The cat in the bag. Catnip shock horror for humans.

Dear George,
The other day I started tidying up my place (in case Puss-Puss will move over - see her comments here) and I came across old toys, almost forgotten - all stuffed with good stuff like catnip, catmint, honeysuckle, etc. I was enjoying them again when my mummy came home unexpectedly. She startled me so I jumped in a bag! When she saw my look (as in the photo) she seemed rather amused and said something like: “Aha! The cat is in the bag”!
Hearing her….I just passed out….. for about 10 minutes!
That’s when the trouble started: she panicked. I could hear her (like in a dream) calling daddy and saying “Come home, Fluffy got stoned!” I mean …what mother would say that? A bit later I was quite fine but she was angry by then and I didn’t understand why! She said something like “you are in trouble missy”. I mean…what kind of trouble? 
None of these fine plants are illegal, are they? So, what did I do wrong?
Worse to come….I can say … I got high …..legally, right?
I wonder how come they know about “these things” since they live such a boring and plain, simple life? George, can you explain what happened?
Quite puzzled
Fluffy

Dear Fluffy,
Humans are so puritanical. What's wrong with catnip and catmint? We cats do recreational drugs without any difficulty. It's only humans that go too far and either lie around for hours giggling or sway about from too much alcohol, a drug which incidentally is very bad for cats.
We can control getting high: they can't. That's why they go mental if we do a little drug use. I enjoy sniffing not just catnip but also pears and nail varnish, and I've been told that the kolomite vine, bogbeans and valerian (kind of drowsy) give a mild legal high. This is substance use, not substance abuse - though if humans start interfering and put this stuff in our food we might overdose.
So leave it to us, you interfering humans. We know what we like. We know how much we can take. We can walk away from it after a few delightful minutes. You can't. You are vulnerable to substance abuse and drunkenness. If we are left alone to choose our own highs, we aren't.
So tell your humans not to panic, not to interfere and not to spike our food with anything. Yes, Fluffy, I know your humans would never do the latter but there are irresponsible drug user humans who have tried to give their cats alcohol, pot or even heroin - disgusting behaviour. 
But what can you expect from such an inferior species?
George.