Of mice, moonlight and Colin Firth

Dear George,

I’m thinking of becoming a magician! Do you know of any cats that turned magicians?

Last night I’ve watched with my mommy “Magic in the moonlight”. I loved the movie!

I love Colin Firth (hope you like him too)

Anyway, in the movie, right in the beginning, he makes a whole elephant to disappear!

Wow! Just like this - magic! I’ve got hooked on the movie and the tricks performed by world magicians! So, I was thinking to perform a magician’s trick for my mummy’s birthday entitled “Mouse on a run in the moonlight” I have the “moon” as you can see in the photo attached and I know the trick to get the mouse in! 

But, how do I make it stay inside that light globe and run like a guinea pig on a treadmill? That’s where I need your help! What do you think? Can we make it work?

With much appreciation

Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,

First catch your mouse! Then kill it. I don't think it will stay in that beautiful moon, whatever you do, if it is still alive. It will drop or leap out. And then you have a living mouse on the floor running around the house - something which scares human beings. 

They are a fearful species when it comes to rodents. They don't catch them. They don't eat them. And when we try to help out by bringing one in the house, they often stand on chairs shrieking. Now this is fun for us, but apparently not for them.
So, anything involving a mouse, will not work for a human.
Yours
George.
PS. My nephew, George 11 (see right photo),  is trying very hard to learn how to type with his paws. Readers will learn why next week. And also why the photo at the top has changed. 

Cats, sunburn and worse

Dear George,
I have a question for you and, hopefully you’ll have an answer for me!
Do cats get sunburns? The reason I’m asking is because I live on a Greek island and some days the heat is just too much! It is true I’m fortunate enough to live in a beautiful place by the sea but there is not much shade where I could hide from the blasting heat!
You see, I’m black just like you and the plant you see in the photo attached doesn’t provide me with proper shade!
My humans call me to come inside when they leave for work but, some days I just don’t feel like being locked inside the house. They leave me a bowl of water but nothing else! They worry I can get sunburns! Do you have any suggestions?
My mum is really interested in getting your opinion on this topic!
With warmest thanks   
Bad Boy Spiros 

Dear Spiros,
Yes, cats can get sunburned, mainly on places without hair like the inside of the ear of on the nose leather. The skin gets red, it's painful so we scratch it, and that is probably when humans notice.
But there's another danger - skin cancer. This is mainly found in cats that have white areas of skin, round their ear tips or face. These cats may need the affected area of their ears taken off by the vet. 
So what can be done about it. The single most important thing for cats in sunny areas is that they should stay in the shade during the heat of the sun. That may mean keeping them indoors from about 10am to about 4pm. Once we get used to this it's not too bad. It just means a siesta. After all we are dawn and twilight animals, so this routine suits us.
Sunblock? Yes, but don't let your human put human sunblock on us. Why not? Well zinc oxide is dangerous to dogs and probably to cats. And for cats there are other dangerous ingrediates -  homosalate, octyl slicylate, and ethylhexyl salicylate. These are fine for humans but bad for cats. Alternative products, like aloe vera, may be dangerous too.
There are now special pet products available. Get your humanm to buy these for your nose and ears. And make sure your human takes you to the vet if there are red and scratched areas on you.
Sometimes we need those hateful vets.
Yours,
George

PS. Sphynx cats or other hairless varieties shouldn't be let out into harsh sun.

Do not use any products with homosalate, octyl salicylate or ethylhexyl salicylate.

Read more at: https://wagwalking.com/cat/condition/sunburn

Do not use any products with homosalate, octyl salicylate or ethylhexyl salicylate.

Read more at: https://wagwalking.com/cat/condition/sunburn

Do not use any products with homosalate, octyl salicylate or ethylhexyl salicylate

Read more at: https://wagwalking.com/cat/condition/sunburn

How cats use cars

Dear George
Why does my human not like it when I climb up on the roof of her car? Doesn't she understand I am only trying to keep vigil so that I can ward off any would be intruders? How can I convey to her that I need higher lookouts to be able to provide even better surveillance and also more of them? This will also help me to spot prey but I won't leave any as a gift according to your previous advice! It is very hard work but if we can get them learn one thing at a time that way we can slowly make them better assistants to ourselves and our objectives.
Yours
Rupert

Dear Rupert,
Humans have not the slightest idea of how useful a parked car can be. They are like trees for urban cats. We can sit on them in order to be vigilant; we can hide below them; we can warm ourselves up on the bonnet of a car that is still warm; and we can leave scent messages on them.
As you say, they don't understand. They have the cheek to object when occasionally we leave paw prints on the car yet they don't give us any decent alternative high sitting points. Why not? Because they don't have the imagination to know we want them.
 So what can we do about this? Just be patient and purrhaps get them to read this blog.
Yours
George

Of cats and feline temper.....

