They go on holiday. We go to gaol. It's not fair. My human has swanned off to have a good time and I am stuck in prison.
They call it a cattery but it's really just a prison cell. No carpets. No sofa for scratching. Horrible disinfectant smells. Strange cats nearby.
What's not to hate.
We do not deserve this. I have tried and failed to escape and I am miserable.
She, meanwhile, is having a good time eating fish in Normandy.....
Sometimes humans are really vile. I shall make her pay for it later.
Want to know more of how to live with a human - read here
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Saturday, October 12, 2019
Walls and fencing - human barriers versus cat barriers
Walls, and fencing are cat highways. As every cat knows. They allow us to travel from house to house along the back of a street. They form useful refuges from passing dogs. And they generally make life easier for urban cats.
Yet the joke is that humans think they are barriers.
They put up walls to keep people and dogs out and some are silly enough to think they will keep us out. Just the reverse. They facilitate our movements.
The real cat walls and fencing are scent marks. We leave a scent mark to tell other cats WHERE and WHEN we were. They can choose whether to enter shared territory or stay away.
Humans do not understand this because they are nose blind.
And just stoopid.
Read more on human stupidity by buying my guide here
Yet the joke is that humans think they are barriers.
They put up walls to keep people and dogs out and some are silly enough to think they will keep us out. Just the reverse. They facilitate our movements.
The real cat walls and fencing are scent marks. We leave a scent mark to tell other cats WHERE and WHEN we were. They can choose whether to enter shared territory or stay away.
Humans do not understand this because they are nose blind.
And just stoopid.
Read more on human stupidity by buying my guide here
Saturday, October 05, 2019
The blessing of a cat
My book not hers. |
May you be blessed with a cat...
May you be blessed
with a cat,
A starving stray from
the street
Or a scruffy kitten
from a shelter,
Who hides under the
bed
For the first few days
May you be blessed
with cat fur
On the new carpet,
On your best clothes,
On your bed and
In little balls in the
washing machine
May you be blessed
with scratches,
Happy scratches on the
sofa,
Exploring scratches on
wallpaper,
Greeting scratches on
the door mat,
And sometimes even on
the scratch post.
May you be blessed
with a warm body
Close to you on the
sofa,
On your lap while
watching TV,
Spread out on the bed
asleep
Or even snuggled under
the duvet.
May you be blessed
with purring.
Loud purring
requesting food,
Happy purring when
stroked in the right places.
Gentle purring during
the night,
While both of you sink
into sleep.
May you be blessed
with that look,
The urgent look
requesting food,
The look that says:
“Play please,”
The look of loving
contempt
That says “You are not
my superior.”
You may not know if
you own or are owned
But this love too is
stronger than death.
c.. Celia Haddon
-->
Labels:
feral,
fur,
Glynn Cardey,
rescue shelter,
scratching,
sleep
Saturday, September 28, 2019
Human presumption and feline punishment....
Naturally the human publishers are anxious to stay on the right side of their best selling feline author. They sent me a package of expensive goodies. Very correct. Very pleasing.
Unfortunately, they did not check in advance about what I would like to eat... They presumed. As humans do.
I felt their presumption needed a punishment.
I gobbled up the expensive wet cat food fast. Then I felt slightly ill.
Then I threw it up on the new carpet.
* For more detail on how to maximise the impact of throwing up order a copy of A Cat's Guide to Humans, here.
Unfortunately, they did not check in advance about what I would like to eat... They presumed. As humans do.
I felt their presumption needed a punishment.
I gobbled up the expensive wet cat food fast. Then I felt slightly ill.
Then I threw it up on the new carpet.
* For more detail on how to maximise the impact of throwing up order a copy of A Cat's Guide to Humans, here.
Labels:
cat food,
cat vomit,
food,
human stupidity,
punishment
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Life of a feline artist - success.
At last... my book is officially published. A Cat's Guide to Humans from A-Z. And this time my name is on the cover. Feline friends can purchase it here. The more you know about your humans, the better.
Several years ago when I published a training manual for fellow cats (One Hundred Ways to Train your Human) my human stole the copyright and claimed credit.This time it is different. I am now an acknowledged feline author.
It's been a struggle, I admit. I needed to take a cool look at humans in general as well as my particular human. There is so much in their behaviour which is alien and sometimes disgusting to a normal cat. I needed to set aside my natural feelings and study them without prejudice.
Manipulating or managing a human is the basis of all good cat-human relationships.
Now at last there is a guide.
I hope it will contribute to better feline understanding of this strange species we have domesticated.
Several years ago when I published a training manual for fellow cats (One Hundred Ways to Train your Human) my human stole the copyright and claimed credit.This time it is different. I am now an acknowledged feline author.
It's been a struggle, I admit. I needed to take a cool look at humans in general as well as my particular human. There is so much in their behaviour which is alien and sometimes disgusting to a normal cat. I needed to set aside my natural feelings and study them without prejudice.
Manipulating or managing a human is the basis of all good cat-human relationships.
Now at last there is a guide.
I hope it will contribute to better feline understanding of this strange species we have domesticated.
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Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.
This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org