It hurts, you stupid human!

 

Ouch.. why do humans do that? The vet was pulling my leg around so I doubled back and bit him.

Then my human apologized as if I had done something wrong. He had hurt me. He should have apologized to me.

What did he expect, handling me like that. His explanation (not to me but to her) was that he was palpating me! Palpating! Not so much palpating as punishing me with pain.

You just can't get through to them. As if it wasn't enough that I am getting stiff with arthritis in my old age! Of course that makes me grumpy. Oldies in pain always are. Not just cats but humans too.

It's that flooring in the kitchen that is to blame. I have to go there to eat and use the litter tray, but it's hard and slippery tiles. What I need is non-slip flooring or carpet.

The litter tray is getting difficult too. She should get me one with an easy entrance. It hurts when I have to lift my legs to get into it. 

One day I won't bother. I will just pee on the floor. And she will blame me, rather than the high sides of the litter tray.

I could do with a ramp on to the sofa, and on to the bed. Yet it has never occurred to her. Why doesn't the vet suggest this instead of pain-palpitating me! A fat lot of good that is.

I heard him say "weight loss." Food is almost the only pleasure I have left. Why didn't he say "Flooring."

Humans - dumb animals without any empathy for elderly cats! I 

Do your joints ache?

 It's tough getting old, whether you are a cat or a human. But we cats have an extra problem. We hide our pain.

So for the help of your human, instead of a cat photo here is a quiz photo. Humans are so dumb that they have to have simple instructions on how to recognise our pain.

It should be obvious, really - if we hesitate when jumping up on to the bed, or have to bunny hop using both back legs when going up or down stairs. 

If we are slower to play or spend more time in our bed - it's not "just old age" it can easily be arthritic pain. AND we need painkillers just like elderly humans do.

So show this to your human.... remember they are dumb animals that need instruction.

It it itches I grooms it.

Gracie groomed because she had fleas

If I itch, I scratch. Or I groom my hair fiercely. But I also scratch or groom when I am in pain. And sometimes I will groom myself compulsively when I feel anxious or stressed.

Why do I start having bare patches?

Well fleas are the obvious answer. And if it's not fleas, it might be other parasites. If my hair is falling out, rather than being groomed out, then it might be ringworm or the demodex mite.

People think I don't have fleas when I do - because I have groomed them away. Every single one of them. I have groomed even when they are gone, because the bite they leave  behind still itches. 

Miss Foo - a painful area

Humans don't find any fleas, so they think there are none. If they bothered to groom me over a piece of white paper, and then poured a little bit of water on to the dirt there they would see it goes sort of brown - flea poo has blood in it.

Zennor had a food allergy

 

I groom when it is painful because that is all I can do. I lick and hope I can lick it better. So I groom arthritic areas which are painful. I groom my tummy if I have cysititis. 

I also groom if I have food allergies. Most owners don't know this but I need a proper veterinary allergy diet.

And finally, I groom - over and over again - if I am really anxious. 

You'll need a good vet to rule out all these problems and diagnose the correct one. 

So take me to a dermatology vet please. 

•  Take a look at www.catexpert.co.uk for more about overgrooming.
  

Recognise my pain

 

Signs of pain - narrowed eyes, tight face, stary ungroomed coat, ears lowered, tense body posture rather than relaxed posture. Difficult to see because of long hair. Attention inwards not outwards. Fewer movements of any kind. His head is lowish.

I'm a cat so I hide my pain. That's what we are programmed to do, to prevent larger predators seeing us as easy prey. We don't wimper or howl. We don't complain.

The only exception is when we might shriek in the middle of an violent attack or accident. 

We suffer silently, uncomplaining and stoic, during illness or pain. So our humans don't recognise that we are suffering until it is really, really bad.

Probably the most obvious sign is lack of appetite. The litter tray may reveal bowel or urine differences. Our humans should take photos for the vet.

Your human can and should do something NOW. Get the free app - https://www.felinegrimacescale.com/phone-app  

It will help them recognise our suffering. 

Pain makes us grumpy

 

My ears hurt. Don't touch me or I will nip

When I have a pain in my ears, my tummy or my joints, I get grumpy. I might even nip my human. I can't help it. What else can I do to stop her petting me in a painful place?

