Fattism and human hypocrisy.

My friend Boomer liked his grub.

"Fat cats" is a term of insult among humans, when applied to other humans that are rich. And now there is growing "fattism" applied to cats.
Vets are campaigning to slim us down, arguing that obesity isn't good for our health.
But look at the humans all around us. They are huge...not just tall and large but round with gigantic drooping bellies. How can they talk! They should start slimming down and eating less, before they lecture us about it.
It's unfair. It's one rule for cat and one rule for humans. Some of them even restrict our food, weighing out a daily portion. Meanwhile they are gorging on three meals a day, snacks in between, unhealthy crisps, burgers, KFC chicken, chocolate, doughnuts, cake and take away Chinese.
Hypocritical humans! Down with feline fattism.


 

For more on human behaviour read my book here. 

Radiators versus woodburners

This time of year heat is vital to stop cats shivering through the winter. Blow-heaters ruffle the fur unpleasantly. Electric fires usually give out heat above the carpet. Radiators and wood burning stoves are more acceptable.
Both have advantages and disadvantages.
Radiators allow one to soak up heat through the belly by lying underneath. Oddly enough, humans never do this and therefore they have designed radiators that are too small for lying-down humans. Radiators, however, are the ideal size for cats.
There is one major problem. They stop working at night when it is coldest and mean minded humans also turn them off during the day, while they are "at work." No wonder so many of us stroll down the road looking for a human that keeps the heat on all day.
Wood burners are usually lighted up only in the evenings, when our humans return. But even when no more wood is added, they stay warm for hours right into the early morning. They also make interactive TV for kittens like Blossom (above).
Ideal homes, like mine, have both.

 

•  For more mewsings on humans order my book here.

Catnip versus alcohol - punishing humans

Toby demonstrates recreational and moderate use of catnip

Humans behave very badly indeed at the New Year - drinking quantities of alcohol without any feline moderation. They blunder about, get rude and silly, sometimes vomit and occasionally even lose control of their bladder. 
It's disgusting.
We felines are recreational drug users and we admittedly roll around in a silly way when sniffing catnip. However we know when to stop.... unlike many humans. 
How to punish drunk humans? Here is what to do.

• Avoid them while they are still drinking. The spare room or even under the bed may be necessary.
• Wait till they are horizontal to assess the situation.
• If they are motionless, use their body as a warm pillow until they start moving. 
• Snoring may keep you awake but at this time of year the warmth is agreeable.

•  In the morning purr loudly and often in the ear. This is punishment disguised as affection. Neat! 

• For further punishment ideas consult my manual here. 
  

Beware the Yule cat.....

It's Christmas time, Yule time, the evenings darken early, snow may be on its way, so may the Yule cat...
It is time for humans to shudder with fear instead of taking cat affection for granted and thinking we are all just pussycats.
Not all cats are drowsing near a fire or upside down under a radiator. Out there in the cold of Iceland, a sinister creature is on the prowl.
According to legends, the Yule Cat is a gigantic huge black cat,  sort of feline troll, that only appears at Christmas time, and if there. are no new clothes among the Christmas gifts, the Yule cat may devour the little children in the house.... More detail here.

An Icelandic poem goes like this:

 If he faintly meowed outside
The misfortune was soon to happen.
Everyone knows, that he fed on men,
But mice he would not eat.’

‘Ef mjálmað var aumlega úti
var ólukkan samstundir vís
Allir vissu´, að hann veiddi menn en vildi ekki mýs.’

Time for some respect from humans....

Add a cat to the crib.....

It's time to bring cats into the Christmas story. Obviously we belong there but prejudiced humans have refused to acknowledge this.
The stable had at least one cat. Almost all stables and barns had a cat two thousand or so years ago. We kept down the mice that otherwise ate the grain stored them. 
So get your human to add a cat to your local crib. 
Mine did. In fact she added two - one near the manger and one with the wise men. They stayed there in the church throughout the Christmas holiday.  
Tell your human to make the Christmas story cat friendly!

•  More of my thoughts on Christmas in my book here.