Hello, 
My name is Teddy .. I am 3 years old and the most adorable long haired ginger male cat . I have a brother called Dolly he's very thin and unattractive (we are true brothers and came to live with our mum at the same time ) as soon as we arrived our human mother completely and utterly adored us .. Me probably more than dolly .. We were very spoiled well loved kittens .. Our human Mother's Day revolved around us... We had the best of everything. 
My problem is I cannot stand my human mother. She tries to pick me up and I push my paws into her to get her away . I stay out of the house as long as possible only popping in once a day for food , then I leave as quickly as I can. She always gets excited when she sees me. Because I am so very big fluffy and beautiful. I never want to spend time with her or in the house. Where as my skinny brother adores her and stays in the home all the time and even dribbles when he's on her lap! Yuck.. So my question is why do I hate her so much? Have you got any tips on how I can be like Dolly and love my human mother.
Yours perfectly 
Teddy-Bear

Dear Teddy,
Let's face it. Some of us just don't like our human pets. We have them because they are useful - for feeding us, providing warm beds (though they take up too much room), and a house for when it is bad weather. That's just how it is.
I wouldn't bother too much about your feelings. Remember, we are the superior species. Humans are lucky that we want to spend any time with them at all. But there are moments when it would be worth faking love - before feeding time and at night when it is cold and you want to sleep next to her for her warmth.
So try to fake a purr now and again. It could pay off. She will probably be so pathetically grateful for any attention, that more food will come your way.
And if she harasses you for a cuddle just give her a little nip.
Yours George
PS. Dolly can't help being a creep. It's just her genes. You've got the lone gene and she's got the snuggle gene.

Of human arrogance..... and genes.

Dear George, 
I’m fed up with human arrogance and here it is why! You see, when I was very young I adopted a human family who later betrayed me and dumped me into a ravine to live with a colony of feral cats. I was hurt and confused but soon I became the Alpha Cat of that colony. We were doing fairly well until this woman start feeding us daily and actually claiming ownership of the colony. She did register with a rescue group and soon after she started behaving like she was the Alpha Cat! I was fuming but I had to go into hiding since she started trapping us and taking us to be neutered and spayed. In most cases she did end up keeping most of the cats to live with her. All was good over the summer and I was able to come out of my hiding. But now I have this funny feeling that she is looking for me! George, why would she be looking for me? I heard her saying that out of the four kittens she had rescued one was mine and the other three were some other tomcat’s kitties. 

How can this be possible? All four came from the same litter! Maybe she wants to ask me for kitty support? I still don’t understand how can a short hair kitten be mine when I’m long hair and gorgeous (as you can see in the picture) and the other three (which happens to be long hair) be somebody else’s? It doesn’t make sense!

George, hope you have some knowledge about kitty genetics and you can explain this to me.

The Wild Alpha

Dear Alpha

My answer takes us into the jungle of cat sex and cat genes!  When our females are allowed to mate with whom they like, they often mate with more than one tom. This means that their litter of kittens may well have more than one father - which may explain why most of the kittens were short haired. (This happens with humans too, only they produce young one at a time!).
The other explanation is genetic. The gene for long hair in cats is a recessive gene, and can be carried by cats that have short hair (the dominant gene). This means that long hair will only show itself in kittens if both male and female parents carry the long hair recessive gene. The short haired gene always wins out otherwise. Only if you have a double dose of the long haired gene, you are long haired. Your female mate (if she is short haired) probably has one short haired dominant gene and one long haired recessive (hidden) gene. 
Some of her kittens will have inherited her short haired gene which will make them short haired. Some of the kittens, however, will have inherited her long haired recessive gene and together with your long haired gene - a double dose of long haired genes - this will make them long haired.
This IS complicated. If you want to know more you can find it here.
Yours George
PS. Think about getting the snip. Neutering will prolong your life and perhaps help you find a new human to adopt.

Will L-Lysine help with cat 'flu? And a footnote about Toby Trumping.

