Hi,
I am Tripod. Odd name but it's because I lost one of my back legs after a traffic accident. It was injured and hurt badly. After the op I feel much better without having to live with pain.
My humans are much more upset by this than I am. They seem to think I will not be able to cope.  But already I am finding I can manage fine. 
You should have seen their faces when I crawled up on to the armchair! They have put everything at floor level. Is that necessary, George?
Yours 
Tripod.

Dear Tripod,
You will manage fine. Humans are confused because they only have two legs, so when they lose one of them, they really are disabled. One legged humans have to wear artificial legs. We don't. We can do a lot - and we do do a lot - on only three legs. In a couple of weeks time you will hardly notice the missing one.
There's some information here and here which might help with a few ideas.
Are your humans going to let you out? Most people don't let disabled cats out into the big wide world, but some cats manage so well that they do get given a cat flap.  If so, you may find mousing a bit difficult, though not impossible.
Yours
George
PS. My secretary is away next week and, because my paws don't hit the keyboard reliably, I will have a week without blogging.

What to do? I am bored alone in the house.

Dear George,
I live alone in a small house and I am not allowed out at all. I don't mind that too much, as I am frightened of the great outdoors.
I try to keep interested by chasing flies on the windowsill, zooming around the house after using the litter tray, and watching birds the other side of the glass - though this is a bit frustrating. My humans give me toy mice but I get bored with them rather quickly. Why don't my humans import some real mice and birds for me to hunt. That is what I would really like to do with my spare time.
Yours
Schwartz.

Dear Schwartz,
For some reason humans always refuse to give us live prey. And they think that a stuffed mouse is enough. Well it isn't. This is what your humans need to do....

• Throw away the food bowl and feed you from food dispensers. Here's an easy one to make - watch here. Lots more home-made ideas here.

  

  Me trying to get food out of the box

• And here is one that takes wet food. Watch here. 
• Or just scatter dry food on the kitchen floor.
• Or hide dry food round the house.
• Lazer light toys are fun but can be very frustrating for cats - so no more five minutes maximum and each chase should finish with a treat (like catching the mouse!).
• Have a whole box of toys and put out different ones every three days.
• Lots of cardboard boxes, stable cat trees, and tunnels.
• Give you 30 pounces with a fishing rod toy daily. They can do this while they are watching TV. 30 pounces a day is more or less what a hunting cat would do. 

Yours George.
PS. Some of these food ideas might lead to competition and conflict in a household with more than one indoor only cat.

Music for cats.... where can I find something suitable?

Dear George,
I need to consult you about human music. My humans feel the need to have music on almost all the time. The male has a preference for loud rock music, while the female prefers classical music - baroque, actually. I find the latter just about acceptable.
But the former is really hard on my ears. It thumps through the house and I find it difficult to ignore. Where can I find some music which is more suitable than this?
Yours
Sam.

Dear Tony,
Human scientists have been studying this and have proved that classical music, like Mozart, is less stressful for cats than loud pop or rock.
Better still, there is a human called David Teie who has composed special music for cats! He has had the good sense to pitch is two octaves higher than similar human classical music! Cozmo's Air, so called, has a rhythmic pulse similar to purring and Rusty's Ballad has a rhythm similar to kittens suckling. The notes slide up and down rather like cats miaows.
Cats much preferred it to human music, when a scientist Charles Snowdon tested it! Teie has now produced an album which can be heard here. Get your human to play it to you. 
And make your appreciation known by purring loudly in time to it.
Yours
George

Cats can talk.... but I don't bother.

Dear George,
Do you bother to speak with your human? I don't. I communicate in the proper feline way - rubbing, up-tail greeting, belly flop and body postures.
But I don't miaow...
It isn't really natural for me to make that particular noise. I mean, other than Siamese breeds, we don't do a lot of noisy talk between ourselves when we are adults. We are silent most of the time.
Humans yatter to us all the time - blah, blah, blah. I have wondered if they actually have some kind of language or whether these are just meaningless noises to get our attention. 
What's your view on this?
Silent Sid.

Dear Sid,
I strongly believe that there is some kind of language used by humans in their noisy vocalisations. They must mean something, otherwise they wouldn't go on so much. But feline research, even by experts like me, has so far drawn a blank. 
They can't use body language properly. They have no tails or movable whiskers, for one thing. They are nose blind, so they cannot use scent. Therefore it makes sense that they vocalise instead. I have noticed that my human pet, Celia, responds quite well if I miaow. So I use it to get her attention when I want feeding. Might be worth your while to try it. 
Or perhaps you have trained her silently so long that it's not worth the effort.
Yours
George.
PS. Celia did a video on this which can be seen here.

Small and dirty litter trays = slovenly humans.

