Teeth .... I'm afraid of the dentist!

Dear George, 
Please do take a look at my photo (attached) and tell me what do you see?I bet ….you’ll say: “a lazy cat” as everybody else does, but let me tell you that what you see is a “worried cat”. Why I’m worried? I’m worried because my humans decided that I need a “teeth cleaning” and I heard them ….debating anesthesia.  
Well, I don’t like the idea at all; neither teeth cleaning nor anesthesia. What if I’ll never wake up from it? I never heard my grandparents or great-grandparents to have their teeth cleaned. I never heard of any cat brushing its teeth. Are my humans crazy? George, how can I get my teeth cleaned….in a simple and easy way?

SOS - in a haste

Vegas

Dear Vegas,
The easiest way to keep your teeth clean, is to get your human to buy special dental dry food and mix it with your ordinary kibble. Special dental food has larger than normal bits of kibble and crunching each bit of kibble up helps keep teeth clean. Chews and dental treats are delicious too. 
Other possibilities are Vet Aquadent Anti Plaque Solution which can be added to your water, or Logic oral hygeine gel put directly into your mouth. It tastes quite pleasant  Some humans use a toothbrush with special feline toothpaste to clean our teeth but I personally won't stand for this invasion of my mouth. A couple of sharp bites put a stop to Celia trying it on!
I rarely consult my human, as she has nothing much of interest to say. But lately she told me she had spent a total of about 10 hours in the dentist's chair (spread over 3 months) for some complicated dental work. She would have preferred anesthesia so that she didn't have to sit there waiting for the dentist to drill down. So if painkillers or anaesthetic is on offer, embrace them with all four paws!
Believe me, Vegas, drifting off into an anaesthetic sleep is better than being present. And when you wake up, all the nasty stuff will be over.
Yours earnestly
George
PS. If you do have to have anaesthetic, get your humans to ask the vet if anything else needs checking while you are under. It might be a good time to make sure you don't have any arthritis.

Cats, castles, and microchipping - is it safe for me?

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Dear George,
I’m Tomi von Ineu and a wanderer at heart! Like in any aristocratic family, when the parents don’t live together, the father’s family has rights to a kitten. And, since I was the only one willing to leave home ….there I went full speed towards new adventures, my new castle and my new domain Ineu. But, it seems that I misbehaved from the very beginning as I escaped through (or under) the gates of the castle. I heard my little human kitten, sorry, my little princess crying but I didn’t bother thinking that I’ll make up to her later. I got lost. Fortunately, some good human kittens found me and took me back to my castle. As a corrective action …I’m now locked in the tower! Plus, I heard them saying that I’ll be microchipped. God, hope they won’t electrocute me! I send a letter to the Elders in the village to ask what a microchip is. They said my humans will put a GPS in my head so they can track all my moves. George, is that true? Can they put some computer in my head and then watch me on their security cameras/monitors?
Yours
Tomi von Ineu

Dear Tomi

I am so impressed by your status.  Your own castle. And locked in a tower, just like Rappunzel in the fairy tale. She escaped and so will you, once you have that microchip. I promise you, microchips are safe. I have one. It's to help if we get lost. Ordinary microchips just stay in the body, and if someone finds us when we are lost, they can get a vet or a rescue charity to scan us, read the microchip, and find our owner.
There are GPS devices for cats but these have to be mounted on a collar. Here in the UK most catflap cats don't wear a collar, because of worries about safety (for a discussion of this, go here) GPS collars may present difficulties for some of us smaller cats, as they add a bit of weight - though there are very light ones used for tracking small rodents. GPS microchips are on the way (a patent has been filed) but I am not sure how far they are widely available. These would be a small implant not requiring a collar.
Most of us cats get a microchip when we are neutered and spayed, so it is no big deal. Don't worry Tomi, a microchip is a very good thing to have.
Yours reassuringly
George

The big career decision - free as a feral or adopting a human.