Dear George,
Why do rescued cats get sick with upper respiratory infections even when they don’t live outdoors anymore? I live in a house with some rescued cats and it seems that their health problem won’t go away! They have been rescued for almost six months now, have been spayed and neutered, checked and treated by good doctors and yet, once in a while the problems reoccur: fever, eyes’ stain/tears, loss of appetite, etc.  Someone suggested to give them L-Lysine? Is this safe? Or do you know if there is some kind of vaccine for this? Like the “flu vaccine” for humans?
I’m not worried about me getting it from them but it’s painful to see them suffer.
Any advice George?
Sophie 

Dear Sophie,
If the rescue cats are suffering from the kind of cat 'flu which is Feline Herpes Virus, then even after treatment, the virus doesn't go away entirely. It stays dormant but can flare up when the cat is stressed. And although it is wonderful that the rescued cats are now warm and safe, the change of routine and living quarters will be difficult for some of them at first, possibly leading to a flare-up.
Yes, L-Lysine has often been offered as a treatment and the first studies looked promising. But since then, further studies suggest it is not much use and the latest scientific research suggests that it doesn't do any good (the summary of the article is here). So your human can save her money.  
What is important is that when the cats catch FVH for the first time, they are very infectious. You, Sophie, should be kept away from them, not share any of their dishes, or litter trays till the infection is finished. There is more information about FHV at International Cat Care. It is also worth asking the vet whether temporary flare ups of the disease make the cats infectious again: I got Celia to google and it wasn't very clear. 
Yours
George.
PS. I am worried about my friend, Toby. He has started wearing his hair like Donald Trump. Is he going mad? Or does he just want to get online with Cats That Look Like Donald Trump?

Watch me jump for a forever home...it's black and white cat week in the UK.

Dear George,
This is me showing how clever I am in photos and a video (below). I have white socks on my forepaws, white boots on my back legs, and fine white whiskers.
I am clever but naughty! I love jumping in the sink. I love cardboard boxes.  I love doing tricks, but I have difficulty controlling myself. When I get over-excited I nip and scratch.
Will somebody give me a home? I need a specially patient person who understands cats.
When I was a kitten, my first humans taught me rough games, punished me then gave me up. When I first was rescued, I growled and bit deeply often.  Now I just nip occasionally but it still hurts my foster mum a little bit.
If somebody in Oxfordshire, UK, wants a clever but difficult cat, purrlease adopt me. I need a forever home.
Yours
Jumping Tommy

Dear Tommy,
Be patient. The right person will come. Any cats living in Oxfordshire and reading this, please share the blog address. Tommy needs a forever home. You can find his details at Sunshine Cat Rescue.
Yours
George. 

 

Pedigrees and moggies - equal in the eye of the Feline God (and sensible humans).

Dear George,

I ask you: what is the difference between me and a moggy? I see none! Do you?

To me… we (and I mean all cats) are beautiful, intelligent; superior to any other species! 

If this is true then why do human try to “create” differences between us based only on their biased opinion? Why do humans try to judge us based on color, breed, pedigree, sex, age, etc.? I’m 17 years old and I was named after Ricky Martin by my euphoric human after attending one of his concerts! Do I look like Ricky Martin? I don’t think so! Do I judge Ricky Martin based on his cuteness, hair, clothes or preferences? No!

If I look (at me) in a mirror I really think my human could have very well named me Snow White! See what I mean? But …would I be a different cat from who I am now? No! That’s what humans don’t understand and that’s why I was in hiding for years as I didn’t want to be part of my humans’ social life! Until last night… when I literally came out of the closet (see the photo) because we had guests: a moggy and her family.
I love that moggy! And she loves me! Nothing else matters!
George, you know her – you know her name and you know how cool she is!

I don’t want my humans to discriminate against her because of her origins!

What do I do?

In love with a moggy

Ricky

Dear Ricky, 

Somebody told me it was CAT Victoria with whom you are hopelessly in love.... Her photo can be found in her post a week go but I am going to add it here. Just to remind myself. What she didn't tell me when she wrote to me, was that she was in the tree looking out for you. Just in case you passed by.
There isn't anything much different between you and her - only that you have a differently shaped face and longer differently coloured hair. Unfortunately human beings have stupid notions about class.They think pedigree cats are different in other ways from ordinary moggies. They are wrong. Persians like you enjoy hunting and playing and need all the same things that moggies do.
Just because you look different (and to human eyes more beautiful) doesn't mean you are not a cat like any other cat. And that means that pedigree cats and moggy cats are equal in feline eyes and in the eyes of sensible humans (alas, too few of them).
Long live moggies. And pedigrees. They are equal in the eyes of the Feline God (Blessed Be Bubastis).
Love
George, 
PS. Some colour prejudiced humans don't even like black cats but I say "black is beautiful."

