Dear George,
You won’t believe your ears what I’m going to tell you! I really think that “humans” have been somehow “genetically modified” – at least mine!
Can you believe that my humans were watching a movie entitled “Ratatouille”? Watching a movie about vegetarian food is ok since they are vegetarians…but watching a movie about a RAT cooking vegetarian food for people? Phew! Phew! Phew!
Can you believe that actually someone made a movie about a rat cooking this famous veggies stew from Provence (France) and that people (in the movie) were killing themselves to get a bite? And my “humans” were in tears by the end of the movie?
IN TEARS over food cooked by a RAT? Are they genetically modified with rat DNA?
So, I decided to save them – I’m taking cooking classes. Look at me among eggplants and zucchini! I’ll cook them a ratatouille! Any other vegetarian suggestions?
Love
Fluffy
Dear Fluffy,
As an outdoor cat, my recipe for ratatouille is as follows:
GEORGE'S RATATOUILLE FOR CATS
One young rat.
One mouthful of grass or straw as garnish.
One human scream.
First catch your rat being careful not to pounce on a really big one that will give you a horrendous bite. The grass or straw are the optional garnish, which may go into your mouth as you grab the rat. If not, do not worry. They are not essential. The human scream is. This occurs when you bound through the cat flap with the rat struggling and alive in your mouth. Deposit the rat in the house and watch it climb up vertical walls. It does this splendidly, falling back on to the floor when it reaches the ceiling. Screaming human just makes it very exciting and worthwhile. Eat rat when it becomes exhausted - which may be several hours and a lot of hunting time later.
I have done this several times to great effect. The best time was when the rat litereally ran up the wall, Celia caught it as it fell using a Wellington boot, threw rat and boot into the garden, where I caught up with it. Unfortunately she then spoiled everything by slamming the cat flap shut just before I was bringing it back into the garden. Humans are awful spoilsports.
Love George
PS. I offered her the rats. Thought she might find them tasty. No gratitude at all. However I do not do carry-out or take-away (see comments). In principle, I do not share. The exceptions are offering Celia a rat and allowing her to sleep on my bed even though she takes up a lot of room.
Fluffy you look splendid amongst the pointless vegetables. Those veg are more useful as bolster pillows than grub for felines.
ReplyDeleteGeorge, what an excellent recipe. We shall try and find a wall climbing rat immediately. We have the habit of semi-disabling rats before bringing them home, hence no wall climbing. Of course this makes the apes weep and moan more. Wretched, mawkish apes pfft!
I am convinced that apes are a genetic and behavioural disaster, all this unwarranted screaming when we behave as nature intended is irrational. Do we scream and yeowl insanely when they bring home bags full of their food? No, we investigate calmly, maybe try and steal the cheese, then go about our business.
Just don't let your secretary get any ideas about putting a chef's hat on you George - with or without Photoshop
Whicky Wuudler
I think the recipie for Ratatouille sounds delish, but M is going EEEKKKKK! Since she's the cook around here, I suppose I'll never get to try it. Do you do carryout?
ReplyDeleteHow about Sweet and Sour Shepherd or Moo Goo Gipoodle? I saw these in one of my cat books.
ReplyDeleteMy recipe for ratatouille is as follows.
ReplyDeleteOne large carrot.
Another large carrot.
Two small carrots and several carrot tops.
Garnish with pea tops and a medium sized carrot.
Love to all,
Harvey
George, did Celia actually eat the rat?
ReplyDeleteLove
Fluffy
George, I'm very much tempted to bring home a rat
ReplyDeletebut I'm afraid that they would take me to the vet again. Last time daddy took me for nothing - just to make me smell like Fluffy. I hated Fluffy's smell after visiting the doctor and I was very much afraid of her (she reminded me of the vet)
Now we are ok and sharing everything again :-)
Hugs
Cayenne
Harvey, I bet my humans would love your recipe :-)
ReplyDeleteFluffy
PS. Whicky Wuudler, thanks for the compliment