Humans just don't understand this. They think we are being vicious. They should remember that they get grumpy too when they are in pain.

This is Mr Nipper Spangles. He has ear mites or something similar. So he is worried about being petted anywhere near them. 

He nips if he sees a hand coming close to his ears. It's the only way he can avoid the risk of being hurt. It hurts if his ears are touched.

Purrlease. Check us out for pain if we get grumpy with our humans.

Why don't I show when I am in pain?

Elderly Sam

Humans are not good at recognizing when I am in physical pain, let alone emotional pain. I do not whimper or whine like a dog. I might shriek from sudden fear, but most of the time I endure pain silently and stoically. 

If I have arthritis and moving is painful, I just spend more time in my bed. I usually don't limp or show that I am stiff. I may also bite you when you pick me up, if it hurts. 

Why do I behave like this?

I am a small animal with big enemies like dogs, coyotes and wolves. These predators are always on the lookout for an easy meal, so they will single out any cat that looks as if it is sick and will not be able to run away or fight back. Therefore evolution has programmed me not to show pain.

I get scruffy because I can't turn round to groom myself properly. I may lose weight because my teeth are bad. But my carers often say "It's just old age."

Please don't do this. I need painkillers from a vet.

Pay attention, humans - we hurt.

We elderly cats do sleep more than younger ones but it's just old age, as some ignorant humans think. We may be in pain.
One estimate is that a third of all us cats suffer from arthritis. 

We don’t show pain like dogs do. We don't complain. We don't whine or wimper. Most of us don't even limp. We don't show that we are hurt, like humans do. We just suffer in silence and do more sleeping. If humans were more observant they would notice that we hesitate before jumping up, and we may have difficulties on the stairs. Some of us need to use a chair to get to our favourite high places. We don't play games like we used to.

Humans get painkillers from a doctor, but only 7% of arthritic cats get any treatment at all. Yet there are special diets and painkillers that would give us a proper quality of life.

Are you listening, humans?

Take Your Cat to the Vet Day? No.

 

Last Sunday was Take Your Cat to the Vet Day.... what on earth do humans think they are doing.

Take your cat to the vet day? I think not. For one thing it's a Sunday and the human will be charged much more money than normal.

For another, - how can I put it? - CATS HATE VETS. 

Vets smell bad. They smell of dog and disinfectant and pain and animal fear. They stab you with needles. They force your mouth open. They stick things into your ears. They even stick things up your butt.

No wonder some co-resident cats attack their feline companions when they return from the vet surgery, smelling of vets.

I admit that I purr on the veterinary table. Most cats don''t but I do.

Just because I purr when I am at the vet's surgery being handled by one of these human monsters. It doesn't mean I am happy. Nor does it mean that I love the vet.

I purr to comfort myself. And maybe I purr in the forlorn hope that the vet will listen to me and stop hurting me.

Humans, do not deceive yourselves.  CATS HATE VETS.

Vets... the power of the purr?

My pal, Toby, is going through hell. Two awful days in a strange pen with horrible veterinary humans prodding and poking and sticking needles into him. He's even had a catheter into his paw.

Bravely, he tried a new reaction. Instead of biting them (which his resident fellow cat Tilly does at every opportunity) he purred. He purred as they shaved his leg. He purred as they put the catheter in. He purred as they shaved his tummy for a ultrasound. He purred and purred.

It didn't stop the horrible procedures but every single vet and nurse that dealt with him said "He is such a sweet natured cat." So it sort of worked. Purrhaps...

Purrsonally, I am too proud to purr at vets, but I am wondering whether to follow his example.... 
 

Ouch. It hurts when my human picks me up

Are you finding that you don't want to jump up on the bed any more? Or feeling that the litter tray is difficult to climb into? Or even beginning to think that going out through the cat flap is just too uncomfortable for you to bother? And when your human picks you up, it hurts, so you nip her.

It's probably arthritis. It begins to hurt when you do anything much, so you spend more time sleeping. Maybe you no longer want to have to tackle the stairs, so instead of walking downstairs to use the litter tray you do it behind the chest of drawers. As any sensible elderly cat would.

Your human doesn't understand. She gets angry. This is the moment to make sure she reads up on the problem here.  It is Arthritis Week for cats. 

