas tree

Here are some ideas of how to have fun with the Christmas tree.

• Climbing. We indoor cats don't have much chance to climb. Make the most of this opportunity. 
• Aim high. Get to the summit. It's fun when the tree topples over.
  
• Baubles. They are small and light and shiny. Such fun to poke.  If you are lucky one will fall off and you can bat it round the room.
• Twinkly lights on the tree. If you poke one of these, the others often start to move. Have fun. 
• Electric wires on the little lights. There's something intriguing about wires and string.  Grip with your teeth and pull.
  
• That pine odour stirs your instincts... will it make you want to mark the tree? Purrhaps....
  
• Some trees have been left on the pavement and have been marked by passing dogs. You MUST spray your own scent to get rid of theirs.

And when it all crashes to the ground, you have had a happy Christmas. Your devoted human will simply put everything back and you can start again.

• Still time to order this from Amazon. I like to help my human! Scroll down here and you can buy two different books by her in a package.

 

Christmas .... This is warning no 2.

The dangers of human Christmas have begun. My human is packing presents using ribbons. 

Bits of string are interesting.... if you poke them, they wiggle. And if they are not too large, you can chew them. Not a good idea. I spent Boxing Day last year at the emergency vet.

What had tempted me to swallow the ribbon was the fact that it was tied round the turkey to keep the legs close to the body. It tasted of bird.  So I didn't just poke it. I ate it. That was not a good idea.

Boxing Day was not a happy day. I loathe and detest all vets.

And the emergency fee, paid by my human was even more mouthwatering than the ribbon itself. I regretted that impulse to swallow the ribbon...

Then there are those other tempting items. Little fairy lights, tree decorations, and of course the tree itself.

If you climb up the tree you can bring it crashing down - quite fun if you enjoy teasing your human. But you can also get pine needles in uncomfortable places!

 

 

• I've written a book too. A far better book than the one written by my human (see post before this one). You can get my superior book here
  
  
  
  

A feline Christmas in the White House

Christmas isn't always a good time for cats. But this year, there is some good news. 

There's a cat in The White House. You can see her enjoying the decorations here on YouTube.

So, fellow felines, with that in mind, be careful this Christmas. Do NOT eat tinsel. It will get tangled up in your gut.

Do NOT eat Christmas pudding or cake. The dried fruit can poison you.

Do NOT drink alcohol. If you are drunk and crazy you may fall off the mantelpiece or injure yourself. 

Go EASY on the turkey. A taste is fine but the cooked bones may cause internal injuries.

If the house is busy with too many humans or worse visiting dogs, fine a safe place to chill out - a spare bedroom, top of a wardrobe or some other hidey hole.

It will soon be over.

Keep safe at Christmas

Humans go mad at Christmas. We cats know this only too well. They fill the house with strange relatives (bad), put up a pine tree in the living room (good and bad), cook and serve a lot of food (good), make weird singing noises called carols, and get drunk on alcohol, their equivalent of catnip.

What does this mean for us cats?

• Relatives... they take up space in the spare room where we usually sleep. Some of them bring horrible dogs with them. They bring strange smells with them. Some of them bring young human kittens that try to cuddle us. Uggh.
  
• Christmas tree. It's fun to play with the glittery things dangling from the Christmas tree. It's fun to climb up it. But sometimes the tree comes with the smell of dog pee. It's been sitting outside on the pavement and a passing dog has urinated on it. What can we do with the upsetting smell? Spray on it, of course. And the pine needles can get in our feet and be very painful.
  
• Food. Turkey is good - but beware the bones which can stick in your gut. The gravy may have onions in it - another danger to our digestion. Christmas pudding may also be poisonous but some of us eat it anyway. Cake with all those raisins in it is also bad for us.
• Carols - just like caterwauling.
• Alcohol. Don't be tempted. What makes a human silly can be a fatal overdose for a cat.
  

Toby and Christmas

Humans start to go mad at this time of you. And I mean mad.

They order and pay for paper representations. They then make little scratch marks on them: place them in paper envelopes and take them to a red postbox (in the UK) which swallows them up.

And through a slit in the door, similar paper items come through in large numbers. These are then exhibited on a rope across the kitchen or placed on the mantle piece. Who knows what this is all about? These paper items are not good to eat. Or even to play with.