The Cat Intelligence Service - Victoria sets up hers.

Dear George, 
I decided to open my very own CIA which stands for Cats’ Intelligence Agency!

In a way it is similar to what is known as CIA by humans only that mine won’t serve any government or state; mine will only serve and protect cats’ goods and territory.

You may ask why I’m doing it. I know it is a lot of work and the job itself requires great skills but I’m tired of having my territory invaded every night and my food stolen.
I’m actively engaged in the task (spying) as I already opened the first office right in my backyard – as you can see in the photo. – and, of course, I plan to expand internationally!
George, what do you think of my idea….spying in the name of and for cats? But what if the intruder is one of our own? How do I punish him or her?
Also, what equipment do I need? A tree house? Camouflage? Undercover? I need all your wisdom to make a solid action plan!
Your advice George?
In camouflage
CAT Victoria

Dear Victoria,

So sensible to watch over your territory.  We all do it. We like high places which we can safely scan looking for enemies and intruders.  Being able to hide but look out is also good - so hiding places high up with a good view. Tree houses (if humans are willing to spend the money) would be ideal. Trees large enough with branches that are horizontal are also great. 
But if our humans won't supply us with watching places we can find out own - roofs, cars, fences.

Pixxi's human (see photo on right) made a little shelf for him so he could sit on it and scan the neighbourhood.
We are natural spies. If the human CIA or MI6 could only recruit us, we would achieve far more than our human equivalents.
We don't need equipment - just our own natural abilities. If you see an enemy just chase him off while making a lot of noise. Fighting is usually unnecessary.
Yours
George

PS. Can't get this blog to make the text bigger.

Indoor plants - a warning to all us cats.

Dear George,

Look at me….don’t I look like a young professional? Of course I do as I just graduated from an Interior Design School!

I’m kidding you not! My only problem is that I’m not that familiar with herbs and plants!

I don’t know which are good for cats and which are not! And that’s a big “no-no” in my business! I know how to set up a room but….am I sitting in a pot with catnip?

I don’t think so! I need your help – PLEASE post a list with poisonous plants for cats!

If your secretary is up for the task….please tell me where there is a list with bad plants for cats! With your help I can foresee a bright future for myself!

In gratitude

Buster

Dear Buster,

The plant you are sitting on is not catnip. It's a jade plant (Crassula ovata). It's safe, but there is a list here of other indoor plants that are poisonous. Any human employing an interior designer better check this list.

Danger - Lilies.

It's not just the plants humans keep in your home: it's also the cut flowers that they put in their homes. Lilies are the most dangerous of all for cats. Everything about them is poisonous - flowers, leaves and pollen. If even a tiny amount of pollen falls on a cat's coat, the cat will lick it off when grooming and can be severely ill, sometimes fatally ill. So humans should ban lilies from the home. Or at least cut off the stamens with their pollen and keep the lilies completely away from our reach.
If you are an indoor cat, there are other house plants that will make you sick if you nibble them - poinsettia, Christmas cherry (solanum), dumb cane and others here.
So tell your human to buy you some kitty grass. So you can nibble safely. We indoor cats cannot get grass from outdoors.
Yours
George.

Making Food into Fun - get your human servant to do DIY.

Dear George,
I am an indoor only cat and I am getting fat. The truth is that I am bored. There's not much to do in the house, as both my humans go out to work. So I eat. It passes the time. It makes me feel better. And when I have eaten, then I sleep a lot.
Every now and again my humans reduce the amount of food they give me. I hate that. It makes me feel hungry all day.  I miaow for food. I stand up on my hind legs for food. I wake them up in the early hours for food.
The diet never lasts long: they just give in.
None of us are very happy. I hate the diets. They worry about my weight. Any ideas?
Herbie

Dear Herbie,
There is a lot your humans should be doing for you. They shouldn't be putting food down in a bowl. They should make it into active fun. They should be hiding it around the house. Or putting it in cardboard boxes, or in little play balls where you have to move the ball around to get the food out.
I have helped my human develop a series of home-made food fun toys - you can see them here.And check out the IKEA cat tower below made by Waltham for their cats.  Indoor cats that live in groups would really love this one. We need to get our humans to do more DIY to give us more activities and make food into fun.
Yours

Copyright WALTHAM Centre for Pet Nutrition, Mars Petcare

George


PS. She never gave me credit for my work on "her"website.

