Watch my tongue - what am I saying?

The tongue flick showing anxiety

 Humans don't know how to read cat language. We have to remember that they are dumb animals with no proper feline language - only an assorted number of meaningless vocalisations.

So watch my tongue, humans. It will give you a message to tell you how I am feeling.

If I flick my tongue upwards towards my nose, that signals that I am feeling slightly anxious. You can see it in a video that Celia has posted on her Youtube channel here. 

Toby is enjoying being petted but it is slightly too rough for him. So he gets slightly anxious. He flicks his tongue then he turns his head away to show he has had enough for the time being.

If your human wants to learn cat language, get her/him to watch the video.

Lessons for humans 6. Don't put up with groping.

 

                                        Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JiIDD6O_9k
 

We cats are quite clear about body privacy. We know where we DON'T want to be touched. Backside, belly, tail end of back - these are often our private areas.

We also are clear when we want humans to stop touching.

So when some insensitive human gropes us, we nip, bite or scratch. We make it quite clear - Take your hands off me. 

Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P5KysZq0FE

Humans could learn from us. Send a clear message if you don't want to be groped.

You can't bite most of the time. Your face is wrongly designed. You can't  scratch because you have pathetic nails not proper claws.

But you can shout, hit or slap. Humans, it is the twenty first century. You don't have to put up with groping. 

• For a video of lessons from cats go to Celia's Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBIJyISl3rA&t=55s

Lessons for humans 5. Check the toilet bowl

Tommy inspects his urination. Full video -

https://youtu.be/ujWARbL9tws

 One of the weirdest things about humans is how they toilet. They sit on a ceramic seat, do their business and then pull a lever which flushes water down the same ceramic.

Odd. Very odd, indeed. I have spent time looking into the human toilet and I still don't understand....

There is something they often forget to do... to take a good look at their eliminations before washing them away.

We cats always do this, unless we are interrupted or when the litter tray is covered in a way which makes it too difficult to turn round.

Tommy inspects the human toilet

Yet if humans did this every single time, they would learn more about their state of health. Did dark urine show that they needed to drink more water? Was there blood in their stools? 

So, humans, take a lesson from cats. Take a good look in that ceramic bowl before flushing....

Lessons for Humans 4. Learn balance

 

You can see this on video here _ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOkx5Ae5_1w 

Humans are clumsy animals with serious disabilities. As a result of having only two legs (bad) instead of four (good), their ability to balance is poor. 

So poor that some of the older humans try to add a  third leg by using a stick. It's pathetic to see them staggering along. Others go further and add four legs to their existing two by using a walking frame. That's verging on the weird.

In contrast we cats have excellent balance. It's not just that we have four legs. We are also superior in that we have a tail - a flexible tail that can wave from side to side and upwards and downwards. 

A dog has a tail but while it contributes to balance, it cannot help really difficult balancing actions. It is too stiff.

What can humans learn from us? Despite having no tail and only two legs, they can at least make an effort to improve their poor balance by occasionally using only one leg.

I suggest that all humans should spend five minutes standing on one leg, then on the other.  (Think flamingo!). If they do this conscientiously their balance will improve a little.

Of course, they will never achieve the graceful balance of us cats!

Lessons for Humans 3. Speak Your Gratitude.

Hear the purr at Celia's Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMH0Q-3hEcw

 

We show our pleasure and gratitude by purring or by snuggling up close. Or both. We do this when humans do something we like.

Gratitude works.... If we purr at them when we are eating specially nice food, they are more likely to give it to us again.  

So humans could learn from us. Humans are verbal beings. The poor things can't purr. But they can make a wide variety of vocalisations, which they call speech.

So humans, speak your gratitude. Remember to say thank you when other people do something you like.

And say a big thank you - with smiles and hugs where appropriate - when another human does you a favour.

Remember, gratitude spoken aloud often brings more favours! We cats don't purr for nothing!

 

Lessons for humans. 2. Avoid self pity.

 Humans don't deal with personal disasters as well as we cats do. We cats don't waste time feeling sorry for ourselves. We learn to have fun, even if we have major problems.

