Cats and noise

Dear George, 

I’m very tried, barely hanging in there as you can see in the photo attached.

I can’t sleep well during the day (which is my favorite time for resting) because of the noise coming from our neighbours who are building a new house! I’m trying to sleep during the night now but I’m missing out on checking and protecting my territory. 

Who knows? Maybe my territory has been invaded and I don’t even know. I’m very sensitive to noise, especially the loud ones. Fireworks freak me out – I spend the night and the day after under the bed in the most remote bedroom! Do you think it’s something wrong with me? It seems that the loud noise is not bothering my humans that much! But, I’ve seen them using ear plugs at times, especially when they are sleeping. Do you know if and who makes ear plugs for cats?

Yours,

Vegas

Dear Vegas, 

No wonder you are finding the building noises next door stressful. We cats can hear far better than humans and better than most other animals. We can detect the highest ultrasonic noise of a mouse squeaking and the lowest sound of a growling large animal. So you are probably hearing ultrasounds from electrical equipment that your humans can't hear at all. 

It's even worse for elderly cats. They sometimes develop epileptic seizures (fits) from jangling, crinkling, metallic noises, mobile phone rings or ultrasounds from electronic gadgets of all kinds.  Lucky for you, you are not a Birman. Birman cats seem to be particularly affected. Most of these seizures are not serious - just jerking convulsive movements, but a few unfortunate felines react with a more severe grand mal seizure. Take a look at this website.
What can you do? Well, ear plugs are not the answer. Your sensitive ears might be damaged when they are put in by clumsy humans. I suggest hiding away in the room the other side of the house furthest from the building noise and only coming out when it is over. It can't last forever.
Yours
George.
P.S. Feline reference nerds should read 'Audiogenic reflex seizures in cats,' Journal of Feline Medicine and Surgery, 18, 328-336

I've rocked up in……Barbados!

Dear George,
I have recently moved from Europe to Barbados! Why? I really don’t know but my human got tired living in a big, busy city so she decided to buy a house in Barbados and retire! It’s a totally new life for both of us and we both enjoy it very much!
We live in a posh neighbourhood, in a big, beautiful house with lots of trees and huge plants and very close to the Caribbean Sea!  My human spends a lot of time at the beach – I really don’t understand what she’s doing there but I watch her from the window and it’s fun! However, my new life on this wonderful island didn’t start on a nice note! Very soon after our arrival I was inspecting my territory when I’ve got a visitor – there was a monkey sitting on my fence! It looked small and cute and as I approached her to say “hello” she attached me! I ended up with fifty (50) stitches!  Damn it! 
Why couldn’t someone tell us that monkeys are not as friendly as we might have believed? Shouldn’t be there flyers guiding tourists and new comers? I’m fine now but I could have been dead! Phew! George, any idea where I can search for means/tools to protect myself and maybe my human? Do you think our humans pets are at risk? I don’t want to move back but I want to be safe on this little Paradise. So, what should I do?
Yours
Katho

Dear Katho, 

Treat them as you would treat an unknown and feral human. After all, humans are just unpredictable huge primates. But they are so clumsy and incompetent we can easily avoid them. 

Monkeys are like agile humans, only much more agile and more competent in every way. They can climb and jump and run as well as us.

Stay well away.

Yours 

George. 

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Cars - how we cats can use them

Dear George,
I am writing to ask whether you can advise me about cars. My female human used not to have a car but she has recently started a relationship with a male human who has one. This piece of metal stands outside the house door in the street every night.
I know from experience that when they move, they move fast and unpredictably. I nearly got run over one evening when I made a dash for home. Somehow I can't estimate their speed. So they are dangerous when making a growling noise and moving.
But is there anything I could do with it when it is stationery. It seems to take up a lot of room in the road.
Yours 
Stanley.

Dear Stanley,
Here are some suggestions with photos.
When cars are not moving they make excellent look-out points. If you jump on the bonnet or the top, you are safe from passing dogs, and you have a good view of the neighbourhood.
You can use them to shelter from the rain.
You can use them to admire your own reflection.
You can also use them for warmth. If they have been moving, then stop and go silent, you will find there is a warm spot on the bonnet just above the headlights. Very comforting in autumn.
Yours
George

Dear George,
Here are my teeth! Four big pointy ones at the front for stabbing deep into the vertebrae of a small rodent. Some little ones in the front for nibbling and grooming. And some teeth at the back for slicing up prey. What I haven't got is any teeth for grinding up bone like dogs have.
My question is this. Why does my human insert a brush into my mouth and scrub? It is extremely uncomfortable and I dislike it intensely. She has been doing it for as long as I remember.
Will she stop if I bite her?
Yours
Gracie.

