Help! - my beautiful Hollywood cat career in ruins

Dear George,
With the current economy being so slow both Cayenne and I decided to help our humans increase their household income!
So we thought of different sources of revenue such as "modelling", "knitting", "hunting", "lulla-purrs for kittens'' CD, 'yoga for cats"video - something we'd enjoy and yet making money. We had quite a few good ideas but none was as tempting as a commerical for panetone. Panetone is a sweet Italian bread that you cat eat "as is" or with coffee, milk, etc. Some humans will have it with cappucino; some with red wine! Anyway we created our own little scenario, music, decor, etc.
I was soooooo excited, but.... Cayenne ruined it all!
The day we were supposed to do the comercial, I realized that my sister Cayenne gained too much weight (probably snacking on panetone), so we won't fit in the box together as we were supposed to. The whole thing was a fiasco!
Look at me in the box, so lonely and sad! What kind of ad is this?
Who would want to eat panetone now? And the worst thing is that Cayenne is laughing! But if she doesn't lose weight fast.... she is going to ruin by career (our mooomy won't let me go alone to Hollywood)! Please help!
Love Fluffy.


Dear Fluffy,
You look beautiful. Any advertisement with a cat in it is a good advertisement. Human beings are programmed to notice animals more than anything else. Evolutionary psychologists (dedicated to trying to find out how human brains are programmed by evolution) have experimented with showing flash pictures of animals, buildings and cars. Even though these humans are fixated by cars and houses (in the UK, at least), they notice animals the most. This seems to be left over from the days when humans were as clever as animals, and spent time trying to avoid being eaten and trying to find animals to eat. In those days they were like intelligent cats.
Since then they have become like naked babies (neotony is the name for that). They have lost their conscious abilities to think as sensibly as we do. So don't worry about it, Fluffy. You look wonderful in that box. The humans will notice you maybe even if they don't know they are. The only problem might be that they forget to read the name on the box because you are so much much more attractive than panetone.
Are you sure that Cayenne WANTS to lose weight? And are you sure you WANT to go to Hollywood? Apart from The Cat From Outer Space (a Burmese) there aren't great career prospects - though maybe readers can add some more cat movies.
I think we all ought to be on YouTube.
Love George

Scraaatch - the way to get attention from these humans

Dear George,
I wish to pass on a good way to get attention from these absent minded humans. I expect, like me, you get irritated by their inability to concentrate on what really matters - me, my food bowl, my sleeping places and my need for fun. Too often they will spend their time selfishly doing things for themselves - eating (better food often), sleeping, watching TV or even going out shopping without bringing back Whiskers. So get their attention fast - choose an antique chair, look at them, and then while you have that nano second of their attention, scraaaatch.
Love Jaffa

Dear Jaffa,
I can see that you have it down to a fine art. I particularly admire the use of the left front paw, holding it up as a asign to "collect" their attention, rather in the way a conductor holds his baton just before the orchestra starts with the music. Then the quick swivel round and the double scratch downwards. That shiny covering material - is it brocade? - must have been expensive. All the better to make your mark.
Other good places to leave the sign of the velvet claw include the side of the bed - this is often upholstered with a satisfactory cushion effect. A few downward strokes help wake them up in the morning like a speaking clock. "At the third scratch, it will be 6 am. At the next scratch it will be 6.03am." Makes a change from biting their toes under the duvet.
Scratching also has its place in the garden, particulary the rockery. For years dogs have marked and killed small focus conifers planted on rockeries. We can do our part too in improving their garden design either with claw or spray.
Have you tried scratching the carpet? I know that it is rather boring to have to do a horizontal rather than a vertical scratch, but it becomes quite pleasureable once you have broken down the carpet so that the strong hession backing is showing. Masterful horizontal scratches near doors will stop them ever shutting you out again. "We can't shut him out - he just ruins the carpet."
Finally, don't forget curtains. Some cat-wary humans don't have curtains down to the floor, because they know what will happen. Others, in a spirit of optimism and folly, buy long expensive brocade or velvet ones that sweep downwards. Not only are these delightful for kittens doing climbing exercises, but they also have good adult cat potential for scratching.
Let them have it, Jaffa.
Love George
PS. Sign the Canadian petition against declawing at www.petitiononline.com/bandec/petition.html
PPS. Rabbits do it too. Here is a photo of Harvey - read his remarks in Comments below

Many toed polydactyl cats - six in all or even more

Dear George
I am one of two black brothers in the care of West Oxfordshire Cats Protection (www.westoxoncats.co.uk ). As you can see we look very much alike - apart from four interesting features. My paws are bigger and (I think) better because they have six digits not just five. You can see the difference in the photo of me (higher up) and my brother and see how it looks from the detailed photo of my back paw. Some cats have seven digits.
Love CP Kitten

