What's happening to my 4 am snack?

Dear George,
As you may possibly notice, from my photo, I am fond of my grub. Indeed, you could say eating is the most important thing in my life. "Always clean the plate" is my motto and I suppose I have to admit that I am well found if not a bit stout. So I have been horribly upset by my humans' change of attitude to late night snacking. I have been accustomed, ever since I was a kitten, to take a light repast at 4am. I require this to be freshly served. My humans have tried to leave food out for me, but I eat it all up before they are asleep. Naturally I wake them at 4 am with a request for my meal. Up till now, they have served me with willing and instant obedience. But I am finding it increasingly difficult to ensure they do this. I can wake them without difficulty but they seem strangely reluctant to go to the kitchen for fresh supplies. They have also put me on a "lite" diet. It's horrible - all full of bran and no tasty fat. Any suggestions?
Herbie

Dear Herbie,
Of course, you like a 4 am snack. Most of us cats enjoy eating little snacks throughout the day - and the night, if possible. Some scientist measured how often we ate and came up with the fact that we preferred 12-14 small meals every 24 hours rather than two big ones. It makes sense. We are designed to eat a series of small mice rather than one large rabbit (though I personally like a small rabbit when I can catch one).
I admire the way that you have persuaded your humans to let you eat ad lib and when you like it. That shows strength of character. Some cats, slimmer than you, can make a large plate of dried food last throughout the 24 hours just eating a few biscuits at a time. Your preferred method is to eat everything you can in one go.
This habit, alas, is the problem. I am not going to tell you to slim. Why should you? I am not going to tell you to stop waking up your humans. Why should you? Apart from the comfort of the early hours snack, you probably enjoy the way they groan and roll over before complying. It is always amusing to watch a human waking up -- or trying not to be woken. One of the many jokes we enjoy at the expense of this species.
It's also pleasant to receive their caresses - after they have settled down into wake rather than sleep mode. Many cats lead their humans to a full food bowl just for the pleasure of this obedience training exercise, and also to ensure they get some quality human petting.
My advice to you is to draw on the feline virtue of persistence. We are a species that can wait at a mouse hole for eight hours without losing patience. We can outwait, just as we can outwit, any mere human. If they refuse to feed you at 4 am just keep on waking them up. It's more fun if you let them go back to sleep first. A training schedule of a wake-up call every half hour at 4 am, 4.30 am, 5 am, 5.30 am, 6 am and so forth should do the trick. After all they've got to get up and go to work in the morning.
I am sure you will manage without any great difficulty. Remember - persistence, persistence, persistence.
George
PS. Is there room on the bed for all three of you? It looks to me as you might need a bit more room. Should you start pushing them off?

My name is Shumba

Dear George,
As promised …I’m back with a name! My name is Shumba! Before I’d tell you the story of my name, I want to thank you and all other cats for your good wishes and suggestions. Alison really appreciated all your ideas. I think she really liked the “Ali & Cali” the best, but she won’t admitted now, since I got a different name ☺ As agreed, Alison came Saturday to get me from the shelter, but Friday I got a little “cosmetic” surgery as you can see and I have to wear this cone for another week. Just to let you know…I’m already sleeping in Alison’s bed! I think she really loves me!
But, let me tell you first the story behind my name! Once upon a time (that means 2-3 generations ago) my mom’s family moved from England to live in South Africa and Rhodesia, so my mommy grew up in South Africa. She loves Africa very, very much. She is still nostalgic about the places where she grew-up. This weekend as she was trying to find me a name….her aunt (who’s visiting us from Africa) looked at me and said…..Shumba! Why don’t you call her Shumba? It means “lion” in Shona tribe’s language/dialect! Shona is a tribe from Zimbabwe. So, here I am…..Shumba, the Lion ☺ Dear George, I’m adjusting just fine to my new home! I also think Alison will be easy to train but I need some advice from you! I started reading your old posts (lots to catch up with) but I need some “quick tips”…..for my new home, you know. I really love Alison….but I think she needs to know that I’m the Lion in the house! What do you think?
Love Shumba

Dear Shumba,
I think it's a gorgeous name. It has dignity. Not too elaborate or pretentious. Just redolent of our important ancestry, as a desert animal. We felids, all of us in the world, share many similarities - hunting, carnivore digestive system, limited sociability (except for our cousins, the lions, who have a small pack system). Of course, we cats, Felis Lybica catus, are the most successful of all feline species. We are everywhere - on small islands in the Pacific, in snowy mountain villages and in hot desert. We are probably the most successful carnivore species in the world - beating even dogs.
Well done to your human for her choice of name. I think Shumba can sound very affectionate as well as dignified. Of course, you can add your title, like Oscar Snuggles has added King of Tidewater ( see http://simpleandsouthern.blogspot.com/). When you have developed the relationship you want with your humans, it will be clear what kind of title is appropriate. I personally have, when I feel like it, called myself Prince. It seems to go with my relatively young age. I may upgrade to King of Ringwood (my home) later in life.
Now some tips for a new home. Start as you mean to go on, is my advice. It's no good giving your humans extra slack because they need to settle to your adoption of them. From the beginning you need to make your wants clearly known - as I see you have on the bed. That's right - lots of space to spread out. Don't let them take up the space you need. It's the same with food and recreation. If you let them get away with any personal slackness or lack of training, it will be more difficult to get them into shape later on.
George
PS. I guess the Elizabethan collar is because you have been spayed.