Dear Gracie,
This is another example of well meaning but unpleasant human interference. She is trying to scrub the plaque off your teeth, in order to keep the healthy. Not many humans do this because most of us (unless we have been trained from kittenhood) bite!  And when those canine teeth go into human flesh, most humans notice!
What do I recommend? Well since you have't yet bitten her, I think it is too late to bother. The older you are, the more your teeth need attention. So managing to put up with it, will mean the vet doesn't pull them out! 
I have bitten from the beginning and therefore my teeth are never scrubbed. I am beginning to regret it as I had to have one pulled out by the vet last week.
Yours 
George.

Ladders... my humans have given me one.

Dear George,
Ever seen one of these? It's just a simple ladder, made to fit with hen houses. But it has made a huge difference to my life.
At first I could not get into the outside world at all. Me and my human live in an appartment on the first floor, but there is a double door. First a door into the building, then a door into my flat. The landlord would not allow a cat flap into either door.
So my human has rigged up this ladder. It is just a chicken ramp easily bought online. It works well.
There is only one snag. The window has to be kept open for me and my human therefore has to wear an extra jumper to keep warm. The fresh air is good for her....
Yours
Sidney.

Dear Sidney,
Good idea. Simple. Cheap. All it needs now is a cat flap that fits into glass. This can be ordered though you might need a glazier to fit it. 
Humans can also make ladders that go up several stories. There are some amazing Swiss cat ladders - here. Or google "outside cat ladders" images for even more ideas. I haven't yet got my paws into Pinterest but there are lots there too.
Go for it, apartment cats. You have nothing to lose but your boredom.
Yours
George.

Hi,
I am Tripod. Odd name but it's because I lost one of my back legs after a traffic accident. It was injured and hurt badly. After the op I feel much better without having to live with pain.
My humans are much more upset by this than I am. They seem to think I will not be able to cope.  But already I am finding I can manage fine. 
You should have seen their faces when I crawled up on to the armchair! They have put everything at floor level. Is that necessary, George?
Yours 
Tripod.

Dear Tripod,
You will manage fine. Humans are confused because they only have two legs, so when they lose one of them, they really are disabled. One legged humans have to wear artificial legs. We don't. We can do a lot - and we do do a lot - on only three legs. In a couple of weeks time you will hardly notice the missing one.
There's some information here and here which might help with a few ideas.
Are your humans going to let you out? Most people don't let disabled cats out into the big wide world, but some cats manage so well that they do get given a cat flap.  If so, you may find mousing a bit difficult, though not impossible.
Yours
George
PS. My secretary is away next week and, because my paws don't hit the keyboard reliably, I will have a week without blogging.

What to do? I am bored alone in the house.

Dear George,
I live alone in a small house and I am not allowed out at all. I don't mind that too much, as I am frightened of the great outdoors.
I try to keep interested by chasing flies on the windowsill, zooming around the house after using the litter tray, and watching birds the other side of the glass - though this is a bit frustrating. My humans give me toy mice but I get bored with them rather quickly. Why don't my humans import some real mice and birds for me to hunt. That is what I would really like to do with my spare time.
Yours
Schwartz.

Dear Schwartz,
For some reason humans always refuse to give us live prey. And they think that a stuffed mouse is enough. Well it isn't. This is what your humans need to do....

• Throw away the food bowl and feed you from food dispensers. Here's an easy one to make - watch here. Lots more home-made ideas here.

  

  Me trying to get food out of the box

• And here is one that takes wet food. Watch here. 
• Or just scatter dry food on the kitchen floor.
• Or hide dry food round the house.
• Lazer light toys are fun but can be very frustrating for cats - so no more five minutes maximum and each chase should finish with a treat (like catching the mouse!).
• Have a whole box of toys and put out different ones every three days.
• Lots of cardboard boxes, stable cat trees, and tunnels.
• Give you 30 pounces with a fishing rod toy daily. They can do this while they are watching TV. 30 pounces a day is more or less what a hunting cat would do. 

Yours George.
PS. Some of these food ideas might lead to competition and conflict in a household with more than one indoor only cat.

Music for cats.... where can I find something suitable?