Last century even vets didn't know that cats got arthritis. We conceal our pain - unlike those despicable whining dogs. We rarely limp and we never whine. We suffer in silence.

Yet there is so much our owners could do. They could make sure that there was a litter tray upstairs as well as downstairs. And they could cut down the front of the litter tray so it is easier to climb in.

There are little ramps that they could buy to help us get on and off the sofa or the bed. A heated bed would be cosy too. They could make sure we had regular painkillers.

Humans complain about aches and pains as they age.  Why don't they think of feline aches and pains?

 

I've rocked up in……Barbados!

Dear George,
I have recently moved from Europe to Barbados! Why? I really don’t know but my human got tired living in a big, busy city so she decided to buy a house in Barbados and retire! It’s a totally new life for both of us and we both enjoy it very much!
We live in a posh neighbourhood, in a big, beautiful house with lots of trees and huge plants and very close to the Caribbean Sea!  My human spends a lot of time at the beach – I really don’t understand what she’s doing there but I watch her from the window and it’s fun! However, my new life on this wonderful island didn’t start on a nice note! Very soon after our arrival I was inspecting my territory when I’ve got a visitor – there was a monkey sitting on my fence! It looked small and cute and as I approached her to say “hello” she attached me! I ended up with fifty (50) stitches!  Damn it! 
Why couldn’t someone tell us that monkeys are not as friendly as we might have believed? Shouldn’t be there flyers guiding tourists and new comers? I’m fine now but I could have been dead! Phew! George, any idea where I can search for means/tools to protect myself and maybe my human? Do you think our humans pets are at risk? I don’t want to move back but I want to be safe on this little Paradise. So, what should I do?
Yours
Katho

Dear Katho, 

Treat them as you would treat an unknown and feral human. After all, humans are just unpredictable huge primates. But they are so clumsy and incompetent we can easily avoid them. 

Monkeys are like agile humans, only much more agile and more competent in every way. They can climb and jump and run as well as us.

Stay well away.

Yours 

George. 

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Vaccines - do they hurt? Why bother?

Dear George, 
I have a question for you if you’ll be so kind to answer.
I’m just a kitten (about 3 months old) and I don’t know or understand much!  I was rescued with my mother from a park. I mean she gave birth to her litter in this park. I know there was another kitty but the lady who rescued us could not find it. I pray for my sibling – hope he/she is OK! My question is about vaccines. Last night I heard my rescuer talking to a veterinarian about me and my mother and saying that we need a blood work done, vaccination and my mom needs to be spayed as well. All this sounds very strange to me and now I’m scared. Actually how many vaccines do I need? And how often? Are they painful? Are they all necessary? Can you give us some guidelines?

Scared but thankful

Pumpkin

Dear Pumpkin, 
Much as I loathe vets, they do have their uses and vaccinations are essential. All cats that are allowed to go outside need them and even indoor-only cats will need them if they are ever put into catteries. Vaccinations will also protect them, if by chance they escape outside.
How many and how often varies from country to country. Here in the UK I am vaccinated yearly with a combination vaccine (just one jab) against feline enteritis and cat 'flu. This means I can go into a cattery if there is an emergency at home. When I was younger, because I am a cat who goes outside, I had three years of vaccinations against feline leukaemia. If I had lived indoors I wouldn't have needed that.
If I lived abroad, a rabies vaccination might well be important or even a legal requirement. Lifestyle matters a lot. If I lived in a multicat household or a breeding colony then vaccinations against chlamydia and bordatella (called kennel cough in dogs) might also be worth having. Vaccinations for FIV and FIP are available outside Europe but these haven't passed EU regulations.
Yours
George 
PS. It's complicated. Here's what UK cat vets think. You need a good vet though I hate to admit that.

Do I look fat in my fur? Do I need to diet?

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Dear George,

I don’t want to see anybody (as you can tell by the photo attached) - I’m mad!

I’m angry because my mummy dared to “body shame” me last night calling me “fat”.

Well, I don’t think I’m fat - I’m a big boy! I’m a large, well-built cat as my daddy said. 

I mean what’s the point for her to make me homemade food based on Dr. Pitcairn’s recipes and measure everything to be nutritionally balanced, mostly raw and mixed with some organic cooked vegies (1 tsp per meal) and then call me fat? I eat 3x a day small portions and that’s it! I don’t eat junk and I can’t open that fridge on my own!