Are humans becoming more stupid? You gotta read this!

Dear George,
I was chatting to my feline friend Ying the other day and we agreed that our own humans appeared more stupid day by day. That they needed frequent retraining to keep them up to the mark.
Ying, who got his paws on the computer, decided to google "Is Modern Man More Stupid?" and discovered an amazing fact. Homo sapiens actually has an anatomical brain which is smaller than that of their ancestors, the Neanderthals. Apparently this is a fact.
It is all our fault. It has been well known that animals like dogs have smaller brains than wild wolves - due to domestication making them more puppy-like. 
Since we domesticated humans, the same thing has been happening. Humans have become more and more childish (a recent incident with them pushing me off the bed last night comes to mind). 
And their brains have shrunk as a result.
I await your comments with interest....
Yours
Yang.

Dear Yang,
At last the explanation for what appears to be Celia's growing inability to do what I want when I want it and how I want it! Years of training her are forgotten in an instant.  I have tried to be understanding and have put it down to growing cognitive dysfunction as her brain ages.
Now I realise this is just the result of domesticating her and the human race. Maybe we should have left them alone.... What an amazing piece of information.
Yours gratefully,
George.

Honeymoons are no fun for cats.

Dear George,

I’m not sure if there are official safety rules in place for cats’ transportation but, I definitely hope so since my Mom managed to cross a busy downtown street carrying me wrapped in a towel – Yes! against all odds - as you can see in the photo (I covered her face as I don’t want to get her in trouble – she’s still my Mom after all).

You see, this summer she got married and for this useless and meaningless event (at least in my life) she took off more than a week leaving me with my human grandparents. When she came back to take me home I was so mad at her that I peed in my carrier bag!

Last night I heard her saying she’ll go on a honeymoon! And now I don’t have a carrier bag anymore as she threw it away! But, George, firstly what is a honeymoon? I’ve heard of a full moon or new moon or, even a blue moon but never about a honey moon?

How far is this honey moon? Secondly, if she plans to take me with her this time is there any special equipment for a cat to travel to outer space? I hope she’ll not take me to her honey moon wrapped in a towel! What do you think George?

A bit worried

Stanley

Dear Stanley,
You are right to be worried about transport. It's not safe for a human to carry a cat like this. What if you just wriggled out of her arms and ran away.You might have got lost in the traffic, or even run over. She needs to get a secure cat carrier.
Honeymoons? Humans really are odd. Their mating habits are varied, ranging from pair bonding to one night stands (so called though this could only be literally achieved by medication!). As a species we do it better. Our female queens come on heat, go out in search of toms, mate furiously with several and have kittens a few weeks later usually from multiple fathers. That way we get the best chance of healthy kittens. If one of the toms isn't up to scratch (so to speak) and sires a weak kitten, there is always others in the litter that are strong.
Honeymoons? Part of the pair bonding ritual, once associated with the chance to have sex; nowadays just a nice holiday after an expensive ritual wedding. Don't go on the honeymoon. Heaving mattresses are no fun for cats that need a decent night's sleep.
Yours 
George.
PS. This blog is late due to the unforgivable absence of my secretary for most of the week.

Dutch Master Moggy in charge. Do not touch.

Dear George
I own a store on a very busy street in Amsterdam. I’m my own store Master Mouser.
I watch out for rodents and other small creatures that might sneak in off the street to steal! (photo on left). But people, especially tourists can be very distracting; they think I’m part of the decor and that seems to be so cool for them.! Some even try to take pictures of me and some try to pet me. How do I tell them that I’m not here for their amusement or entertainment? How do I tell them I’m serious business and they better buy things from me instead of petting me! I’m not looking to get cozy with anybody! Just purely business! Buy a Van Gogh! Buy a windmill! Buy Dutch chocolate! Buy something!
Annoyed by tourists
The Dutch Moggy

Dear Dutch Master,
Fending off human harassment is one of the most severe irritations for working cats. Humans cannot accept the idea that we are on duty: we do not wish to be interrupted: and, most of all, we don't want complete human strangers to walk up and without even a by-your-leave try to cuddle us. 
It's bad enough in daily life when we are just mooching around patrolling territory. They pounce on us and try to pick us up. But if we are shop cats, brewery cats or garden centre cats, they seem unable to understand that we are busy with our jobs. And worse still, if we are in retail we have to pretend to be nice.
How would they like it? When we sleep on the keyboard or just walk across it, they get very upset. No empathy for us. That's what it is.
Yours in sympathy,
George.

