How long will I live?

Number crunching humans have come up with an answer to the question: "How long will I live?"

Well, the answer is it depends.... trust humans to make things complicated! Average lifespan for a house cat is just under twelve years. If you are a female cat, you will live a little longer than a male cat.

Being a neutered helps you reach that age. Being an ordinary moggy also helps. Most pedigree cats have a  much shorter livespan with Sphynx cats living only about seven years. That's probably because they are so inbred.

Birmans live longer

Birmans and Burmese pedigrees are the exception. They live longer than ordinary moggies.The exact lifespan table can be found here.

So let us ordinary moggies celebrate.... we last longer!

Cats are King.... the message.

 

In the fight for better conditions we cats need to catch humans young, when they are just kittens. Although babies can be unpleasantly damp and toddlers not much better, from the age of five onwards they become more sensible.

This is the  moment to influence those dumb human minds for the good of the feline world. Humans who grow up with cats in the house will be available as carers later in life.

Tom, the original and (he claims) true author of the book, has written this book under his human's pseudonym. I sympathise with his need to have a human "author."

This is Tom

The story shows how a cat behaves in the household - and how humans just have to put up with it! Good propaganda for the little ones.

It's also important for human kittens to get a sense of their place in the human household. Obviously top of the pecking order is CAT, then adult human, then young human and - right at the bottom if they exist in the family - dog.

Congratulations, Tom. Keep up the good work.

It hurts when I move... Checklist for your human.

Humans take us for granted when we are elderly. "It's only old age," they say when they see us walking slowly or hesitating  before jumping up. As if it doesn't matter...

Humans don't take their own old age for granted. They take painkillers - as all those advertisements on daytime TV show. They consult doctors and physiotherapists.

This blindness to our arthritis must stop!

I've found a checklist that will tell ignorant humans that we are hurting. Here it is: 

• Do you bunny hop going upstairs - using both hind legs to propel yourself upward.
• Do you go downstairs pausing at each stair, or leaning to one side, or taking a break on the way down?
• Do you hesitate before jumping up onto the kitchen table or high place? Or use your front legs to haul yourself up?
• Do you hesitate before jumping down? Or start reaching down with your front legs before launching yourself off?

You can get the full details here. And there is a useful graphic among others for vets and owners here.

Fleas... in 10 Downing St.

Now we can reveal - for the first time - that 10 Downing Street, the equivalent of the US White House - has fleas. Lots of 'em. The whistleblower is Liz Truss, the UK's shortest serving prime minister.

She writes in her memoir just published: "The place was infested with fleas. The entire place had to be sprayed with flea killer. I spent several weeks itching." 

As a cat who knows more about fleas (and probably more about the UK economy) than Liz Truss, I want to put it on record that the woman only spent a few weeks in 10 Downing St anyway. 

Perhaps if she had concentrated on on not wrecking the UK economy, rather than scratching herself and complaining about fleas, she might have had a longer term.

Larry the 10 Downing St cat has claimed " The fleas came from Boris Johnson, the previous prime minister, not me."

Dylan, the Johnson dog, has so far made no comment - which may be suspicious.

I am waiting to hear from Boris Johnson. He is always messing with his hair... is this a sign that the fleas really did come from him?

 

Now it's Biden stealing feline rights...

Jill Biden - https://twitter.com/FLOTUS/status/1487008748577214465

 As an author in my own right, I felt irritated  about more publishing competition from humans. It's bad enough that my human, Celia, keeps making money out of writing cat books...

Now the First Lady, Jill Biden, is getting into the act - with a children's book about the White House cat, Willow.

I don't mean to be catty, but readers will note that she did not write a book about the Biden dog, Major, who bit several members of staff. He was sent away in disgrace to live with family friends.

Neither did she write about the next dog, a puppy called Commander. He bit various secret service agents on at least 10 occasions and finally bit the White House superintendant, responsible for walking him.

No, Jill Biden realised that writing about the Biden dogs was not going to go anywhere. So she settled for Willow, the White House cat who has so far not bitten anybody.

Will Willow bite back, when she realises her owner is making money out of her? I have, on occasion, bitten Celia when I thought she was taking liberties with my copyright.

Watch this space....