Of humans, cats and exercise!

Dear George,

I’m totally puzzled by the amount of money, time and attention humans spend on such “non-sense” as exercise or work-out (if you wish)! I look at my human mommy and wonder about her sanity! She gets the latest fashionable sport gears, she’s getting up at 6 in the morning to run her 3k like a maniac, she’s obsessed with cardio, aerobic, yoga, etc. – you name it and she’ll be right on! I no longer know what to make of her! I really think I like my human daddy better! Not that he’s lazy but he doesn’t do all these crazy things! I think he’s a great cat at heart! George, my problem is: how do I convince my mommy that following the cats’ path to wellbeing is better and safer that the crazy things she does now!  How do I convince her that getting up late, being late for work, staying in bed with me and just doing the stretch I do (see the photo attached) is much more fun and much safer than running outside in cold weather! So much more joyful and peaceful!

Are most humans actually incarnated dogs? Definitely dogs will do these crazy things!

Puzzled, lazy but… happy

Stanley

Dear Stanley,

Humans would be so much happier if they imitated us cats. We know how to relax and we also know how to minimize effort (which isn't quite the same thing!). And we don't spend money on sports clothing. Indeed, we are purrfectly happy even though we don't spend money at all. Not a cent. Not a penny.

How do you convince a human to slow down? Impossible, I fear. They are a restless species unable to lead a sensible life. My latest book, 100 Ways to be More Like Your Cat, (alas published under the name of my human pet, Celia, and available here) tries to bet through to humans. But I don't think it working.

Yours gloomily

George

PS. Don't get me started on dogs and their craziness.

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Cats in books - and how to make an affirmation board

Dear George,
I’d like to share some good news and some not so good!

Good news: I took up reading! I had to since my human pets are avid readers and like to cozy up with a book by my side! One on each side. 
Not so good:  I have to stay put…sometimes for hours! I know they need my emotional and physical support but sometimes I feel like a book holder – holding a book for each!
At the beginning I was like “OK! I’m killing time…so I was napping! But after a while I started browsing through their books and I must admit I found interesting things!
Interesting sayings! Words of wisdom! I’ll share some: “The purity of a person’s heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals” - Anonymous or “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated” – Mahatma Gandhi

“I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior” –Hippolyte Taine or “I’m fond of pigs! Dogs look up to us! Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals” – Sir Winston Churchill.
And my favorite of all: “There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats” – Anonymous! Isn’t this great wisdom?
George, I’d like to make a “daily affirmation” board for my human pets! How do I make it? Any suggestions? Ah! So, so inspirational!
Hmm! I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by my own ideas …I think I’ll take a nap for now!  
“If you want to write, keep cats.” – Aldous Huxley

Chico

Dear Chico,
I have made an affirmation board for myself out of a bedroom door. If it is shut, I go into creative mode and run my claws downwards and slantwise. This results in interesting affirmative patterns which inspire me to  artistic further effort. My human, however, has no artistic taste and dislikes these intensely. However, they have inspired her to leave the door half open most of the time. (This means it swings so I cannot add to my art). 
Try it, Chico. The path of a feline artist is a lonely one. But maybe your humans are more creative than mine. 
Yours 
George.
PS. Love the quotes.
PPS. Maybe wallpaper would make a good affirmation board.

Camping for cats....

Dear George, 

After reading other cats’ letters posted on your blog about surfing, hiking, fishing, cat scanning the neighbourhood, etc. I decided I’d go…camping! Thought it would be soooo cool for a cat to go…. camping! Anyway, my plan came true but only half! 

When my human pets heard about my plan they were in total shock and decided: “noooo way Jose”! That’s what they said! Well, I was a bit confused since my name is Jasper not Jose but I blamed their lapse of memory on their mental shock! Never thought I could disturb my humans’ logic so bad by just voicing my desire to go camping! I still don’t understand what’s wrong with camping but, at least they came up with a solution! 

They bought me a little tent so I can go …..camping in my backyard! I know it not the same like camping into the woods but being in my backyard is not that bad either. Mummy tried to scare me with the many dangers lurking out into the woods but I didn’t believe her! Anyway, I got my tent but now I have another problem! My brother Riley doesn’t understand that the tent is mine. He constantly keep sneaking in. Mummy bought him his own tent but, still …he’s all the time into mine (see the photo attached); the worst of it? We end up fighting! 

George, how do I make him understand that he got his own tent?

In desperation  

Jasper

Dear Jasper,

I can see that you don't look too happy by the backward position of your ears. It's a really difficult dilemma. My advice is not to let your human get involved.... if they interfere it may make things worse. Humans think it is natural to share: cats don't share except with very special friends (which presumably Riley is not).

My suggestion - a very tentative one - is that immediately Riley comes into your tent, you leave and take up position in his tent. This is worth a try.  If he takes your tent and stays there, you can take his tent and make it properly yours.  Though he might just follow you again into his tent....

If that happens just leave both of them to him and find a nicer place - like a heap of clean laundry.

Yours

George. 

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Black Cat Day - Black Cats Matter.

Dear George,
Nobody wants us because we are black. It's a terrible example of human discrimination. What is wrong with black?
The other kittens, both tabby, found a home, but we didn't. How are we going to make humans understand that black cats are just as lovely as white ones, or tabbies, or gingers.
Please help educate humans.
Yours
Geraldine and Gerald.

Dear Brother Kittens,
We black cats need to solidarity with each other. We deserve the same love and care as any other cats. 
A human told me a horrible story about an American cat "rescue" shelter. Every Halloween stray black cats were handed into the shelter to "save" them from being thrown on to Halloween bonfires. And every year, because so few people wanted black cats, they were just euthanased. They would have been better off on the streets.
Don't let this happen. Black cats matter too. Please spread the message.
Yours
George

Dear George,
I am waiting to adopt a suitable human pet. This accomodation is far from ideal. I can see them, but I cannot smell them through the glass. However, I can hear their vocalisations, when they come close to look at me.
What kind of human is best to adopt? What should I be looking for in order to get good household staff?
Yours,
Sam.

Dear Sam,
Here are my thoughts about suitable human pets. I can't tell you what to do, but be careful. Consider these possibilities:

• Oldies. These have usually had staff experience in looking after cats. Now that age has "neutered" them, they are likely to be in a quiet household with nothing much to do except care for you. They stay at home all day with the heating on, instead of leaving home for 8-10 hours a day at "work."

• Young male/female couples. If you are energetic and confident these can be fun. However, there is the danger of pregnancy, babies and toddlers. This takes the focus off proper cat care.
• Young male/male couples. These make great pets. Less danger of babies/toddlers messing up your home or pulling your tail.
• Dog owners. Forget them. You are going to have to share your home with a slobbery subservient dog that looks up to humans....
• Cat addicts. Avoid these like the plague. One cat per bedroom should be the rough rule. These addicts fill the house with cats, often don't have proper hygeine, can't afford vet fees....

Good luck... Worst come to the worst, once you get out of this pen and into a proper cat home, you can always rehome yourself.
Yours
George.