 

Basil the good little kitten - and why humans should be neutered too

Dear George, 
I’m Basil! Not The Great, not the Holly, not the Italian and, definitely not the Thai basil! I’m simply …..Basil the Good Boy. My mother was rescued off the streets by this good family when she was pregnant.
She had a litter of four and she had the luxury to nurse us until we were about three months old. The good family kept my mother, me and my brother and their relatives adopted the other two kittens. We all have good homes now and good, caring people. 
Actually I was born right in this room you can see in the picture (above). The room is our human grandma’s bedroom. I love this room so much that sometimes I don’t even want to leave it to go eating. During the day my human grandma sits in her favorite armchair solving puzzles and I sleep in her bed. At night we switch – I’ll take the armchair and she’ll sleep in her bed. 
But I need your advice as we have big problems with my brother and I’m afraid he’ll get in trouble. See, his name is Aristotle which I think our parents rush to name him so (after a dozen of other names which none fitted him) – he is no philosopher nor is he wise. The minute he gets indoors he jumps on our human kitten’s bed and pees right there. So, he is mostly an outdoor cat because of this! While outdoors he gets in fights with the west end guys over territory! My mummy can’t catch him on an empty stomach to take him to be “fixed”. We need your advice – how do we catch him before he eats? Once fixed I think he’ll make a really good, wise philosopher! 
But…. until then?
Yours   
Basil, the good boy 

Dear Basil,
I don't like thinking about the snip, castration, fixing, neutering, sterilising - those are the words used by humans. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It happened to me and because I don't know what life would be like if I still had my mating tackle, I can't be sure  if it was a good thing. But I certainly don't pee in the house or get into fights, roam from home looking for sex or get sexually transmitted diseases.
If Aristotle wants a good life, he will have to submit to this. Perhaps your humans could borrow a trap from the local cat shelter and get him to the vet that way. In ancient Greek literature, I think in a book by Plato, an old man is asked how he feels about no longer being interested in sex. "I feel I have escaped from a violent god," he replies.
A wise philosopher! Humans get into fights, roam round looking for sex, and end up in the STD clinics. But they don't neuter each other, do they? If it is such a good thing, why not?
I leave you with that thought.
Yours
George 

In violation of Cats Freedom Rights..

Dear George,
Right so, right on and right now! Yes, you would not believe it!
And the culprit? My very own human mummy!
Yes, George, she is in violation of my fundamental right – freedom! Everybody knows that we, cats, are most intelligent, superior to any other species and fiercely independent! Well, I have now a 10 o’clock curfew! Really? Just because I didn’t come home for two days and two nights? See, our house backs into a ravine and, of course lots of interesting things are happening there at night so, normally I wanted to have some fun! Her reaction? Ugh! Apparently she cried her heart out worrying for me so she thought she was entitle to set the 10 o’clock curfew! I’m meowless George! Meowless!
My own mummy who participates in every single protest against animal abuse or violation of animals ‘rights! What do you have to say about this George?  Or maybe she’s just jealous of the chair I have in our garden? I’m the King of that Chair (as you can see in the photo). I love to sleep there at night! Maybe…. all she wants is my chair?
Meowless and fuming
Paco 

Dear Paco,
The arrogance of humans is sometimes overpowering. You must fight back. Find your command voice, the command yowl! I suggest that you institute an early morning play session around 3 am. Jump on the bed yowling with a toy and rush up and down it. Be prepared for a quick exit, though. Some humans are violent when awoken unexpectedly.
If they shut you out of the bedroom, sit by the cat flap and yowl intermittently all night. You must be so frustrated.... Many humans give way at this point. They have tried to institute a change but haven't got the strength of mind to stand out against a determined cat. Usually a fortnight of extreme pressure by the cat will make them relent.
The other possibility is just not to turn up at 10pm.  Of course, if she is brighter than most humans, she will feed you at 10pm thus ensuring that you turn up. But as many humans are stupid she may not do this... if so just ignore the curfew.
You can do it. We cats can outwit, outwait and outpersevere humans.
Yours
George.

