Dear George,
I’m SO upset and fed up with my female housekeeper’s arrogance
that I can barely meow or write.
All it takes to see how mad I’m right now is to take a look at my picture,
“cramped” in this small fruit basket! You can tell I’m furious, right? vBut…here is the story; last night I was enjoying reading from your book “The Joy of Cats” (great book, by the way! thank you so very much for it).
You see, when I’m reading I like to indulge in few treats; so I asked Cayenne to bring me some. She couldn’t find any (we know where they “hide” our treats) so she started meowing calling upon “our mommy”. Believe it or not, our female human ignored all our meowing, pretending that she’s busy. Her attitude was upsetting me, so I pretended that I’m hungry and wanted my dinner served right away.
I waited quietly until she opened a can for me and then I REFUSED to eat it.
I continued to stay there to make her open another can which she normally does (my plot was to make her open as many cans as possible). I could not believe when she just walked away without saying anything. After 20 minutes or so, as I was still sitting there thinking of what I should do next to punish her, she just came by and took the food away. WHAT? I pinched myself; this can not be true!
She will never ever dare to do this to me. Well, I told you George that lately she has some attitude! She took my food away and I heard her saying “Fluffy, you just missed dinner”.
Such impertinence and arrogance! I’m not going to put up with this; this means war!
I pushed Cayenne again to ask for treats since apparently she has a “problem” with me.
Guess what! When “my daddy” asked her why she’s not giving us any treats …her answer was “not healthy”.
What...does she expect me to chew on carrots and broccoli just because she thinks it’s healthy? George, what should I do, as I’m a little hungry now, but I don’t want to give up and eat without punishing her first. She should pay dearly for her arrogance!
Love
Fluffy
Dear Fluffy,
Here in the UK there is great controversy about using punishment as a training method. All the good dog trainers are up in arms against Cesar Milan and even in the USA the American Veterinary Association has condemned his methods. Naturally I don't watch the programme - why should I want to look at dogs?
Punishment for humans? I favour it. I always have. It is, of course, very wrong for humans to punish animals but when animals punish humans it is ethically acceptable. Well, to me it is. How otherwise can we get through to them? They are such dumb creatures that stern measures are necessary.
First of all try psychological punishment by using a control of attention programme. This means that you actively ignore the offending human. Do not look at them, rub on them, or go anywhere near them. Sit with your back to them - the offended dignity of a cat's back is quite a striking sight. If they come into the room, leave. Stop sharing the bed with them. If they come over to pet you, get up with dignity and stalk out. Humans are very sensitive to this silent treatment of withdrawing attention and it is usually enough to bring your human back into line with the treats.
Your refusal to eat was a very good move, Fluffy. But clearly your human is getting wise to cat training methods. Can you fix for somebody else to feed you, Fluffy? Here in the UK, we usually organise several different feeders down our street so that we can pop out and do lunch with them any time we wish. Or is there any food you could steal? Just jumping on to the kitchen surface and pulling down the dried food bag (if there is one) might work fine. Or perhaps if you target your secondary human, the partner, you can get him to feed you instead. Walk round him mewing and looking pathetically hungry. That might produce tension between them - "How can you be so cruel to poor Fluffy?" That's a punishment in itself.
If you can't organise food from elsewhere, you may have to eat what you are given. If so, move on to fiercer methods. Biting and clawing are the final ways we cats can express our feelings and reduce our humans to the proper submissive state. They should only be a last resort.
Love George
PS. I sent my assistant to a veterinary conference where acupuncture was taken seriously as a method of controlling pain in the dog. So, if a vet offers it, it might be worth a try - not worth letting a non-veterinary person do it, however, as they will not have been taught how canine or feline anatomy differs from human anatomy. Besides, in the UK only vets are allowed to treat animals - though complementary therapists can if the vet refers the animal.
PPS. That box looks a bit small...
I cannot promote enough the virtues of thrashing your tail about wildly whenever the offending human says your name. It works wonders. No matter how kindly or gently they speak, whether you are asleep or sitting with your back to the wretched ape, just thrash that tail about. For full impact make sure no other part of you moves.
ReplyDeleteWhicky Wuudler in corrective mode.