Dear George, 

I think I have an anger management and impatience issue! Don’t get me wrong – I do a lot of soul-searching and self-development work! I meditate, I do yoga (as you can see in the photo attached), I chant (ah! you should listen to my meowing repertoire) and, still, at times, I feel like smacking someone, especially my humans when they don’t understand or pretend do not understand and are slow reacting to my demands! They say I’m high maintenance! Of course I am – I’m royalty after all, right? But, if I snap it won’t be pretty! So, George, do you think it’s me? What do I do?

Impatiently yours,

CAT Victoria

Dear Victora,
You are not alone. Dealing with humans on a daily basis can be absolutely maddening. It's been argued that humans can think but, apart from "higher" order thoughts such as Freudian analysis, Brexit and the God particle, it seems to me that they are just dumb animals. They lack both wisdom and understanding.
Be patient. I know you can be, because all cats are patient enough to sit at a mouse hole waiting for a mouse to poke its nose out. Apply this patience and your own purrsistence to your relationship with humans. They may have poor purrception but they can be trained. Do not give up. 
Yoga for cats works. It is true that we do have a little difficulty with one of the five guidelines for a harmonious life – asteya, non-stealing, but we are truly skilled in brahmacharya, the wise use of energy.
Yours
George.
PS. My nephew George is working on a book that will help cats in their dealings with humans.  It will be published in the UK this September.

Food bowls - what we like and what we don't.

Dear George,

I’m still scratching my head (metaphorically only) to understand why so much fuss about our food and water bowls. I never paid attention to what other cats eat or drink from because I took it for granted that we all eat and drink from stainless steel bowls but certainly this isn’t the case! 
Last night I paid a “welcome to the neighbourhood” visit to my next door kitty and, of course, since she’s the newest on the block I felt like it was my responsibility to check her food, water, surroundings, etc.- you know, just in case that one day I’d like to eat at her place! I’ve seen that she’s eating and drinking from plastic bowls that display little paws and cute kitty faces. 
I run back home to grab my mummy to show her these cute bowls! Oh boy, I still don’t know if that was a good idea since my mummy started lecturing this kitty’s human on the dangers of plastic bowls. She was firing at the poor guy strange names like mold, bacteria, PBA which impairs brain and neurological function, can create cat acne which actually is an allergic reaction and so she went on and on! I hope she didn’t scare the kitty or her human – both seems to be very nice!

George, what do you know about this topic? What bowls are safe for us?

Yours, 

Kitty K

Dear Kitty K,
I feel rather smug. I eat from an eco-bowl made from bamboo - https://www.becopets.com/cat-bowl It works well. I have a strong tongue (see photo of my friend Toby) and I need a stable dish.

Great strong groovy tongue

I don't care much for plastic (though I will eat from it if I must) because it has a smell that I can smell but humans can't. Nor do I like stainless steel because if my clumsy human trips on it or drops it, the noise frightens me. I can also see my reflection in it which can be scary. 
Ceramic is OK - that is what I have for my water bowls. I will also eat from them. They are more stable than plastic. I like more than one water bowl not next to the food bowl. We don't eat and drink at the same time like humans. It's not natural. And I like my bowl to be somewhere where I can eat while looking outwards, not eat looking into a wall. Seems safer that way somehow.
As for cute pictures on bowls, ignore them. They are there to make humans buy the bowl.  If I was choosing a bowl it would smell of mouse!
Yours
George

June 24 – Cat World Domination

Dear George,

I’m sure you know that June 24^th was officially declared the Cat World Domination Day. It was declared by a wise cat, Sparkle, on her birthday (I think it was in 2012).

Since then Cat World Domination Day is celebrated with gifts, toys, treats, fun videos and photos and it is getting better every year! I would dare to say that this is the most important cat day there is!