But, there she goes calling me fat! Even more she said “obesity” it’s a pandemic in North America in both humans and pets! I didn’t understand exactly what she meant by this but, by the tone of her voice, it must be something really bad! Am I in any danger?
What is a pandemic? I didn’t want to ask her because I’m not talking to her now! George, is it really bad? What is the difference between being fat, overweight or obese? It must be a difference! How can one tell? Please look at my photo again and tell me I’m OK!

Yours ….in stones (won’t tell how many)

Chico

Dear Chico,

You may be a bit overweight but you are not obese (30% above the proper weight, which your owner can check with the vet). Here is a photo of really fat cat, Boomer. He was obese and he was suffering because of it. You couldn't see or even feel his ribs and he was so fat that he couldn't reach his backside to groom it, so he had mats there. He lived with a slightly demented elderly owner, who couldn't remember if Boomer had been fed. And because Boomer was bored - he was a young indoor-only cat - he kept asking for food.  And getting it every time.

We cats need exercise. I am lucky. I can leave the house through a cat flap and go hunting. When I am not doing that, I am patrolling my territory making sure I know where everything is and if there have been any changes in the garden or down my cart track. I do a lot of walking around. So I don't get fat. And I don't get too many treats either. Just three meals a day and nothing in between - apart from what I steal off the kitchen surfaces.
So get your owner to buy a fishing rod toy and play games with you using that. She can do it while watching TV. Play is good for her and play is good for you. Being obese can give us cats diabetes and arthritic pain. Just like humans.
Yours
Slimline George
PS. They eat delicious and varied meals but they expect us to eat the same bought cat food over and over again. It's not fair. At least your human cooks properly. Mine doesn't.

Ouch... toothache... pain....dental hygeine

Dear George, 

I’m a 5 year old cat who has lived on the streets and in shelters until I was adopted by my current human parents! I’ve always been grumpy or somehow upset and mad at everything and everyone. My human parents were very patient with me all this time trying to do everything in their power to please me and make me happy!

At some point they decided to take me to a doctor to check my health trying to find the cause of my moodiness! Oh boy; they did not expect what they discovered! I had all my teeth infected and I was in constant pain. So, I had to go through a surgery and had all teeth extracted. Now I’m toothless but happy! My mood improved as you can see in the picture attached. George can you share some wisdom when it comes to dental hygiene? Maybe other cats will benefit as well? 

Yours….totally toothless

Nora

Dear Nora,
Life on the streets is tough for cats and poor nutrition often means that our teeth are not as good as they can be. My friend Toby has lost 7 of his teeth at the age of only four. Hardly surprising as he was forced to scavenge bird food to survive.
I always bite my human when she tries to brush my teeth. When she has tried sticking the feline toothbrush into my mouth with special feline toothpaste, I just won't bear it. She watched this video but I still bit her. It's the only thing some humans understand!
So now she feeds me several pieces of large kibble, specially designed for dental health in the hope that these will reduce the plaque build-up. Also she ensures the vet looks at my mouth when I get my annual vaccinations - which is how I had to have tooth extracted only two weeks ago. Get your human to read up here.
Toothless cats can eat dry food as well as soft, so losing all your teeth is probably the best thing for you, Nora.
Yours
George (29 instead of 30 teeth). 
PS. The hole in my tooth (feline reabsorption lesion) was so painful I went off my food. That never happened before. And, like you, I was very grumpy.

I’m watching you….and everybody else!

Dear George,

I must say…THIS IS the advantage of our “color”- sometimes …we can go undercover or….notoriously unnoticed.

We can act as the “eyes and ears” of a spy agency or a hidden camera for different purposes! (see the photo attached) But the reason I’m writing to you today is actually to get your secretary’s advice concerning a health issue of one of my friends.

I know she’s busy with her exams but one of my friends has an eye problem – his eyes gets “tears stain” without any eye infection or anything. The tears are not clear either; the tears/stains are reddish/brown and are bothering him only once in a while.

His vet put him first on an antibiotic unguent that did nothing and then on Lysine.

Is he safe to be on Lysine for the rest of his life? Any idea? Even while on Lysine the tears stains come back once in a while. Any other cat that had this problem? Any explanation why is this happening?

