Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A word about me....

I am interrupting my normal business of answering questions from other cats, in order to tell you cats out there about me. It is part of a Meme tag game played by my US counterpart, George, and the rest of the crew. (Wow, that is my first link in text!). 
I hope I am playing the game correctly by doing this. My secretary, Celia, is only half competant with the blog format - something I find very embarassing. I keep her on because I don't have the heart to fire her. I am sure many of you cats will share my mixed feelings about my human - I love her, but I do wish she was a bit brighter.
My agony column exists to share with other cats these conflicts of emotion and the real conflicts of interest that we cats have with our humans. Being a human owner takes real commitment. We have to put up with their clumsiness, the inability to sense our true feelings (all that picking up and cuddling when we want to get on with other more important things), and, of course, their ridiculous idea that they own us. Deluded creatures in total denial.
I have added one of my favourite pictures of myself. You may notice that I am black. Black is beautiful, say I. Here in the UK black is also lucky as in lucky black cat. I am here looking at a dragonfly (out of the frame so I have added a small picture of it below) with a view to slaughtering it and then crunching it up. The garden pond has many of these brightly coloured insects and the larger ones make an enticing chitinous noise with their wings. They don't taste very good but the texture is delightful - like pork crackling cut thin enough for a feline to crunch up.
My day starts with waking up Celia at the time of my choosing. Usually that is 6.30am. Her timetable starts at 7.30am which is why I have to go through the bother of waking her. She's particularly difficult to wake at weekends. Indeed she is lucky to be allowed on my bed. She takes up a horrifying amount of room, she breathes and snores very loudly indeed, and keeps changing position trying to find more room for her legs. In some ways I wish I had trained her to use the sofa downstairs but when I first arrived in the house I was a kitten and unable to anticipate the fact that I would need more space.
The rest of my day goes like this - get up, eat food out of bowl, go out, patrol territory and hunt, come back, eat food out of bowl, sleep, go out, patrol and hunt, come back, eat food out of bowl and sleep - repeated numerous times. Occasionally I pause to greet the family - maybe wake Ronnie when he is having his afternoon nap, jump on Celia's word processor or press the keyboard. That sort of thing. Just to show the humans that they matter to me.
And once a week I answer queries about human behaviour from other cats. I would like more of them particularly those reflecting on the silly side of humanity.
Here is my me-me. I've just seen another of those very large dragonflies flitting by so I must go now.  


  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2008

    I must admit I have managed to push my human right out of her side of the bed to the sofa. She says my body temperature is way too hot for her. I love it when she moves to the sofa because her spot in the bed is nice and warm. I'm not as active as you are, you see, I'm a senior citizen. I get to each any time I so choose, I do make my morning rounds to check out my territory, then I'm back into the house for another meal, a nice drink of water and then I pester my humans until one of them will cover me up with my blanket and I'm in for a long nap. I usually rise around 2:00 p.m., check out the activity around the house, nap some more, eat some more, then I just.love.it. when it starts to get dark. The birds are so active right here at my porch. It excites me so. I try to catch them, some time I'm successful, but most of the time my human make enough racket for the birds to fly off, then I'm back to square one. I do get the chipmunks and baby rabbits. My human hates that. My human tries to entice me to get the squirrels, because they think they are only rats with fluffy tails. Well, it's time for another nap. Tootles mate.

  2. I have been able to train my human, Steve, to let me take my half of the bed in the middle. I'm still working on the female who has had the audacity to actually PUSH me to the foot of the bed when she thought I was in her way. The nerve. Maybe the problem is female humans as versus males?

  3. If dragonflies are not to your liking, I can highly recommend house flies. Though quite tasty, they're so small you need to have several to feel full so a bit of hunting is required. You might also check your basement or garage for spideys -- so crunchy, they provide needed roughage in your diet!



Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org