Sunday, October 11, 2009

Introducing the sticky crunch of newts

Dear George,
When I first came into the kitchen with a newt thrashing about between my gums, my humans were – heaven knows why – shocked rather than grateful. Even though I have no teeth I managed to munch it with my gums and swallow it down. I made my trademark hunting cry of “marrp” in celebration.
Later I saw my companion Whicky Wuudler batting something about and stamping on it – he’s a real back paw stamper and his hocks are legendary for dispatching moles. Sure enough he’d got a newt too – only just a tiny one. The humans tried to interfere AGAIN. He ate it, except for one tiny foreleg. Next Oliver brought a live one into the house, whapped it around growling and took off at high speed when our humans interfered. He ate it too!
Why can’t they understand…. Newts are good to eat and fun to hunt. We bring them in to show them off to our two apes. Whicky left that leg out of the goodness of his heart so that they could have a nibble. Did they? They did not. What's more, a day or two later, the newts had totally disappeared! What’s wrong with these apes, George?
Love Gerry

Dear Gerry,

Many humans, or apes as you so nicely call them, seem to think that newts produce a foul tasting mucus to deter predators. They don't. I think they have them confused with toads, which do taste horrible, though frogs are quite nice if you like that sort of thing. Some humans even eat them - though they are so unsporting as to buy them frozen in frenchy supermarkets rather than going out and hunting their own. All too typical of this species. You call them apes: I call them Homo stupido.

Do you actually fish your newts out of the water, or do you just wait till they come on land and get them then? I know of cats that will clear a small garden pond of all goldfish. Fanny brought in a goldfish, left it on the kitchen floor where it was found by the humans. They placed in a tank and it survived for a further 15 years. It made interactive piscal TV for Fanny!

And I even heard of a cat that brought home a two pound koi carp, which was probably worth thousands of pounds if it had the right markings. Its humans never dared to confess to the crime.

Newts, frogs and toads will all survive cats (apart from the occasionally unlucky individual) , if there are enough hiding places for them in a garden - long grass, wood piles, stone walls etc.

I have never tried back stamping. Can your apes take a video of it so I can post it?

Love George


  1. Cheers George matey! I did laff at Homo Stupido, they really are dumb. I'm shocked that some apes would BUY dead frogs, I could bring them live ones for free. We got our newts from the earth and leaves that surround the water pots, it's all moist and cool there - great hunting grounds. We think the newts were relocated by our resident Homo Stupidos pfft! Hopeless.

    The apes don't have a video camera, but Whicky sometimes does the back paw stamp on certain cat nip toys like the carrot. I have instructed the lumbering knuckle scrapers to have a camera to hand at all times to get a shot of this for you.

    Thanks George, you're a pal


  2. Dear George,
    Thanks for posting that cute photo of a newt!
    I must admit I didn't even know they exist.
    I've never seen one on this part of the planet where I live. I'm going to ask around.
    Could be that our sneaky humans give us the wild caught fish and keep the newts for themselves?

  3. Lovely creature this newt! Looks a bit like a jelly bean :-) Yummy!

  4. All I can catch are flies (inside the house):-(
    I'm a rescue and my humans won't take a chance to let me outside!
    I envy you, but my parents are right; we live close to heavy traffic.

  5. Hey Gerry, send some newts over here!
    I'd love to catch some.
    They look kind of cute...and tasty :-)

    PS. Say "hello" to Whicky W for me.


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online