Advice to Larry the First Cat

Dogs look up to humans, while we look down on them. Why does this matter? It gives humans ideas above their station in life. Just look the disasters that have happened to the British Prime Minister since he imported a dog into Number Ten Downing St... It's pathetic to see a dog rolling on its back in front of a human. Or putting its face between its paws in a kind of bow. They can't help it. They seem to think that humans are some kind of superior being.  That feeds into the human idea that they own us. Own us? They may own the dog but they certainly don't own a cat. We live independent lives which we may choose to share with them. But only from a position of feline superiority.

My advice to Larry the Downing St cat is to institute an immediate obedience training programme for the new First Dog, while it is still a pup. Get in there with a few well timed paw swipes.

With luck, Dylin the dog will be out of Number Ten very shortly, but there's a chance he may wheedle his way back in after a general election.

Start a punishment regime NOW. 

Coming shortly - more canine advice in my new book.

Why humans cannot pounce.

Toby demonstrates the high pounce

"Four legs good: two legs bad!" is a slogan invented by a human as a sneer in a work of fiction. Actually, it's a good slogan for all of us quadrupeds. It's actually true....
What do we gain by four legs? For a start,  increased stability, the ability to manage on only three legs if we lose one in an accident and more power to the back legs. We jump high and land so gently that we can grab a mouse at the same time.
If humans do a high jump, they land in a heap. They can't pounce properly.
The only advantage they gain are hands with fingers and thumbs. Good for opening cat food tins and envelopes, I guess. While we can carry only one mouse at a time in our mouths, they could carry two - one in each hand. Only they don't.

 Coming shortly

They don't have our front paw sensitivity. We can feel a small rodent moving in the grass with our front paws and we can feel the texture of surfaces where we walk. We can walk silently. 
Ever seen a human trying to stalk silently? It's pathetic. Their immobile feet plonk down on the earth's surface so heavily that any decent animal can hear or feel this for yards and yards. And because they have to stand on their back legs, they cannot slink properly either.
Hopeless for slinking. Hopeless for pouncing. But good for opening cat food containers.

#Mew Too. Unwanted touching.

We cats have private body areas just like humans. 
No, we do not want strangers to grope us in certain areas - the butt, under the tail, or just before the tail, the belly or even all the way down the back.
Yet humans ignore our feelings and purrsist in doing this. They will pet us. 
They put their hands onto and into our private places and then are upset if we nip them.
What else are we meant to do? Just put up with it?
Message to humans: Respect our bodies. Don't touch without our consent. 
Or get bitten.

* Coming shortly, my guide to human management and training

#Mew Too. Stop human pick ups.

What can a cat do?
A huge human swoops down, lifts you up with your legs dangling, and then clasps you to her/his chest for an unwanted cuddle.
It's upsetting. It's disgusting. It's a gross intrusion into purrsonal space.
Most of us cats do not like being picked up. Least of all by strangers. We have not given our purrmission for this. 
If we wanted to get to a human chest, we could purrfectly well climb up with our claws, like climbing a tree. 
What gives them the right to do this to us?
Larry the Downing St cat deals with this in his own way. He window-silled President Trump. He blew off minister Rory Stewart. And his ears showed purrfectly clearly what he thought of the Boorish Johnson photo op. Indeed, he made the prime minister stoop to get into the photo.
Felines, awake. Join the feline Mew Too Movement. Stop human pick ups NOW.


 *Next week. Unwanted Touching

INTRODUCING MYSELF - AUTHOR GEORGE

Dear Readers,
Just a few words to let you know about myself, now that I have taken over from my Uncle George.
I am the published author of A-Z. A Cat's Guide to Humans.  
(My uncle wrote a book but shamefully the publishers refused to credit him: giving credit to Celia Haddon instead.)
As you can see from my picture, I am not a cat that allows humans to mess me about.
I instructed my agent that the book would only come out, if I was given due credit. So there is my name on the cover.
At last a book by a cat.
The book describes the ethology of so-called Homo Sapiens and gives valuable hints on how to live with the species.
I have had to soften my opinions a little in the book, in order to stay within feline political correctness. 
This blog will reveal the hard hitting truths behind the book.... don't miss the revelations to come....
Next week - why we need a Mew Too movement.