Friday, March 13, 2009

How do you take revenge on your humans?

Dear George, Inspired by the general worries about the economy, I thought starting my own “food bank”. I mean….banks rise and fall (see what’s happening in the human realm?) but I still think it’s worth a try. If I open a “cat food bank” not only that I’ll have my food secured, but I can even make a profit charging a reasonable interest on “mice deposits” when other cats will come to borrow, right? See George, I have the “street smarts”; I was rescued from streets at an early age. I guess I was only 4 weeks old when my female human found me. Anyway, last Sunday….I went hunting thinking that if I start early I can “increase” my assets considerably by the time the economic crisis will reach a peak. After hours and hours of waiting in a bloody cold I finally caught my first “would-be” deposit. I hurried back in the house and “deposited” it in the laundry room thinking that it’s the safest place for the time being. I mean….it was Sunday after all….what human will even enter the laundry room? Well… female human did! And ….she “knew” immediately! It is possible that she’s a mix? I mean something human-cat? Can she smell mice? I know she can purrr! But she won’t eat mice! Au contraire! She looked completely disgusted and threw out my first asset – just like that…..“blowing in the wind”. I was fuming! THIS can not go unpunished! Not only that she threw away my food deposit but she was destroying my young entrepreneurial spirit. So…I was thinking of a way to punish her; should I let her sleep alone? No, that’s too easy – she might even enjoy having the whole bed for herself! Should I look unhappy? I can’t …since she’s already making that “unhappy & upset” face. May be I should refuse to eat? No, my brother will eat all and I hate this happening. Then….it struck me! I’m going to pee (excuse my language) on her freshly done laundry. This should teach her a lesson! And… I did! I can tell you that she was still in shock today! George, do you think I was too tough? I mean….I know she saved my life….but wasting my food? Can you suggest any other punishment? What other cats think? A bit confused, Minnie
Dear Minnie,
Thank you for a very creative contribution to the Great Debate on Food and Humans. Fluffy has suggested storing dry kibble round the house. Oscar Snuggles is getting on with the serious business of hunting down further food supplies, such as young rabbits. William the Wimp is coming out of winter hibernation on Celia's bed, to start on his summer campaign to rid the nearby fields of bunnies. His only problem with the potential recession food threat, is that he will only eat the head, though his former companion Fat Mog ate every little bit except the four paws.,
I thnk peeing on the laundry was a wonderfully inspired idea for human punishment. I am not surprised that your human was in shock. Brilliant choice of location. Brilliant leadership move to make yourself Alpha cat. Congratulations, Minnie. You are the inspiration for the dark days of the recession ahead.
PS. This post is short from me - though deservedly long from Minnie, because my secretary Celia is off to Sparsholt College for a week's lectures.


  1. Minnie, why don't you try bringing in the house a little, baby snake every single day? I'm sure your female human won't touch it - dead or alive :-)
    I secured do you want your food to be and how bad do you really want to punish your mommy?

  2. Minnie dear, I'm too tired to think;
    I just came back from a demonstration against slaughtering of puppy seals in Canada. I went with my humans and even if there was no other cat but me and my sis, I've seen a lot of kids with their parents. The kids had their faces painted and were dressed as puppy seals :-)
    I really hope they will stop the killing. Now, going back to your dilemma; I'm sure I'll come up with something to help. But, for now....why not trying to pee in her purse? That will start her day right!

  3. I did pee in my male human's closet, once. ONLY after my female human deposited her house coat in the clothes hamper after allowing the neighbor's DOG to waller all over her, leaving this disgusting smell of that dog on her house coat. I'm not allowed in the closed any longer. I think I might have stepped on my bounds on that little stunt. I'm afraid if I pull that again they might bar me from most of my house, which includes the bedroom where MY king size bed is located. I don't like being only allowed in the kitchen, it kind of cramps my style, if you know what I mean. For now I think I will resort to my usual biting and occasional scratching. I gave my female human a nasty scratch on her leg last summer when Mud Flap (another neighbor's dog) tried to come into MY house and she was going to allow her in, so I just scratched the fire out of her. In that case revenge was instant and hot. Normally, I would say, 'revenge is a dish best served cold', however, I just couldn't want, I had to act.

  4. Just for the record, here is a photo of my handiwork.


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online