Dear George,
I need to consult you about human music. My humans feel the need to have music on almost all the time. The male has a preference for loud rock music, while the female prefers classical music - baroque, actually. I find the latter just about acceptable.
But the former is really hard on my ears. It thumps through the house and I find it difficult to ignore. Where can I find some music which is more suitable than this?
Yours
Sam.

Dear Tony,
Human scientists have been studying this and have proved that classical music, like Mozart, is less stressful for cats than loud pop or rock.
Better still, there is a human called David Teie who has composed special music for cats! He has had the good sense to pitch is two octaves higher than similar human classical music! Cozmo's Air, so called, has a rhythmic pulse similar to purring and Rusty's Ballad has a rhythm similar to kittens suckling. The notes slide up and down rather like cats miaows.
Cats much preferred it to human music, when a scientist Charles Snowdon tested it! Teie has now produced an album which can be heard here. Get your human to play it to you. 
And make your appreciation known by purring loudly in time to it.
Yours
George

Cats can talk.... but I don't bother.

Dear George,
Do you bother to speak with your human? I don't. I communicate in the proper feline way - rubbing, up-tail greeting, belly flop and body postures.
But I don't miaow...
It isn't really natural for me to make that particular noise. I mean, other than Siamese breeds, we don't do a lot of noisy talk between ourselves when we are adults. We are silent most of the time.
Humans yatter to us all the time - blah, blah, blah. I have wondered if they actually have some kind of language or whether these are just meaningless noises to get our attention. 
What's your view on this?
Silent Sid.

Dear Sid,
I strongly believe that there is some kind of language used by humans in their noisy vocalisations. They must mean something, otherwise they wouldn't go on so much. But feline research, even by experts like me, has so far drawn a blank. 
They can't use body language properly. They have no tails or movable whiskers, for one thing. They are nose blind, so they cannot use scent. Therefore it makes sense that they vocalise instead. I have noticed that my human pet, Celia, responds quite well if I miaow. So I use it to get her attention when I want feeding. Might be worth your while to try it. 
Or perhaps you have trained her silently so long that it's not worth the effort.
Yours
George.
PS. Celia did a video on this which can be seen here.

Small and dirty litter trays = slovenly humans.

Dear George,
I have a problem with my litter tray. It is too small. Look at it. I am not a large cat but she has given me a tray that is only just my size. In order to dig I have to leave my bottom outside it, dig the hole, then turn round and place my bottom over the hole. It's difficult. 
Worse still she doesn't keep it clean enough. I am digging through my own waste. She only clears it out once a day and sometimes once two days. I hate getting my paws soiled. And yet that is what I have to do each time I want to use it.

My litter tray - too small, too dirty

I have a cat flap but I never use it because I am frightened of the big cat next door who bullies me. I dare not use the flowerbeds in case he attacks me while I am toileting....
What to do?
Yours
Betty the Birman.


Dear Betty,
You have only one choice. You will have to start going outside the tray. Yes, I know you don't want to. But what else can you do to get the message across?
Small litter trays and slovenly humans are a bug bear of mine. They wouldn't want to have to pick their way through human waste products in order to relieve themselves. Particularly if, like us, they had bare feet. Why make us do it?
I made my views very clear to Celia who has given a short talk on the topic to her fellow humans. Get yours to look at it here.
Yours
George

Help - intruders.... I am having to defend the house.

Dear George,
I have been having troubles with a neighbour, who comes in through my cat flap and eats my food in the utility room at night. Worse still, he left a urine message in the kitchen.
Naturally, I over-marked this, to make it clear that the house is my core territory and I do not appreciate feline intruders. Particularly those who leave mark in my house.
This has happened several times and several times I have felt the need to remark my territory. Not just at the original site but also under the window where I can see him lurking on the wall.
My humans have started shouting at me, when they see me doing this!
Help. It's not my fault but they are blaming me.
Yours
Sebastian.

Dear Sebastian,
Your behaviour is right and natural. It is your humans who are in error. Their behaviour is grossly unfair. They simply do not understand the level of social insecurity which is making you mark. Indeed, they are so hopelessly scent blind they cannot even smell that there are two messages - one is the intruder's and one is yours.
What to do?
Somehow you have to purrsuade them to buy a microchip cat flap - as a start. So you will feel safe indoors. It will also help if they clean up properly - no disinfectant, just enzymatic washing liquid on every single site. Then a squirt of Feliway Classic daily for at least a month. There are more instructions here
It may be necessary for them to get help from a cat behaviour counsellor if they can't understand. This is a huge dilemma for you. I do hope they get help.
Yours 
George