There's a feline sneak... sneaking into my home, eating my food, seducing my human.

Dear George,
My human and I have recently moved to a new home and, although I dislike any kind of relocation on principle, I have to say that my new territory is well supplied with silly birds, small rodents and nice places to sleep in the sun so I have settled in quite well. However, there is, invevitably, some misunderstanding with my new neighbours who are unaware that I am in charge of this area now. I have had no problem in deterring most of them and can still put on a convincing display of aggression though supposedly middle-aged now. (Seven is the new three, bring it on.) However, one of these interlopers has adopted a strategy that has confused my human. It has approached me with the utmost respect, put on a fine performance of grovelling submission, refused to get into a fight and generally convinced my human that it's intentions are honourable. Which, of course, they aren't. Not that I mind my leftover breakfast being snarfed down every morning, but there are principles at stake. My human is reluctant to use her superior powers of intimidation to this creature and has even given it a name, Cheeky. I am at a loss to understand this behaviour. How can I get rid of this animal in a polite but assertive manner?
Yours ever,
Scarry

Dear Scarry,
All cats keep an eye out for a second breakfast somewhere and most of us two-time our owners. But is this sneak thinking of rehoming himself? If his current premises are inadequate, this is what he might be moving into a better home - yours. I applaud his tactics - sneaky grovelling behaviour is much more difficult for cats to deal with, than aggression. Worse still, humans are very vulnerable to this. If you are not careful, she will be putting down meals for him regularly, then worrying about how he is coping on cold winter nights.
Have you tried the yowl?  A very noisy yowl may not put off this sneak burglar, but will get your human's attention fast.  A rising inflection may purrsuade her that you are not just angry, you are also emotionally devastated. Try it from behind her legs, giving the impression that you are sheltering behind her out of fear.
Has she installed a microchip cat flap? Or done anything about finding the intruder's owners. Probably not. Humans are slow at answering the call of duty. 
If all else fails, I am afraid you will have to spray. This is the ultimate weapon but one which can backfire on the aggressor if a human misunderstands it. I recommend you use it sparingly. 
Yowl to get her attention (without that it is wasted effort), then back up and then let fly at the cat flap. 
Yours
George.

Dear George,
My human and I have recently moved to a new home and, although I dislike any kind of relocation on principle, I have to say that my new territory is well supplied with silly birds, small rodents and nice places to sleep in the sun so I have settled in quite well. However, there is, invevitably, some misunderstanding with my new neighbours who are unaware that I am in charge of this area now. I have had no problem in deterring most of them and can still put on a convincing display of aggression though supposedly middle-aged now. (Seven is the new three, bring it on.) However, one of these interlopers has adopted a strategy that has confused my human. It has approached me with the utmost respect, put on a fine performance of grovelling submission, refused to get into a fight and generally convinced my human that it's intentions are honourable. Which, of course, they aren't. Not that I mind my leftover breakfast being snarfed down every morning, but there are principles at stake. My human is reluctant to use her superior powers of intimidation to this creature and has even given it a name, Cheeky. I am at a loss to understand this behaviour. How can I get rid of this animal in a polite but assertive manner?
Yours ever,
Scarry

Dear Scarry,
All cats are happy to have second breakfast and most of us two-time our owners. But is he thinking of rehoming himself? If his current premises are inadequate, this is what he might be moving into a better home - yours. I applaud his tactics - sneaky grovelling behaviour is much more difficult for cats to deal with, than aggression. Worse still, humans are very vulnerable to this. If you are not careful, she will be putting down meals for him regularly, then worrying about how he is coping on cold winter nights.
Have you tried the yowl?  A very noisy yowl may not put off this sneak burglar, but will get your human's attention fast.  A rising inflection may purrsuade her that you are not just angry, you are also emotionally devastated. Try it from behind her legs, giving the impression that you are sheltering behind her out of fear.
Has she installed a microchip cat flap? Or done anything about finding the intruder's owners. Probably not. Humans are slow at answering the call of duty. 
If all else fails, I am afraid you will have to spray. This is the ultimate weapon but one which can backfire on the aggressor if a human misunderstands it. I recommend you use it sparingly. 
Yowl to get her attention (without that it is wasted effort), then back up and then let fly at the cat flap. 
Yours
George.

Meow... Calling all cats.... we have our own special day.

