Of cats, un-neutered humans and religiously spayed nuns!

Dear George, 

Look at me sitting on that chair and pondering at my humans’ behavior.

I don’t know if I should be proud of them? Should I be fed up with their tricks? Or should I pity them? I know they like to travel and because they feel guilty leaving me behind they usually come up with most eccentric excuses for their escapades. Actually I feel sad! 

Last night they came back home after a month of enjoying the sun and the beaches of Cyprus. Their excuse this time? Oh! They wanted to make sure the cats at “St. Nicholas Monastery of Cats” were okay! I’m so disappointed by their foolishness.

Those cats are doing fine since 327 AD (click on the link here) Are they kidding me? I think they enjoyed a full month of good, fun vacation while I was left almost home alone! They left me with their human kitten who being a young man was coming home very late every night, slept in until noon and then would leave again. I don’t think he was fixed yet (you know what I mean) so he’s wondering around perhaps in search of a nice kitty? In the meantime…my whole daily routine got all messed-up! For what? So my humans could parade a nice suntan? But, on having second thoughts…what if they are really checking on cats’ welfare worldwide?  After all they show me about 200 photos with cats they took in this trip! Hmm! I wonder!

Yours

CAT Victoria 

Dear CAT Victoria,
Your letter is a textbook example of the selfishness of humans. They suddenly take off to another country leaving us without proper service or even (worse) imprisoning us in a cattery.
And another thing.... It always surprises me that humans are allowed to wander around without being neutered or spayed. They would be much happier without having to worry about sex - gettting it, avoiding it, sexual disease.  Adolescent humans roam around searching for sex and getting into fights. 
I hope the nuns of Cyprus get their cats neutered and spayed. Odd to find a cat nunnery (sort of like a religious cat cafe). At least these nuns are neutered (religiously if not surgically!). 
Worth getting your humans to look at the photos on that website because they will see that we like to keep a proper distance between each other. Not like dogs. We are relatively unsocial animals.
Cheers,
George
 PS. Get that young human fixed before he starts a population explosion. 

Down with colour prejudice -- read the tuxedo website (link in the text)

Dear George,
My memories as a young kitten are hazy, however I do vividly remember being put inside a suitcase one day with my brothers and sister, I remember being very excited thinking it was a fun game.
However when the minutes turned into hours and we were still locked in there the game rapidly ceased to be much fun at all. The bag must have been carried somewhere because we all got jolted around a lot, falling over each other!
After what seemed like an eternity the jolting stopped and the box was soon opened by a kind looking lady who took us inside her house, which (you won't believe this but it's true) was FULL of cats, loads of cats, all kinds of cats, big cas little cats, old cats, young cats, every type of cat imaginable.
This became our home for a whole four months, until one day a nice young couple came to look at me. They recognised the glamour of my black and white tuxedo. When they took me to their house I quickly found my feet and became the confident cat I am today!
Get your readers to visit www.tuxedo-cat.co.uk
Sincerely Whisky
PS. The website is to encourage people to choose tuxedo cats at shelters.

Dear Whisky,
Glad to see that you are making your black and white pawmark on the web. I am black all over - well nearly, except for a tiny few white hairs on my chest. We also suffer discrimination and are often the last to be chosen. So I am joining you in the message that black is beautiful and black-and-white is all right. Long live tuxedo cats and black cats.
Yours
George

Brush or play? No, brush and play, please.

Dear George, 

I’m Shumba and I have a problem with my human. I know you are the most awesome human behaviourist even if you let your own secretary slack on her duties so much and so often! Sorry George, but this was a much discussed issue since I joined your blog – your soft spot for Celia which ….creates “disturbances” in the blog …at times!

Anyway, I was living on the streets for quite few years when I was rescued by my human! We do have a great relationship but I’m not quite sure if she fully understands me or I’m lacking in my training her! See, she works full time and sometimes I become bored. I miss the human interaction during the day so I took up the Zen Zzzzzz meditation and I do relax a lot but I wish she comes home during her breaks at work. 

Anyway, she got me a brush …which I love and I learned how to brush myself (video attached) but, my question to you is….should I wait for her to brush me or should I spend our time together just playing? I would like her to both “brush & play” but how am I going to tell her so she can understands?