However, quite often these paper cards include cat photos, as well as fat male humans dressed in red, babies with mothers in blue, or pictures of people with alcohol. Now the cat pictures can be quite fun.

I have put one of these here since my human is going to send a card memorialising my late friend, Toby the Crossed Eyed Stray. The cat that she wrote a whole book about. She hasn't got over his death.

If I had to choose between a fat human dressed in red and Toby, I would choose Toby. I think you will all agree on this.

Boxing Day - photos of the true feline festival

 

Stressed humans and tender paws

My paws hurt from trying to use this laptop.

My human has let her  computer get too old and it is dying on her. That is why this blog is so late. She is frantic so I decided to help her with the typing. I don't usually offer help. Altruism is not a cat thing. But I don't want to disappoint my fans.

The keyboard is great to sleep on. It's fun to walk on too. I like leaving messages on screen like this - ssrr  44444 'lkp[0\]12. These cryptic comments enhance her efforts though she never appreciates them.But it is hard on the paws.  So my message is simple. And very short.

Christmas is coming. This means your human will be particularly difficult to get on with. She is tired and worried. Christmas really makes humans stressed.

At least this year she won't be able to fill the house with screaming kids and ageing parents. The fewer people the better for us cats.

And there may be more turkey leftovers!

PS. Don't eat the wrapping paper or ribbons. It usually means a trip to the vet.

Beware the Yule cat.....

It's Christmas time, Yule time, the evenings darken early, snow may be on its way, so may the Yule cat...
It is time for humans to shudder with fear instead of taking cat affection for granted and thinking we are all just pussycats.
Not all cats are drowsing near a fire or upside down under a radiator. Out there in the cold of Iceland, a sinister creature is on the prowl.
According to legends, the Yule Cat is a gigantic huge black cat,  sort of feline troll, that only appears at Christmas time, and if there. are no new clothes among the Christmas gifts, the Yule cat may devour the little children in the house.... More detail here.

An Icelandic poem goes like this:

 If he faintly meowed outside
The misfortune was soon to happen.
Everyone knows, that he fed on men,
But mice he would not eat.’

‘Ef mjálmað var aumlega úti
var ólukkan samstundir vís
Allir vissu´, að hann veiddi menn en vildi ekki mýs.’

Time for some respect from humans....

Add a cat to the crib.....

It's time to bring cats into the Christmas story. Obviously we belong there but prejudiced humans have refused to acknowledge this.
The stable had at least one cat. Almost all stables and barns had a cat two thousand or so years ago. We kept down the mice that otherwise ate the grain stored them. 
So get your human to add a cat to your local crib. 
Mine did. In fact she added two - one near the manger and one with the wise men. They stayed there in the church throughout the Christmas holiday.  
Tell your human to make the Christmas story cat friendly!

•  More of my thoughts on Christmas in my book here.

Beware of Men in Red. Kill that beard.

Beware the festive season.
It's starting... men in red roaming around the streets.
Noisy fat bastards ringing bells. Run for your life if you hear "Ho Ho Ho" on the horizon.
Keep your dignity. Don't let them pick you up. Do not trust these Santas. They might put you in that sack they have over their shoulder.
Occasionally there are elves (so-called)  in attendance.They are usually women dressed up. Slim not fat. Even more likely to pick you up.
Sometimes the elves have long ears - rather as if they want to be cats. These come off when pulled. So if you are picked up, give these a smart tug with your claws.
As for Santa, pull off that fluffy thing he is wearing on his chin and kill it.


 
For more on Christmas buy my book here. 

Thank goodness the season of good will is over...

Dear George,
I’m so happy that the holidays are over and the visitors gone to their homes, no more loud music or noise from human non-sense talking! Oh boy! I love being back to old habits and routine! Yes, I know I sound “grumpy” but when your home is invaded by adults, teenagers, grandkids and small dogs for over a week …how could anybody be happy? 

I got tired of hiding from grandkids and barking dogs! I’ve got tired of missing meals because of the noise in the house! I did not feel safe in my own home! I really think “something’s gotta give”. I think my human now realizes that she was wrong inviting them over! But, she can’t turn the time back! And, I’m not ready to forgive her yet! How do I know she feels guilty? She’s being extra nice with me, she’s doing that stupid “baby talk”, she even pretended she “forgot” the treats pouch open on the table. Phew! 

But, no, I want more severe punishments for her so next year she’ll remember before she’ll extend any invitation! George, any ideas of harsh punishment?

