Cats and noise

Dear George, 

I’m very tried, barely hanging in there as you can see in the photo attached.

I can’t sleep well during the day (which is my favorite time for resting) because of the noise coming from our neighbours who are building a new house! I’m trying to sleep during the night now but I’m missing out on checking and protecting my territory. 

Who knows? Maybe my territory has been invaded and I don’t even know. I’m very sensitive to noise, especially the loud ones. Fireworks freak me out – I spend the night and the day after under the bed in the most remote bedroom! Do you think it’s something wrong with me? It seems that the loud noise is not bothering my humans that much! But, I’ve seen them using ear plugs at times, especially when they are sleeping. Do you know if and who makes ear plugs for cats?

Yours,

Vegas

Dear Vegas, 

No wonder you are finding the building noises next door stressful. We cats can hear far better than humans and better than most other animals. We can detect the highest ultrasonic noise of a mouse squeaking and the lowest sound of a growling large animal. So you are probably hearing ultrasounds from electrical equipment that your humans can't hear at all. 

It's even worse for elderly cats. They sometimes develop epileptic seizures (fits) from jangling, crinkling, metallic noises, mobile phone rings or ultrasounds from electronic gadgets of all kinds.  Lucky for you, you are not a Birman. Birman cats seem to be particularly affected. Most of these seizures are not serious - just jerking convulsive movements, but a few unfortunate felines react with a more severe grand mal seizure. Take a look at this website.
What can you do? Well, ear plugs are not the answer. Your sensitive ears might be damaged when they are put in by clumsy humans. I suggest hiding away in the room the other side of the house furthest from the building noise and only coming out when it is over. It can't last forever.
Yours
George.
P.S. Feline reference nerds should read 'Audiogenic reflex seizures in cats,' Journal of Feline Medicine and Surgery, 18, 328-336

I've rocked up in……Barbados!

Dear George,
I have recently moved from Europe to Barbados! Why? I really don’t know but my human got tired living in a big, busy city so she decided to buy a house in Barbados and retire! It’s a totally new life for both of us and we both enjoy it very much!
We live in a posh neighbourhood, in a big, beautiful house with lots of trees and huge plants and very close to the Caribbean Sea!  My human spends a lot of time at the beach – I really don’t understand what she’s doing there but I watch her from the window and it’s fun! However, my new life on this wonderful island didn’t start on a nice note! Very soon after our arrival I was inspecting my territory when I’ve got a visitor – there was a monkey sitting on my fence! It looked small and cute and as I approached her to say “hello” she attached me! I ended up with fifty (50) stitches!  Damn it! 
Why couldn’t someone tell us that monkeys are not as friendly as we might have believed? Shouldn’t be there flyers guiding tourists and new comers? I’m fine now but I could have been dead! Phew! George, any idea where I can search for means/tools to protect myself and maybe my human? Do you think our humans pets are at risk? I don’t want to move back but I want to be safe on this little Paradise. So, what should I do?
Yours
Katho

Dear Katho, 

Treat them as you would treat an unknown and feral human. After all, humans are just unpredictable huge primates. But they are so clumsy and incompetent we can easily avoid them. 

Monkeys are like agile humans, only much more agile and more competent in every way. They can climb and jump and run as well as us.

Stay well away.

Yours 

George. 

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Cars - how we cats can use them

Dear George,
I am writing to ask whether you can advise me about cars. My female human used not to have a car but she has recently started a relationship with a male human who has one. This piece of metal stands outside the house door in the street every night.
I know from experience that when they move, they move fast and unpredictably. I nearly got run over one evening when I made a dash for home. Somehow I can't estimate their speed. So they are dangerous when making a growling noise and moving.
But is there anything I could do with it when it is stationery. It seems to take up a lot of room in the road.
Yours 
Stanley.

Dear Stanley,
Here are some suggestions with photos.
When cars are not moving they make excellent look-out points. If you jump on the bonnet or the top, you are safe from passing dogs, and you have a good view of the neighbourhood.
You can use them to shelter from the rain.
You can use them to admire your own reflection.
You can also use them for warmth. If they have been moving, then stop and go silent, you will find there is a warm spot on the bonnet just above the headlights. Very comforting in autumn.
Yours
George

Dear George,
Here are my teeth! Four big pointy ones at the front for stabbing deep into the vertebrae of a small rodent. Some little ones in the front for nibbling and grooming. And some teeth at the back for slicing up prey. What I haven't got is any teeth for grinding up bone like dogs have.
My question is this. Why does my human insert a brush into my mouth and scrub? It is extremely uncomfortable and I dislike it intensely. She has been doing it for as long as I remember.
Will she stop if I bite her?
Yours
Gracie.

Dear Gracie,
This is another example of well meaning but unpleasant human interference. She is trying to scrub the plaque off your teeth, in order to keep the healthy. Not many humans do this because most of us (unless we have been trained from kittenhood) bite!  And when those canine teeth go into human flesh, most humans notice!
What do I recommend? Well since you have't yet bitten her, I think it is too late to bother. The older you are, the more your teeth need attention. So managing to put up with it, will mean the vet doesn't pull them out! 
I have bitten from the beginning and therefore my teeth are never scrubbed. I am beginning to regret it as I had to have one pulled out by the vet last week.
Yours 
George.

Ladders... my humans have given me one.

Dear George,
Ever seen one of these? It's just a simple ladder, made to fit with hen houses. But it has made a huge difference to my life.
At first I could not get into the outside world at all. Me and my human live in an appartment on the first floor, but there is a double door. First a door into the building, then a door into my flat. The landlord would not allow a cat flap into either door.
So my human has rigged up this ladder. It is just a chicken ramp easily bought online. It works well.
There is only one snag. The window has to be kept open for me and my human therefore has to wear an extra jumper to keep warm. The fresh air is good for her....
Yours
Sidney.

Dear Sidney,
Good idea. Simple. Cheap. All it needs now is a cat flap that fits into glass. This can be ordered though you might need a glazier to fit it. 
Humans can also make ladders that go up several stories. There are some amazing Swiss cat ladders - here. Or google "outside cat ladders" images for even more ideas. I haven't yet got my paws into Pinterest but there are lots there too.
Go for it, apartment cats. You have nothing to lose but your boredom.
Yours
George.