Friday, September 18, 2009

Help me find my “inner kitten”!

Dear George,
I’m often told that I’m too serious; too much reading and studying!
But I can’t be laying on my back waiting for my humans to rub my belly
or rolling over making that “small talk” (meow-meow) noise like my sister Fluffy does!
I know she makes them laugh, but I can’t be frivolous! I have an important mission! I have to solve all kind of crisis! I was a cute, playful kitten – see picture attached (Fluffy and me when we were 7 weeks old), but I grew up and I’m more interested in helping other cats and animals. I wish I could manifest more “joie de vivre” in a sense that I could be more like my sister; worry free and always looking for excitement!
George, help me find my inner kitten ☺

Dear Cayenne,
The first change is attitude. Cultivate an attitude of cattitude. This includes taking for granted all human efforts on your behalf. We cats find that gratitude (if we are strange enough to feel it) simply weighs us down in our cat-humanpet relationship (or as Wicky Wuddler puts it cat-ape relationship). The food, the beds, the caresses are our due. Cat worship is what these apes/humans should be exhibiting. Train 'em harder if they are falling short.
Once you have floated free from gratitude, play. This is the inner kitten bit. Everything that exists is a potential cat toy, from a fallen bean on the kitchen floor, to the hair of your human. Poke, prod, jump, roll, nibble, groom and throw it.
The whole human body is a potential adventure playground for cats. Jump on the groin first thing in the morning. Bite the toes that poke out of the duvet. Place yourself on the abdomen in the small hours and have a thorough wash. Sleep on the lap. Share the shower. Sit on the side of the bath and play boats with any human bits protuding from the foam. Play with human hair from the safety of the top of the armchair. Ambush your human on the stairs, on the sofa, from behind the door....
Tease them. When they have friends over for a meal, dig loudly in any litter trays nearby and mew while you poo. Jump up on the table and start eating the butter. Play with shoe laces. Experience the pleasure of a good ripping noise as you claw your human's tights. Thrill as you rub your fur against their best trousers.
JDI, Cayenne. Just Do It. You're worth it.
Love George


  1. Fabulous advice George. Apes are just too darn needy in my book. They want cute, so we have to extend the definition of cute to include every thing you mention.

    Apes also talk too ruddy much, yabber, yabber what a racket. I have taken to placing a majestic fat paw over the male ape's mouth when he talks to the female ape. Works a treat. You can also press your paw onto the male ape's voicebox, it jumps up and down when the ape is yabbering, it's a good toy. Just place yourself on the offending, noisy ape's chest first and blissful silence, free of ape demands to be cute will be yours!

    Fluffy and Cayenne - most excellent as kittens, most excellent as cats!

    Whicky Wuudler (standing no nonsense from apes)

    PS: Farting whilst asleep on the pillow next to the ape head is also cute. Oh yes.

  2. I find a hop,skip and jump help me find my inner kitten.. We rabbits call it binkying. I can binky from a standing start. My strong back legs shoot me upwards then I spin in the air and land the other way around. Yep, binkying is the answer Cayenne. Trust me, I'm a bunny!

  3. I have no inner kitten. I'm too old. I have my routine. I don't want to be disturbed. Please! Just feed me, allow me to do my walk around outside and I'm ready for my daily naps.

  4. Dear Cayenne,

    My inner kitten delights in the art of simply being a feline. When my human brings a new male human home for a meal, and I stand within view of the dining table and vomit up a hairball, the joy and delight I get from the wonder of being a feline is worth it all. It's all right if you have to do a lot of studying and research, but always remember, Cayenne: take time for yourself. In fact, go claw up the sofa, right this minute. Be spontaneous! It'll do you good.


  5. Thank you Whicky Wuudler for your kind words.
    I'm playing more, may be "my inner kitten" will show-up soon :-)

  6. Dear Puss-Puss,
    We were away for 3 weeks! And I just started to play more while on vacation! was William and his messages on twitter that brought out the "inner kitten" in me! I was afraid that I won't know how to use this thing.....but it's fun! Oh! Fluffy will be so jealous :-)
    Take care,

  7. Dear George,
    I think Cayenne wants "the attention" and she's taking after me (becoming a drama queen).
    Of course she does (almost) all the things you've mentioned :-)


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online