As you very well know we are plotting for world domination since ancient Egyptian times if not for longer! We purrfected our humans to be humble, obedient servants who adore us no matter what we do. We got them wrapped around our fuzzy little toes; hypnotize them with our beautiful eyes, use our cuteness to make them give in to our demands and outsmart them when we need their computers to communicate with other feline friends in cyberspace!

Now that we have conquered the world I ponder (as you can see in the photo attached) what else is left for us to do, what’s next to be conquered?

George, you are such a wise cat; a distinguished feline, a true Maestro!

What should we plot next?
Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,
Our continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no cat has gone before... Outer Space? The Milky Way? Or maybe the Universe, Gizmo? 
When I contemplate how we cats have taken over every land and island in this world, I am humbled by our own genius.
Yours
George

How to deal with noise in the living room

Hello George,

I am interested to know why humans listen to some awful noises on a machine in the lounge (which is supposed to be a comfortable and serene area to relax). The odd time it sounds okay but sometimes I find it very upsetting and it causes me to react to show my displeasure. A cat I know demonstrated his displeasure by spraying one of the boxes the noises come out of! I think this got his message across very well! It is harder for me to do this as I am a girl. Are there any other effective ways you can suggest to demonstrate my displeasure? I am willing to carry out any instructions you provide to keep the lounge as it should be; a second bedroom for my slumber! If I let my humans get away with this what else will they try to get away with? It could be the beginning of a long slippery slide and I want to nip it in the bud! I look forward to your advice!
Yours
Gracie

Dear Gracie,

Girls can spray and do spray too. Particularly feisty females who want to send a strong message to their humans. Even nose-blind humans get the scent message when we spray. And there's something enticing about spraying on electrical items or even on electrical plugs. 
They don't just give off a noise: they give off an interesting plastic warm-up smell, of which humans are totally unaware.
That said, spraying is the ultimate weapon. It's almost the equivalent of the nuclear option for humans. It doesn't hurt humans but it upsets them dreadfully and can ruin the cat-human relationship.
So just Turn off, tune out and drop into sleep. 

Remember we cats can sleep anywhere - here are some photos to remind you.
Yours George 
PS. I adopted this motto from the l960s hippy one -Turn on, tune in and drop out. Hippies knew how to relax even if their drug problems were awful.

Feline party time across the pond.

Dear George, 

I don’t know about you but I’m in a party mood as we are ready to start our season of “summer garden parties” here, across the pond! As you can see in the photo attached I have the glasses and silverware ready but I’m having second thoughts about the menu! Should it be “finger food”? Buffet style? Mixed with my humans? They are big on summer parties. I’ve already invited few of my neighbours but I didn’t decide on the menu yet! I’m thinking maybe some lizards, grasshoppers (even if I’m afraid the humans will eat those as there is a real push for it in changing humans’ protein source) and, of course some juicy mice! 

The problem is that there are no mice around! You see, I live in a posh neighbourhood and mice are a “no-no” which will make them an absolute delicacy, an ultimate extravagancy on my menu! If I go for having mice on the menu that means I have to stay up few nights in advance and eventually wander off my neighbourhood in search of fresh mice! By the way, do they freeze well? What do you think George? Should I be eccentric and adventurous or should I let my humans cook and then just share their barbecued meats with my friends? Hmm!

Tough decision!

Your advice, please!

Yours….in good party mood

CAT Victoria 

Dear CAT Victoria,

In order to get your humans working properly, the easiest solution would be to share barbecued food of the kind they, not you, are used to. Many of the neighbourhood cats will enjoy stealing a hot sausage off the charcoal and levanting over the garden wall. Or just giving that wonderful feline imploring eye, which induces humans to cut off a bit of meat and hand it over.

Most Western humans are still uneasy at the thought of serving insects, reptiles and rodents - though these are on the human menu elsewhere in the world. Locusts in sugar are sold in the Far East and guinea pigs are enjoyed in South America.

If you must have mice, get your humans to buy these from a pet shop where they sell frozen food for snakes. You can choose from pinkies (no fur), fluffies (just a little fur) and big furry ones. My human once served these to me when I was temporarily anorexic and after defrosting they tasted just as good as the real thing caught in the garden.

Yes, mice freeze very well. But, even if you can stockpile mice bringing them into the kitchen, can you purrsuade your human to freeze them? My human just throws them out even before I can eat them! 

Yours 

George

PS. I have added a photo of my friend Tilly stealing a slice of dry bread.

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