Yours,

Mouse

Dear Mouse, 
Christmas is hell for most cats. As you say, your home is invaded by strange humans, some of them young enough to be really intolerable, and sometimes even by dogs. No wonder you hated it. I think most of us do. And the occasional bit of turkey meat isn't enough to compensate for the upset of our routines.
There are ways we can punish our humans, while Christmas is going on. I favour peeing on the Christmas tree, as a start. Then tearing down as many tree decorations as possible. Some cats even climb the tree in order to pull it down. If we are lucky, our humans then banish us from the living room, where most of the strangers are seated. Worth a try, anyway.
Strangers? Well, obviously, we do not let them pick us up. We discipline them with a sharp nip whenever possible. A nip may be required to stop any silly business with Santa hats (see the undignified photo of Percy here).

And the humans that insist on petting us and making silly baby talk, we just ignore or run away from behind the sofa. Purrsonally, I take up residence on the bed I share with my human and stay there most of Christmas. I'd use the spare room bed but that is occupied with human strangers. 
So can we stop it entirely? I don't think we can. Thank goodness Christmas only comes once a year. 
Yours 
George

Christmas cats, reindeers, red noses.... its all on the way.

Dear George,

I’ve read somewhere that “All the world's a stage; and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts”. I think it was Shakespeare who wrote this but I’m not sure!

Now, if life is a theatre …who is in the front row? And, I mean this literally! If I am to play a role, should I have positive, happy people in my front row or someone miserable?

Of course someone happy, enthusiastic and supportive. But, looking at people lately I see more and more miserable faces! And, with Christmas approaching I’ve decided to make as many as possible happy!

Therefore I’ve decided I’ll be Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer this year…as you can see in the picture attached! Yes, I know my red nose is in the wrong place but it’s still bright and shiny! Oh! George, I wish you could hear me meowing the song J Outstanding…at least!

I truly believe that the song or maybe Rudolph does spread holiday cheer and teaches valuable life lessons such as: have compassion for all! Show gratitude and generosity! Be happy! Have a good sense of humor and smile often! Please listen to the song and add some cheer to your holidays!

Wishing all cats & their humans a safe holiday season and a Merry Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho!
Didina 
aka Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Dear Didina
I hope your humans appreciate the way you have joined in their fun. Dressing up cats is one of those weird human activities that some of us dislike. Humans have attempted this and come away with well deserved bleeding fingers. 
There is an embarassing photo of me wearing a Santa hat. My human tricked me into it by putting it on me when I was asleep. I woke up immediately, the camera clicked, and I was trapped into this photo.  A second later, I shook it off with the contempt it deserved.
Meanwhile, I would like to remind all cats that there is always the chance to get your teeth into a WHOLE turkey at Christmas. Lurk quietly in the kitchen and you may get your chance!
Yours
George
 

A Christmas Miracle

Dear George,

I’m a two years old kitten who got lost or has been abandoned – I don’t know what happened for sure! No one posted any flyers around the area where I was found living on the streets. All I know is that about two months ago some good people saw me in a parking lot and started feeding me. They would come every single night and feed me. Then as the weather was getting colder they decided to trap me and find me a home! Their prayers and wishes were to find me a forever home by Christmas! Well, their prayers and wishes came true! In last two weeks I’ve been trapped, taken to a vet clinic to be checked-up, lived temporary in two fosters home and I’ll be in my forever home by Christmas.

I’ve also learned that my new human is the best “cat mum” I could wish for! She’ll love me and care for me! She has already announced her family and friends about me coming home for Christmas! I’m a bit scared but I know that once I’ll be just with her I’ll be able to rest and relax! I promise I will love her back! George, I do now believe in miracles!

And, as young as I am …I now truly understand Christmas and the spirit of giving!

It’s not at all about giving gifts…it’s all about giving shelter, giving food, giving hope and above all…..giving love! That’s the spirit of Christmas!

I wish to all the kittens and their humans a Merry Christmas and I pray for all the cats in need to find their forever homes and loving humans!

Love to all

Kitty

Dear Kitty,
You have said it all.
But I would just add some quick advice to cats. Stay away from mistletoe and holly. They are poisonous. So are lilies and pointsetta (photo on the right).
Happy Christmas,
George.

Can binkying Easter bunnies train humans? No but they taste good.

