Feline wisdom recognised - at last

Dear George,
I have discovered a human book about feline wisdom. I think it has to be written by you, but the name on the cover is Celia Haddon.
What is going on? Has she stolen your ideas? Humans are so unscrupulous.
Yours 
Coco

Dear Coco,
Yes, my life's work, my book, has been stolen by my secretary. I needed her help as my paws are just not capable of manipulating the keyboard. She transcribed my ideas.
Next thing I know she tells me that it has been published this month. She has passed off my wisdom as if it were her own.
I felt a strange mix of fury and delight. Fury at what she had done. Delight that at last the wisdom of cats is being recognised. 
I am planning revenge. I might pee on the TV.
Yours 
George

Of Cats and Valentines... and the snip.

-->

Dear George,

My humans had a very romantic Valentine’s Day celebration: dinner by candlelight, a glass (or two) of champagne, chocolate, flowers and all that jazz! Of course, I did get a lot of attention for the occasion but I feel I’m missing romance in my life! Ah! I watched a movie -I think it’s called “a cat tale” – about a tomcat (Marcello) who falls in love with a gorgeous kitty (Jujube). I loved the movie! I can watch it again and again!

George, I think I’m in love with my next door neighbour – a tuxedo tomcat who wears his heart on his chest! He does visit my backyard occasionally but we’ve never been introduced. I’m planning a belated Valentine’s Day cat celebration and I want to invite him over! I need your advice in regards to dinner! Chocolate is out of question (as it is poisonous to us cats) and so is champagne! Then what? A live or dead mouse? What will be more romantic? Maybe ….some catnip? Just recreational, you know!

Yours….in love

Ida

Dear Ida,
Live or dead mouse? A live one is much more exciting. Warm too. You two could share the pleasure of hunting it round the room, but there is one great disadvantage.  It's not big enough to share, and do you have the self control to step back and let him eat all of it?
Dead? Yes, but two of them. Each placed in a separate bowl at a sensible distance. We cats have a tendency to want to eat whatever is in the other cat's bowl, rather than our own. This can lead to discord!
How to court him? Well we cats have a series of ways of flirting. We can roll on our side making come-on noises. We can rub against the feline loved one. We can twine tails. We can also - and this is the ultimate explicit come-on- lower ourselves on our front paws, leaving our backside higher up. This posture is ready for love.
And if you swivel your tail to one side, this a direct invitation. If he ignores this, then there's nothing more you can do. And, if he lives with humans, he might. For him, the snip may have made romance impossible. Like it has for me.
Yours
George

I hate foster kittens - many of us cats do....

Dear George, 
Maybe you’ll be able to help me understand why my mum got all of a sudden “the fostering fever” – I call it a “fever” as I look at her latest passion for fostering cats as a temporary “disease”! Please don’t judge me! I know it is a very noble thing to do but….why now? I’m getting old, I got used to be the only cat in the house and, honestly I don’t feel like “fighting” for my territory! And, what’s most upsetting is that she does it so deceivingly! She sneaks in at night like a thief bringing in some cat that takes up the guest bedroom! So, the following morning I get up smelling “enemy” in the house! Ugh!  I wish she’ll stop! Last night she even tried to “introduce” to me the intruder – a perky, young kitten who just walked towards me unfazed by my presence! Wow! I gave her THAT look (as you can see in the photo attached), turned around and went to bed!
I am very upset! Not talking with anybody!

Shumba

Dear Shumba,

I so much sympathize. Cat loving human pets sometimes think we are dogs. We are not. Most cats have strong feelings about territory and do not like feline intruders.

My pet Celia does the same. Only, thanks be to the Higher Cat, she never introduces us. Particularly since I dislike all cats, even kittens, in my home territory. I will tolerate their presence in the spare room but nowhere else. Luckily my views are respected and the kittens stay there.

There are laid-back cats that like kittens. My friend Toby is one of them, so while a foster kitten  is still in a kitten pen, Toby goes in to see if there is any food around. Celia does this to assess whether the kitten will be suitable for a home with a resident cat. Some kittens fall instantly in love with him: others hiss. There's a sweet video of this here. Toby and Abby went on to play with each other. He never has to meet hostile kittens a second time.

But he is the exception.
Your human should recognise your stress and keep the foster kittens/cats away from you at all times.

Yours 

George

 

The joy of eating grass, earthing and soft earth for litter!

Dear George, 
Please look at the photo attached and tell me what do you see?
Of course you see me and, by the look on my face, you probably think I’m being “interrupted” by something or someone from enjoying my grass! Correct? Ok! You are absolutely right! You see, sometimes I chew on this grass and sometimes I sit on it! 
Well, I was sitting on it a minute before this photo was taken but I did shy away when I heard my mummy’s comments! When she saw me sitting there she got excited shouting: “look, look I’m growing a Chicolino in a pot” She start laughing and run to get the camera! How silly! But, by the time she was back I was off the grass.