Take Tanni, for instance. She was only a kitten when she lost a front leg in a car accident. You might think that she would become some sort of invalid.

Not Tanni. Within 24 hours she was leaping around and playing with cat toys, determined to have fun again. She even chased a bit of fluff on the veterinary floor when she came to after the amputation. No languishing around in the cat bed. 

Later when she went to her forever home, she showed her humans how she could climb up trees with only three legs and catch mice with only a single paw. Anything that a cat with four legs could do, she did with only three.

Lessons for humans. Make sure you have fun, even if you have the bad luck to be disabled.

Lessons for humans. 1. Keep clean

I wish humans could learn to wash as often as I do - and to do a more thorough job. I clean every area of my body at least three or four times daily.

Indeed about 20% of my time is spent washing myself - my tail, my paws, my back, my belly and those intimate areas that I reach by pushing one leg in the air while balancing on my backside.

Humans can't do that.

Instead they wallow in water in a bath sometimes for hours, or what seems like hours. Too long I think.

Picked up as a stray, Caesar has a good wash

The impatient ones step into a shower and spend perhaps 10 minutes or so washing.  Not enough time, I think.

I could teach my human how to do a better job, just using her tongue. she could start with her toes and move upwards.... 

 

Don't forget the tail

Only she can't. She is just not flexible enough. And her tongue doesn't have those little hooks that mine does.

She has a pathetic tongue. It is sort of floppy and smooth on the surface. No good for washing fur and not much use even for the bald human skin.

Sad...

How to wake up your human

 

Chest kneading

Humans are lazy animals. Every now and again, they refuse to wake up on what they call "Sunday." (And, no, I don't know what that means.)

 It is necessary to wake them. Here are some methods contributed by various cats who have refined their individual technique.

• Heavy kneading on the human chest.
• The flying pounce.
• The loud purr in ear.
• The gentle ear nip.
• Walking up and down the body.
  
• Loud mewing.
• Jumping on and off the bed.
• Nipping toes protruding from the duvet.
• Face to face rubbing, with or without purr.
• Backing the butt close to the human nose.... yes, that works!
• Bringing a dead rat on to the bed.
  
  
  
  

But the ultimate wake up call is a living rat on pillow. That always works. And it works fast.

When forever isn't forever.

 Merlin, the beautiful grey cat in this photo, has had bad luck. He has had to move four times in the last 8 months. And he is a very lovable easy cat.

First he was handed into a UK rescue and adopted by a suitable woman. But she had just lost her previous cat and decided her decision had been too fast. She needed to mourn a little more.

So Merlin went as a foster cat to Celia, living in one room for about two months, before finding another home. This time with a charming young man who had just the right living quarters for him.

But then disaster struck. Merlin's third owner was given a new job in London, and could not afford to rent a home that was suitable for a cat.

So now Merlin needs yet another home. It will be his fourth, if you count the time he spend with Celia in her spare bedroom.

He's a beautiful grey cat, friendly, without any bad habits.

The cat in the stable....

FREDERICO BAROCCI

 Yes, of course, there was a cat in the Bethlehem stable. How else would the stable been safe for a baby, at that amazing moment in history.  

So, it's not in the Bible account.? Does that mean it wasn't there? That though there were oxen and a donkey, those were the only animals.

Not so. There would have been the pigeons or doves, roosting during the night up in the rafters. And, of course, there would have been mice and probably some rats, picking up any spare grain left by the oxen.

LEONARDO DA VINCI

There would have been the insects too. Probably some beetles, ants, moths and butterflies in hibernation. There might even have been some hibernating wall lizards that winter. 

It was an ordinary stable with ordinary creatures great and small. And in the centre of them all, a new born baby.

REMBRANDT

Of course there were cats. The great painters knew that. 

Christmas trees.. this year's disaster.

 Yes, she's done it again. My living room now has a rather unpleasant pine tree in it.

I used to enjoy the tree when I was younger. I climbed it. I pulled off the baubles. Sometimes I succeeded in pulling it down altogether.

She tried hanging it from the ceiling one year. That was a real challenge. I managed one of the best leaps of my life and clung on to it, while it swung wildly.

