Three legs are better than two

 

Tanni the kitten with only 3 legs

One of the obvious ways we are superior to humans is that we have four legs. If we lose a leg, we still have three. If humans lose a leg, they only have one. And it is difficult to function on only one leg.

The only way that humans manage is with an artificial leg. There are difficulties with soreness fixing these to a stump. And humans have to re-learn how to walk with them. 

It's simple for us cats, if we are unlucky enough to be in a traffic accident. Good vets simply take off a crushed leg. It's no good leaving part of it that would just sort of wriggle around not touching the earth.

This is what happened to Tanni the kitten. Within 24 hours of  surgery she was walking round the vet's surgery. You can read more about Tanni's story at https://celiahaddoncatexpert.substack.com/  

She was living proof that it is better to be born a cat, than to be born a human.

We are just more athletic, more adaptable, less whining and in every way have better bodies than humans!

 

I want to be a national symbol

What is more beautiful than a British cat, like me. With the wide British face and beautiful soft fur. Purrlease, believe me, I would make a great modern symbol for the UK.

 So why not....

The Siamese, with its slanty face and thin body (not well muscled like me) has become a national symbol for Thailand. It's official recognition from the Government.

I mean just compare the two of us.

She is a nice colour, I admit. But her face is triangular without proper cheeks and her nose is sort of pointed. Unlike the symmetry of my nose in the slightly flat face.

So, Prime Minister Starmer, when are you going to recognise the British cat, a pedigree breed already popular with cat owners.

We are British already. Now we want to be officially recognised as true Brits.  

For once, Mr Starmer, do something that will make our humans cheer for you. 

 

Help! Keith needs a home in Oxfordshire

 

Why can't some cats get a forever home? Sometimes it's because they are old, or scruffy, or just the wrong colour and stupid humans want a particular colour

But why is Keith still homeless? 

He's under two years old. He's handsome though small. He's playful. He uses the litter tray excellently. He's clever - he can open doors. And he's affectionate.

True, he does nip his human if he is ignored. And he hates all over cats and will attack them. So he needs a home without any other cats.

Today he is very, very bored and frustrated. He is waiting for adoption in a spare room. With nothing much to do.

He is taken out for half an hour's play time twice a day. He is warm and well fed. 

If you happen to know a sensible adult human (some of them definitely aren't) that lives in Oxfordshire, please let them know about Keith.

They can adopt him from www.sunshinecatrescue.org.uk  

Cats come in from the cold

 As I lie under the radiator, soaking up the heat on my tummy, I think of the cats living outside. In summer it is a fine life - mice to catch, rats behind the supermarkets, dustbins to raid, caterwauling toms and receptive females.

But in winter.... 

Living under cars, trying to creep beneath garden sheds,  or miserably sheltering underneath cars... it's a tough world for the outside strays.

We cats come from the Middle East. We are designed to live in deserts, among pyramids, or at the edge of the Euphrates. In Europe it is cold and, worse still, wet. We need shelter, as well as food.

In Italy, some towns install little wooden huts for cats, along the pavement. There are cushions on top for fine weather and shelter below for wet days. In Istanbul, people build little cat houses on the steps outside their homes.

Not all of us cats want homes. Some of us prefer to live the outdoor life. There are many humans who feed stray cats. Thank you.

But what about shelters for street cats... think about it, humans.

 

 

 

This year I won't pee on the tree

 

Yes, one year I did. I sprayed on the Christmas tree. I felt obliged to do so, to keep myself feeling safe over the Christmas holiday.

The tree smelled of dog. DOG! 

Apparently some passing canine had lifted its leg on the tree, while the tree was placed outdoors on the pavement. My human couldn't smell it: but to me it was a very strong odour.

Dog-smelling trees frighten me. So I  cover up the enemy scent with my own scent. That's only fair.

So I did the only thing I could do, to stop myself feeling anxiety. And what was really painful was that my human did not understand.

Indeed, she became very upset. I couldn't explain to her. She shut me out of the room with the tree.

Life with humans has horribly unfair moments. This was one of them. 

Luckily this year, the tree smelled OK.  

 

 

A new cat at the top....

 

Copyright and more info here

We've done it again. We cats have strolled into top paces. The Belgian prime minister has just adopted a special needs cat.

His name? Maximus Textoris Pulcher. That's Latin for "Maximus the beautiful weaver." A posh name for a posh cat living at the top of  Belgian society.

His ears look funny because he is a Scottish fold cat, a breed that has serious health problems. They have a genetic condition  called osteochondrodysplasia.

That means their joints are deformed and they are in chronic pain. Maximus is also FIV positive.

Here in the UK, we still breed them and they still suffer. But in Belgium, they have banned the breed. 

Oh, and by the way, the Belgian prime minister's name is Bart de Wever and he is not HIV positive!  So he has given his surname to Maximus.

If it's a man, meow louder

Getting human attention is always a problem. They just don't hear us. They are too busy doing the stupid little actions that their species seems to think are important.

Meow? They are staring into the computer and take no notice.

Meow? They are putting on the coffee machine for breakfast and take no notice.

Meow? They are reading a book in bed and take no notice. 

And the male of the species is worse than the female. The female will, if you meow AND wind yourself round her legs, probably remember that you need your  breakfast first.

And the female may put down the book and give you a cuddle last thing at night.

But the male staring at the computer? Not with us at all. Might as well be in another world. 

