The latest New York hairstyle - should cats shave?

Dear George,
Your blog is getting better that any fashion magazine. Better then "In Style" or "Vogue"! I like to think of myself as a fashionista ....always interested in the last fashion trend!
Blue hues, hats, nail covers, etc. Really impressive! How about hairstyle?
But..let me introduce myself! My name is Bondocella and I live in New York! And ...look at my picture....THAT'S hot & trendy in NY!
What do you think? I personally would love to be a little more of a "shaggy cat" but my human thinks that this is cool (or hot...whatever). What do you think? What is trendy in UK?
Bondocella

Dear Bondocella,
Your photograph without the fur took me by surprise. You look pretty good to me, Bondocella. I like the way that the beautiful fur round your face emerges from the shaved body - very very hot. Or rather, as we used to say, cool. Your human has been really thoughtful in making sure you don't suffer from heat stroke.
In the UK, where it is cold and wet most of the time, the only cats that need shaving are those who have neglected matted fur. So cats don't shave in this part of the world. Only humans shave. (You can see why. Their facial hair is so bristly and odd - neither proper whiskers nor proper fur.)
However, I do acknowledge that some cats need to shave, particularly if they are living in hot climates and have too much fur. Is it possible to have too much fur? I fear that in hot climates it is. Long fur, of the kind humans cannot grow for themselves, is extremely helpful for cats living in cold climates, but difficult for cats in hot places.
Once again, the fault lies with humans. If they had left our species alone, we would all have naturally adapted to whatever climate we live in. My ancestors in England might have grown slightly longer hair, while cats in Finland would be very furry indeed. New Yorks cats would be sleek and short haired.
Humans have stopped us breeding naturally and have invented all kinds of breeding programmes that result in long fur, snubby faces, weird coloured fur, strange ears, and even stumpy legs. Frankly, it is not right. Some of us now suffer serious health difficulties because of a limited gene pool.
It is moments like this that make me feel it was a mistake to domesticate humans. That we have domesticated monsters who now have too much influence in our lives. I mean, it isn't as if they have good pedigrees, is it? Celia is just a mongrel. There's no class there. So why should cats have to have pedigrees? I am happy to say that I don't. I wouldn't like to have so much hair that Celia had to shave me. On the other hand, I might look rather cool like you if she did.
Love
George.
PS. It's important not to let shaved or hairless animals to spend too much time in direct sunlight, according to a vet that works in Spain. They can be sunburned very easily.

Hats, cats, and bunnies - does my bun look good in this?

Dear George,
It's not just cats that can wear hats you know, whatever Harry Spotter may think (see a posting two weeks ago). With the help of my carer's husband, Mike, I have been trying to decide if a bowler (like Harry Spotter's) or a para red beret would suit me best. What do you think? Do I look really amazing in these? Or do I look sort of odd? Janet, my chief carer, finds it difficult to decide. I wonder, are the humans making fun of me with these images?
Yours Cautiously (in view of your past record with rabbits)
Harve. (http://harvey-diaryofaninspirationalbunny.blogspot.com)

Dear Harve,
I think that the bowler suits you best, as you are a rather British kind of rabbit, stiff upper lip, liking your daily routine, generally anxious to make sure your humans keep to the correct kind of behaviours at all times. Janet and Mike are almost like your butler and parlourmaid, to my mind. You accept their care with a very correct kind of upper class acceptance.
The red beret, on the other hand, is military verging on the savage. Better for tough cats like me, who are quite prepared to go in there and slaughter whatever wildlife we can. We go for the kill. Rabbits like you just don't do the carnivorous thing at all. So to my mind, it's a bowler for a bunny.
More on fashion for cats next week. I hear you are on Facebook....
My only anxiety is that humans will get above themselves and (instead of using Photoshop) start dressing up cats. We cats have dignity and style without any nonsense about wearing clothes like pathetic humans.
Love (oh yes, I love bunnies)
George
PS. Celia has signed the petition on my behalf against poisoning feral cats in Australia.

Scraaaatttching......Are nail coverings safe?

Dear George,

Here we are - Yuppie & Anji – two cute brothers! We are almost 1 year old and share a house in Atlanta with a funny human pet!

We found your blog as being very informative, especially on human training.

Too bad we can’t spend too much time in front of a computer as we get easily exhausted.

Our human pet refuses to act as our secretary! What can we do? How can we train her? We also go for fancy things like…. acrylic nails covers! See, we are at that critical age when we scratch everything and feel the urge to shred everything to pieces.

We think this is fun but our human disagree…so we compromise.

Are these nail covers a good thing? Definitely they are better then declawing, but are they safe? George, we really need some advice and especially…. tips on human training!

You are the expert!

Waiting

Yuppie & Anji.

Dear Yuppie and Anji,

We have to scratch. We scratch to condition our claws, but we also scratch to leave messages - to our selves, and to any cats who happen to be passing by. It's an emotional thing. Scratching marks our territories not just visually but also with scent - which only we can read. We scratch when we are stressed and we want to feel better.

We British cats don't understand how Americans can possibly declaw their cats. In the UK it is a banned operation and any vet who did it would be in trouble with our cruelty laws. We don't much use nail caps here in the UK either - probably because most of us cats have access to outdoors and can scratch the local tree trunks. I think nail covers are safe, but they are a bit of a bore for both cats and humans. However, they are much much kinder than declawing.

Go for the natural kind solution. Instruct your human that you need a proper stable scratching post in every room where you might want to scratch, not just in one room. It must be large enough to allow us to stretch while we scratch. Don't let her get rid of an old scratching post. The tattier and smellier a scratching post gets, the more we cats like it. There is a depth of scent which a mere human will never understand. (Humans have pathetic claws, really pathetic!).

