When I last wrote to you I was singing my pets praises. I would now like to retract all I said…she appears to have gone on strike and worse still wants to want bump me off.
She has installed a window at the bottom of the door and
seems to want me to dice with death to get out of the house rather than doing
her duty of opening the door for me. I established the danger of this device
this morning, 10 days after she installed the death trap, which was apparently
my Christmas present. I wanted to go outside and she refused to get up to let
me out. So you can imagine my horror when with one paw and my head outside I
realise it’s snowing. I do what every self-respecting cat would do and retreat….then
it strikes; tries to decapitate me, behead me! I scream like Anne Boleyn
probably did in her final moments and what did she do – laugh!
Horrified and almost beheaded,
Ps – As you can tell from my photo I prefer a bag over a box!
Dear Jake,
What is the world coming to? It is a sad sign of modern times that humans do not understand being in service. Their duties are clear - cooking and serving food to us at regular intervals: providing warm spaces on the bed throughout the night: and, of course, opening and shutting doors. In my more despairing moments I wonder if we could do a fictional TV series called Cat Abbey, where we see the humans doing proper servant duties, as they ought to be done.
Stay calm. She is not trying to kill you. She is merely trying to avoid work, the hard work that is every human pet's duty. And with typical human stupidity she actually thought you would want to go out in the snow. They just don't think like we do.
Ignore the window altogether. Sit by the door, just as you used to, when you want to go out. Sit by the door outside when you want to come in. If this means sitting in the cold take a quick peek though the window and (if she is not in visual contact) nip back in through the new device. If she is there, sit and ostentatiously shiver, mew and look very very pitiful.
I have a cat flap - what you call a window device. But mostly I ignore it. I used it when she is out. But when she is in I go in and out of the door. It's a question of being strong minded and not letting her get away with it.
Yours sympathetically
George.
PS. Like the bag. Nice use of available human stuff.
Dear Jake,
What is the world coming to? It is a sad sign of modern times that humans do not understand being in service. Their duties are clear - cooking and serving food to us at regular intervals: providing warm spaces on the bed throughout the night: and, of course, opening and shutting doors. In my more despairing moments I wonder if we could do a fictional TV series called Cat Abbey, where we see the humans doing proper servant duties, as they ought to be done.
Stay calm. She is not trying to kill you. She is merely trying to avoid work, the hard work that is every human pet's duty. And with typical human stupidity she actually thought you would want to go out in the snow. They just don't think like we do.
Ignore the window altogether. Sit by the door, just as you used to, when you want to go out. Sit by the door outside when you want to come in. If this means sitting in the cold take a quick peek though the window and (if she is not in visual contact) nip back in through the new device. If she is there, sit and ostentatiously shiver, mew and look very very pitiful.
I have a cat flap - what you call a window device. But mostly I ignore it. I used it when she is out. But when she is in I go in and out of the door. It's a question of being strong minded and not letting her get away with it.
Yours sympathetically
George.
PS. Like the bag. Nice use of available human stuff.
That is some great advice George. We don't have one of those traps, because then the possoms, skunks and who knows who else would just come in for dinner. Take care.
ReplyDeleteWow George, you hit the nail on the head (or should we say nailed the human) again! Have an easy Sunday!
ReplyDeleteHarry, Dexter and Tipp
Dear George
ReplyDeleteOh dear we must be out of touch - there was one of these holes in the door when we arrived here but we just thought that's how doors were made!
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
George is right (again)! She, just like all humans, is lazy; she's not trying to kill you....but, I bet she likes to stare at the big thing (box or flat) they call TV...so everything for her comfort :-)
ReplyDeleteNext time, wait by the door and if she's not down on her knees serving you....just pee right there - make her feel guilty!
Diego
I like boxes, bags, paper bags....anything you can hide in and feel cozy :-)
ReplyDeleteLove
Fluffy
Mon cher ami, did she watch Les Miserables lately? I don't think she's trying to kill you ....but you can't completely trust humans either.
ReplyDeleteGet an engineer to check the flap (that's what you call it in English, right).
Porthos
That is some great advice George.That's some great advice!
ReplyDeletecat flap