Phew, the danger is over... but another to come

 

This is the worst time of year for all cats, particularly black ones. Why? Because humans celebrate Halloween and then in the UK Guy Fawkes night (G.F. being the man who tried to blow up the House of Commons.)

In the USA Halloween (October 31) is particularly dangerous for black cats, because some yobs will chuck them on to bonfires. Worse still, cat-lovers will pick up stray black cats and deliver them to cat shelters.

What's wrong with that? Well, apart from no-kill shelters, black cats are often euthanised because they are more difficult to rehome. So these "rescued" black cats may get killed because by the shelter itself.

This Halloween danger is particularly bad in the US. In the UK, where fortunately almost all shelters are no-kill, black cats are not routinely euthanised. 

But bonfires and fireworks are still dangerous to cats whether at Halloween or Guy Fawkes night. Street yobs think it is funny to throw bangers at passing cats or, worse, tie them on a cat. 

That's one danger. Even if the cat isn't hurt, they may run off and get lost.

The other danger is bonfires. Not many humans are vile enough to throw a cat on a bonfire, but nonetheless some cats get burned in these fires.

A stray cat looking for shelter, may tunnel in to a bonfire before it is lit. (So may hedgehogs). Often a bonfire is built a few weeks before the celebration in order to collect enough material.

Then if nobody bothers to check before lighting it, any animals who took refuge there are burned to death.

So purrlease keep us safe this coming Firework Night in the UK.

 

*Want to know more about what it is like being rescued? Read this book for the inside story.

If cats designed catteries...

This cattery design looks modern but it gives the inmates no privacy from staring humans.

 If we cats designed catteries, the most important thing we would do is make sure every cattery has a hiding place. A proper one which gives complete privacy.

It's always scary going to a boarding cattery for the first time. It smells wrong. There are weird noises. And - worst of all - there are strange human beings STARING at us.

Staring is intimidating and stressful.

That's why we need a small area to which we can retreat, until we have got used to the pen and can spend some time rubbing around it to spread our scent so that it smells like home.

The worst cattery designs are those that just have a shelf and a blanket. If there is a high sided bed, that helps a little though not enough.

The other cattery designs we hate are those one where only glass separates us from the humans the other side.  We have to sit near the glass because that is the only heated area.

Nervous cats close their eyes and pretend to sleep - it's called feigned sleep and it is a sign of stress. Our bodies are tense, our back is humped up, and every now and again we turn our heads away from the staring humans.

Watch this video at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxnA1YL3KJw   and you will see what I mean.

OK, so you humans cannot afford to rebuild your cattery. We understand. But there is something you can do.

PLEASE give us a cardboard box (photo abovve)  to hide in. Or buy a Hide & Sleep (photo right) from Cats Protection which gives more protection.

 

The Prime Minister didn't adopt. He shopped.

 

KITTENS LIKE CONRAD NEED A HOME....

Humans will keep buying us. As if we were a packet of cereal from a supermarket. Then after buying us with money, they think they own us.

Indeed their stupid laws says we are a possession.

The UK prime minister is the latest idiot to buy a cat. He has acquired an expensive Maine coon kitten "for his children." That's a typical politician's excuse.

He could have adopted a kitten that needed a home. He could have been like American president Joe and his wife Jill Biden who always adopt rescue animals.

Our prime minster just flashed the cash. If it was his purrsonal cash. Maybe it wasn't. He doesn't buy his own glasses and his suits. They are donated by a friend.

He could have set a good example by getting a rescue cat. He could have done something for cat welfare. He might even have shown some love and sympathy for homeless cats.  He chose not to. 

I am glad I am a cat, not a politician. I think more clearly. I have proper pride. 

Cats in hats

Dressing up cats is one of the more disgusting habits of young humans, usually females. It's uncomfortable, and it goes against the dignity of any decent cat. It's feline humiliation at its worst.

Cats hate hats. 