Dear CP Kitten,
Impressive. I see that your feet look sort of large when you are sitting down and there's an odd sort of bump sticking out. I can only count five on the bottom photo of your paw close up, but, of course, the sixth digit is higher up the leg. I can just see the dew claw on the bottom middle of that picture. I like the way the paw pad has got a little extra bit on the left hand side (in the bottom photo). Normal cat feet have four digits at the bottom and the smaller one up the side of the ankle (so to speak).
A scientist who studied more than 100 polydactyl cats reported that extra digits were more common on the front than the back paws, though you have them on both. Also sometimes there were seven digits in all - ie six on the main pawpad. Sometimes the extra toe is just an extra dew claw higher up rather than a full toe. Just occasionally the claws on the extra toes retract differently on the back paws from the normal claws.
Extra toes are the result of a dominant gene (according to C. H. Danforth author of Morphology of the feet in polydactl cats,American Journal of Anatomy, (1947) 80, 143-171 available on Google Scholar). Exactly how many extra toes and their size and shape varies from one individual to another. Six or seven toed cats aren't going to have any great advantage, so that evolution isn't going to encourage them to flouish at the expense of ordinary cats.
I guess we cats just have to be grateful that cat breeders aren't interested in this variation. There are always humans interested in the bizarre who are breeding bald animals, animals with stumpy legs, animals with floppy ears, huge animals or tiny animals. I have even seen photos of bald guinea pigs.
Humans can't mind their own business. They start with some unusual animals, breed them to each other, keep breeding them with each other and, bingo, there's a new breed with a tiny gene pool (unhealthy). Luckily six toed cats have escaped the attention of these humans and so, because they are not inbred, are as healthy as normals. Let's hope it stays that way.
Love George

The most beautiful cat in the world is dead

William Bedford Payne died Monday October 26th at Cogges Veterinary Surgery of a merciful overdose at the age of fourteen years. He had cancer of the tongue and was finding it difficult to eat or wash himself. He did not go gentle into that good night but fought, biting me several times, until a sedative did its work.

He was cheerful to the end, despite the pain. Only a fortnight ago he caught and brought back a weasel - he had always been an accomplished hunter. On the last night of his life he came for a walk with me and when I went in, spent the early evening checking his territory before coming in for the night.

William was serious and conscientious about territory. Each morning he would pause at the back door which I opened for him (he preferred this to the cat flap) and sniff the air with care. Then he would pad round to the willow tree at the front of the house, pausing to inspect the cars to see if there were new smells on the wheels.

He often sat for a while gazing towards the hedge from where the rabbits had played in the cart track the night before. Then he would go back to the garden, walk up past the box plant (which he often sprayed) towards the pond and the long grass where he sometimes caught mice. This was his world and it was important to him to make sure that all was well in it.

On the last evening, though it must have hurt - he had a cracked pelvis too - he jumped on to the bed and slept alongside me. On the last morning, he ate a little cat food from my hand (which included pain killers), took a nap, then went out again to check his territory as usual though (he did not know it) for the last time in the autumn sunlight. He came back into the house, and I took him on his final journey.

William started life living in a household full of 70 cats. He came to me via Cats Protection and his health problems - fleas, mites, giardia, and others - meant a vets bill of £800 way back in l995. He spent so long at the vets - in London - that the staff named him Mr Purr.

Not only was he a great hunter, but he was also an accomplished performer. He jumped little jumps. He sat up and begged. He offered a paw, always the right one, to shake. He lay down and died for his country. In the last year of his life he learned to roll over on command - though, for some reason, would only roll one way. He would also roll on his side putting his paws together (see that in the picture) in a praying position - just for the reward of my full attention.

William was not a difficult cat but he was never a cuddle cat either. He enjoyed my company but always at a distance. He preferred games to petting - showing that he was playing by his demeanour (see the picture in the snow). On the last evening of his life he thought about running up the willow tree to show off to me and realised he could no longer had the strength for it. Instead, with dignity he rubbed against the garden bench, as if the willow tree had been furthest from his mind. He would not show weakness.

He kept his independance to the end - refusing to let me help get rid of the knots that began to appear when he could no longer wash himself properly.

William, you showed no signs of pain. You did not complain or ask for food when you found you could not longer eat properly. You did not cuddle closer to me on the bed for comfort but kept what you felt was a proper affectionate distance that last night together.

You have shown me how to die with integrity and dignity. May I show the same qualities of bravery and serenity when it is my time.

Farewell, William, Mr Purr. I shall miss you with all my heart. Celia

PS. The blog will start again in November

Humans - they are so irresponsible.

Dear George,
Why is it that the human servants of cats are not made to act more responsibly? Molly, the cat next door sneaked into our house while our front door was open for a few minutes while my family was packing the car to go away for a few days. Luckily for me she was spotted looking out of the bedroom window and chased out but if she had come into the kitchen instead of running upstairs I wouldn't be alive to write this letter.
While it is difficult to control you hunters, your owners should realise that owning a cat immediately removes freedom of choice for neighbours. Apart from the poo in our garden and cat paw marks on the freshly cleaned cars we can no longer leave doors or windows ajar in our house for a bit of fresh air.
What do you suggest?
From a very worried
Harvey the house rabbit.


Dear Harvey,
I can't say I share your fears because I don't. But I do accept that having a cat intrude into your territory, if you are a prey animal like a rabbit must be very frightening indeed. We cats are predators, but we are also prey to dogs, wolves, coyotes, foxes etc. And we too get very very frightned when these animals either stray into the house or even just pass through the garden. Some foolish cat loving humans feed foxes in their garden and think they cats will remain safe - well, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It all depends on whether the fox thinks it can win the battle.
Oddly enough we cats are also worried by neighbourhood cats. In leafy suburbs there can be an awful lot of them and, if you are a timid home living pussycat (unlike me) it is very upsetting to find strangers in your territory - particularly if they come in the cat flap. One distinguished vet and behaviour expert says there are "despot" cats that can terrorize a whole neighbourhood.
What can we do about it. Well get those humans to install PetPort cat flaps - www.PetPorte.com and think about window screens that let in the cool air - www.cataire.co.uk or www.thescreendoorcompany.co.uk
But human control? I think not. Oh no. We HAVE to keep up the proper cat-human relationship with the cat in proper charge.

Love George (alpha cat in charge of Celia)