Dear George,
I read your comments about your secretary's lack of efficiency with true fellow feeling. I have been very disillusioned by my humans' inadequate care taking. They are butler and housekeeper to me but are failing in their tasks. The food is not good - mostly supermarket special offers. I don't appreciate being fed cheap food. They have failed to fix the weather so that I have to go hunting in appalling conditions of rain and wind. And the butler has stopped opening the door for me in bad weather (just when I need to hover in the doorway deciding whether to go out). He claims I should use the cat flap.Worst of all, I overhead them talking of getting another cat. I am considering terminating their employment by finding a new home. There is a promising old lady down the road. She's not as rich as they are, but she looks the type to buy me the best even if it means she has to eat cheap human offers herself.
Yours disgustedly
Gorgeous Ginger.
Dear Ginger,
Staff are always a difficulty. The below-stairs species (to borrow a metaphore from Downton Abbey) really can't think like we do. They just don't have the education and intelligence. It has always been a mystery to me why humans gorge themselves on exciting meals, different each day of the week, and expect us to eat the same kind of cat biscuits day after day. Moreover, they spend a great deal more on their meals than ours. They eat roast beef or grilled pork chop but where is the fresh roasted mouse or grilled rat for us?
(The difficulties with my secretary have persisted. Today as I was penning (I like the old idea of cat with posh fountain pen in paw) this blog, all contact with the ISP was lost. The helpline merely said "Your call is important to us" and then promptly cut me off. I coudn't even leave an offended MIAOW. Of course, all this is a human invention so one couldn't expect it to work...)
Which brings me to weather. Why can't they fix it. Less time spent simpering on the TV while pointing to ridiculous items that look like poached eggs (sun peeping through a cloud apparently) might help them concentrate on what really matters. We cats like control and we expect our humans to extend this control to the weather. I don't know about you but I find it positively offensive to have to sit at the open door trying to decide if it is worth going out.
That moment, of course, is when proper service by the door person really matters. Yet they object. "Why do I have to open the door for you when you have a perfectly good cat flap" says Ronnie or Celia. Why? Because that is what they are there for. You don't hire a doorkeeper and then expect to have to open the cat door yourself. I like to stroll over to the open door, sit there for a bit possibly with my paws one side and my tail the other, and then look up at the doorkeeper and go back inside. You can see that it riles them!
As for another cat. Why on earth do they think we want another cat?Why should we? Some of us are total loners, and most of us are very suspicious of intruding unknown cats. I get onwith some cats andI don't get on with others. Yet my human tends to think that I would happy with just any old cat. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's an individual thing. We are not promiscuous socialisers like humans. We cats have standards.
Rehome yourself, Ginger. That old lady sounds very promising.
Yours George
Poor Ginger, I sympathise with you. These apes get above themselves sometimes and forget their place is to serve us, not fill our world with strange cats or inconvenience us with silly little cat flaps.
ReplyDeleteThe old lady sounds like she might appreciate you more, perhaps roasting some lamb or chicken on a regular basis and selflessly leaving doors and windows wide open.
Whicky Wuudler
It's quite obvious that Oscar and Sweet Pea had me perfectly trained to their taste and needs. I have been known to open more than a couple of cans of cat food before they decided that was the flavor they wanted. I would also give them any left overs of meat/fish we had from our meals cutting it into tiny pieces, just the way they liked it.
ReplyDeleteAs for the doorman, well they had us trained very well in that area. They both let us know that was why they lived with us, well other than the fact this is where their mom decided she wanted them to live. If we failed to provide prompt service at the door we were notified immediately. They both wanted the door open so they could sniff the air to see if they wanted to THINK about going outside.
Ginger, make sure the old lady is not too old!
ReplyDeleteAfter all....if you re-home yourself now...you don't want to be in that situation that you have to re-home again! Insist in training your current humans! They might be "slow" but they must love you.
Sebastian
Ginger, don't expect humans to "fix" anything!
ReplyDeleteLook at George's secretary, Celia.
She can't even fix a computer :-(
Be persistent in your demands - they will "get it"! I would start with food (I love food) :-)
Demand better food - steal their food if necessary. Meow until they share!
Hugs
Cayenne
Ginger, you are gorgeous indeed!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should relocate but scare your housekeepers with this possibility. Having a big ego, they usually don't realize that they are our servants! Have patience with them as you would have hunting a mouse! For now....move your butler in the basement as I did with mine. Let him sleep there for a while. Meantime "charm" your female housekeeper into providing you with better food (even if she has to cut from the butler's steak portion)!
let us know of your progress!
Sir Winston
Ginger, be more demanding! Be moody! Trick them every day into something. That will confuse them and it is easier to train them in a state of confusion! Ask them to cook for you. But make sure they cook meat not like mine who cooked a veggie stew today :-( Phew! Did they think it was Harvey, the house bunny, coming to dinner?
ReplyDeleteSee what I mean?
Love
Fluffy