Dear George
I am very worried about my human who seems to be obsessed with her nipple. She only has two and I overhear her talking about one of them. Apparently she wants the vet to cut it off and store it somewhere on her body, like in her armpit. Her plan is that he then cuts off her mammary gland, keeps the nipple, and sews it back on to a reconstruction. He refused point blank.
Do you think I could give her one of mine. I have a nice row of them either side of the milk line and I would never miss one of mine.
Yours anxiously
Tilly.
Dear Tilly,
What a generous cat you are. What an exciting vision - a beautiful feline nipple, surrounded by lovely tortoiseshell fur, growing on your human's mammary area that was. It would be a bit like Diana Dors' (or was it Jayne Mansfield's) mink bikini. Very elegant.
But the vet is right. It just wouldn't work.
Personally I can't see why your human want a reconstruction anyway. Losing a teat is bad luck, but a false one, even a falsie in flesh, isn't going to be functional? Can't feed kittens, can it? Yet these humans are obsessed with their teats. Odd. Very odd indeed. I suppose it is something to do with only having two of them - another sign of human inferiority. I have always thought the human body would look much nicer with a line of them starting where they are now and going down either side to below the waist. But the great Cat in the sky did not make them like that.
No, I suggest you concentrate on purr therapy for her. She's going to feel rather ill after the vet's operation. Give her lots of purrs and rubs but hang on to your nipple. Human welfare does not require us to give our body parts to our human pets.
Yours cautiously,
George
I can recommend a rather touching book, admittedly about the inferior species the dog. Dog Walks Man, by John Zeaman, (Hamlyn £7.99). A sort of meditation on dog walking.... I may come back to this later.
Well, Tilly, my first mum, Joanne had both her mammary glands removed and they built new ones from her tummy so she kept her own nipples as well.As a chap,I couldn't have given her any though. That's why I came to live with the older generation in the first place but they won't let me go back even though it was six years ago. No, keep your nipples but make sure you don't lie on her chest for a few weeks then everything will be back to normal. Give her a lick from me please.
ReplyDeleteHarvey
Tilly, I hope your human does well. Snuggle a lot with her, this is a scary time for her.
ReplyDeleteTilly, this is the time we should forget we are superior to humans. This is the time to give your mum love more then anything else. Be there for her, purr for her. Don't be scared - she'll be okay. Give her a purr & a kiss from us.
ReplyDeleteLove
Fluffy & Cayenne
Tilly, give you mommy love and purrs.
ReplyDeleteShe'll be fine. Hope she'll be back home soon.
Sebastian
Dear Tilly, what a scary time! Wishing you mommy all the best and a speedy recovery.
ReplyDeletePurrs & love
Shumba
Best wishes for health and a speedy recovery.
ReplyDelete(Hope she won't smell too bad after her visit at the human vet)! Tilly, be good to your "mama" - she needs lots of love and purrs.
Cat Victoria
Tilly, keep your good teats; don't offer any to your mommy. Humans have an obsession for big teats so they blow them up with silicon to the point that they look like winter squash. Imagine a human carrying six big winter squashes on her chest? Not a pretty picture! So, keep yours and let her deal with hers. Just give her lots of purrs and love. I wish her an easy visit to the vet and a quick recovery.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Diego
I don't know yet what boobs are......but I wish your mom a short stay at the vet clinic and a speedy recovery home.
ReplyDeleteLove & kisses
Vegas
Since everybody seems to have some sur-realistic vision of teats.....I wish your mommy all the best and much health and joy. Take care of her and keep us posted on her progress. No matter how many teats she has ....I bet she's an excellent mommy! So, be gentle and loving....she deserve it.
ReplyDeleteLove
Frederico
Tilly, this very generous of your to offer to give away your body parts. Human females can have a bit of a balance issue if they have to lose one of their mammary glands apparently. This is why they ask for reconstructions, some humans even get a nipple tattoo once the reconstruction has been done. Our Dad might have some secret cat genes, he has a supernumary nipple (like a little mole) under his man boobs. Of course having a full set of cat nipples is best.
ReplyDeleteSending love to your Mum Tilly
Oliver & Gerry xx