Upstaging your human on Zoom

Zoom is a photo opportunity for us cats. We don't have to rely on our humans to video us and put us on the net. We just pop into view in our own time.

Top of the screen appearances are the best way to upstage your human (see above). Just cover his face with your own, making it impossible for other humans to see him properly.  

Less useful but easier to arrange is the simple stroll across the screen, ending in the always amusing butt photo. The display of a gorgeously furry backside always gets human attention.

Or simply closely stare at the camera taking up the foreground leaving your human in the background.

The most widely enjoyed Zoom cat appearances was, alas, not the result of a real cat but merely a Zoom filter. An amazing court case occurred in the USA in front of judge Roy Ferguson, where somehow one of the lawyers' profile was taken over by a feline face mocking his utterances. Despite the warning on the Zoom screen, this went viral and even has its own wikipedia entry - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoom_Cat_Lawyer

 So, fellow feline artists, start refining your Zoom technique.

 

 

 

Say no to kitten porn

 

Innocent kittens are being lured into soft porn calendars where they are posed with half naked men... 

Unbelievable?

No, this is the latest trend in Australia, where the fire fighters calendar has decided that male muscles need the help of cats to be popular.

Worse still... not content with using adult cats for this adult human calendar, they have added kittens

Innocent little kittens.

Kittens that are not old enough to give a good claw swipe in order to say No to Porn.

Where will this trend end? How vile can humans get? Don't let your local firefighters get involved.

Say no to kitten porn.

A feline Christmas in the White House

Christmas isn't always a good time for cats. But this year, there is some good news. 

There's a cat in The White House. You can see her enjoying the decorations here on YouTube.

So, fellow felines, with that in mind, be careful this Christmas. Do NOT eat tinsel. It will get tangled up in your gut.

Do NOT eat Christmas pudding or cake. The dried fruit can poison you.

Do NOT drink alcohol. If you are drunk and crazy you may fall off the mantelpiece or injure yourself. 

Go EASY on the turkey. A taste is fine but the cooked bones may cause internal injuries.

If the house is busy with too many humans or worse visiting dogs, fine a safe place to chill out - a spare bedroom, top of a wardrobe or some other hidey hole.

It will soon be over.

Snow - seven rules for sensible cats.

•  Rule no 1.  You cannot have too much heat.
  
• Rule no 2.  Find a human with central heating. If your human doesn't have it, then a wood burning stove, a a gas fire, or an Aga is the next best heating device.  
• Rule no 3 (see Rule 1).  Best of all is central heating, an Aga, AND a wood burning stove. 
• Rule 4.  Snow is magical - but only when seen from the windowsill with a radiator  below.
• Rule 5.   If you don't  have a litter tray, now is the time to educate your human by going behind the sofa.
• Rule 6.  Do not go out.
• Rule 7.  A snowy day is a good day for a very long nap.
  

Why we nip the vet

 

Vets do horrible things to us. No wonder we nip them. We are trying to tell them to STOP.

Humans take us once a year, sometimes more often, to see these veterinary humans. They stab us with needles. They hold our head back in order to shave the neck.

Sometimes they even stick something up our backsides. It hurts and, worse still, it is humiliating and undignified.

There are cats that put up with this but, I am happy to say, many do not. They put a stop to it.

How?

With a nip to veterinary hands. 

Keep nipping, all you cats out there. Vets deserve it!