Now adult scientists are doing it and I am not sure whether to give it my approval or not. They have started crocheting little hats for cats, so that they can measure brain activity.

Demeaning? Yes. Should be stopped? Purrhaps not. The aim is to measure feline brain activity so as to learn more about chronic pain. 

Many of us older cats have severe arthritis. Our dumb human companions often don't notice this. We hide our pain and do not complain. Unlike them... have you ever heard two oldie humans swapping stories about their health? Pathetic.

So the aim of these hats is to benefit cats, not humans -- for a change. And although the cats in the Youtube report (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLyRnnprR-M) look very fed up with their hats, maybe their disgust is justified by the benefits that may result.

And, of course, this is non-invasive research. No cat is hurt in the process. Just made to feel very very undignified. What do other felines think?

How we domesticated humans

 This is a home for a cat circa 8,500 BC - one of the first that humans built when they became civilised and friendly to cats.

Before that time they wandered around the landscape without settling down in one spot. 

Once they settled, they had to store food. So house mice moved in.  So did sparrows. And so did we.... for the mice not the humans.

But the shelter from the weather suited some of us too. Admittedly building techniques in the so called Fertile Crescent were only mudbrick and the entrance door was in the roof... but better than a cold cave.

It was the beginning of the domestication of humans by cats. We moved in when we thought they had evolved enough.

• Photo shows early Neolithic mudbrick house, recreated at Asikli Hoyuk in Turkey.
  

Interventions for online addicts

Humans are strange creatures that get addicted to their computer screens. They are simply not present. Not here. Like drug users, they become more and more lost in their addiction.

We can help them get out of the online world and back into reality. But it takes tough love and a lot of purrsistence.

Luckily we cats have patience. We can wait at a mouse hole for hours and hours. This quality will be needed in our dealings with online addicts.

I recommend a sliding scale of action. Try these methods and then use the ones that work best.

• Mewing. Sound not scent is the best normal way to get your human's attention. They are scent blind but can be roused with noise.
• Purring loudly... you need to have jumped on the desk to make this rather charming intervention work. Purr as close to their face as possible. Lure them into looking at you not the screen.
  
• Desk roaming. Walk round the desk area, poking your paw at anything which might fall off the desk.
• Printer sitting. Sit on the printer and wait for the paper to come out. Treat this intervention as if you were waiting for a mouse to emerge from its mousehole. Printers are slightly warm to the butt, so this is quite an enjoyable intervention. 
• Printer take down. If the printer is a cheap one, your weight may stop printing altogether or even, if you are lucky, break the ridiculous item.
• 
  Keyboard paw work. Poking or sitting on the keyboard can produce a pleasing range of gobbledegook on the screen. Useful in vet's surgeries to prevent note taking.
  
• Screen blocking. Some cats do not bother with the above methods. They move straight to screen blocking. Blocking the screen makes online users unable to use. It is probably the best intervention going but comes with hazards if the online addict is likely to be violent.

 

Purrlease don't eat me....

 

It's been a worrying time for felines in Ohio, USA. An internet rumour suggested that some people there were eating cats and dogs. Then Donald Trump said this was really happening.

We cats want to put it on record that we taste absolutely horrible. We are appallingly difficult to digest too.

So if you suddenly go bonkers and decide to eat a dead cat, you will find it difficult to swallow even a single bite - because of the vile taste. And, if you purrsist, you will have awful indigestion.

You will be up all night being sick not knowing which end - face or butt - to put on the lavatory. 

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED....

What do these capital letters remind you of? A certain style which appears on the ill-named Truth Social.

Oh and by the way there is a great song you can listen to on Youtube. You can even buy it here. All the money will go to cat and dog rescue.

So good comes out of harm....

PS. The blog is late due to my secretary being at The Cat Show in Birmingham. And it may be intermittent for a couple of weeks in Sept and Oct, as she is gallivanting around Turkey. You can't get the staff nowadays.

