Outrage - humans call us psychopaths.

Dear George, 

I’m really pissed at humans! Just because they are incapable to understand us they think they have the right to call us “psychopaths”? How do they dare to judge us based on a human mental disorder? I came across this article (https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2019/02/cat-psychopaths/583192/) and I could not believe what I was reading nor could I believe that someone created a survey to find out why people think cats are psychopaths! I have to say one thing: if they truly think we are then, this is because of them! We mirror humans! How about this

George, what’s your take on this? Did we so miserable fail in training humans? 

Bijou

Dear Bijou,

It is one of the worst side effects of our campaign for world domination. We have almost completely taken over the internet but we have failed to train our staff (video producers and marketing people) sufficiently. They will post stuff that is offensive to cats because they are blind to reading our body language.

Humans don't understand us. They keep comparing us to dogs - comparing like to unlike. It's not fair and it's not clever. I have booked my human into a TV programme with the ridiculous name of Psycho Kitties. I have instructed her to do her best to put the cat's point of view. It will probably be edited out anyway, but at least we will have tried....
Humans are psychopaths - the ones that neglect, kick, torture or kill cats. Cats are just cats - a species with their own wonderful behaviour.
Yours
George
PS. In the afterlife they will have to explain themselves to the Big Cat in the Sky. She has claws as well as soft paws. 

Of cats, harnesses and leashes

Dear George,

I truly believe that just like humans some cats are more adventurous than others. Why am I saying this? Well, I read on your blogs few letters written by really courageous and adventurous cats. But, hiking trekking, surfing or skateboarding along my humans definitely it’s not my cup of tea so to speak! You see, when I’ve adopted my humans they came with baggage: two human kittens and a dog. In the meantime the human kittens grew and went away to university but my humans still need to walk Bella (the dog) at least twice a day. Lately my “mama” start talking about having me on a harness and leash so I can join them walking Bella! Are they out of their mind? No! No! No! I have as much desire to walk the dog as I have to reach the summit on Mount Kilimanjaro! 

Actually my only desire right now is to take a nap in a sunny spot in my backyard garden! So George, how do I make it clear to my humans that I’m not a dog and, definitely I don’t fancy myself in a harness or leash! Phew! Unbelievable!

Yours,
FiFi

Dear Fifi, 
I so agree, Fifi. We are not dogs - grovelling and deferential animals who look up at humans and follow their commands. This just one of the many human delusions that we have to fight against. And it is very difficult to get the message through to them.
If they advance towards you with a harness, run and hide under the bed. If they pick you up with the idea of putting it on, wriggle hard and run and hide under the bed. If they hold you down and put the harness on you, run and hide under the bed. Refuse to come out for several hours. With luck, they will realise that you are not going to tolerate this senseless human behaviour.
A Siamese acquaintance of mine let her humans "train" her to a harness. They decided to take her and their caravan to Greece. On Brindisi docks, they let her out of the caravan in her harness and a sudden noise freaked her out. She wriggled free and nobody has ever seen her again. A warning to all cats not to let humans treat them like dogs.
Yours
George