But it all ended badly with a trip to the vet, when I got a pine needle stuck in my paw. 

So this year I intended to ignore the tree.

Alas for good intentions. This tree smelled of DOG. To be exact, it smelled of dog pee.

So I had to overmark it. I backed up and sprayed on it.

That didn't end well, either.

• Get your human to buy this. Sales pay for my catfood!
  
  
  
  

It hurts, you stupid human!

 

Ouch.. why do humans do that? The vet was pulling my leg around so I doubled back and bit him.

Then my human apologized as if I had done something wrong. He had hurt me. He should have apologized to me.

What did he expect, handling me like that. His explanation (not to me but to her) was that he was palpating me! Palpating! Not so much palpating as punishing me with pain.

You just can't get through to them. As if it wasn't enough that I am getting stiff with arthritis in my old age! Of course that makes me grumpy. Oldies in pain always are. Not just cats but humans too.

It's that flooring in the kitchen that is to blame. I have to go there to eat and use the litter tray, but it's hard and slippery tiles. What I need is non-slip flooring or carpet.

The litter tray is getting difficult too. She should get me one with an easy entrance. It hurts when I have to lift my legs to get into it. 

One day I won't bother. I will just pee on the floor. And she will blame me, rather than the high sides of the litter tray.

I could do with a ramp on to the sofa, and on to the bed. Yet it has never occurred to her. Why doesn't the vet suggest this instead of pain-palpitating me! A fat lot of good that is.

I heard him say "weight loss." Food is almost the only pleasure I have left. Why didn't he say "Flooring."

Humans - dumb animals without any empathy for elderly cats! I 

Cats are smarter than babies.

That cats are more clever than babies is not news for us cats. It is obvious to any cat who has compared human babies with kittens.

Kittens can walk at the age of two weeks: babies are still unable to do this at that age. Kittens are litter trained by eight weeks: babies are not potty trained until about one to three years (depending on their mothers' skills).

Now scientists have tested how quickly cats can make an association of a word with a picture. They can do this more quickly than babies.

Is this surprising? Not in the least. Human babies are incredibly slow to develop physical and mental skills compared with kittens. 

Sad that scientists have to rediscover obvious truths. But that is how humans work...

We just get on with enjoying warmth and sunlight and good food and hunting. 

Wiser than dumb humans? Of course.

 

• Here is the original report - https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-74006-2 

"Elections?" No, cat shelters.

Stray cats in Idaho love US "elections", I have been told by feline friends. It is all because of the election signs humans put on their lawns.

These are useless rectangles with markings upon them that humans call writing. Some rectangles are blue. Some are red (though this colour is difficult for me to see.) Don't ask me why because I don't know.

Why they create these idiotic useless signs is beyond my understanding. Humans get excited about such odd things and do so many pointless things.

But there is a human in Idaho who makes these plastic rectangles into insulated cat shelter boxes, so that stray cats can keep warm in winter.  

So there is one sensible human who knows what really matters. And it isn't this so called "election." 

We cats dread Christmas....

 

My idiotic relative Percy likes Christmas

There may be some cats that enjoy Christmas, but I don't. And  almost all the cats I am acquainted with simply loathe it. Except for Percy on the left.

 The only good thing about Christmas is the turkey. There is usually a lot left over at the end of the day, so I might get some as a treat.

Otherwise it is a nightmare of humans - babies, toddlers (ugh!), harassed adults. Young children may even try to "dress" me.

Strangers invade the house. They ruin the family scent that I have carefully created by rubbing against my normal human and the furniture.

They smell wrong, wrong, wrong... Worse still, some of them smell of dog. And worst of all, sometimes they bring a dog into my home.

Some of the humans get drunk too. That makes them vocalise loudly and sometimes leads to a vocal fight among the relatives. It is a grim time.

What can a self-respecting cat do? Well I retire to the spare bedroom (if it is unoccupied) or loaf around on my human's bed. 

I suppose I should be grateful that I am not put into a cattery. Some of my feline friends languish in solitary confinement while their humans go for a holiday.

Christmas is coming.... and I dread it.