Grateful (on behalf of my friend)

Bentley

Dear Bentley,
Humans occasionally, very occasionally, are useful.  Celia, whose studies I find extremely irritating, nevertheless was able to research several papers about Lysine. Apparently about 90% of animal hospitals in the USA, UK and Australia give Lysine to cats that have the Feline Herpes Virus 1 (FHV1). FHV1 causes "goopy eye" in cats, stays in the body life long and like cold sores in humans is likely to surface during times of stress.
The theory of giving Lysine, a food supplement, was that it reduced arginine levels, an amino acid, which in turn reduced the herpes virus's ability to reproduce. Thus cats treated with Lysine shed less virus and would recover faster. It's a great idea. And because an attack of FHV (like cold sores) usually goes away eventually anyway, vets thought it was the Lysine that was working.
But it doesn't work. In practice it makes no difference at all. The latest scientific paper on this drug says it is ineffective and should not be used (details in a PS). This isn't just because it doesn't work, it is because cats need arginine, an essential amino acid. So lowering the level of arginine may be bad for the cat's health. I suggest Bentley gets his human to find the full paper on Google Scholar, downloads it, and shows it to his vet.
It looks as if it would be better for Bentley's humans to concentrate on giving him a stress free life (look here).  He needs good nutrition, lots of interesting things to do (look here) if he is an indoor-only cat, a settled routine, and sensitivity to how much affection he wants from humans. 
Yours
George.
PS.  
Lysine supplementation is not effective for the prevention or treatment of feline herpesvirus 1 infection in cats: a systematic review 

Bol and Bunnik BMC Veterinary Research (2015) 11:284

 

Abstract
Background: Feline herpesvirus 1 is a highly contagious virus that affects many cats. Virus infection presents with flu-like signs and irritation of ocular and nasal regions. While cats can recover from active infections without medical treatment, examination by a veterinarian is recommended. Lysine supplementation appears to be a popular intervention (recommended by > 90 % of veterinarians in cat hospitals). We investigated the scientific merit of lysine supplementation by systematically reviewing all relevant literature.
Methods: NCBI’s PubMed database was used to search for published work on lysine and feline herpesvirus 1, as well as lysine and human herpesvirus 1. Seven studies on lysine and feline herpesvirus 1 (two in vitro studies and
5 studies with cats), and 10 publications on lysine and human herpesvirus 1 (three in vitro studies and 7 clinical trials) were included for qualitative analysis.
Results: There is evidence at multiple levels that lysine supplementation is not effective for the prevention or treatment of feline herpesvirus 1 infection in cats. Lysine does not have any antiviral properties, but is believed
to act by lowering arginine levels. However, lysine does not antagonize arginine in cats, and evidence that low intracellular arginine concentrations would inhibit viral replication is lacking. Furthermore, lowering arginine levels is highly undesirable since cats cannot synthesize this amino acid themselves. Arginine deficiency will result in hyperammonemia, which may be fatal. In vitro studies with feline herpesvirus 1 showed that lysine has no effect on the replication kinetics of the virus. Finally, and most importantly, several clinical studies with cats have shown that lysine is not effective for the prevention or the treatment of feline herpesvirus 1 infection, and some even reported increased infection frequency and disease severity in cats receiving lysine supplementation.
Conclusion: We recommend an immediate stop of lysine supplementation because of the complete lack of any scientific evidence for its efficacy.

 

Help us! We are being poisoned by cruel people.

My release after being spayed.

Dear George ,
We need your help and the help of every single one of your readers. My friends and I have a huge problem. I can see no way out. I have been bereaved  and there are too many humans out to get me. I am far away from your cosy life in the Cotswolds of England. I am in Spain's Costa Blanca but you can see us on our Facebook page here.

I live in an area beside the sea, called El Mojon. I live under apartment blocks and in gardens, but mainly hang around a derelict building which humans call " The Hermitage. " It is unsafe, but the humans let their children play around there.

They sometimes throw stones at us, and shoot at us with toy guns. Our area is filthy with litter but it is all we have.

I've heard the humans arguing among themselves - often and loudly. The local humans were shouting and waving their arms at the humans who bring our food and water. The locals swept away our food and crushed our water dishes under foot. They called us dirty, they said that we were sick and had fleas. They even said that we were the cause of rat and cockroach infestations.

