Me and food

 I like my food - regular portions delivered at the right time of day by my human. In an ideal world, each portion would be about the size of a small rodent and it would be delivered about six times a day.

That is how I would eat in the wild. I would have to hunt for each meal and many of my hunting attempts, at least half, would be unsuccessful. So to get six rodents, I should need to patrol, find the prey, and steady myself then launch a pounce at least 12 times a day.

That's  a lot of effort with space and patrolling between each hunting effort. So the timing of my meals would be one small meal, then a gap, then another.

That's not how I am fed. My owner puts down food for me usually twice a day, before she leaves the house and when she comes back. She used to leave unlimited dry food so I could snack as often as I liked, but I got too fat.

So, she puts the food down, usually an envelope. Then I eat some of it and leave about half. I often then ask for more even though there is half the food uneaten.

This irritates her. Even when I eat most of the food, I leave a little bit. 

"Why do you always leave something for Mr Manners," she asks rhetorically. 

I just smirk and meow for a new envelope.

 

Recognise cat dependance disorder

 Cat dependence is a little known human disorder that can ruin the relationship between we felines and our human pets. The emotionally needy humans need our help. Here are some of the symptoms.

• Humans insist on interrupting our sleep with unwanted petting.
• Humans interfere when we are eating - with more unwanted petting.
• Their separation anxiety (when away from us) is shown by their need to pet us unnecessarily, when they come home from a shopping trip.
• They insist on putting us on their knee, when we wish to sleep somewhere else.
• They pick us up and cuddle us when we do not wish to be cuddled.
• They do not respect our bodily boundaries - ie they touch us on the belly, or at the base of the tail, when we have made it absolutely clear that these areas are out of bounds.
•  They stare lovingly in a way that unsettles us.

Dealing with a cat-dependant human requires infinite patience, a careful programme of small nips to create proper boundaries, and the cultivation of a safe haven, where we can sleep uninterrupted. 

 

• For more on human harrassment read Being Your Cat.
  
  
  

Cat shows.... yawn!

 

Cat shows... yawn. Boring, boring, boring. 

With their usual ability to discover the obvious, human scientists have confirmed this, after hours spent timing our movements.

Most of the time we show cats just sleep. We might look at those who are staring at us some of the time. Only when it gets too busy and crowded do some of us hide in the litter tray.

Why don't we react with more stress? After all, it's well known to most humans (or should be) that staring freaks us out.* We stare to intimidate other cats and we feel stressed when they stare at us. We don't like being stared at.

The truth is that we show cats are just used to this. Most of the time we have a good life in a house with humans that adore us. But about once a month, we are put in a carrier and have to spend a day sitting in a small cage in a cat show.

Oh well, it could be worse...

*Learn about our feelings by reading  Being Your Cat. Get it here.

 

The cat-human sleeping partnership.

 

Do we help humans sleep? This question has now been investigated by scientists who declare that we don't. Having a cat on the bed is more likely to give a human jerking legs.

But, of course, it is the wrong question....

The correct way to look at the feline-human sleep partnership is to ask whether humans help us sleep. And the answer is clear - yes, they do. Here are the reasons why:

• A human body acts like a large hot water bottle, giving off useful warmth to the feline body.
• When their limbs are arranged in the correct position, they can keep drafts away from the sleeping feline.
• They are easily trained to move, while sleeping, so that we have more space, when we need to stretch out.

What can a cat do for a better night's sleep? Here are some suggestions.

• If there are two humans in the bed, sleep between them to minimize drafts or unwanted human activity. Cats are a natural contraceptive.
• The single human should be encouraged to curl round the sleeping feline body, reducing drafts that way.
• Wake up snoring humans at regular intervals. there is usually a period of time before heavy snoring reoccurs.
  

Why humans blame us cats.

Do not trust humans completely. Because they are a species that will turn on cats, when they are frightened.

Fear makes them panic. Panic makes them non-rational. We cats in the UK were lucky to avoid mass slaughter during the start of the Covid epidemic. The authorities considered killing all cats. 

Mad idea? Yes, but humans will always blame other species. This year, the Chinese authorities have killed 2000 pet hamsters, blaming them for spreading the epidemic.

Luckily for Chinese cats, it was the hamsters got the blame. But humans often blame cats. During the Great Plague of 1666 in London, the Lord Mayor ordered all cats and dogs to be killed. A total of 100,000 cats and 40,000 dogs were slaughtered, according to Daniel Defoe.

Just the wrong thing to do. Because the plague was being spread by fleas that lived on rats. Fewer cats meant more rats 

But that is the human response. Unthinking. Lacking rational thought. Always ready to blame somebody else.