She took the photo anyway! Then she was telling daddy what a “smart boy” I was as I was earthing, I was grounding! I was what? I did not understand what she was saying!
I assume it was something good as she went on and on saying that most people do it in Europe (by the way, she walks bare feet in the backyard) She said she wish more people knew about this so they can create “grass boxes” for indoor cats so they can ground as well. George, please enlighten us: what is earthing? And how does it benefit us?

Yours,

Chico

PS. There's a website about grounding that she likes here

and cats earthing here. 

  Dear Chico,
I see a cat who has been rescued by Michelle from cold and hunger, and who is enjoying his grass. Grass is so good for cats and you can buy it in pet shops or even grow your own.
Of course, I just go outside and eat my grass in the garden or the nearby cart track. Am I grounded? Well, I am because my paws are on the lawn, on the rough stony cart track and on the soft earth of the newly dug vegetable patch - a really nice large litter tray for a cat. Aren't I lucky?
Not so sure about electrical currents from the earth but I know earth feels good to me. And I am all for earthing if it purrsuades humans to give us a large area of soft earth as a litter tray! There is also some evidence that indoor-only cats may be affected by toxins in the house. 
So cats there are reading this, please get a cat flap, or get some cat grass for your cat. And, if your human won't give you a nearly dug vegetable or flower patch, get them to provide a large litter tray with enough litter in it. At least two and a half inches.
I'm off outside to get grounded.... and maybe catch a mouse.
Yours
George.

Human obsession with weight....

Dear George,

I'll be very short and to the point. What defines a cat's normal weight?
We know that our standards and values are quite different from our humans’ but, still I think we should have this clearly stated and disclosed – what makes a cat normal, fat, overweight and obese? Some graphics will help as well if you have any (visual had always have a stronger impact). The reason I’m asking your help with this is because my mummy is obsessed with her weight (since she moved over to UK). I don’t know how skinny you are over there but she is already as fat as a toothpick! Is she too fat already?  Is this your norm? Why am I concerned? I’m very much concerned since I’ve heard her saying that I need to be on a diet! Ugh! Give me a break! Am I supposed to eat only “greens” as in this photo? Don’t think so, thank you! George, I personally think I’m normal! I’m OK with my weight! So, please help me as I don’t see myself munching all day long on catnip or greens only! Are these standards universal or do they differ from one continent to another? If they do, then tell me, please, of a continent where people have some meat on their bones so when I knead, I actually feel some soft, fat tissues that make me feel GOOD.

In ounces and pounds

Didina

Dear Didina,
I agree. Fat humans have much warmer squashier laps that a cat can really sink into or have a good satisfying knead.  We don't like thin humans. But it is a good idea for us to get too fat - after all, we want to be healthy.
Here's a great chart about cat weight. Useful for humans who are under or over feeding their cat.

Add caption

We

We don't have to eat greens to lose weight. That is for human omnivores, not us obligate carnivores. There are now plenty of cat foods on sale that help us stay trim. Vets can prescribe specialist foods for that.
But more importantly we need fun and exercise not just smaller bowls of food. In fact bowls are boring. If we get fed in food dispensers, meals take longer, are more fun, and give us some exercise. Ideas for fun food toys can be found here.
Yours
George.

Misbehaving and the night watchman.

-->

Dear George,

I don’t know how active or athletic you still are but I must admit I’ve personally slowed down a lot! I rather get on a cozy pillow and read the letters on your blog than to jump up and down or take the stairs. I believe I didn’t jump up on a counter in the last three years… but last weekend I must have jumped up on the counters at least 200 times! Yes, you heard me right: 200 times! Why? Because that’s what some humans could drive you to do! No, not my humans but their company! Well, my humans decided to entertain post holidays and they invited a group of people for dinner. Among the guests there was this woman who tried to change the rules IN MY HOUSE! No less and no kidding!

Can you imagine that? How dare she? You see, the minute she got in she started to make faces and comments about cats and started telling my mom “Oh, please, THIS CAT can’t touch my fur coat” or “Ah, I hope your cat doesn’t jump up on the counters or tables” or “hope I won’t find any cat hair in my dinner; ha!ha!ha!.” I was speechless! How rude she was! I looked at my mom as she was trying to explain (very politely) that I’m a very well behaved cat and no, I do not jump up on the counters! That just did it! I mean …that woman and her comments drove me to jump 200 times up on the counters that night! She also drove me to jump up right on the dining table and walk between guests and plates. Then, she drove me to pretend I was falling down off the coat hanger (I just climbed on) and had to “grab” her fur coat with my claws…going down! Yes, I did all these things! By the end of the evening I was laughing my head off seeing her speechless! I bet I’ll never see her again! My mom didn’t seem to be overly upset after all but she did mention that I have totally, completely, absolutely misbehaved and I have ruined the night! She also said that I looked like a “night watchman” at times! Is this bad or good? George, I don’t know what a “night watchman” is! I assume it must be something bad, something scary? Is that right?