Worse was to come.  My sister Phi and I were curled up together - half- asleep. Gamma, our mum was out hunting. It was quiet - except for a few fireworks - but we're used to those. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shadow - darting back and forth in the grounds around our building. The shadow was throwing something . I caught a whiff of it. Quite nice. But, I thought, this was strange. Our usual people talk to us in kind voices, and put our food into clean dishes. This Shadow was throwing the pleasant- smelling food everywhere....... then left.
I knew something wasn't right. Phi got up to investigate. I called her back - but the lure of food was too strong for her. She ate the food, as did several of our friends. I watched them die. My beautiful ginger and white sister - the prettiest blue-eyed girl - staggering around until she fell to the ground; her lithe, young body concluding and writhing in agony - struggling to breathe. I heard the grasping, choking, sounds.  I don't know how long it took for her to die. Time stood still for me. There used to be a lot of us in this area - around 70 - now there are only around 15. Am I lucky? I don't feel lucky. I feel afraid. Afraid that there will be other Shadows, and that I shall not recognize them for what they are.
If you cannot help me , George, please spread the word and try to educate the so- called human race that animals are indeed all equal.
Your bereft friend ,
Chi

Dear Chi (and all my readers),
There is a petition here, which I am hoping all my readers wherever they are in the world will sign, then share on Facebook and Twitter. This is the tragic photo which accompanies it.
These were healthy cats (as you can see from the photo) licensed to be where they were and ear tipped to show that they were neutered and would not expand the population of feral cats. 
I want to send a message that people worldwide think this is unacceptable. That it gives Spain and the town involved a bad image.
We know that there are loving good people in Spain who will find this hateful too. So please would they sign the petition too.
Yours sincerely
George.

Finding a chiropractor for cats

Dear George,

You didn’t hear from me lately as I was busy seeing a chiropractic doctor twice a week. I would like to share my experience with you all. I’d like to educate other cats and their human pets as too many times humans are not aware that there are other alternatives to allopathic (medical) care and they give up on us way too easy! My mommy read some of Dr. Schoen’s articles and somewhere he mentioned that a “good chiropractor can do miracles” and a “bad chiropractor can do much damage.” The problem is how do you recognize a good chiropractor? I’d tell you how – by the results he/she gets! One way is to ask around, wait by his/her door and ask the patients. Another way is by referrals from people you know and trust. But, I’m sure that anybody interested will find a way.

Last time you heard from me I was doing some intense chiropractic treatments at the holistic vet but, neither I or my mommy were too excited about the VOM geek – it was painful, too much pressure on my spine! Mom gave me a break and start asking around. She came across Dr. Leo Rosenberg, a chiropractor doctor for both us and our human pets! How wonderful! His nickname is “Dr. Miracle” and indeed he did some amazing things healing lots of cats, dogs, horses and of course humans. He is in practice for over 50 years. But, let me tell you about Dr. Leo. When I first got to his office I thought we got the wrong address and actually this was an “emergency vet clinic”; as one dog was going in and one dog was coming out! I learned that people travel from a long distance with their pets to get treated by him. I was a bit scared but he was such a sweetheart: very gentle, soft spoken, pocking fun and giving me the best massage I ever had on my back! He was very gentle in giving the adjustments, no cracking bones! It is a gentle, cumulative process! Actually I was so relaxed on his lap that I started purring. I felt much better right away and I could see progress in my getting back to normal; no more pain after treatments, actually being pain free and more active! Honestly….after his treatments l felt like I was coming from a spa not a doctor! I even got a” pink bathrobe” at home for the occasion (as you can see in the photo).

The funny thing is that Dr. Leo has two sons: Paul who sacrificed himself for humanity – he treats only our human pets (as they are more twisted then us) and Mark – who is a much younger but identical copy of Dr. Leo (even the voice) – who treats both animals and their human pets. Just like his daddy! But George, I don’t want to take to much space with my letter. Anybody interested can visit Dr. Leo’s website at: www.petsinmotion.ca

There are some videos posted there. And anybody interested in my particular condition and treatment can ask me privately. I’m sure you have good chiropractic doctors in UK as well. Amanda is one of them (you posted her contact info in an older post).

George, I sincerely hope that humans will consider all medical alternatives when it comes to their health and ours.