Dear George,
I am facing a big decision. Shall I adopt a human or just live a human-free life? I was born in a factory with three brothers and sisters. Our mother vanished and we were taken into care by Sunshine Cat Rescue. The other three were neutered and spayed and will probably go on to lead a life free of humans. I was too ill.
You know what happened next, George, as I am living in a room in the house belonging to Tilly and Toby. Celia is trying to purrsuade me that my future is to adopt a human. She has been feeding me by hand, slowly accustoming me to her touch and, really, I quite like her. If I could adopt her, I probably would. 
You can see my experience on YouTube here. There are videos showing my progress in the new life. At first I couldn't stop hissing and hiding from her: now I have got used to her.
But as you know, Toby is bored with me and Tilly is sheer plumb disgusted. So if I choose a career as a pet, I will have to adopt a new human. I have been spayed, so if I live as a feral cat I shall not be worn out with kitten bearing. It's difficult to decide. What are the pros and cons, George.
Yours undecided,
Abby the Tabby.

Dear Abby,
It's a no brainer.  You adopt a human and you get free catfood for life, excellent medical care, and a devoted servant. There is central heating all the time, a very large bed (which admittedly you will have to share with your human), and if you are lucky a cat flap. So you won't have to give up hunting and you will have many happy hours training your human.
Of course, there is a downside. You won't have a sex life, but that would be true for you even if you did decide on the free feral life. Life with a human can be boring, but that is only if you don't have the imagination to make them more active. Agility training for humans, purrsuading them to play games with you, is good for mental and physical health, both for you and for your pet.
So that is the way you should go. That was my career choice and I have never regretted it.
Yours solemnly
George.

I'm learning to trust humans - but worried about a feline bully

Dear George,

I’m a rescue and, of course I live in a multiple cat house. I’m the only girl and very shy.
I’ve always been very shy and not very trustful, especially of humans. One of my “brothers” is a bully and I don’t know how to deal with that. My humans are very supportive of me but they work late hours. Lately I started going to them for an occasional rubbing and petting and they seemed to be very happy. Yesterday, after quite few hours of playing time with them I heard them saying “she’s coming out of her shell”. I got nervous as I don’t know what that means? Am I going to lose my coat? What shell are they talking about?

Nervously

Princess Penelope

Dear Princess Penelope,
Feline bullies are difficult to deal with. Do you have your own safe sleeping area, where he cannot intrude upon you? Doe he block your way to the litter tray? Or have your humans got several trays so that you can always get to one without anxiety? The same with food. You should not have to eat in close proximity to him. There should be several food and water locations. 
I am so glad that you are beginning to trust your humans. I hope that you are able to spend some time with them, without the bully being there to intimidate you by staring or blocking. You should train them to feed you cat treats when you go towards them, so that you are getting rewarded for overcoming your fear. Patient humans will be rewarded by your love.
Yours sympathetically
George
PS.  Celia has taken to taming a feral kitten instead of concentrating her time on serving me. I am fed up. You can see it here.

Keeping time - feline time, not human time.

Dear George,

We are the ultimate Time Keepers as you can see in the photo attached.

Marty is the keeper of the “Sleeping Time” and I, Vegas, am the keeper of the “Feeding Time”. However, our humans seem to function in a different time zone. They try to introduce to us a “working time” (whatever is that), a “work-out time” (such a joke – we look at them in amazement when they act like hamsters running on a wheel they call treadmill) and something they call “socializing time” (when they eat and drink and make loud noises). Why? Why do they try to make life complicated? Why can’t they function on our time? George, how do we train them?

From Sleeping and Eating zone time

Marty and Vegas

Dear Marty and Vegas,
Many cats manage to re-educate their humans into feline time but it does take a great deal of time, effort and purrsistence. Easiest place to start is the awful socialising time.
 If a supper party has gone on too long, I walk into the room and start miaowing.  If they are round the table I jump on to the table and try to eat any food that may be there. Or turn and put my bottom in the nearest human face - this rarely fails to create a sensation. It always embarasses Celia, who has to get up from her chair and remove me.
If they are lingering in the living room, drinking too much of that liquid catnip which they use, I can't use the same tactics. Instead, I look round the human that seems uneasy with my presence, who may not like cats, and I leap on to her lap, rubbing against her and purring loudly. Alternatively look for the human who is slightly allergic to cat fur - signs are a very red face and lots of sneezing or wheezing. Do the same to them.
You can also decide to rub on the glasses, thus upsetting them and pouring liquid everywhere. If this is the red catnip liquor, it will make a big stain on the furniture and carpet. Celia then has to rush off and start trying to clean it up. Result - supper party interrupted. Guests think of leaving.
Have a go.
Love George.