Friday, September 14, 2007

My ten things a cat dislikes about humans

Here are the ten most irritating things about my humans.
1. They keep wanting my attention when I am busy. Why don't they fit in better with my schedule? They wake me up when I am sleeping or napping. Or pick me up when I am hunting.
2. Celia takes up too much room in my bed. Why can't she sleep on the sofa?
3. She varies her own mealsbut she expects me to eat the same food more or less till the packet is finished.
4. She wants to hug and cuddle me. I don't mind a bit of a cuddle but she would do it all day if she could. She has no restraint. It is cuddle harassment.
5. She won't let me eat from the butter dish.
6. Humans keep vocalising on and on and on and on. They don't understand body language and they are more or less smell blind. Dumb (in the mental sense) creatures. Their hearing isn't up to much. They can't hear mice footfalls like I can.
7. They have things. Possessions. I live light - just me and my four paws, razor sharp claws and teeth, and sleek fur. They fuss about things a lot of the time.
8. They take away the mice I bring into the house and they don't even eat them. What a waste. Celia even screamed at the rat I brought in.
9. They sleep at the wrong time of day - ie night. And they wake all through the day. I like a long midday rest, an early dawn start and a dusk to midnight hunting schedule. But they lure me in before midnight and lock the cat flap.
10.They really don't understand me.... which accounts for much of my blog.
What do you hate about humans?

PS. This is a picture of Cusco - don't you like his tooth!


  1. I have another one. I just hate it when I can't get in my human's lap because of a machine being there she calls a laptop. So I just force myself between the arm of the chair and her leg. It's a bit cramped, but I manage. You know I am, after all, Oscar SNUGGLES.

  2. Oooo! I hates the evil laptop too! I have to lay on her legs. But the thing I hates the most is the "D" word, ya know d-i-e-t. Don't they see that die is the first part? As in 'I'll just die if I don't get some treats right now!'

  3. Ha -

    1. Too much singing!
    2. They leave drawers open to entice me in then take me out and close them just when I have made myself comfortable. Ones with jumpers in are best.
    3. She doesn't let me sleep on the clean washing folded up in the washing basket.
    4. They expect me to drink out of a bowl instead of out of a constantly running tap.
    5. She takes up too much room on the piano stool - (and it's designed for two!)
    6. When she's sitting writing at the table and I walk across the page to greet her she makes 'tssk tssk' noises - it's not my fault if my paws are wet.
    7. Herself is also vey ungrateful and ungracious about my prey, especially when it is still alive which should make it much more fun - well, sometimes it is fun because we both run around chasing it together. It's gets quite competitive.

  4. AND I don't like it when I ask, very nicely, for them to lift the cat flap or open the door for me and Edward doesn't! Lesley does, she smiles and is always very friendly about it. She understands that it is part of our aknowledging each others presence, and that often I have been out hunting or chasing, and it is beneath my dignity as a hunter to mess around with plastic cat flaps.

  5. Things I hate about humans:
    1. They cook fowl. I mean, honestly. Why would you ruin a perfectly good piece of chicken by cooking it?
    2. My male human periodically attempts to clip my claws and wash my chin. I submit to this madness because I'm fond of him... but I ask you. Where DO they get these bizarre notions?
    3. They're forever removing from furniture all the hair that I carefully deposit to mark my territory and create a pleasing smell in the house. So I have to redeposit it. It's enormously hard work and all so pointless. Why can't they just LEAVE IT ALONE?
    4. They get up SO LATE. Who in his right mind sleeps after 4am?


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online