Love to all

Cayenne

Dear Cayenne,

Thank you for your experience which I am sure will be useful for other cats. Here in the UK chiropractic help cannot legally be given to animals without a vet's referral. Which is sensible because you need a chiropractor who understands animals and has experience in the field. The same applies to physiotherapists and osteopaths, some of whom also treat animals.

Celia says she isn't too keen on alternative health remedies but I notice she visits physios and osteopaths when her back hurts and takes a few supplements each day... sort of hypocritical, I think. But that is humans for you. She says she thinks alternatives should only be used as well as, not instead of, proper medical treatment. Grudgingly, I will admit that this makes sense.

Yours musingly,

George

Pain - how do you tell if your human is in pain?

Dear George,
I am looking after an elderly human who has some health problems. I am finding it difficult to know when she is in pain. Obviously when we cats are in pain, we hiss, scratch or bite if somebody tries to pick us up. She doesn't do any of this when I crawl up the bed and sleep close to her. However she does make odd noises - sort of intakes of breath, wimpers and yowling noises. Is this pain?
Yours worried
Annie

Dear Annie,
Humans show pain in a different way to us. Apart from scratching or biting when being picked up, we stay silent. We don't make crying noises when in pain. That's because Nature has designed us to stay quiet in case a predator hears us and kills us. Look at it this way, a cat who cried loudly after a car accident would pretty soon be eaten by a fox here in the UK.
We are much much more stoic than humans, who really are pretty wimpish - another sign of their innate inferiority. We usually just go very very still - stay in our beds quietly resting, may not eat, and possibly have to pee outside the litter tray if it is too far away or too difficult to get into.
Humans are noisy and show their pain in their faces. You will see her face sort of twist up. She may have an intake of breath, as you have noticed. Some humans even shout, swear, yelp or cry. Poor creatures. Just not brave enough in the face of adversity.
There's not much you can do for her anyway, Annie. Go carefully on the bed, so that she isn't tempted to push you off. Purr loudly. That really helps a human who is lying unable to sleep. Purring acts as a kind of therapy for them. We have a responsibility to our pets so try to be helpful, even if you despise her lack of courage.
Love George

Why do these apes think we don't feel pain?

Dear George,
I am a very senior lady cat of 19 years young and despite living all these years there is one particular thing (amongst many) about apes that utterly confounds me. Why do so very many apes (including rather too many vets) come out with nonsense statements such as "they don't feel pain like we do" ? All I know is that pain hurts and makes me miserable.
How else can a mammal feel pain? Do apes have sole rights to both the feeling of pain and its alleviation? Where does this crazy ape belief come from? After all, felines and simians are still mammalian and have similar nervous systems.
We cats do show our pain and discomfort albeit with more dignity and less fuss than apes, who can't resist screaming, jabbering and yelling about anything and everything in their strange primate world. I tell my apes when I hurt, I have trained them to be observant, but I really would like to know why so many apes believe that only apes feel pain in a way that deserves attention?
George, where did this insane belief come from?

Kind regards, Angel of Everycat (http://everycat.blogspot.com)

Dear Angel,
Humans are dumb animals - dumb meaning foolish. They are also the most arrogance species in the world. They think they are special and different, forgetting that they are just mammals like us. So because they think this way, they believe we don't feel pain. All living creatures feel pain. As you say, it is just that we deal with pain in a dignified and silent manner, unlike them.
This is particularly important for older cats who may have painful conditions like arthritis. Cats with arthritis may not even limp. The only sign maybe a reluctance to jump on or off the bed. Or just relative immobility in the cat bed. We are so brave and stoic that we suffer without symptoms but a vet has just published a paper suggesting that older cats sometimes need painkillers even though they are not limping. So, hey you human pets reading this, start doing a bit of simple observation and empathy.
You may be interested in the attached illustration of the tree of life. Traditionally, humans show this with humans at the top, on the grounds, they think, that they are top animal. A friend of mine, evolutionary scientist Charles Purrwin, has reorganised this so show the top species. What is it - cats, of course. Purrwin says I can publish this here. You can see the gorilla on the left and a little below, in his proper place well below cats, a sort of stick man - Homo non sapiens.
Yours ever,
George
PS. Lovely green eyes and a very good joke on your subsequent comment, Angel.