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Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas to all cats!


Hola, George!

Hope all Vincent Brown’s Christmas wishes came true! I didn’t even know what Christmas is until I read your blog.

See, I was rescued from the streets last summer when I was about four weeks old.

The family that rescued me is a funny one! Each of them is calling me a different name! Thanks God I know who I am!!! Anyway, my favorite is the male human; he’s a sweetheart! He can stay up all night waiting for me to come home

The boys are good but strange – one is calling me Fifi and the other one Diego.

I personally prefer Diego even if I’m a cute girl J

But, George…I have major problems with my female human. She’s stubborn, she has a mind of herself and everybody has to obey to her orders! I believe she thinks she’s a cat! I have to address this and I need your help! I want her to completely obey to me!

Oh! Almost forgot! Regarding the Christmas tree ….that was a scare!

Tell you the truth I thought that my humans brought a tree in the house to keep me inside during winter since I always want to spend the night out (I’m a gypsy at heart) J

Well, I discovered that I can have much fun “decorating” the tree – at litteram (see the picture). Anyway, George I need your help in dealing with my female human.

As much as I want all cats and their staff to enjoy Christmas I want my female human to be put in her place and learn that ….cats come first!

Please help

Diego

PS. Feliz Navidad to all gattos and gattinos and their humble staff!


Dear Diego,

You look great on the Christmas tree. It must be a whopper or else you are a very slender cat! How kind of your human to be so thoughtful as to get a tree big enough to climb. It's really quite touching. She may be untrained but obviously in her limited human way, she does want to please. This should encourage you.

Christmas is not the best time to start a human training plan. Humans get very distracted by eating too much and they become over-excited by other human visitors. They can't really concentrate. Many of them also are drug users - instead of catnip they drink something called alcohol which seems to make them high. Unlike us cats, they don't know when to stop. I mean I like a catnip sniff, but I can take it or leave it. I don't sit there and sniff it about nine times, as I saw a visiting human do last night. Nine glasses is at least seven too many.

Have you also noticed how bad tempered they are in the morning? Boxing Day does allow the pleasure of a special wake-up session with your human. You will probably have noticed snoring and some digestive discomfort during the night. Now is your chance for a really thorough wakey-wakey routine - biting toes under the duvet, landing with a jump on the tender part of the lower stomach, patting the cheek or even lifting one of the eyelids. Have a go. It can be fun but be ready to spring backwards fast if any human is so hungover that it becomes truly savage.

It is always interesting for us human behaviour experts to see this dysfunctional species at close quarters with their families. It is often not a pretty sight! Human behaviour is so very primitive. They quarrel so easily - unlike us cats who merely avoid each other wherever possible rather than fighting. And the noise! Caterwauling is nothing to the noise of humans shouting at each other.

No. Training will have to start when normal life resumes. It is always a mistake to start on a sour note. As similar human excesses also take place at New Year, you will have to be patient, Diego. Training a human is a long term project and patience with this pathetic species is essential, if you are to make anything of them.

Happy Christmas.

George


13 comments:

  1. Dear George, how true!
    Too bad you couldn't see them this morning!
    Indeed, you are an excellent "human behaviour expert."
    Love
    Diego

    PS. I'm a slender, cute cat.

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  2. George,
    I think human race is a drug user! My humans had company and I saw them mixing drinks; some were drinking wine, others something called Scotch, others had beer. They don't even realize the effect of alcohol on their health. More they drink, more deaf they become. More they drink,louder they shout. Phew!
    Hugs
    Minnie

    PS.Merry Christmas to you and Celia.

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  3. Diego, I'm sure George is right but I, personally, have no patience!
    If I were you...I would start training your female human right away.
    If she likes to sleep long hours in the morning, start by waking her up many times (find different excuses) When you see her losing her temper....lay besides her and purr!
    Just a suggestion, of course!
    Love
    Fluffy

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  4. Merry Christmas to you all.
    Hope you had a wonderful Christmas filled with good food, toys and catnip.
    Our humans went to visit some friends but came home on time to open presents! We got some toys and catnip and a book entitled "Everything cats expect you to know" by Elizabeth Martyn.
    I'm not quite sure if the book was a present for us or for them. Anyway, we had a lovely evening; our daddy having a glass of something called "single malt" and mommy a glass of "ice wine" (I didn't know that one can make wine from ice)- it must have been some grape juice (it was a tiny, skinny bottle picturing some grapes on it). We had our favorite food and they had their veggies :-)
    This morning we all got up late and they prepared us breakfast! Quite lovely!
    Hugs
    Cayenne

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  5. You must be very light for those branches to hold you up. You look comfy, I think I may try napping on a branch or two today. Hope you had a very Merry Christmas.

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  6. Harry Spotter,
    I have a feeling that you've changed residence from Egypt. Hopefully not to a cold country.
    Anway, I'm sure your humans can find a nice suit to fit such a misterious gentleman as you.
    Sir Winston

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  7. Good idea Diego! Do dogs nap in the trees?

    Merry Christmas to all furry friends (cats, dogs, rabbits)on this list.
    Ciao
    Bella

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  8. Hm! Have to try this! May be I'll start meditating under the tree!
    Shumba

    PS. Harry Spotter, let me know if you want me to knit a sweater or something for you :-)

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  9. It's been years since my humans had a tree for me. I never attempted to climb it, but I sure did love hiding under it among all the presents. Don't give up on training your female human. There is hope. I have mine well trained, except they allowed all these people into MY house yesterday. Totally upset my routine and naps. They do this every year. What is their problem? Besides it was just too cold to stay outside for any length of time, so I had to resort to hiding under the bed, because there was no tree available!

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  10. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog.
    Elenora
    Persian Cats

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  11. I have a Christmas tree and three dogs barking at it! I'm too old to climb it! I couldn't even hide under since my humans had company which was really upsetting. My advice Diego is to start training your human right away. George is a real gentleman but, listen to me...have no mercy or otherwise you won't be able to be around the tree soon.
    Teach her a lesson and put her in her place once for all.
    Sebastian

    PS. Nice kitties on Persian Cats! Congratulations Elenora

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  12. We wish you a healthy and happy new year 2010!

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  13. Dear Diego,
    We cats must take our training tools for humans as we find them, and perhaps now that the holiday is over you can use the tree to your advantage before your humans remove it. If humans are doing something that you do not like or exhibiting behavior that does not absolutely please and serve you 100%, then a loud noise will frighten them, and they will learn to associate the unpleasant noise with the behavior, thus training them NOT to do it. My human does not have a Christmas tree (owing to an "incident" on my first Christmas with her last year. Silly woman, I don't know what her problem was, it looked better down than it did up), but she does have a lovely mantelpiece over the fireplace and this is where she put all of her glass baubles and decorations this year. Then in an act of human pride, she moved my likely jumping-up spots so I couldn't recline on the mantel. Little did she know that I am a champion jumper (I just usually choose not to. Modesty, of course). She was exhibiting inappropriate behavior, putting some colored string through some fabric in a stupid design, and not paying attention to ME. Easily fixed. I took a stealthy leap up, and bam, bam, bam, not only tidied my reclining spot but created enough unpleasant noise and breakage that she immediately ceased the inappropriate behavior. Ha! She won't ignore ME again soon, I can tell you that. Or clutter up my mantelpiece, for that matter.

    Loud noises. Try it!
    Sincerely,
    Puss-Puss.

    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org