I'm fat, I'm FIV positive... who will give me a forever home?

Dear George,
Can you help me find a forever home? I am now in the care of Celia, as her temporary foster cat but I badly need a forever home with a very special person because I have special needs.
For one thing I am FIV positive. I came from the home of a cat hoarder and picked up the virus there, where there were so many cats that there were often fights. I nearly lost my life when I was rescued, because the rescue organisation had a policy of euthanasing FIV cats.
Luckily I was passed on to Cats Protection (www.westoxoncats.org.uk) who home FIV cats as indoor only cats. I found a loving home but with an elderly human who could no longer cope with the way I dig so deep into the litter that the bits have a trajectory of three feet! (Well, cats like me enjoy a good deep dig).
Somewhere along the way I got fat. Not just fat, actually. Obese is the term used by the vet. I am so fat I can't reach my backside or the lower half of my tummy to groom. There was a deeply shaming moment on Christmas day when Jess, Celia's nephew held me, while she clipped away the soiled area of my bottom and cut out a lot of knots. Such an indignity, really upsetting experience, but I feel better for it.
Love Pusskin
PS I am helping Celia type this. At my size I can block the computer screen really effectively!

Dear Pusskin,
Thank goodness there are rescue organisations like Cats Protection that give FIV cats a second chance. Humans don't put down humans that are HIV positive, so why should they put down FIV cats just because they have the virus. FIV cats can't spread it to humans and many have good quality of life for a long time. They deserve some happiness too.
I can see that you are visibly on the portly side. I take the view that we cats can be fat if we choose, but (how can I put it delicately?) it looks as if you are too well found, too much embonpoint, and just too much of you all together. Not being able to groom yourself is a deeply upsetting condition. No cat should be expected to live like that. We need to groom. It is part of who we are.
Has Celia done her duty and put you on an obesity diet? Is she being firm and not becoming a fatty enabler like some owners? And is she refusing your requests for more?
My recommendation to you, Pusskin, is to take more exercise. Don't just sit on that cat gymnasium device. Start jumping up and down on it. Hunt for bits of food all over the house - Celia will try to help with this - don't just eat out of a bowl. Chase flies. Chase bits of string. Make her play games with you as much as possible. Keep running up and down the stairs. Get fit not fat. Oh yes, and when you go to her to ask for more food, let yourself be diverted with a game not a cat biscuit.
Finally, there are people out there who will take on a cat with special needs. Be patient. Somebody will want you for your innate charm, your gentleness with humans. They will look with the eyes of love and not see that fat outer cat. instead they will see past the outside into the essential beautiful inner cat.
Love George
PS. A very helpful comment by Puss Puss below. Thank you, Puss Puss

More on Christmas gifts and should humans dye their hair to match our fur.

Dear George,
Talking about fashion, Christmas gifts and human behavior!
I think I got my humans well trained, especially my mom. She is very “fashionable” and wants the same for me.
See, I got a blanket to match my eyes’ color and a little “snowman” mouse to play with. I have to mention that the mouse’s hat is blue too!
I know that actually she’s so much in love with me that she had her hair done to match my eyes too (I’ve seen some blue highlights on it) Now, how cool is this?
George, do you think I should ask my male human to have his hair colored blue as a token of love for me?
In wonder
Tom

Dear Tom,
Here in the UK the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals has taken a firm line when humans dye their pets to match their clothes or their furniture. They don't think it is ethical to do this, as they fear it makes animals into fashion objects. So I consulted the feline equivalent organisation, the Imperial Society for the Protection of Humans, (note that it is a bit up the social scale from the mere Royal of the human organisation), and their view was that it would be unethical to require your male human to change its hair colour.
Of course, we do keep humans as pets for our amusement, as well as love. Their funny little ways can be really entrancing at times and I, for one, much enjoy playing with them. They seem to appreciate the attention so much. It is sometimes quite pathetic to see their disappointed faces, when I show my disapproval by withdrawing attention. But how far should we cats go in adapting humans to our requirements?
After very careful consideration, my opinion is that you should fully enjoy the compliment of your female human. She is really showing her devotion by changing her hair colour to match your eyes. However, it would be going to far to make this a requirement by the male human. If he chooses, of his own accord, to make such a touching gesture, then naturally you will respond with purrs and rubs of the highest quality.
But, if he falls short of female devotion, and does not change his hair colour, then this must be accepted with a good grace. Forcing him to do so would be wrong. There is a move among the feline intelligentsia to admit that humans do have some rights. Of course, as a species lower down the evolutionary scale of things, their rights do not supercede ours. But we should allow them a few minor freedoms and I think hair colour probably falls into this category.
Happy New Year.
Love George.
PS. I have just heard of the death of Angel. For her obituary read: http://everycat.blogspot.com

Merry Christmas to all cats!