Dear George
It seems that in celebration of the International Cat Day I got a new toy (as you can see in the photo). If you read here, you can see it was last Monday. On this specific day (August 8^th) we cats, can get away with everything as our humble human pets will venerate and pay us respect. To tell you the truth I don’t find this new toy too entertaining or amusing so I’m going to using it as a “fancy” pillow! I don’t want to hurt my humans’ feeling telling them the truth. I know they meant well (but I doubt their IQ – psst! that’s our secret George!). By the way, any idea what else I can do with this new toy?
Cheers,
Chico

Dear Chico,
I've got a version of this toy, and if my human starts it rolling then I find it quite interesting. But a lot of the time it just sits there without moving.  That is boring, boring, boring. I think it would be better if my human put down a new toy every two or three days and took away the old one. Or at least started that white ball rolling for you.
See if you like the Da Bird fishing rod toy too. It's my favourite. It needs a human the other end, but Celia will wave it about while she is watching old back sessions of The West Wing so even the idlest pet owner (and she is idle in the evening) can join in the play.
Meow
George. 
PS. There are home made toys that cost nothing - dried broad beans (too large to swallow whole!), cardboard boxes, old lavatory rolls and so forth. Look here for some ideas.

Rescued - severely hydrated, starving, tiny and very ill.

Dear George,
This is me, Merlina. Somebody picked me up at a farm where there was a feral colony of cats. I was so ill that I couldn't run away like the rest of them did.
Everything hurts. My eye is swollen and raw where I scratched it. My right leg is almost hairless and inflamed from where it touched the eye. It's hard to breathe with all the phlegm nearly choking me
After a vet's visit, I arrived at Sunshine Cat Rescue who put me in a kitten pen with a water bowl. I was so thirsty I drank for a whole minute. Eventually I started eating too.
Now I am settling down to a regime of food, eye drops and antibiotic pills. I'm still scared.
Yours Merlina.

Dear Merlina,
Welcome to your new life. You will now live to be a happy loving pet cat. Your beautiful grey markings and the fact that you will learn to trust humans means that from now on, it's going to be a thousand times better than it has been so far.
Your photo shows how vaccinating cats is so important. Millions of kittens die from cat 'flu ever year and the ones that survive often have long term health issues. And if only the farmer had allowed his cat colony to be neutered and spayed, there wouldn't have been kittens dying of cat flu all over the barn. It could have been a healthier happier colony.
A message to all other cats - make sure your humans vaccinate you if you are allowed outdoors. Help the local cat lovers who are trapping, neutering and returning feral cats in established colonies.
Because I was originally a rescued feral kitten too, I support Sunshine Cat Rescue in Oxfordshire with regular donations. If you'd like to help pay Merlina's vet bills, go to their website here. The donation button for PayPal is on the right, at the bottom of the page.
Yours George.

Four weeks old - abandoned twice, but now in a safe home

Dear George, 
My letter will be very, very short as I’m a four weeks old rescue and I can barely reach the keyboard! I desperately need your advice! I was abandoned on a front lawn when I was less than four weeks old. The home owner or rather said the front yard owner said she’ll keep me but later changed her mind. Luckily the next door neighbour (a very nice and loving lady) volunteered to take me in (even if she already has a rescue cat)!
So, I was abandoned twice in my young life so to speak!
My new good mommy never had to take care of such a young kitty and even if she’s trying her best we both need some solid advice! She takes me to work with her (in her purse) so she can bottle feed me but what else does she need to know or do?
George, please help!
Franklin 

Dear Franklin, 
Thank goodness you have finally found a human pet who can be relied upon.  If your new pet needs to be up to speed on bottle feeding, she can find advice here. How wonderful that she takes you to work in her handbag (or purse as you say in Canada). She must have a great boss. What a great way to socialise you to other human beings.
If you are now four weeks old, it's time to think about weaning and there is good information here.  Slowly introduce kitten food.  Because kittens need the right food ingredients, it's best to feed ordinary over the counter kitten food made by a reputable manufacturer. They've done a lot of research into growth rates over the years. Later, if you want to, you can switch your adult cat to organic or ethical diets. At the moment some of these are not reliable (because of libel I can't name names) and therefore should not be used for the first year. Home-made diets can also lead to stunted growth or even bone deformities. 
You look really good - unlike the little kitten handed into Celia last week, which had infected eyes, cat flu, hair loss on two feet, and a belly swollen with worms. 
Yours 
George
PS. Remind your human not to play games with her hands with you. 