Cheers

Shumba.

PS. I had a video on this but it didn't seem to work.

Dear Shumba,

You are absolutely right. If I have a fault as a human behaviourist, it is that I am too indulgent to my human, Celia. Which means she slackens and I don't punish her by withdrawing affection, as I should do. Last night she came home very late and for once I did let her know I disapproved. I sneaked out of the door as she opened it and didn't come home till 5am. She was distraught. I hope she learned her lesson about coming home too late.

Now, your problem. Your human should both brush and play. That's a great brush, a Zoom Groom,  that she has got for you and I see that you have worked out how to self groom. Many congratulations. But it isn't enough. She should get a fishingrod toy and, while she watched TV, play with you with that. It's not hard for humans. They are just too lazy to do it enough.

Do as I say, not as I do. Don't let her slacken off!!!

Yours

George. 
PS. At least she grooms. Some humans don't bother even to do that. 

What we cats see, what dogs see and what humans see.

Dear George,
As you will know, all gardens in the immediate vicinity of any cat’s house legally all belong to the cat. I currently oversee around 6 gardens in my neighbourhood but unfortunately have to allow a rather uncouth dog to use one of my many estates. Being a lesser animal with barely any brains, he often barks at me, so I tend to taunt him from the fence, commenting on his wirey fur and lack of beautiful whiskers, while he tries in vain to jump up and reach me.
However, the other week while throwing some of my best insults at him and watching him jump and bark as usual, my beautiful red collar came loose and landed in the grass on his side. I have appealed to him to return it several times but he claims he cannot see a red collar in the grass. Is he just trying to wind me up or are dogs’ eyes as poorly developed as their brains?
Yours,
Chipstick

Dear Chipstick,
Dogs have inferior brains, yes, and they can't see the colour red. Humans are even odder. As well as an inferior brain, they have eyesight which shows them this unnecessary colour, red. We cats don't see red (except possibly a little tinge of it) because we don't need to. Whoever saw a red mouse? What we see, is what humans call colour blind. What I call feline eyesight is highly developed specialised vision.
We cats are far better than humans at seeing movement. Anything which moves we like - not just moving mice but also moving small furry toys from fishing rods! And also some people now believe that we may even see some ultraviolet!  And we can see in the dusk far far better than any human.
Instruct your human to look at  https://www.lasik-eyes.co.uk/see-world-pets-eyes/ which gives a good illustration of how animals see compared to humans. That way they will understand more about us. Oh yes, and incidentally they will be able to see how dogs see - if they are interested in this inferior species.
Yours
George. 
PS. On that website the gecko vision is very odd! But they taste good.

Danger.... raccoons are dining next door

Dear George, 

I’m following your blog for some time now and I really enjoy it! My mommy bought some of your books (whatever she could find at a local book store). We have recently moved to a village – countryside I would say! Nice and quiet, lots of trees and birds and plenty of backyard. But mommy is a little worried as she learned that our next door neighbor is feeding a family of raccoons in her backyard! Our house is not that close to hers but still within walking distance. Mommy is afraid that I’ll get hurt by these raccoons! I don’t even know how they look like – I didn’t see any yet – all I’ve seen so far were little lizards. Am I in any danger? What can we do?

With thanks

Julius

Dear Julius,   
Your human is right to be careful that you don't get into any danger. Raccoons don't usually attack cats and if they do, a full sized adult cat often sees them off. Elderly cats, very small cats and kittens might be more vulnerable.
Here's what your human needs to do to keep you safe. Firstly, make sure there is nothing to attract raccoons to your garden - no garbage, no vegetables, insects etc. Secondly, install a microchip operated cat flap (or a flap too small for a raccoon to squeeze through), that will only open for you. Thirdly, raccoons can climb but they can't jump high. So make sure that good fencing keeps them out.
Put items around the garden for you to jump on to get out of their way - garden chairs, garden tables, large plant pots with room for a cat, and maybe ledges on the fencing at various points. 
If humans were not so dumb, she could go politely to the neighbour and ask her to stop feeding them. But that might set off a neighbour quarrel and quarrelliing humans are difficult! I have had no success in counselling them. Inter-human aggression among neighbours is impossible to resolve.
Yours
George.