Hola, George!

Hope all Vincent Brown’s Christmas wishes came true! I didn’t even know what Christmas is until I read your blog.

See, I was rescued from the streets last summer when I was about four weeks old.

The family that rescued me is a funny one! Each of them is calling me a different name! Thanks God I know who I am!!! Anyway, my favorite is the male human; he’s a sweetheart! He can stay up all night waiting for me to come home

The boys are good but strange – one is calling me Fifi and the other one Diego.

I personally prefer Diego even if I’m a cute girl J

But, George…I have major problems with my female human. She’s stubborn, she has a mind of herself and everybody has to obey to her orders! I believe she thinks she’s a cat! I have to address this and I need your help! I want her to completely obey to me!

Oh! Almost forgot! Regarding the Christmas tree ….that was a scare!

Tell you the truth I thought that my humans brought a tree in the house to keep me inside during winter since I always want to spend the night out (I’m a gypsy at heart) J

Well, I discovered that I can have much fun “decorating” the tree – at litteram (see the picture). Anyway, George I need your help in dealing with my female human.

As much as I want all cats and their staff to enjoy Christmas I want my female human to be put in her place and learn that ….cats come first!

Please help

Diego

PS. Feliz Navidad to all gattos and gattinos and their humble staff!

Dear Diego,

You look great on the Christmas tree. It must be a whopper or else you are a very slender cat! How kind of your human to be so thoughtful as to get a tree big enough to climb. It's really quite touching. She may be untrained but obviously in her limited human way, she does want to please. This should encourage you.

Christmas is not the best time to start a human training plan. Humans get very distracted by eating too much and they become over-excited by other human visitors. They can't really concentrate. Many of them also are drug users - instead of catnip they drink something called alcohol which seems to make them high. Unlike us cats, they don't know when to stop. I mean I like a catnip sniff, but I can take it or leave it. I don't sit there and sniff it about nine times, as I saw a visiting human do last night. Nine glasses is at least seven too many.

Have you also noticed how bad tempered they are in the morning? Boxing Day does allow the pleasure of a special wake-up session with your human. You will probably have noticed snoring and some digestive discomfort during the night. Now is your chance for a really thorough wakey-wakey routine - biting toes under the duvet, landing with a jump on the tender part of the lower stomach, patting the cheek or even lifting one of the eyelids. Have a go. It can be fun but be ready to spring backwards fast if any human is so hungover that it becomes truly savage.

It is always interesting for us human behaviour experts to see this dysfunctional species at close quarters with their families. It is often not a pretty sight! Human behaviour is so very primitive. They quarrel so easily - unlike us cats who merely avoid each other wherever possible rather than fighting. And the noise! Caterwauling is nothing to the noise of humans shouting at each other.

No. Training will have to start when normal life resumes. It is always a mistake to start on a sour note. As similar human excesses also take place at New Year, you will have to be patient, Diego. Training a human is a long term project and patience with this pathetic species is essential, if you are to make anything of them.

Happy Christmas.

George

What I want for Christmas by Vincent Brown

Dear George,
Reverting to Christmas presents. I think it might be wise to let all kindly people know what I really want. To avoid disappointment on either side.
I do NOT want the following items:
* Bells and squeaky toys. No. I am deaf.
* Catnip. No. It leaves me cold
* Scratching posts. No. I have an adequate supply of curtains, carpets, furniture and wallpaper.
* Pussycat pellets. No. I give these to the Cat Next Door (and may they choke him).
But please choose from the following selection:
* Chicken, raw or roasted.
* Kippers, boned.
* Salmon, fresh or smoked or as Manuka pate.
* Slivers from the joint
* Cream Fur ball medicine (for some reason delicious)
* Yoghurt, plain.
* Mild cheddar and perhaps a little Brie.
And maybe a length of string or a rumple of paper, a dangle or baubles, and ping pong balls. I know full well that most of the above comestibles are banned. But just for once. Just a smidgeon. Just for Christmas Day.
Thanking you from the bottom of my heart,
Vincent.