Honestly George, was I that bad? Would my behaviour make me a “night watchman?” What if I was right? George, please….your opinion!

Your old friend,

CAT Victoria

Dear CAT Victoria,

Shocking behaviour by a visiting human! And your human should also be ashamed of herself for not supporting you in this. This is your home, which you kindly share with your humans. Your home - therefore your rules.
And why not walk on the table? I always do. I enjoy embarrassing my humans in this way. Watching their faces express their anguish is truly amusing.

Naturally you were interested by a fur coat? You were checking it out to see if it was real or fake. Any sensible cat would do this.

Was it real fur? If it was, some human had hunted and killed it, just like we cats kill mice. But without an excuse. We have a natural instinct to hunt and kill, but at least we don't just do it to wear fur that isn't our own. And, although we "play" with our prey (because we can't help it; the instinct is hard wired), at least we don't keep mice in tiny cages just to wear their fur.

Well done ruining the evening...  If your humans must entertain people who wear real fur, they should do it in a restaurant away from temptation!

I always wonder why humans wear clothes and fur. Why not grow their own?

Yours

George.

PS. Not sure what she meant about a "night watchman." Odd remark. But humans are odd. Something to do with the Rembrandt painting or the horror movie?

Update from the Black Kitty & the Christmas miracle

Dear George,
I wanted to give you and your blog readers an update on my situation.

As I mentioned in my Christmas letter I found my new Mummy and moved to my forever home! She started by looking very carefully at me and trying to find me a name that suits me well. First she tried “Midnight”! It is a beautiful name but, unfortunately it only reminded me of the cold nights when I was living on the streets! I didn’t want to disappoint her so I simply didn’t react to the name! 
Then, she looked at me again and said “Dolce” – that’s it: Dolce! which is Italian for “sweets” something like “sweetie pie” in English! George, I must tell you – I had tears in my eyes! I instantly LOVED the name! I looked at her and meowed my approval and gave her a little kiss! I think that sealed our love forever! She IS the best mum! She plays piano for me …serenading me.

She even left a big empty box in the center of the room (as you can see in the photo) so we can play “hide and seek”! I love her and I’m forever grateful she opened her heart and home to me. I give her lots of kisses and head rubs! I don’t know how else to show her my love and appreciation! George, any other suggestions?

Molto contenta (very happy)

Dolce

Dear Dolce,
No need to go overboard in appreciation.  You have done her a favour by making her into your pet. Keep a little back... so that she appreciates those head rubs when they come. She will value them more if you do not give them too often.
Now you need to help her understand that rewards such as head rubs have to be earned. As wise trainers say, rewards are contingent on correct behaviour. Head rubs, little licks, loud purrs and a lot of lap time -- this is what humans crave from cats.
It won't be difficult. She is obviously a trainable human. The box was thoughtful even imaginative. The name is really lovely.
Yours
George

Car safety - Traveling with a human!

Dear George,
Now that the holidays’ chaos and stress is over I’d like to get your opinion on a very much overlooked topic….which is “traveling with cats”!
You see, my Mom wanted to visit relatives across the pond. She got quite excited by the idea of “us” visiting cousins in the faraway land but soon her excitement fell flat once she realized she could not take me with her in the cabin! So, she gave up on the cousins and decided to go local which meant…..by car! I think I did dress for the occasion (as you can see in the photo) but I wasn’t happy at all! I have to complain because I didn’t get the passenger’s seat! Nooooo! She put me in my carrier in the back seat! This wasn’t fair! 
I wanted to enjoy the view but she wouldn’t have it any other way! I’ve seen other cats traveling in the passenger’s seat and not in a carrier! So I decided to punish her and make her life miserable so I meowed all the way back home. 
She seems to be hurt by my behaviour and since I love her very much and have no intention to punish her unnecessary I’d like to get your opinion on this issue. Maybe I was too hard on her?
Maybe…..maybe ….she was right? 
George, help please!
Minky 

Dear Minky,
I am sure you would have liked to be in the front seat and able to move around the car, but this is a safety issue. Humans are unreliable travelling companions and we have to be protected from their irresponsibility. They can forget that cat safety is paramount.
This is how I once wanted to travel in the car - it was a serious error on my part.