When all else fails - try a fly.

Hunting is what I like best but as an indoor-only cat I don't have many chances. I have been unable to purrsuade my human to supply living mice for me.

She just won't. She used to keep them as pets, and she thinks mice are rather nice.

Instead she plays games with me using a fishing rod toy. Now this is OK, but a fishing rod toy is not a mouse. And when I catch it, there is nothing to kill.

She tried lazer lights too. I quite liked these but I found them even more frustrating than the fishing rod toy. With the toy I could grab it and rake it with my back legs even if I couldn't give the kill bite. But with a lazer there was nothing to grab.

And besides, she never gives me enough play time.d

So I I decided it would have to be flies. Bluebottles, ordinary house flies, are best. They are big enough to see properly and when you catch them they are crunchy.

You can still enjoy being a serial killer, even if your victims are just small insects.

Wasps, those insects that are yellow and stripey, are a mistake. A big mistake. Bite a wasp and you find yourself in the vet's surgery. 

Rescue smarter... homeless cats need your help.

 This is the problem.... how can we help find not just any solution but the right solution for all of us cats. By all of us I mean the wild feral cats, the community cats and (of course) the homeless pet cats.

I've been researching this and my human is going to give a talk about it at the Birmingham Cat Show in the UK on September 14. She's also going to sell a few books -- with luck!

Purrlease get up to date on cat rescue. Don't put feral cats in "sanctuaries". Trap, neuter them and put them back where they belong where they can have a happier longer life, now that they are not worn out by kitten bearing or by sexual diseases.

Rescue smarter. The quicker cats get out of a rescue into a home, the more cats can be helped.

If you can't listen to Celia on September 14, go straight to International Cat Care for details of how to rescue smartly, take a course, and learn Trap, Neuter and Return.

Help us NOW.

Disgusted... a kitten

 

This is Max. He looks quiet in this photo. He's not.

She's done it again. She's imported another awful foster kitten. It's disgusting.

Humans are so selfish. OK so she tried to hide it away in the spare room. Huh. Of course I could smell the intruder.

I walked to the closed door and gave the loudest hiss that I could. Don't know if the kitten heard it, but she did. "That will teach her to think I might mother it," I said to myself.

But did it? The kitten is still there. Worse still, it's completely manic. She lets it out sometimes and it tears round the house at the speed of knots.

Of course if it comes near me - and she has the decency to try to make sure it doesn't by shutting various doors - I arch my back and hiss again.

For about two seconds that stops it in its tracks. Then it speeds off again jumping and running and cavorting everywhere.

She says she is just fostering it. Thank goodness. I can't bear much more.

That kitten is a revolting intruder. It must go....

The joy of scratching....

 

Humans amuse me! Particularly scientists! They have been studying why we scratch and have come up with some delightful theories - mainly that we scratch because we are stressed.

Ridiculous, of course. We scratch because we enjoy it. I love the way it makes my claws tingle, the relief when an old claw sheath falls off, the satisfaction of a good long stretch of the whole body.

It's fun, humans. We do it because we can - where we can, when we can, and how we can.

So maybe we scratch a bit more often to cheer ourselves up when we are stressed... but the basic reason is the joy of scratching.

Purrsonally I enjoy the edge of the sofa best. The furniture covering has just the right kind of tension to make my claws tingle. 

And  scratching on the furniture always gets my human's attention -  "Gerroffit" she shouts! So satisfying.

I also scratch the doormat when she comes home. This is a courtesy greeting to say "I am so pleased you came home, look at the way I show it."

Other pleasing scratch places are the  table legs in the kitchen, the door to the bedroom (when I am shut out by mistake) and of course the early morning scratch on the side of the bed to wake her up.

But best of all was the wonderful scratch I once had on an oak tree. Get your human to buy a forest.

 

Giving a home to a homeless human....