Some of us cats prefer horizontal scratching posts, or slightly angled ones. The surface has to be just right for us. People studying feral cats have noticed that they scratch along the walkways of their territory - but only on certain trees, not on others. Some trees just don't have the right physical surface. Incidentally, some of us enjoy scratching those roughly textured plant containers bought at garden centres (weighted down by a bag of sand in the middle). Some enjoy a tree trunk placed indoors. Others like cardboard scratching pads. Get that human of yours to offer you several kinds of scratching materials and see which you prefer.

Personally I enjoy the creative side of scratching armchairs, wallpaper and the side of the bed (so useful for waking your human up when it is time for an early hours snack). Here is a photo of me in artistic action. But Celia has fought back in a way I consider thoroughly philistine. She buys double sided carpet tape (or Stickypaws) and places this on the side of the bed or on the furniture. It feels really awful and I stop scratching on the site for at least a month, sometimes three months at a time. I had plans to redecorate the whole house with frilled curtains, frilled soft furnishing and really nice catseye-level frilled wallpaper - and she put a stop to it.

Humans.... they don't get it do they? What a selfish species.

Love

George

There's a big Facebook group Claws 4 Paws. Join it to show you are against declawing.

Where is my Bowler? Male fashion for cats.

Dear George,
As you know, Fiona is my sphynx sister and Sweet Pea is my two legged siser who is 5 years old. They find great delight in chasing me around the house trying to abscound with my Bowler. My Bowler is a very important part of who I am, without it I feel I am not the proper British Mancat who is well Suited and Booted. I feel I cannot show my face or spots without it. Ever since it has gone missing my chin has been down to the ground. What will I do without it I ask myself? Buying another Bowler to replace the one they lost will not do. That Bowler has special meaning to me, it was/is my very first British Bowler, it fits just right. Oh...what will I do? Can you help?
Sincerely
Harry Spotter, at http://spotandfiona.blogspot.com/
PS. I have three large blue spots, blue toupee markings and a blue tail.

Dear Harry,
Are you sure you want a Bowler? What about a Topper? Or a Yorkshire flat 'at? Finding the right size hat for a British (or any other nationality) cat is not going to be easy. Maybe you should have Ratcatcher riding gear (so called among the human hunting set, see http://www.iwfoxhounds.com/hunting_clothes.php ) to go with it - buff or yellow breeches with a tweed riding jacket? Ratcatcher used to be for cub hunting but now has caught on during the proper season. I like to think that humans have taken advice from ratting cats and are wearing as near as the poor souls can get to tabby or dark tortoiseshell fur.
My owner, Oh no, my secretary*, Celia, bought me a Father Christmas hat (see photo left) by buying a Father Christmas soft toy and then detaching the hat. She then gave the doll (which was bald beneath the hat) to a rather puzzled human kitten.
I personally did not appreciate that hat, as you can see from my expression. I felt it was demeaning for me to be dressed like any human being, the inferior species, and worse stlll one that went down chimneys and vocalised "Ho, ho, ho!" (A meaningless bit of human vocalisation but mind you, most of it is, anyway.). I do not wish to go up and down chimneys though I quite like terrifying my humans by getting on the roof.
Your spots bring to mind another thing. Why on earth are there so few cats in the Harry Potter books? Mrs Norris, the cat belonging to Filch the caretaker, is a bad 'un and only Hermione Granger seems to have a proper witches' cat, Crookshanks. Crookshanks is ginger and long haired. Why is there no Grimalkin, the traditional witch's black cat, I ask. We black cats need an PR image consultant.
Sincerely (not love because we are being British)
George
*How could I have made such a mistake. Humans owning cats is just laughable. Everybody knows cats own humans.

At cat is better than a man.... purrsuasions.

Dear George,
I am concerned about my human, Denise. For a week or so she has been off-hand and uncaring towards me. She arrives home late after work, often smelling of alcohol. Last week there were two occasions when she failed to come home until the early hours of the morning. She smelled of male human - you know, that pungent male smell so different from the pleasant female smell. She greets me as if I was no longer the centre of her life. She does her household duties of cleaning the litter tray and putting out more food in a hurried and careless manner. She spends a lot of time vocalising in to the phone in a meaningless way and far less time vocalising to me.
How can I put right our relationship?
Hobbit.
Dear Hobbit,
In normal circumstances most human females know that a cat is better than a man - more graceful, more agile, taking up less space in the bed, and much much cleaner.
But I am afraid your human is showing signs of being on heat. In humans this isn't the monthly physical reaction that we cats understand, know and tolerate. (How much easier it would be if we could just spay them!) It is an emotional thing. Humans, unlike cats, are eager to mate throughout the year. They have no proper seasons. Instead of coming on call (the correct term), hastening off to the nearest group of males, and having a night on the tiles with several of them and getting it all over quickly, humans have a much more drawn out mating ritual.
The likelihood is that Denise has met some male that she fancies. The return in the early hours of the morning means she has spent the night with him. At least she has the good sense to come home, shower, dress and do her household cat duties before leaving again for work. And at least she hasn't given him a home.
What can you do about it? You need to counteract this with a mixture of guile and firmness. Treble your normal greeting rituals. Greet her with loud and pathetic meows. Rub all over her. Crawl all over her. Roll on your back. Generally give the impression of a cat who has suffered intense loneliness in her absence. (Yes, I realise you have probably had a nice day visiting the neighbouring pensioner who feeds you on the sly but she does not need to know this.). Leave some of your food uneaten. Give an unending number of sad looks towards her. You know the score.....
It is a worrying time for you. I will keep my paws crossed for a happy outcome.
Love George.