Whiskers - size matters.

Dear George,
If you look at my photo, you will see that I now have magnificent whiskers. They are about 6 inches long and white, apart from two little ones furthest from my mouth which are darker.
I am particularly proud of them because I used to be whisker-challenged when I lived as a street cat. I had whiskers, of course. But they were small and not at all attractive.
Now I consider these big ones one of my most attractive features.Their size is wonderful but I also like the discreet way they are white rather than ginger. This gentle contrast suits me. It is not as blatant as the white whiskers on a black and white cat or black whiskers on a black whiskerpad like yours. Personally I consider those just a little bit vulgar.
Mine are long, white and (I think) a sign that I have put my past behind me and have taken my place among gentlecats.
Yours proudly
Toby.

Dear Toby,
 What on earth is wrong with white whiskers on a black and white cat? Or black whiskers on a black cat like me? Your cattitude smacks of social climbing. I can only remind you that while you can take the cat off the street, you can't take the street out of the cat.
Who is the cat that steals food out of the bread bin and even out of the food recycling bin? Which cat is it, that will shamelessly eat crumbs put out for the birds? And has even been spotted eating a stolen cold potato? I have never been a thief.
I take particular offence at your prejudiced remarks about black whiskers. My whiskers may not be as long as yours, but I came from a privileged background, a private boarding pen not far from Witney, where I was brought up by a human Nanny. No question in my case of living on the street.
We cats, who came from a correct social background, do not make unhelpful comparisons of whisker size or whisker colour. Personal remarks like this are not the mark of a true gentlecat.
Yours in disgust.
George