Can dogs rule too? Max wins an HCA.

Dear George,

I’m a big dog! And I mean BIG! You might wonder what I’m doing here …on a cat blog.

To tell you the truth…I wonder myself, but the only explanation is that I must be a cat at heart! No kidding! May be they mixed things up at the pond? Of course I came from a shelter! But…..let’s see what would make me a cat:

I like teasing my humans. I feel such great joy chewing on their mobile phones or any slipper or clothing I can grab.

I enjoy stealing their food - I adore watching my “daddy” sipping from his favorite “single malt” while waiting for the grill to be just right and when it comes to put that big, juicy steak on it……the steak is gone (in my stomach)! You should see his face! I love him dearly but that big, juicy steak is such a temptation. So yummy! I feel sorry he has to eat the frozen meat.

I love to be pampered – I’m first to go to bed and the last to get up.

I can get away with murder like cats do; if I upset “my daddy” then I’m “mommy’s boy”. If I’m bad to mommy….then I’m daddy’s boy (that’s what cats do, right?)

I enjoy humans’ company not other dog’s – if we go for a walk I don’t like to be bothered by other dogs but I don’t mind nice humans to give me that extra rub

between my ears.

I think I’m the king of the house and I deserve the best. I’m convinced that the house is mine, the bed is mine, and the food is mine. All mine, mine, mine and me, me, me! Am I a cat or not?

The list can go on but, tell me George, what do you think?

Max

Dear Max,

I am giving you the Honorary Cat Award, for your excellent control of the household. There is no greater award than the HCA which is very rarely given to a dog.

But be careful..... I am all for dogs ruling the household, as long as there are no cats there. If there are, well cats obviously take the alpha role, dogs the beta role and somewhere near omega at the bottom are those dumb animals called humans (or apes if you are Whicky Wuudler). I assume you have no superior feline control, Max.

The difficulty for dogs is that humans train them. Or think they do. And occasionally, if you are a big dog and you get too cheeky, humans will take you to a specialist trainer. In the US and sometimes elsewhere this means a person who uses a cruel choke collar (sometimes to strangle and always to hurt) and trains by punishments. Trainers who train with yummy food are the only ones a dog should go to.

So, Max, don't ever bite your humans. You must be tempted to. We often are. We cats sometimes bite or scratch and we get away with it. Even humans realise our total superiority over their species. They accept our training methods (which however harsh do not include strangling).

I am open to the idea that feline training methods should include food treats. Chocolate would be the obvious treat to offer a human, but I have never managed to get hold of any. Even when there is a box available my humans pounce on it and guard it ceaselessly. They get really nasty if I try to extract even one choc. So I have to fall back on rubs and purrs to reward them. If you have a human under good control, it is possible to rule without punishment most of the time. As I am sure you know, Max.

Love

George