No, this isn't Giles... but I wouldn't mind fostering a Aussie firefighter....

 I have just taken in a homeless human.... well, sort of. I have my own permanent pet human, Celia, and lately I added a temporary foster human, Giles. He won't be staying long only until he has found a new home! 

He's more or less trained. Not a stray. Puts out food when I ask him. Pets me when I get close enough. So now I have two human servants rather than one.

They more or less get on together - though there is some disagreement about TV programmes and both of them show an unhealthy addiction to smart phones rather than focusing solely on me.

Last Thursday was Homeless Animals Day. I have mixed feelings about that. Of course, I want more human homes for cats, but I don't necessarily want my own home invaded by another cat. I like living alone.

There is a pesky foster kitten in my spare room at the moment and I am not at all pleased. Foster humans I can bear: foster cats I hiss at when I see them.

Luckily the kitten will be going soon..... But I shall miss the foster human when he goes.

Yum, yum....

 I have decided to apply for a job in a Chinese pet food laboratory - as a taster. These humans have been testing what flavours we like best using chicken liver spray.

Now chicken liver - or other liver - is what I like almost best in the world, though my human says that it is toxic if I eat too much of it too often. Just a tiny taste is all that I should have.

But purrhaps if I was in that laboratory I would get much more of it....

So what were their findings? Only what we cats know very well indeed. We don't like sweet. We don't even taste sweet. We like savory or unami (as they call it.) The meatier the taste the more we like it.

That's why we have to train our humans to buy us the most expensive cat food - expensive because there is more real meat in it and less carbs.

And while I mention this, it's amazing that I can successfully train my human in this way. I don't have to go to the supermarket with her. She just does what I have told her to do

even though I am not there to make her do it. This is long distance training... we are experts at this.

Want to brush up on training techniques? Read my book, One Hundred Ways for a Cat to Train its Human. Buy it here. It really works.

Childless cat ladies are wonderful!

 I don't take a lot of notice when my human becomes upset, but last week I couldn't miss her distress. Some bearded git, the would-be Republican vice president in the USA, has said that "childless cat ladies" live miserable lives. 

The insult got to her. She doesn't have children because her husband couldn't. And yes, she has cats. Me, of course.

Is her life miserable? I don't think so. She misses her husband who died, but otherwise has a full emotional life. Yes, a full emotional life with me.

• We love and care for each other.
  
• We sleep together. 
• We communicate with purrs and human "catty" talk. 
  
• We spend time in the garden together.
• I spend time in a warm cat bed near her computer supervising her work.  
• I take a great deal of interest in what she cooks.
• I try to clean up any food that has fallen on the kitchen floor.
• I greet her when she comes home.
  
• And I look beautiful.
  

She is not miserable. She is a happy cat lady and I am determined to help her stay that way, Mr JD Vance.

I hope you lose the US election

Are we getting on together?

 Most humans are too dumb to read our body language. So they don't pick up the clues that cats are not getting on. Sure, they may recognise a cat fight but more sublte signs pass them by.

Take for instance these two cats. The black cat is arching his back and standing sideways to the tabby the white cat. His tail is bristling and is standing up then going down. He is making himself look as big as possible to threaten the other cat.

The tabby and white has his ears retracted showing anger and they are also slightly pulled down the sides of the head showing some fear. 

His body is stiff with tension because he is readying himself for fight or flight. Another sign of his fear is that his body weight is on his back feet.

Yes, some cats do get on.  But some cats definitely do not.

Now some human scientists have come up with explanation and advice to these dumb humans. You can download their guidelines here 

Take-home message for stupid humans is 

• Don't take in too many cats
• Recognise the signs of inter cat tension
• Make sure each cat has a safe haven
• Don't feed cats in a row. Feed them at a decent distance from each other.
  
• Be creative in helping cats avoid each other - cat trees, lots of cat beds, lots of food and water in different occasions, a litter tray for each cat and one extra.