A purr gets more than a nip

 Do you want to get the most out of your human? Do you want food, or stroking, or an opened door? Think smart....

A purr may be more effective than a nip. A nip gets human attention immediately. Very effective in one way. But only in one way... And is is the right kind of attention?

A purr allied with rubbing against your human's legs might get attention just as well. And a different more rewarding kind of attention.

Humans are easily flattered. They respond to a show of affection even if it is not genuine. Try the following when you want something:

• Purr. Purr loudly and often. Humans fall for this one almost every time.
• Purr and croak. This is a purr that has a bit of a miaow in it which makes it more urgent. And louder. I recommend this when the human is not attending.
• Miaow. Loudly but not too often. If you miaow too much, the human may stop attending.
• Rub your body against legs. Always useful in the kitchen.
• Rub the face against your human's face. Very useful for waking them up in the night.
•  Paw poke without claws. This must be done gently and carefully. 
•  Slow blink. This only works with sensitive humans who pay attention to your body language. The stupid human won't get this or notice it. And most humans are stupid.
  

Act: do not react. Always ask yourself - what is the best way to get what I want...

 

 

 

The artist sees the soul.

 

This is a portrait of my friend Mr Spangles. A proper portrait by a proper artist who can be found on Instagram

The rather poor photo below shows that it is a good likeness, though I think Spangles looks rather more cuddly in the photo.

That cuddly look is actually deceptive. Mr Spangles does not appreciate being cuddled. He is very wary of more than one or two strokes.

Three strokes and his human is out...nipped sharply. He makes his dislike of extended  petting very clear indeed. 

So perhaps the portrait has got his touch-me-if-you-dare character more clearly than the photo. The artist sees into the soul, where the camera cannot. There's an old poem that sums him up.

".. wild for to hold, though I seem tame."

 

 

Me and food

 I like my food - regular portions delivered at the right time of day by my human. In an ideal world, each portion would be about the size of a small rodent and it would be delivered about six times a day.

That is how I would eat in the wild. I would have to hunt for each meal and many of my hunting attempts, at least half, would be unsuccessful. So to get six rodents, I should need to patrol, find the prey, and steady myself then launch a pounce at least 12 times a day.

That's  a lot of effort with space and patrolling between each hunting effort. So the timing of my meals would be one small meal, then a gap, then another.

That's not how I am fed. My owner puts down food for me usually twice a day, before she leaves the house and when she comes back. She used to leave unlimited dry food so I could snack as often as I liked, but I got too fat.

So, she puts the food down, usually an envelope. Then I eat some of it and leave about half. I often then ask for more even though there is half the food uneaten.

This irritates her. Even when I eat most of the food, I leave a little bit. 

"Why do you always leave something for Mr Manners," she asks rhetorically. 

I just smirk and meow for a new envelope.

 

Recognise cat dependance disorder

 Cat dependence is a little known human disorder that can ruin the relationship between we felines and our human pets. The emotionally needy humans need our help. Here are some of the symptoms.

• Humans insist on interrupting our sleep with unwanted petting.
• Humans interfere when we are eating - with more unwanted petting.
• Their separation anxiety (when away from us) is shown by their need to pet us unnecessarily, when they come home from a shopping trip.
• They insist on putting us on their knee, when we wish to sleep somewhere else.
• They pick us up and cuddle us when we do not wish to be cuddled.
• They do not respect our bodily boundaries - ie they touch us on the belly, or at the base of the tail, when we have made it absolutely clear that these areas are out of bounds.
•  They stare lovingly in a way that unsettles us.

Dealing with a cat-dependant human requires infinite patience, a careful programme of small nips to create proper boundaries, and the cultivation of a safe haven, where we can sleep uninterrupted. 

 

• For more on human harrassment read Being Your Cat.
  
  
  

Cat shows.... yawn!

 

Cat shows... yawn. Boring, boring, boring. 

With their usual ability to discover the obvious, human scientists have confirmed this, after hours spent timing our movements.

Most of the time we show cats just sleep. We might look at those who are staring at us some of the time. Only when it gets too busy and crowded do some of us hide in the litter tray.

Why don't we react with more stress? After all, it's well known to most humans (or should be) that staring freaks us out.* We stare to intimidate other cats and we feel stressed when they stare at us. We don't like being stared at.

The truth is that we show cats are just used to this. Most of the time we have a good life in a house with humans that adore us. But about once a month, we are put in a carrier and have to spend a day sitting in a small cage in a cat show.

Oh well, it could be worse...

*Learn about our feelings by reading  Being Your Cat. Get it here.