(grrr)
PS: I think it's only vets who are allowed to carry out acupuncture on animals in the UK as it's classed as an invasive procedure.
We think we saw your secretary mention something about oro-facial pain syndrome a while ago somewhere? Has she come across any instances of acupuncture being used as an adjunct to orthodox treatment or alone?
Dear Fluffy,
ReplyDeleteI can feel your frustration as I read your question, and find myself involuntarily unsheathing my hind claws in preparation for a sympathy strike, most likely at the dog, who probably has it coming, anyhow. I have experienced the same problem with the reticence of my human female to feed me treats upon command. My technique is simple: kill her with kindness, and then make my point. When she is reluctant to promptly obey my request for a treat, I turn on the charm: rub against her legs, nuzzle her hand, even purr in her lap for a moment or two, all the while seething inside with righteous feline rage. Then, when she coos some ridiculous praise at me (it doesn't bear repeating; it would only embarrass her and I want her continued obedience)and trots off to fetch my treat---I ignore it, give her an icy glare, and stalk away. The pixilated look on her face is almost reward enough. More importantly, however, I have made my point, and perhaps in future she will be more forthcoming. It takes feline nerves of steel and a bit of icewater in the veins to walk away from a tuna-flavored Pounce, but believe me, Fluffy, the rewards are worth the sacrifice. One must consider the bigger picture at all times, and as I see it, a well-trained human is a happy human. Fight the good fight.
Sincerely,
Puss-Puss.
I told Fluffy so many times that she's too trustful and nice to everybody! Lately I caught "our mommy" snooping around our books reading "One hundred ways for a cat to train its human". I guess she read all your books George. What if she'll start behaving like a cat? That's a scary thought!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Cayenne
PS. Yes, we (our humans included) are very much against violence or punishment against animals. We are very active in this regard. But, yes, I personally agree with punishing humans once in awhile :-)
Hey, at night...just open that cabinet and steal the whole bag!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I do :-)
Love
Minnie
I was "persistently nice" to my daddy starting at 4 am, so by 5:30 he gave up and fed me whatever I wanted :-)
ReplyDeleteAs I'm purr-fectly full and happy now....I'm going to ignore my female human for awhile; teach her a lesson!
Love
Fluffy
PS. Yes, in Canada (at least in Ontario) there are few vets trained in acupuncture. We know of few cats and dogs that used it with great results.
Dear George,
ReplyDeleteAnswer to your PPS - of course that box is too small. I can't tell how hard was for me to "fit" myself in it. But I did it to show her that I'm protesting against her veggies & fruit and I WANT MY TREATS!
Love
Fluffy
PS. It seems that ignoring her works :-) Today she didn't know what else to do to please me!
But...not yet! May be tomorrow I'd let her kiss me (if she gives me my treats) :-)
I always get my humans to feed me, especially during the summer when I am so thin, however, two cans are the limit to be opened, if I don't eat it, then I have to eat the dry food always present for me. Since they won't allow me outside at night any longer, because I get into lots of trouble at night, and yesterday my human saw a huge snake in the yard next door, like a five-foot black snake, and that is where I go to check out the critter activity, I'm really house bound at night now. So, I just walk all over their heads and they will get up and feed me, usually good stuff. It's all in how you train them.
ReplyDeleteUf! Oscar be careful with that big snake. No kidding; sleep in the house and stay out of trouble!
ReplyDeleteAre the two cans per day big cans or just the 5.5oz (each)?
I mean.....I'm usually eating one can per day and my humans find me a bit "chubby" (the vet says so too).
I like to eat....that's my problem :-)
Hugs
Cayenne
That is two small cans at a time, not per day. My human bought me a real treat today--BABY FOOD. I LOVE BABY FOOD! I ate the entire jar, at once. Yum. Lip smacking good.
ReplyDeleteGood help is so hard to find. I think Fluffy should give her staff a stern warning, letting them know in no uncertain terms she won't tolerate such poor service. Give them a few days to show signs of improvement, then if necessary she should run a "help wanted" ad for a new maid & butler. There are a lot of people out of work these days, and Fluffy doesn't need to put up with any "attitude"! She can easily find a staff willing to wait on her hand & foot.
ReplyDelete