Dear George,
I have a problem with my litter tray. It is too small. Look at it. I am not a large cat but she has given me a tray that is only just my size. In order to dig I have to leave my bottom outside it, dig the hole, then turn round and place my bottom over the hole. It's difficult. 
Worse still she doesn't keep it clean enough. I am digging through my own waste. She only clears it out once a day and sometimes once two days. I hate getting my paws soiled. And yet that is what I have to do each time I want to use it.

My litter tray - too small, too dirty

I have a cat flap but I never use it because I am frightened of the big cat next door who bullies me. I dare not use the flowerbeds in case he attacks me while I am toileting....
What to do?
Yours
Betty the Birman.


Dear Betty,
You have only one choice. You will have to start going outside the tray. Yes, I know you don't want to. But what else can you do to get the message across?
Small litter trays and slovenly humans are a bug bear of mine. They wouldn't want to have to pick their way through human waste products in order to relieve themselves. Particularly if, like us, they had bare feet. Why make us do it?
I made my views very clear to Celia who has given a short talk on the topic to her fellow humans. Get yours to look at it here.
Yours
George

Help - intruders.... I am having to defend the house.

Dear George,
I have been having troubles with a neighbour, who comes in through my cat flap and eats my food in the utility room at night. Worse still, he left a urine message in the kitchen.
Naturally, I over-marked this, to make it clear that the house is my core territory and I do not appreciate feline intruders. Particularly those who leave mark in my house.
This has happened several times and several times I have felt the need to remark my territory. Not just at the original site but also under the window where I can see him lurking on the wall.
My humans have started shouting at me, when they see me doing this!
Help. It's not my fault but they are blaming me.
Yours
Sebastian.

Dear Sebastian,
Your behaviour is right and natural. It is your humans who are in error. Their behaviour is grossly unfair. They simply do not understand the level of social insecurity which is making you mark. Indeed, they are so hopelessly scent blind they cannot even smell that there are two messages - one is the intruder's and one is yours.
What to do?
Somehow you have to purrsuade them to buy a microchip cat flap - as a start. So you will feel safe indoors. It will also help if they clean up properly - no disinfectant, just enzymatic washing liquid on every single site. Then a squirt of Feliway Classic daily for at least a month. There are more instructions here
It may be necessary for them to get help from a cat behaviour counsellor if they can't understand. This is a huge dilemma for you. I do hope they get help.
Yours 
George

Why are humans so silly about cat colour...

Dear George,
I am a scaredy but loving cat looking for a loving home but I have just turned one down.  He wanted me because I was the same colour as one of his earlier cats... not a good reason, I think.
He also wanted to feed me dry food. I love it, but it doesn't love me. Because I spent the first 6 months of my life nearly starving and frightened, I find ordinary food difficult to digest.
I also have a weepy eye, possibly due to scarring from cat flu. And this would-be adopter didn't have a car so that taking me to a vet would be difficult.
Not the right home. 
But will I get one?
Yours 
Stella.

Dear Stella,
Why, oh why do humans choose cats just for their colour. It's a ridiculous reason for adopting a cat. They should choose a cat to fit the lifestyle on offer.
You did the right thing. A home has to be right for you, not just any old home. Your earlier starvation and stress means that you cannot settle for less. Robust confident cats can thrive in any home. Fearful cats with possible health issues cannot.
You need a human who will feed you a bland diet for as long as it takes for your digestion to recover, with enough money for possible vet bills (they won't insure you with your background I think), a car for trips to the vet. If there is anybody in the Oxford or West Oxford area who fits the bill, please contact Sunshine Cat Rescue - www.sunshinecatrescue.org.uk
In the mean time eat well, sleep a lot, and get Celia to cuddle you - which you enjoy greatly.
Yours
George 

Hunting.... what do indoor-only cats do instead?

Dear George,
This is one of my best fun occupations - hunting mice, then playing with their dead bodies. Sort of like hunting them a second time.
I toss them about and make them move. Moving targets, not still ones, are what turn me on. I do this as often as I can.
But what about indoor-only cats? How do they manage? I feel deprived when I can't do this...
Yours
Toby

Dear Toby,
I know... I know. The sheer concentrated fun of play hunting.  This is what I live for too. And I don't need my human to help as I can just go out doors, find me a mouse and do it.
Alas, indoor-only cats need human help. Just leaving small toys (they must be small) around the house isn't enough. They are so boring.  Even changing them daily only helps a little. We need moving targets.
Good human servants should give their indoor cats 30 play pounces a day - that's the number cats would do if they were wild. (They wouldn't catch a mouse on each pounce.) Fishing rod toys are best as even the idlest humans can wave these around while they are watching TV. Laser lights are good too, but can be very very frustrating if they are used too often. A treat at the end of the game would help the frustration a bit - like finally catching the laser mouse! There are lots more ideas here.
I only wish humans would put in a bit more effort about this.
Yours
George

Who gets the snip? And why Spay Day?

