Saturday, March 05, 2011

Can dogs rule too? Max wins an HCA.

Dear George,

I’m a big dog! And I mean BIG! You might wonder what I’m doing here …on a cat blog.

To tell you the truth…I wonder myself, but the only explanation is that I must be a cat at heart! No kidding! May be they mixed things up at the pond? Of course I came from a shelter! But…..let’s see what would make me a cat:

I like teasing my humans. I feel such great joy chewing on their mobile phones or any slipper or clothing I can grab.

I enjoy stealing their food - I adore watching my “daddy” sipping from his favorite “single malt” while waiting for the grill to be just right and when it comes to put that big, juicy steak on it……the steak is gone (in my stomach)! You should see his face! I love him dearly but that big, juicy steak is such a temptation. So yummy! I feel sorry he has to eat the frozen meat.

I love to be pampered – I’m first to go to bed and the last to get up.

I can get away with murder like cats do; if I upset “my daddy” then I’m “mommy’s boy”. If I’m bad to mommy….then I’m daddy’s boy (that’s what cats do, right?)

I enjoy humans’ company not other dog’s – if we go for a walk I don’t like to be bothered by other dogs but I don’t mind nice humans to give me that extra rub

between my ears.

I think I’m the king of the house and I deserve the best. I’m convinced that the house is mine, the bed is mine, and the food is mine. All mine, mine, mine and me, me, me! Am I a cat or not?

The list can go on but, tell me George, what do you think?


Dear Max,

I am giving you the Honorary Cat Award, for your excellent control of the household. There is no greater award than the HCA which is very rarely given to a dog.

But be careful..... I am all for dogs ruling the household, as long as there are no cats there. If there are, well cats obviously take the alpha role, dogs the beta role and somewhere near omega at the bottom are those dumb animals called humans (or apes if you are Whicky Wuudler). I assume you have no superior feline control, Max.

The difficulty for dogs is that humans train them. Or think they do. And occasionally, if you are a big dog and you get too cheeky, humans will take you to a specialist trainer. In the US and sometimes elsewhere this means a person who uses a cruel choke collar (sometimes to strangle and always to hurt) and trains by punishments. Trainers who train with yummy food are the only ones a dog should go to.

So, Max, don't ever bite your humans. You must be tempted to. We often are. We cats sometimes bite or scratch and we get away with it. Even humans realise our total superiority over their species. They accept our training methods (which however harsh do not include strangling).

I am open to the idea that feline training methods should include food treats. Chocolate would be the obvious treat to offer a human, but I have never managed to get hold of any. Even when there is a box available my humans pounce on it and guard it ceaselessly. They get really nasty if I try to extract even one choc. So I have to fall back on rubs and purrs to reward them. If you have a human under good control, it is possible to rule without punishment most of the time. As I am sure you know, Max.




  1. Oh My! You are a BIG dog! Sorry, a big CAT :-)

  2. Fluffy and CayenneMarch 05, 2011

    Congratulations on your HCA Max! Good work, brother :-) Here are few more tips:
    1)Try to tease your humans by "kissing" them around 3 -4 in the morning! That's when they are most confused. They won't be sure if to kiss you back or scream!!!
    2) Steal everything that can be eaten. Go for all their food.
    3)Ask for more "pamper-me"- ask for at least 15 minutes "relaxation massage" before you go to bed and upon waking up!
    4) Make sure they put up a sign on the door that reads: Welcome to Max's palace!
    You are the King after all!
    Fluffy & Cayenne

  3. Dear George,
    Thank you for the award. I'm really honored and proud to receive it.
    No, there are no other cats in the house; I'm the only, I'll try to perfect my training skills so my humans will be the most amazing pets ever! They already start understanding that they live in my house :-)

  4. I'm sure we can learn from each other, but, never ever in my life I've seen a dog behaving like a cat! Max, you must be very, very intelligent! Bet your IQ is over 180!
    Welcome to our feline family :-)

  5. I'd like to use "strangling" in my training program (sometimes)! I live with 3 dogs :-)

  6. Max, I really think you are big, naughty dog!
    You have a beautiful face, you look lovely....but why are you taking after bad cats?
    I think all cats are somehow frightening and naughty by nature :-)
    Oliver,the dog

  7. Congratulations Max, this is an award of great acclaim and an enormous responsibility now rests on your shoulders.

    All of the things you list that you like to do are very cat like. I do hope that comfy sofa is yours exclusively.

    There is inequity between cats and dogs as far as biting goes. So please do not bite anything except the things you listed and your dinner. Geroge is right about trainers, steer clear of any who use "invisible fences" punishment of any kind and also "shock collars".

    Whicky Wuudler
    Biter of anything he fancies.

  8. Hey pal, I'm a big dog too! I don't believe I'm a cat but an alpha human (I know...I can hear the cat choir singing that I'm stupid)who can share a glass of wine or a beer with its beta male human!
    I love homemade wine and I use any opportunity to steal some!

    PS. Ya! I know alcohol is bad for cats and dogs
    but I can't help it. May be George will post something about food and drinks that we can't have.

  9. Goodness, I'm so far behind on reading your blog, I think I'm first. I'll try to do better in the future. Dogs are nice, but they can never take the place of a purring kitty. :-)


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online