Saturday, September 28, 2013

My snooper human is invading my privacy and exploiting me

Dear George,
It’s me CAT Victoria! What am I doing under a garden table?
Well, I’m “watching” my human mom! As she behaved really strange lately I knew she was up to something.  I found out what she was up to and now I’m really upset!
I’m seeking legal counsel as I think my privacy was broken by her.
I caught her snooping around when I was sleeping and taking photos with me sleeping in different positions (some quite innocent others less – you know what I mean).
I caught her stalking me in the garden on many occasions spoiling my hunting or bird gazing! I was wondering what was wrong with her – was she losing it and becoming a nut case? Well, not at all!
My dear mommy was “using” me (without my consent) as her “muse” for her latest art show! Even worse…..she’ll have her “grand opening” this weekend quite far from home so I won’t be able to attend and see her paintings!
George, is this fair? Is this legal? How can I protect my privacy in a media invaded world? Knowing her…..I’ll soon be on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Horror!
Should I sue her since I won’t benefit from her art show profits?
And above all…..should I crash her grand opening? What do you think?
Yours, but very frustrated
CAT Victoria

Dear CAT Victoria,
Humans never seem to respect our privacy. They take photos all the time. Mine even does photos of me when toileting under the pretence that she needs it for her website or lectures. And they interfere when we hunt. They insist on stroking us when we just want to nap. Some even interrupt with strokes while we are eating.
As for Facebook and Twitter they are now crawling with cats and my human is one of the worst for putting on photos. Never asks my permission. Never gets me to sign a paw on a copyright or release document. Just puts them on. The only cheerful though for me (and perhaps you) is that they haven't yet started posting videos on YouTube. But it can only be a matter of time, I fear.
One of the more subtle ways of interrupting photography is to walk straight towards the camera and rub on it. Unless your human is a professional, they will find this makes it difficult to get the shot. Or, if the human is crouching or lying down to take the shot, jump on them. And jump hard.
Legal redress? Well we haven't got the chance to do this yet - though there is a movement towards this. If all else fails remember claw and order tactics - walk towards and instead of rubbing, just bite or claw the human. And after the photo session is over knock the camera off the table. I have killed two cameras that way - smashing a lens once and once just making the whole device stick fast. 
Best of luck
PS. Don't crash the opening. You won't like it. It is full of humans getting high on their version of catnip. They are shudderingly boring when high.


  1. Shoving your face in the camera lens is called "orking" A few years a go it was a loose sort of meme - see Metafilter or B3ta

    Smashing the camera is a good idea, my apes would be sectionable if I did that.

    Victoria, when your camera toting Mum is stalking you, immediately clean your bum. This seems to put image thieving apes off a bit.


  2. Yes, peeps with cameras are trouble with a capital T.


  3. Wasn't you who wanted to be famous? Or rich? I can't remember but guess got plenty of publicity with the art show.

  4. CAT, I just graduated from law school. I can give you legal advice!

  5. Wow! Your mommy loves you so much!
    So touchy! CAT Victoria give your mommy a big kiss!

  6. My daddy is taking lots of photos with me but I don't see any art show.
    Hm! Maybe ...he's like ....Celia....posting on Facebook?


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online