Dear George,

I’ve heard February 27 was declared the big “Snip Day” or to be fair the “Spay and Neuter Day”. Hmm! I wonder why one day only? Is everybody getting spayed or neutered in one day? I’m kind of disappointed as “the Snip Day” must be valid only in the UK since we have in North America a whole “Snip Month”! It looks like a full celebration up to the occasion! But, I wonder ….is it really a celebration?  George, I’m too young to understand the intricacies of the human thinking! I found human rationale quite appalling! For example: February 14^th – they celebrate Valentine’s Day! Meaning …romance, chocolate, blind dates, falling in love and of course mating!

February 19^th – Family Day here in Canada - Humans enjoying the “fruit” of their Valentine’s Day night! Meaning new parents enjoying their new born babies and generally speaking parents, kids and relatives they all come together and celebrate!

February 27^th – Boom! Snip Day! Are humans crazy? I means who is actually getting spayed or neutered? Our human pets? I don’t think so? It is us who get the snip! So, why are humans so happy and ready to celebrate the moment? I’d like to see a human getting snipped! See if he’ll be in a mood to celebrate after that! Also, I’ve realized they don’t bother to ask for our opinion! Can I be spayed without my consent?

I’m scheduled for the operation by the end of March! So, please explain to me what is with this Snip Day that humans get so crazy about?

PLEASE enlighten me on the benefits of getting spayed!

Yours….very confused

Whiskers

Dear Whiskers,

It's World Spay Day, yes World not just the UK, according to the American Humane Society (https://www.animalsheltering.org/worldspayday). They say "creating a culture of inclusivity and understanding within your spay/neuter programs." (When will humans learn to keep things, and their words, simple.) What on earth is inclusivity? Well, apparently, that means helping people of different ethnicity get their cats neutered and spayed. Most people, no matter what their race or religion, want the best for their pets but many can't afford the snip for them.
Nobody asked us cats, of course? Do we want to be neutered and spayed? Would some of us prefer the risky lifestyle of nights on the tiles, rather than the deep neutered peace of the double bed with our humans? An exciting but short life versus a long contented one?
There are benefits of course. You won't be exhausted by repeated kitten bearing. You won't catch FIV from a mating tom. You won't leave home in order to have your kittens on the street - and then become homeless.
But it would be nice to be asked, wouldn't it?
Yours 
George.

Feline wisdom recognised - at last

Dear George,
I have discovered a human book about feline wisdom. I think it has to be written by you, but the name on the cover is Celia Haddon.
What is going on? Has she stolen your ideas? Humans are so unscrupulous.
Yours 
Coco

Dear Coco,
Yes, my life's work, my book, has been stolen by my secretary. I needed her help as my paws are just not capable of manipulating the keyboard. She transcribed my ideas.
Next thing I know she tells me that it has been published this month. She has passed off my wisdom as if it were her own.
I felt a strange mix of fury and delight. Fury at what she had done. Delight that at last the wisdom of cats is being recognised. 
I am planning revenge. I might pee on the TV.
Yours 
George

Of Cats and Valentines... and the snip.

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Dear George,

My humans had a very romantic Valentine’s Day celebration: dinner by candlelight, a glass (or two) of champagne, chocolate, flowers and all that jazz! Of course, I did get a lot of attention for the occasion but I feel I’m missing romance in my life! Ah! I watched a movie -I think it’s called “a cat tale” – about a tomcat (Marcello) who falls in love with a gorgeous kitty (Jujube). I loved the movie! I can watch it again and again!

George, I think I’m in love with my next door neighbour – a tuxedo tomcat who wears his heart on his chest! He does visit my backyard occasionally but we’ve never been introduced. I’m planning a belated Valentine’s Day cat celebration and I want to invite him over! I need your advice in regards to dinner! Chocolate is out of question (as it is poisonous to us cats) and so is champagne! Then what? A live or dead mouse? What will be more romantic? Maybe ….some catnip? Just recreational, you know!

Yours….in love

Ida

Dear Ida,
Live or dead mouse? A live one is much more exciting. Warm too. You two could share the pleasure of hunting it round the room, but there is one great disadvantage.  It's not big enough to share, and do you have the self control to step back and let him eat all of it?
Dead? Yes, but two of them. Each placed in a separate bowl at a sensible distance. We cats have a tendency to want to eat whatever is in the other cat's bowl, rather than our own. This can lead to discord!
How to court him? Well we cats have a series of ways of flirting. We can roll on our side making come-on noises. We can rub against the feline loved one. We can twine tails. We can also - and this is the ultimate explicit come-on- lower ourselves on our front paws, leaving our backside higher up. This posture is ready for love.
And if you swivel your tail to one side, this a direct invitation. If he ignores this, then there's nothing more you can do. And, if he lives with humans, he might. For him, the snip may have made romance impossible. Like it has for me.
Yours
George