Dear Vincent,
Interesting letter which I find mildly disturbing. It suggests that you wait to be given these items by your owner, Pam. Why? I have found that this is not a good idea, where human beings are involved. The species does not share. They say cats are selfish but there is nothing more selfish than a human. Normally they think in terms of giving stuff that either they think you will like but you won't (silly new beds, expensive toys that are too heavy to move, etc) or even stuff they think is good for you (organic cat treats, tooth brushes, horrid spikey brushes). You must move on to new ways of thinking....
Christmas offers interesting food items to take. Notice, I say take. Do not wait to be given. Think cat burglar rather than cat beggar. Not only are there the normal pieces of food dropped on the floor, but there are also large food items left unguarded. Keep an eye out for the smoked salmon waiting on the plates for the starter course. If you walk casually and quietly into the food area, you may find that these are just there. Hop on the table and help yourself.
On the kitchen surface, people put down food like hot turkey, cold turkey, sausages (cold and hot), little meaty nibbles for humans, fishy nibbles for other humans, little bits of spilled gravey and spilled goose fat. Then there is that old standby - the butter. Butter always tastes good. Humans use it lavishly and I have never understood why they are so mean minded that they often cover it up so that we can't get the slightest taste. They wouldn't miss just a little lick or two of it.
Now is the time to expand your idea of food. French cheese often comes in sort of squidgey, creamy forms like Brie. There is a kind of ground up meat called pate which tastes very good indeed and is easy to lick off the plate. Not forgetting cream, brandy butter, custard, and yoghurt. Don't wait to be asked. Don't wait to be given. Just go for it.
My motto, when considering humans, is what's thine is mine and what's mine is my own.
Happy Christmas
George.
Don't forget the tree. It's quite good fun to spray on it. Mark it as your own

La Dolce Vita - the amazing joy and awe of being rescued

Dear George,
I'm one lucky cat who got "to live" not one but two of the late Maestro Frederico Fellini's movies. Well, my life started with my mom being an alley cat. She was rescued by a good woman, Adriana, who took her in her house. My mom was pregnant and had three kittens. Adriana (who already had three cats of her own) kept us until we were eight weeks old. She found each of us new homes. I know she liked me the best.
Anyway, I ended up with a family that kicked me out when I was no longer a kitten (about one year old). I survived for almost a year (and a bloody cold winter) on the streets. Somehow Adriana found out about this and asked the family that adopted me to bring me back to her. Here I was once again in Adriana's house! And once again she was looking to find a good home for me. Right on my 2nd birthday I was adopted by Rita-Mae and Francesco. They were my "angels' - what a wonderful birthday gift!
Oh! I forgot to tell you that my name was Freddy! When Francesco first saw me he said 'We'll take the cat but his name will be Frederico." Destiny! What better birthday gift .?
And so began my "Dolce Vita". I spend most of my time in "dolce far niente"!
First thing in the morning I bite Rita'Mae's toes so she''ll "wake up and serve me breakfast. Later, I read the newspapers with Francesco. Then ... I watch the birds, cars, and all the crazy things you can see outside. Sometimes... I play with Tutu - the house rabbit.
George, isn't this amazing? Quite a journey from "La Strada" to "La Dolce Vita", from "Freddy to Frederico". Do you think I might have a karmic link with Maestro Fellini?
In awe
Frederico.

Dear Frederico (formerly Freddy),
Your journey from suffering to happiness, from pain to pleasure, from human cruelty to human love, is awesome. That journey is wonderful for all of us rescued cats. At Christmas I think of Lou (www.westoxoncats.co.uk) who took me in as an orphaned kitten, bottle fed me, and gave me a happy home. I also remember all those poor cats on the street (at this time of year in dire straits because of the cold) who need human angels like Adriana.
I looked up the karmic link idea on the web and it says it is metaphysical attraction between different souls, according to their karma. So it is often a kind of link of love that attracts people. I think I have a karmic link to Lou. I hope I don't have a link to the cruel person who thrust my mother out into the cold when she was pregnant. It must be great to have a karmic link to Maestro Fellini, maker of great films. Pity that he is on the other side. We could do with a really really good film about cats - not one where the cat is the baddy.
Dolce far niente is my motto too, with one exception which is hunting. But when the weather is heavy rain and wind, as it often is in the UK, my day goes something like this - woke up, eat food out of bowl, nap, eat food out of bowl, nap, investigate flies on the window, nap, eat food out of bowl, nap.... Of course, if it is a dry cold day I am out there hunting, checking my territory for any change, sniffing at the rabbit poo, seeing if any mice are around. After hunting, I nap and nap well.
Christmas -- I hope there is not going to be any silliness about putting a Christmas hat on me, like some years. I don't appreciate this human stupidity!
Love George.
PS. My housekeeper/butler/cook is back. Keeps talking about statistics. That woman has no sense at all.