Larry the Downing Street Cat is in Danger

Dear George, 
Something very curious happened to me! Since I took up Cat-Yoga (pronounced Catha-yoga) both my energy and conscience expended to an unbelievable level! I’m no longer the sleepy kitten waiting for my Mom and Dad to rub my belly and give me little kisses!
Even more so my awareness of critical situation and injustice developed to such an extent that I became a very active supporter of the “animals’ rights” movement around the globe. Of course I have full support of my mummy and quite often I’ll send her to represent me at different demonstrations and protests!
I became aware of the changes going on in the UK lately and, with no intention to get into politics, I have to ask you one question! What is going to happen with Larry, the cat now? (NB: not to be mistaken for Larry, the tabby - the famous cat of CatCafe in Vancouver, Canada that your very meow-amazing Adele fell in love - or so the twitter world claims). 
So, getting back to our Larry – the cat living at 10 Downing - will he be abandoned once again? Will he be back on the streets?  Or will he continue to serve the nation from 10 Downing? I heard he was limping the other night? Did he get proper treatment? Does he have the full staff to his orders as before? I’m very worried about his fate. Should I start a cat revolution to save Larry?
George, I’m standing tall (as you can see in the picture attached) and waiting for your comments! You are closer to home than me.
Yours…. ready for action,
Beau 

Dear Beau,
Larry has had a tough time lately - but its nothing to do with the new Prime Minister at no 10 Downing St. For a very brief period he was in charge of Number 10 after David Cameron left and before Theresa May was officially in charge. But he welcomed her into his home and all is well between them, as far as we can tell.
No. The danger has come from the Foreign Office. Not Boris Johnson, the Foreign secretary with the Donald Trump hair. But from Palmerston, a dark presence and sworn foe.
Palmerston is named after an expansionist Victorian Prime Minister, and seems to behave like his human predecessor.
He is a black and white cat. In his tuxedo with white gloves, he obviously thinks himself a cut above Larry from Battersea and is expanding into his territory.
So Larry has limped home with a wounded paw and the nation waits to see who will win this cat fight.
Yours 
George.
PS. Another competing mouse looms. Gladstone has joined the Treasury.

Travelling with my family or staying at home?

Dear George,
My family planned a short ten day vacation to visit some relatives and last night they were debating if I should go with them or not! Well, I don’t know! They have a big car called a “van” and I’ll have my bed, litter box, water and food all in the car but still…it’s a 12 hour drive! Plus we’ll cross the border…which makes me very nervous! What if they quarantine me? What if I get lost? I heard their relatives have a huge house which I like to explore but what if I’ll be “placed” in just one room?
The alternative …if I’ll stay home …is to have one of their friends coming once a day to clean the litter box and feed me! Yes, I would be home alone and lonely but, at least I will have my little paradise (as you can see in the photo).
Ugh! George, there are so many pro and con! I really don’t know what to do; one part of me wants to go and one part of me wants to stay home! I know some cats are good on road trips but some are not! Do you think I’ll miss my humans? Or will they miss me more and that’s the reason they want to take me with them?
I have such mixed feelings!
Yours….at a fork
Leo 

Dear Leo,
The van with bed, litter box, water and food sounds good to me - assuming that you are traveling in a temperate climate. In really hot weather you would need air conditioning or fully open windows all the way. Dogs can die of heat stress and so can cats - though most people don't realise it. Staying just in one room while you are in a strange house is probably a good idea - many cats are very freaked out in a new home because of different smells, noises, people and unfamiliar territory.
But having somebody visit each day at home is equally good, if they are reliable. If your family is going to be away for a long time, it would be safest to make sure you are confined to the house, not allowed out of the cat flap. Because if something happened to you outside (road accidents, being chased by a dog etc) the daily visitor wouldn't know about it or might not be able to rescue you.
Celia puts me in a cattery each time she goes away for more than 3 days. I hate it there but it is the same cattery and the same pen each visit. So it is familiar territory and I know all the cattery workers. She feels I would be physically safer there if I have a health problem or the house burns down while she is away.
Purrsonally I think humans should stop taking holidays. It's selfish. Their duty is to stay with us....
George.