Dear George,

With Easter fast approaching I have a very simple question: why do bunnies get all the attention at Easter time? Why are they called “The Easter Bunnies”?

They are not Easter gifts and, definitely they shouldn’t be! They require a lot more attention than us - they are needy …we are independent!
I know from my experience that humans can be very silly and dress us up for Christmas but never for Easter.
Why is that? Do they purr when happy? Do they train their humans helping them evolved to a higher level? I don’t think so – I’ve never seen a bunny training a human! And yet, I’ve just heard mine saying: Oh! I LOVE a “Binky Bunny”

WHAT on Earth is a binky bunny? I sure hope I won’t get company for Easter! 

George, why the fuss about bunnies?
Happy Easter to all cats and their humble servants
Foxy 

Dear Foxy,
This Easter thing confuses me too. I love bunnies....to hunt and eat. Yet there is this whole human thing whereby they do rabbit models in chocolate and eat those instead. And they pretend that rabbits lay Easter eggs (also chocolate). Really, these humans are odd.
Do rabbits train humans?  I don't think they can: too busy eating hay, swallowing their caecotrophs from their bottoms, and trying to get out of those horrible little hutches they live in. Rabbits are fast food not just for cats but foxes, coyotes, stoats and even weasels. If they didn't taste so good, I would be sorry for them.
My human has a completely different attitude. She hangs out on the local common trying to photograph or video them here. Binkying happens when a rabbit literally jumps for joy. She didn't manage to catch that and the camera jumps when she is stung by yet another horsefly. If I'd been there I wouldn't have been videoing. I would have been stalking them.
Happy Easter. Don't be tempted by chocolate. It's poisonous for cat.
Yours
George.  
PS. Some humans do dress up. Here is one. Stupid human. I wouldn't let anybody dress me up as a rabbit. Too humiliating. 

Dressing up cats - a vile undignified human desire.

Dear George,
I wish to protest in the strongest possible terms about human behaviour in the so called festive season - dressing up cats. My personal experience (see the photo on the left) has been shatteringly humiliating.
This degrading use of human clothing covering our beautiful fur is on the increase, encouraged by YouTube and other internet organisations such as Facebook. This particular photo was widely circulated by my human - to my shame. 
Purrlease, George, help stamp out this unpleasant human activity. The perpetrator of this undignified image is my human pet.
How can I make her stop doing this at Christmas?
Bob.

Dear Bob, 
The only way to stop this happening is to bite and claw while the garments are being put on. You seem to have given way too easily to your human. A cat your size - you are a Maine coon - could surely have inflicted several wounds while that horrible little jacket was being forced upon you. And a mere shake of the head would have got rid of the cap - I cannot see an elastic on it.
Put your paw down for once and for all. Bite and bite hard if this is being done to you. Scratch and scratch often.  Just wriggling free is not enough. You need to punish them. 
It's the only thing that humans understand.
Yours
George.
PS. There is a photo of me wearing a Santa hat. Celia waited till I was sleeping and put it on me, taking the photo before I was fully awake. I have not forgiven her.

George's Christmas message for 2016

Dear Readers,
Now is the time for empty boxes, wrapping paper, tinsel, trees to climb, baubles to play with, bits of turkey, with catnip overdose and general silliness from our humans....
It's warm inside, even if there are strange humans, crying human kittens, and toddlers trying to pull our tail in the house. My Christmas plan is to sit unobserved in the kitchen so that the humans to forget I am there. With luck, they may leave the turkey unattended either before or after cooking. Even without that good fortune, there will be crumbs, pieces of turkey skin, spilled cream and heaven knows what else on the kitchen floor.
I shall stay quiet while they eat and (if they go for a walk or sit and gawp at the TV) I will be free to explore the possibilities of the kitchen - empty plates with plenty of gravy on them, cream sauce left over from the pudding, turkey carcases, stray sausages and fragments of bacon..... 
Then upstairs to the bedroom for a long, long sleep. Purrrrrrrrrr. My idea of a good day.
Yours George.

PS. Forgot the important bit. Spare a thought for homeless and unwanted cats this time of year outside in the cold. Tell your humans to give them a home or put out food for them. Sunshine Cat Rescue could do with a Christmas pound. The donation button is on the right hand side under the News section. Tommy, right, who needs a home, says even a tiny amount will help.
He tells me that in the feline world it is well known that the Bethlehem stable there was a cat. Somehow it was left out of the narrative.