What is so funny about humans is that they have researched our meows and decided we meow louder when we are dealing with the male. Of course we do. We could have told them why, if only they had the wit to understand what we are saying. 

So Meow louder when it is a male human. 

 

• Want more info about humans? Buy my book for Christmas. 
• •  Buy it Buy it here.
  
  
  
   

The spy in the litter box.

 

So this is the future. No more decent privacy in the litter box. They call it "pet monitoring."

Some evil human has invented a robotic litter box which tells our pet humans what we deposit and when.

It spies on us and sends messages to their phones. 

And look at that monstrosity of a litter box - more like a spacecraft than a decent box. Elderly cats wouldn't be able to get up there anyway.

Would humans like it, if we monitored their lavatories. Would they enjoy the idea that we know exactly when they urinated and how much they urinated, the size of their stools, and the texture of the faeces.

Do we need to remind humans that going to the bathroom (as they call it) is a private act. Yes, PRIVATE.

Do not spy on us, humans. 

 

Crunch that cockroach? Swallow that fly...

Tommy hunting flies

 Crunch, crunch.... there is nothing so satisfying for me than hunting down cockroaches.

The crunch is a bit like the noise my human makes when she is eating crisps. And the flavour is just as good. Very moreish. 

And if I can't find a cockroach, then a bluebottle will do. My hunting technique is to use my paws to smash them against the window pane. Then I pick them up with my mouth when they have fallen down and are wiggling. 

Spiders? Well, the outdoor ones with long skinny legs are more difficult, because the legs come off and the spiders whizz away. Besides, if I am outside, I have better things to hunt.

Indoors, the spiders that are stuck in the bath are more worth my attention. Not really crunchy but often much bigger than a mere bluebottle.

Researchers have just discovered that cats catch a lot of insects!* Boy, these humans are dumb. We have been eating them for at least 1.6 million years when our ancestors emerged on this planet.

We are pest exterminators for cockroaches. And bluebottles. And spiders. 

Your pest is our fun food!

 

•  "Social media highlights the overlooked impact of cats on arthropods," Insect Conservation and Diversity, DOI: 10.1111/icad.70038

World Diabetes day - am I a fat cat?

Boomer before his diet. He lost a sixth of body weight (6 kilos before the diet).  

My human pet, Celia, has just been diagnosed with diabetes. Hardly surprising due to the fact that she has been eating too much cake and biscuits lately.

I have put her on a diet. No sugar, no cake, no biscuits, but as much fruit and vegetables as she wants. She has already given up alcohol and now she has stopped drinking fruit juice too. 

She is not very happy.

Today, Friday November 14, is World Diabetes Day, so I started worrying about my own weight. Did my tum look too fat in my fur? Was I developing love handles?

Perhaps I should give up Dreamies. I only eat about five a day. But is this too much? 

Should I stop eating so much cat food? Change from the most expensive and delicious envelopes to some horrible dried food which isn't so tasty? 

Reading up about feline diabetes here made me almost as depressed as Celia.

It says the symptoms are drinking too much water and urinating too much. I don't think I do that. 

Purrhaps I am just being a hypochondriac.

 

Cats in High Places. Royalty?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kattenstoet#/media/File:Kattenstoet.jpg

 Some good news, for a change, on the human front. We cats are slowly but surely changing human nature for the best.

I have just heard of Kattenstoet in Belgium, a cat festival. Humans dress up as giant cats, showing that they aspire to be as beautiful and as wise as we are.

Admittedly, these giant cats are wearing clothes not fur, but this is probably just due to the slow intellect of the organisers. Humans hoping (rather pathetically) to be like cats is nevertheless a step forward.

Why do I say this? Because the festival originally focused on throwing living cats from the church tower. An act of cruelty committed yearly by lowlife humans against their superiors, us. 

So fellow felines, our efforts to purrsuade humans to behave better, to accept our superiority, to act better towards us, have not been wasted. We are making progress little by little.

Indeed, this made me think further. I have been wondering whether we should not take over from the British Royal family. We would do a better job than the current Royals.

It is true that we slaughter wildlife. But so do the Royal family. They shoot and they used to hunt. The number of birds shot by a prince is far greater than the number of mice killed by a cat during the same period of time.  

We are far better looking than most of them. We are not money obsessed and do not take payments from spies. We do not have sex with kittens, and we know how to purr politely in difficult circumstances.  

King George V11 sounds rather good to me. 

Exciting news...my book may be chosen by a book club!

 

Yay, fellow cats... I have just had an email suggesting my book, A Cat's Guide to Humans, may be chosen by a Washington DC book club. At last, at long last, my effort at understanding humans may be taking off. 

As we cats know, humans are a strange species, misleadingly known as Homo sapiens. "Sapiens" is Latin for "wise." 

Which they are not.

Just to run through a few examples. Humans use alcohol and drugs and get hopelessly drunk and high. We use
catnip and after a little high of ten minutes get sensible again.

Humans don't have any fur. They have to cover their nakedness with artificial substitutes for fur. Our fur is one of the glories of being feline. We wear it all the time: we don't have to take it off or put it on.

Humans have kittens that are so slow to learn that they cannot walk for months and months. Our kittens are walking well after about four weeks.

Humans cannot purr. We can.

However humans, when they are properly trained, are very useful round the house. They make excellent servants - they feed us, provide laps, and warm radiators.

They are not bad: just very limited and of low IQ.