Let me tell you about Ada, a cat that was traveling unrestrained in a car. As her driver negotiated a small road, he was involved in a minor collision with another car. He forgot about Ada altogether, leaped out, and started sorting things out with the other driver.
Terrified, Ada leaped out too and took refuge in the hedge. She sat there rigid and unmoving with fear (luckily) so could be picked up by her driver. If she had fled rather than froze she might have been lost forever.
I hate saying this. Your human was right.
Your cat box was on the back seat and fastened down with a seat belt - important to stop it flying forward and hitting the driver on the head, precipitating a serious car crash.
Yours George. 
PS. Important details here for car travel, and airline travel in North America here with details of American airline policy on pets. Regulations about bringing in pets to the UK are complex and can be found here.

New Year feline wishes - and news

Dear fellow cats,
I was going to write a New Year Message, full of good hope, goodwill, and optimism. Instead, I have both good and bad news.
The good news is that at last the world will be able to read my words of wisdom. A book is coming out in February with the title 100 Ways to be More Like your Cat. Feline Wisdom for Happy Humans. Here at last is my attempt to enlighten the human, not the feline, race. I think all cats would agree that humans would be happier if they imitated us.
The bad news is that my name is not on it. In order to purrsuade humans to buy it, the publisher said, it must have a human name. So once again, my secretary's name is there on the cover, not mine. 
Purrsonally I am extremely upset by this. It is not the first time she has indulged in outright plagiarism of my ideas. But for the good of the human race, I had to accept this. 
I shall make her pay.... I am thinking of ways of getting my revenge.
Yours with very mixed feelings,
George.
 

A Christmas Miracle

Dear George,

I’m a two years old kitten who got lost or has been abandoned – I don’t know what happened for sure! No one posted any flyers around the area where I was found living on the streets. All I know is that about two months ago some good people saw me in a parking lot and started feeding me. They would come every single night and feed me. Then as the weather was getting colder they decided to trap me and find me a home! Their prayers and wishes were to find me a forever home by Christmas! Well, their prayers and wishes came true! In last two weeks I’ve been trapped, taken to a vet clinic to be checked-up, lived temporary in two fosters home and I’ll be in my forever home by Christmas.

I’ve also learned that my new human is the best “cat mum” I could wish for! She’ll love me and care for me! She has already announced her family and friends about me coming home for Christmas! I’m a bit scared but I know that once I’ll be just with her I’ll be able to rest and relax! I promise I will love her back! George, I do now believe in miracles!

And, as young as I am …I now truly understand Christmas and the spirit of giving!

It’s not at all about giving gifts…it’s all about giving shelter, giving food, giving hope and above all…..giving love! That’s the spirit of Christmas!

I wish to all the kittens and their humans a Merry Christmas and I pray for all the cats in need to find their forever homes and loving humans!

Love to all

Kitty

Dear Kitty,
You have said it all.
But I would just add some quick advice to cats. Stay away from mistletoe and holly. They are poisonous. So are lilies and pointsetta (photo on the right).
Happy Christmas,
George.

Human kittens -- strange smells, weird noises. How to cope.

Dear George,

I didn’t write to you in quite some time so, please forgive me! I was busy moving from a flat to a big house! I wanted more space to move around and have more closets for my selected wardrobe so I put my “paw down” (as you can see in the photo) and asked my humans to find a better place.  But, I have learned the move came with a big surprise! 

Apparently I’ll welcome my human sister in the Spring! I’m talking a human kitten!

That’s big time competition to me! George, as much as I love to see my humans so excited about their kitten I don’t want to lose my Alpha status nor do I want to lose my privileges! So, when and how do I start training the human kitten? Before even being born is….too soon? Right after birth…should I start purring to her? George, help!

Mia

Dear Mia,
Disruptive noises and strange smells ... but we have to put up with them, as we cannot (so far) neuter humans.  It will help if your humans help you get used to the noise in advance by downloading this track and playing it very very quietly then slightly louder while you are eating something nice.  They should do this the month before the human kitten arrival so you can get used to the noise.
Your humans should also put in place the new human kitten care routine, before the human kitten arrives, so you can get used to it. That might mean differently timed meals, different places for bowls and litter trays and one room with a door that is shut.
You will find that before the arrival, your male human will come back from hospital smelling odd. If he is a sensible pet, he will bring back something smelling of the human kitten and allow you to investigate it. That way when the wriggling bundle of human fun arrives home, you will be used to its smell. This will help.
Finally, the wise thing to do with a new human kitten is never to investigate it unless your adult human pets are there in the room to protect you. Never share its bed or get too close to its jerky movements. Advice for your humans can be found here. Human kittens are, to be brutally frank, retarded. After eight weeks we can cope with life: it takes years for a human kitten to be sensible enough to train properly. 
Well, it is what it is - you will adapt and even come to love it.
Eventually..... Some Feliway Classic might help too.
Yours
George. 
PS. I am working hard on my new book which will come out in February.