I'm looking for a name

Dear George, I’m a calico and brown cute girl. I was brought to this shelter on Feb. 2009. The people here (at the shelter) are very nice. They think I’m about 2 years old. I can’t remember much of these 2 years or may be I don’t want to remember. Anyway, this weekend will be one of the happiest in my life as I’ll go to my forever home. Soon after my picture was posted on the shelter’s website, Alison (my new mommy) fell in love with me! She called and everything was arranged for her to pick me up this weekend. I know she’s as thrilled as I am….but we both have one little problem! I can’t remember my name! I’m a shy girl, so I’ll be very quiet for a while getting used to my new home. I heard Alison worrying over “what name should she give me”. Dear George, I wonder if you (and all the other cats, of course) can help my mommy find a name for me? May be you guys can make some suggestions? I promise I’ll write back to let you know of my name. Love No Name yet!

Dear No-Name,
Humans are pretty unreliable, not to say insultingly absurd, about feline names. Dogs may be called Ben or Shep or Jack. We often get lumbered with very elaborate names. One of the oddest names I ever came across was a cat called Little Princess Hazel Honeybunch Thunder Paws Richardson. The Richardson bit was the name of the human, and the rest was the result of the human wanting to make up a name that sounded dignified.
What I don't care for are the insulting names like Dishrag, Vee, Fluffybum, Scraggybag, Pinhead, or Dribble-chops. Yes, they are all real names meant affectionately but pretty sad, really. What kind of human makes up this kind of name? There are also less insulting and longer names such as Zookie McCookie, Milly Molly Mandy, or Adolphus Ignatius Loyola Septimus Mugwumps. These are all real names too.
How would you feel about a literary name such as Gussie Finknottle or Jeeves (think newts and butlers in P G Woodhouse) or Frodo or Gandalph (from Lord of the Rings), Lydia Languish (The Rivals), or even Elizabeth (Pride and Prejudice). A bit much? Well, possibly. Who wants to have the human literary heritage hung round their neck!
What you need is a name that is easy for humans. They need to be able to call you with it. So get thinking, cats. What would YOU like for her?
George.
PS. Thank goodness for humans that get their cats from rescue shelters. Most of us would be dead but for their kindness in rescuing us. Go to the City of Oshawa Animal Services for more information about this excellent cat rescue.

Ideas for things to do in the kitchen

Dear George,
I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. In the winter here in the UK it is the warmest place in the house. I'm really a little feline homebody. It is also - obviously - the best place to be when food is being prepared. Luckily my owner doesn't worry about stopping me going on the food preparation areas. My main enjoyments are a) vacuuming up any fragments of food, b) enjoying the warmth of the Aga, c) making sure I know what is going on in the house (most action takes place in the kitchen). What else could I be doing.
Baby the Birman

Dear Baby,
Me too. Love the kitchen. Warmth and food. But I think you are being a bit unimaginative. Here are some ideas on how to enjoy it even more.
1. Use the sink. Have you looked at www.catsinsinks.com It's an idiotic website but strangely alluring. I particularly enjoy the photos of two cats trying to cram into the one sink. I put my picture into it but I have never seen it come up as I trawl through. This website shows that sinks are a nice place to sleep. But they are also good for games with water. Study the drips. Intercept them with your paw. Or just refuse to drink except from a running tap.
2. Take an interest in food preparation. The cutting board is of particular interest. After your human has cut up fish or meat, take a look There's usually just enough left there to lick up a few tasty fragments. Try to intervene before she washes it. Hygeine interferes with our enjoyment.
3. The kitchen table. If your human entertains in her kitchen, as now many do, it's fun to embarass her by jumping up in the middle of a meal. "She's not allowed to do this," your human will say - often a blatant lie. I sit next to my human when she is eating, and see if I cannot deflect a fork full of food from her mouth to mine! Sometimes works. Especially if I make her laugh.
4. The kitchen windowsill. That's usually a good place to look out. Useful for indoor-only cats.
Got to dash. I can hear lunch being prepared... I hope other cats will come up with more ideas
George

I keep shouting but they ignore me.

Dear George,
Please will you tell the previous writer, Sebastian, that humans definitely don't understand cat English. They don't understand my body language. They don't understand my scent language, however often I rub against them. And they don't understand my talking. Most cats don't do much talking but we Siamese sort of have this as a speciality. I literally shout for hours at my humans and they take no notice at all. They really are dumb animals. Could this be because they are old? Also my humans have no pedigree at all. Could this account for their inability?
Miss Ruby Fou

Dear Miss Fou,
Is it fair to blame your humans for not having a pedigree? Many of us cats don't either and it doesn't affect our superior intelligence at all. Obviously you have one. You are a recognised aristocratic shape and colour and, if I may say so, very shapely indeed. I have always preferred blondes. However, your humans can't help not having the right birth certificates.
What you say about their inability to learn language of any kind - body, scent or vocal - is sad but does not surprise me. I personally don't make a lot of noise (like humans do) but I am aware that Siamese perform most striking and beautiful vocal arias. Are you sure you aren't doing it too often? Are you humans getting habituated to it? Is it possible that they are literally just blocking out the sound, like we cats block out TV noises (usually).
Have you thought of stopping shouting and keeping the sound level down? Then they might have to listen more.
George.
PS. Is it possible that they are deaf? Perhaps you should take them for a check up with the human vet.