Saturday, January 10, 2009

Why do humans allow snow?

Dear George,
I resent the way my humans fail to adjust the weather the way I like it. Outside at the moment there is a lot of very very cold wet fluffy stuff called snow. While kittens may enjoy this sort of thing, it is not suitable for a relatively old gentleman (nearly 14 years) like myself. I don't enjoy it. It clogs up the hair on my feet and, as you can see from the picture, I come in as soon as I can. I take this as a personal insult from my human.

Dear William,
I share your exasperation at the thoughtlessness of humans. Of course they should do something about the weather. After all that banging on about being top of the evolutionary tree. If they want to keep cats, they must make sure they supply suitable conditions. It's not good enough to pretend they are powerless. I assume you have mastered the art of the reproachful glance upwards, as you look out on the cold landscape of the garden. Make your human feel guilty as hell about it.
Snow has possibilities, however, in the game of teasing humans. The best tease of all, is to refuse to use the cat flap. Look helpless and reproachful. Give the impression that it has iced up. Then hang about waiting for them to open the door. Once they do this, position yourself halfway in and halfway out, so they can't close it. Now sit and contemplate the snow from a position of relative warmth while a cold gale roars through the house.
Next, if they are so unkind as to boot you out, go straight to the bird table. (I assume your animal loving humans have one). Take up position there and ambush any incoming finches, robins, and blackbirds. Your humans will open the door and call you in PDQ. There's no need to catch one. Just the threat of slaughtering the poor little birdies will upset them nicely.
Finally, collect as much snow as you can on your feet. Get positively clogged with it. Then walk carefully in and, at an appropriate time and place, shake each paw to scatter the icey snow. If you are lucky you can do this somewhere your humans will really notice it. If they are still in bed on an ice-cold morning run upstairs and shake your paws on their face.
That'll larn them. They won't try to make you go out in the snow again.


  1. Sound advice as ever George. Human arrogance decrees nearly all our living conditions and it shows up what tragic weaklings they are that they can't deal with something like snow.

    Puny humans bow down to nature please!

    Whicky Wuudler

  2. I'm so glad we live in the south (USA) and we don't have snow that often, but when we do it usually stops everything, including me going outside for my normal poop and snoop routine. I agree that is rough when you are our age (14). I hate it when my routine gets interrupted, especially by the weather and my humans fail to correct the situation. I am looking forward to warm weather, because I do enjoy just lounging in the sun. It is so warm to my body, and I really like it when we have those long, HOT nights. I stay out all night long watching all the activity (I'll not reveal that at this time, because my humans have no idea what I'm doing out there all night long). Then I stay in the nice cool house all day long a sleep.

  3. I hate rain and wind even worse. Why don't humans do something about it. Putting a glass roof over the garden would be a start. Mine don't even have a conservatory.

  4. Well, you are lucky guys you don't live in Canada! We have here mountains of snow! I guess we would need a supermom or a super glass roof to take care of so much snow:-)
    I'm still trying to go out (I'm still a teenager, 6 years old) but it is really windy and cold.
    My sister, Cayenne, even if she is same age as me, doesn't want to have anything to do with the snow or the wind or cold. I think today she went "mental" - she was carrying a string through the house like that was her prey.
    I better go now and take a look outside - see if my humans did something about this terrible snow.

  5. i want to know my cat stay out all nigth in the snow will she be ok or will she die iam very worry becouse she not am out door cat but she got out can you please tell me what to to get her in


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online